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 Anime Watchmen HS AU!

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eugenetapdance

eugenetapdance

Join date : 2009-06-10

Anime Watchmen HS AU! Empty
PostSubject: Anime Watchmen HS AU!   Anime Watchmen HS AU! EmptySun Jun 14, 2009 1:25 pm

Nothing about this fic bodes well.

High School never ends [sic]

Quote :
yes i draw anime. why? cause god hates me, I'm too hot for that priest in angles and demons

She is right about that, at least. (Granted, I'm hot for the priest in Angels and Demons too, but that is entirely beside the point.)

Quote :
This was inspired by the massive amount of adult Japanese
dating Sims that I have been flooding my brain with, so it going to
somewhat follow that sort of plot.

My eye twitched at this point.

Quote :
The early
winter sun was close, shining palely as it tried to warm the
children’s desks. Dan had taken the first sunny day after what
seemed like endless rain as a sign of good fortune. This time was
going to be different, this was his school.

COMMA SPLICE COMMA SPLICE COMMA SPLICE WTF TENSES OH LORD

Quote :
Daniel
Drieburg

I'm packing my bags and going home.

Quote :
This year he wasn’t going to be
bunt of everyone’s jokes, shoved in trash cans and lockers…
laughed at by girls… okay just end that train of thought, it was
going to be different! He would make sure of it

He would do this by using punctuation in ways god didnt intend and then by entirely leaving off the period at the end of his sentences

The damn thing goes on. Everyone, including Hollis, is forced to use comma splices.

Quote :
As the
room got quiet, rather with the student’s boredom then
anticipation, he felt a small wave of nausea washed over him

Fortunately, the sentence describing it had no bearing in any verbal tense at all. What was more, the writer had confused "than" with "then," so the wave of nausea promptly moved on, realizing the futility of existence in such a world.

Quote :
“I’m
Daniel Dreiberg, I’m pleased to meet you all.”

"I was Daniel Drieburg earlier, but I seem to have gotten over that."

Quote :
He tried to wear
his best smile, even though their eyes didn’t exactly say
interested.

Instead they said things like "When is lunch," "I wonder if my mother left the oven on at home," and, in the case of Adrian's, "Please begin to remove your clothes at once."

Quote :
“O-Oh!
Yes, of course.” Nervous instinct called for him to adjust his
glasses, “In my spare time I enjoy studying aeronautics,
but I’m also interested in Ornithology.”

“Uh…”
a girl with long brown hair raised her hand, looking up from her
mirrored compact, “What’s Ornithology?”
"A German noun, apparently, seeing as it's capitalized."
Quote :
“Hey,
goggles!” the dark haired child further back, who was already
sporting a mustache at his age, Dan wondered if he had been held
back, didn’t bother to raise his hand.
Eddie Blake was well known to be such a rebel that he existed only within the confines of run-on sentences.
Quote :
The all too familiar jeers of
“Nerd!” “Weirdo” and “Those glasses make him look like a
pervert!” spouted up like someone had set off the sprinklers.
Ah yes, the old schoolyard taunt. "Those glasses make him look like a pervert!" Didn't every bespectacled kid hear that one?
Quote :
For
but a moment a pair of icy blue eyes looked up at him, if he wasn’t
mistaken, his whole face was framed with a splattering of freckles
Just framed. There weren't any near the center, which to be honest, Dan found a little disquieting.
Quote :
“My
name…” he still didn’t look up but his pen had at least
stopped. “It’s Walter. You shouldn’t listen to those idiots…
they’re just board.”
I have nothing to say about this that's clever, so I'll just call your attention to the fact that Rorschach just asked someone to call him Walter.
Quote :
Dan wasn’t
entirely focused on the blond at the front of the auditorium, the
class president was oddly confident for a student; he seemed more
like a visiting celebrity speaker then just a kid like the rest of
them. The fact that he was almost oddly handsome settled odd in
Dan’s stomach as well, so he settled his thoughts on the little red
head beside him.
HEY. YOU. STAY OUT OF MY VEIDTOWL SHIP. IS THAT CLEAR? GO BACK TO YOUR OWLBLOT. PLEASE AND THANK YOU.
Later on in the second chapter, Dan goes back to being "Daniel Drieburg" and there seems to be nothing for it. Oh well. Have at it, honeys.
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KelinciHutan
Global Nomad
Global Nomad
KelinciHutan

Join date : 2009-06-03
Age : 36
Location : USS Enterprise

Anime Watchmen HS AU! Empty
PostSubject: Re: Anime Watchmen HS AU!   Anime Watchmen HS AU! EmptySun Jun 14, 2009 1:46 pm

eugenetapdance wrote:
Quote :
yes i draw anime. why? cause god hates me, I'm too hot for that priest in angles and demons
She is right about that, at least. (Granted, I'm hot for the priest in Angels and Demons too, but that is entirely beside the point.)
I am imagining a number of demons arguing over a geometry proof right now. Compasses and straight-edges and protractors are being brandished.

