I'll love you long time!

Why don't we have any personal ad threads?


Oh my sweet Jesus!

Quote :

I have yet to ever regret any of the crazy things I have done, and trust me there are plenty. Not a barbie girl here, I have a little cushion on me. Well this is my second craigslist post. The first time a got a lot of replies but 24 the people don't email you back? So I am trying again. I haved discovered that talking on the internet with a guy is a good way to get to know them. If you don't thik you "measure" up please find another post. Ok lets make this happen, serious replies only.

You'd think that after 24 people went "Oh shit, don't reply back!" someone would have gotten the hint. The first line makes me wonder what she's hiding? Drug mules? Ex-boyfriend in the basement? A farm of STDS? She's really a mutated parrot?

Quote :

Now that I've got your attention lol, I guess you would like to know a little bit about me. I thought a post like this might make it easier to find guys that I'm compatible with. I'm the girl for you if you like girls that breathe and have boobs.

Nothing else about me is intresting! Just keep thinking about my boobs and the fact you didn't have to dig me out of the ground!

Quote :

i want no strings attached, im 5'4, brunette hair, blue eyes, dd boobs, curvy and really horny..... i am engaged and he doesnt and wont know about this...... i want to meet somebody that will take what they want and not make me wait.... but that wont tell anybody and will keep this descret.... i just want to have fun and i miss being with a woman please send me an email and pic with your number if you want.... i will send you the same back.... also i am looking for somebody to come on over after we talk to come ful fill my needs and for me to do the same to you.... i would like it if you have some toys i have a little and for you to be clean.... i am....

Poor husband to be.

I went looking for funny listings, but just found this kind of sad one.

Edit: Does this count? (NWS)
Edit edit: NOW HANG ON JUST ONE SECOND

Alright, I thought I'd go searching in the dregs of South Dakota's Craigslist to see what we had to offer. And it's kinda scary.

Mmm... what a catch

Quote :

im not rich live on food stamps i have a job and get child support my car runs like shit im poor if you are ok that i cannot support you and can live with that then we are fine

I'm sure the bots will respect your request

Quote :

No Bots please.

Paying for dates is nothing new, but...

Quote :

It would be nice for a change to have a female friend, or a girlfriend that is independent and stable. More specifically, one that is not living from paycheck to paycheck. Do you exist?


Other characteristics that are desired:
4yr or more degree(s)
credit score 700+
...
salary 50+k
has business experience

Anyway, a finder's fee of $100 will be paid if 5 repeat dates occur. I figure I would be spending it on a reputable dating service anyway....

Craigslist London has its own share of oddballs, too.

This chap is making a very generous offer

Quote :

I pay to smell girls' sweaty feet - I do it regularly in public places, mostly with female students who appreciate the handy cash.

Wish I hadn't bothered cleaning my feet, I'd be £30 richer.

This guy seems to be rather hopeful. Boyband looks, eh?

Quote :

Hi, I am looking to find a woman who will tease me and humiliate me for me premature ejaculation problems. I can cum a few times in a night, but the first one tends to be really embarrassingly fast. I have boyband looks and am willing to travel. I can provide past stories and pics. Please mail me with some abuse if you are interested. I hope to find you here.

And finally, meet Husband of the Year, 2009

Quote :

Mrs is expecting so its been a while since I had some fun in the sack....

Email me if anyone is up for some fun.

I wonder why he's 'devorced'

Quote :

Hey. I'm tired of being on here and getting the scams and spams. I'm in
great shape and I will treat u better than ur best friend. I just don't
know how to meet women so I don't get to take anyone out. Ive been
devorced and very single now. I have pictures and I can send them. If
interested. Put "Picture" in the subject

Same guy, and this time he wants to 'worm up to u' or perhaps it's because his title is She, handsome, and a good man.

Quote :

Just a shy guy that has a problem meeting women. It taked a few dates
to worm up to u. I'm clean, dease free and in good shape. I am a good
catch. I want a good woman. She must be family orented. My problem is
that I'm not very exsperenced with women and don't know how to talk to
them. Be patiant with me and I'll treat u real good and show u that i'm
a good catch

Guess who's watching you on the train!

Quote :

So let's just get the embarrassing fact out on the table. Yes, I was staring at you on the T. Yes, to be more specific, at your taut, luscious breasts. True, I did pretend to drop my cell so I could look up your skirt (and magenta is just about my favorite panty color!). And we can further stipulate that, at some point during my staring, I was, in fact starting to get hard.

But there's so much more to me that you should know. I write poetry. I read to the elderly. I'm Spiritual. I give to Amnesty International.

Reading to the elderly? OH YES! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Quote :

Please, oh please fair T beauties, don't hold my lewdness against me. Yes, I undress you with my eyes. And yes, in my fantasy I had you bent over screaming like a feminine goddes and making you feel like YOU were little girl riding a pony, while having ann orgasm at the same time. (hey, it could happen)

...that mental picture disturbs me greatly.


EDIT: This guy really scares me. Your rape fantasy

Quote :

Just picture it now....

You bring a man home after a date, you like him but aren't in the mood for sex. He pushes himself on you, you tell him to stop, but he doesn't. He puts his hand up your skirt, and by this point you're wet. He tells you that your body isn't saying no, and forces you down. You resist, but he still slides himself into you. The more you resist, the harder he fucks you. You have no way to stop him and you're being fucked harder than you ever have been before in your life. Your poor abused pussy can't handle it, and you cum harder than you ever had before. Your body betrayed you, and your orgasms continue until he shoots his load deep into you.

NO no no no no. Does this really appeal to people? If anything, I feel my vagina retreating further into my body at the thought of this man.

Quote :

So let's just get the embarrassing fact out on the table. Yes, I was staring at you on the T. Yes, to be more specific, at your taut, luscious breasts. True, I did pretend to drop my cell so I could look up your skirt (and magenta is just about my favorite panty color!).

I love how this one is for ALL the women he's seen.

Edit:

Quote :

Well endowed player seeks dirty hoe to sip Cristal and have her ass tore up. Baby gotta keep it real than a mofo as I roll up deep in her steez. Serious inquiries only. Only hotties need apply. Must like long walks on the beach, nights in front of the fireplace, and sushi. Shouldn't steal my stuff. I like my women hairy. Must have titties and a badonkadonk butt. Gotta have a clean ass. Gotta have strong legs, especially at the knees. One more thing, I love stretch marks. C-section scar is a plus. Hit me up like you know how it do 227-four six one four

Best part? He has a picture of a almost nude woman on the profile. I'm tempted to call troll.

Yorokobi wrote:

Quote :

Just picture it now....

You bring a man home after a date, you like him but aren't in the mood for sex. He pushes himself on you, you tell him to stop, but he doesn't. He puts his hand up your skirt, and by this point you're wet. He tells you that your body isn't saying no, and forces you down. You resist, but he still slides himself into you. The more you resist, the harder he fucks you. You have no way to stop him and you're being fucked harder than you ever have been before in your life. Your poor abused pussy can't handle it, and you cum harder than you ever had before. Your body betrayed you, and your orgasms continue until he shoots his load deep into you.

NO no no no no. Does this really appeal to people? If anything, I feel my vagina retreating further into my body at the thought of this man.

Well, uh, my gf and I haven't done it yet, but we've talked about taking turns doing that kind of thing with each other, and we both like the idea... [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Yorokobi wrote:

EDIT: This guy really scares me. Your rape fantasy

Quote :

Just picture it now....

You bring a man home after a date, you like him but aren't in the mood for sex. He pushes himself on you, you tell him to stop, but he doesn't. He puts his hand up your skirt, and by this point you're wet. He tells you that your body isn't saying no, and forces you down. You resist, but he still slides himself into you. The more you resist, the harder he fucks you. You have no way to stop him and you're being fucked harder than you ever have been before in your life. Your poor abused pussy can't handle it, and you cum harder than you ever had before. Your body betrayed you, and your orgasms continue until he shoots his load deep into you.

NO no no no no. Does this really appeal to people? If anything, I feel my vagina retreating further into my body at the thought of this man.

I got a bit horny.

You know, aside from the bit where I don't meet up with strangers from the internet. But hey.

Quote :

Just picture it now....

You bring a man home after a date, you like him but aren't in the mood for sex. He pushes himself on you, you tell him to stop, but he doesn't. He puts his hand up your skirt, and by this point you're wet. He tells you that your body isn't saying no, and forces you down. You resist, but he still slides himself into you. The more you resist, the harder he fucks you. You have no way to stop him and you're being fucked harder than you ever have been before in your life. Your poor abused pussy can't handle it, and you cum harder than you ever had before. Your body betrayed you, and your orgasms continue until he shoots his load deep into you.

I didn't know I was in "New Releases".

See how perfect and elite gay I am? In Boise?

Quote :

Things I really do care about: I can appreciate well written literature, ex: Dan Mathews new book: Committed.

I had to google this guy. Even now I'm going "That's well written liteature?" but hey, at least she didn't post Twilight.

Quote :

enjoy sidewalk cafe's with outstanding hummus and baked pita. I could care less for chips and salsa...well, again if the salsa is from Frontera we can talk. I enjoy being alone. I think one of the most fantastic places in Chicago is the South Loop

You. Live. In. Boise. Idaho.

Quote :

Women fascinate me. They always have. What do I enjoy you ask? Their inner beauty, complexity, feminine grace, and sheer determination. Wow. I would rather save a dog or cat than give one away.

Er. Ok, I'm glad you want us to know all this.

Quote :

I can see people's genuine qualities in their eyes. I love great voices. Basements are very cool. At night, when sleeping, I like it cold.

And that.

Quote :

I don't play softball. Do you? Candlelite is the only way to go. Music is the soul of life. I can't stand the way gas smells on my hand if it spills..ick.

Good God woman! This is a personal ad not your life story!


We also got a little wank going on. I couldn't find the first post but the two after it are pure gold.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Thanos6 wrote:

Yorokobi wrote:

Quote :

Just picture it now....