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anangrychocobo
Sporkbender
Sporkbender


Join date : 2009-06-13

Anime Watchmen HS AU! Empty
PostSubject: Re: Anime Watchmen HS AU!   Anime Watchmen HS AU! EmptySun Jun 14, 2009 2:02 pm

anangrychocobo's post count increased by 1!
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Deutschtard
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
Deutschtard

Join date : 2009-06-10

Anime Watchmen HS AU! Empty
PostSubject: Re: Anime Watchmen HS AU!   Anime Watchmen HS AU! EmptySun Jun 14, 2009 2:42 pm

KelinciHutan wrote:
eugenetapdance wrote:
Quote :
yes i draw anime. why? cause god hates me, I'm too hot for that priest in angles and demons
She is right about that, at least. (Granted, I'm hot for the priest in Angels and Demons too, but that is entirely beside the point.)
I am imagining a number of demons arguing over a geometry proof right now. Compasses and straight-edges and protractors are being brandished.

I'm convinced that demons were the ones who invented proofs. Fuck I hate those things. Also, yes, definitely.

Demon1: It's SSA
Demon2: Fuck you, it's totally SAS
Demon1: you wanna try me? -holds sharpened protractor like small curved blade-
Demon2: -brandishes straight edge- Come and get me, motherfucker.
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EileenK98
Recovering Fanbrat
Recovering Fanbrat
EileenK98

Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 52
Location : very, very close to Chris

Anime Watchmen HS AU! Empty
PostSubject: Re: Anime Watchmen HS AU!   Anime Watchmen HS AU! EmptySun Jun 14, 2009 3:23 pm

I couldn't read the fic. I saw the artwork, realized that the little redheaded kid in the glasses who looks like a young Percy Weasley is supposed to be RORSCHACH, and my brain melted.
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Takkeh

Takkeh

Join date : 2009-06-12

Anime Watchmen HS AU! Empty
PostSubject: Re: Anime Watchmen HS AU!   Anime Watchmen HS AU! EmptySun Jun 14, 2009 4:33 pm

Quote :
This year he wasn’t going to be
bunt of everyone’s jokes

Yes, Dan would not be anyone's cake ever again.
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Reepicheep-chan
Important Person
Important Person
Reepicheep-chan

Join date : 2009-06-11
Age : 35
Location : IN A SEXY NEW CONDO

Anime Watchmen HS AU! Empty
PostSubject: Re: Anime Watchmen HS AU!   Anime Watchmen HS AU! EmptyMon Jun 15, 2009 12:31 am

Quote :
His
hair was a fiery red, if a bit dirtied, once he looked closer, and
stuck out in an unruly fashion that told of a home job.
A HOME JOB DONE BY A WHORE, AMIRITE?
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Verandering
The Gender Offender
The Gender Offender
Verandering

Join date : 2009-06-04
Location : Colorado

Anime Watchmen HS AU! Empty
PostSubject: Re: Anime Watchmen HS AU!   Anime Watchmen HS AU! EmptyMon Jun 15, 2009 12:42 am

Reepicheep-chan wrote:
Quote :
His
hair was a fiery red, if a bit dirtied, once he looked closer, and
stuck out in an unruly fashion that told of a home job.
A HOME JOB DONE BY A WHORE, AMIRITE?

x:

I'm imagining clothes with white stains on them.
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quamp
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
quamp

Join date : 2009-06-11
Location : Locked away in Suburban hell

Anime Watchmen HS AU! Empty
PostSubject: Re: Anime Watchmen HS AU!   Anime Watchmen HS AU! EmptyMon Jun 15, 2009 12:16 pm

Crap against high school in general never seems to end.

Here's a more direct route to this trash.

Why is it always high school and never any other school? You rarely if ever see this kind of stuff written about a college, or even an elementary school.
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http://quamp.deviantart.com
Miraba
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
Miraba

Join date : 2009-06-10
Location : Washington DC

Anime Watchmen HS AU! Empty
PostSubject: Re: Anime Watchmen HS AU!   Anime Watchmen HS AU! EmptyMon Jun 15, 2009 12:18 pm

I think it's because the writers are almost always in high school.
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fishstickhater
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
fishstickhater

Join date : 2009-06-12
Age : 31

Anime Watchmen HS AU! Empty
PostSubject: Re: Anime Watchmen HS AU!   Anime Watchmen HS AU! EmptyMon Jun 15, 2009 3:24 pm

eugenetapdance wrote:

Ah yes, the old schoolyard taunt. "Those glasses make him look like a pervert!" Didn't every bespectacled kid hear that one?
Anime Watchmen HS AU! 611762
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Verandering
The Gender Offender
The Gender Offender
Verandering

Join date : 2009-06-04
Location : Colorado

Anime Watchmen HS AU! Empty
PostSubject: Re: Anime Watchmen HS AU!   Anime Watchmen HS AU! EmptyTue Jun 16, 2009 12:20 am

Miraba wrote:
I think it's because the writers are almost always in high school.

And because high school is mandatory.
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Anime Watchmen HS AU! Empty
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