You bring a man home after a date, you like him but aren't in the mood for sex. He pushes himself on you, you tell him to stop, but he doesn't. He puts his hand up your skirt, and by this point you're wet. He tells you that your body isn't saying no, and forces you down. You resist, but he still slides himself into you. The more you resist, the harder he fucks you. You have no way to stop him and you're being fucked harder than you ever have been before in your life. Your poor abused pussy can't handle it, and you cum harder than you ever had before. Your body betrayed you, and your orgasms continue until he shoots his load deep into you.

NO no no no no. Does this really appeal to people? If anything, I feel my vagina retreating further into my body at the thought of this man.

Well, uh, my gf and I haven't done it yet, but we've talked about taking turns doing that kind of thing with each other, and we both like the idea... [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

It's one thing if it's with someone you already have a relationship with. With a random internet man, there's just too great of a chance of things going horribly wrong. (I'm imagining a terrible person posing as a friend/enemy of theirs, submitting the pictures, and causing an innocent to get raped. Because Hey!--you replied to my ad! Maybe you're just playing hard to get?)

But that's just my thoughts on it because I'm a paranoid person. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Two ads that have run in the local newspaper for years, every week:

not so covertly gay wrote:

44-years old male seeks friend for friendship and for going to the sauna together.

Bring your own soap bar.

whiny fat loser wrote:

I know that women today only look for the wealthy manager owner of a villa with pool, but is it possible for a 36-year old to find someone who will not stop at appearances? I want you blonde, long-haired, 20 to 40 years old...

I love how women are required to grow and bleach their hair to appeal to him, but must look past the fact he's a whining slob.
Each week there were two or three variations upon this theme, all with the same telephone number. I don't see any in the current issue, maybe the guy cashed in his chips from terminal woeismetude.

Seule wrote:

Edit: Does this count? (NWS)

I completely believe that's him and not screencaps from porn.

Hot Cancer wrote:

Seule wrote:

Edit: Does this count? (NWS)

I completely believe that's him and not screencaps from porn.

The best part? He posted this a couple of days beforehand.

MAKE UP YOUR MIND, MAN.

Quote :

These are some of this things i feel is necessary for a successful relationship, i own my home and am employed , preferably i am seeking someone fully of capable giving and receiving love someone with no ties how is now seriously interested in a settling down and must have an affection for the Caribbean Barbados in particular as i have a property interest there

Quote :

it take far more effort to send your ad deleting you are far easer

His sub-literacy is so hot it makes me gay.

bleachedblackcat wrote:

Quote :

Well endowed player seeks dirty hoe to sip Cristal and have her ass tore up. Baby gotta keep it real than a mofo as I roll up deep in her steez. Serious inquiries only. Only hotties need apply. Must like long walks on the beach, nights in front of the fireplace, and sushi. Shouldn't steal my stuff. I like my women hairy. Must have titties and a badonkadonk butt. Gotta have a clean ass. Gotta have strong legs, especially at the knees. One more thing, I love stretch marks. C-section scar is a plus. Hit me up like you know how it do 227-four six one four

Best part? He has a picture of a almost nude woman on the profile. I'm tempted to call troll.

That is a troll. It's a Crank Yankers call in which a character played by Tracey Morgan calls to place this exact personal ad.

Yorokobi wrote:

Guess who's watching you on the train!

Quote :

So let's just get the embarrassing fact out on the table. Yes, I was staring at you on the T. Yes, to be more specific, at your taut, luscious breasts. True, I did pretend to drop my cell so I could look up your skirt (and magenta is just about my favorite panty color!). And we can further stipulate that, at some point during my staring, I was, in fact starting to get hard.

But there's so much more to me that you should know. I write poetry. I read to the elderly. I'm Spiritual. I give to Amnesty International.

Reading to the elderly? OH YES! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Quote :

Please, oh please fair T beauties, don't hold my lewdness against me. Yes, I undress you with my eyes. And yes, in my fantasy I had you bent over screaming like a feminine goddes and making you feel like YOU were little girl riding a pony, while having ann orgasm at the same time. (hey, it could happen)

...that mental picture disturbs me greatly.


EDIT: This guy really scares me. Your rape fantasy

Quote :

Just picture it now....

You bring a man home after a date, you like him but aren't in the mood for sex. He pushes himself on you, you tell him to stop, but he doesn't. He puts his hand up your skirt, and by this point you're wet. He tells you that your body isn't saying no, and forces you down. You resist, but he still slides himself into you. The more you resist, the harder he fucks you. You have no way to stop him and you're being fucked harder than you ever have been before in your life. Your poor abused pussy can't handle it, and you cum harder than you ever had before. Your body betrayed you, and your orgasms continue until he shoots his load deep into you.

NO no no no no. Does this really appeal to people? If anything, I feel my vagina retreating further into my body at the thought of this man.

Pretty sure my vag just closed like a frightened clam shell upon reading that.

STOP FUCKING NECROPOSTING I SWEAR TO GOD

Bamshalam wrote:

STOP FUCKING NECROPOSTING I SWEAR TO GOD

No. Get over it.

Why do new posters always dredge up long-expired threads instead of posting in new ones?
Anyway, here's some lulz:

Quote :

I m looking for an unshaven and natural woman to taste on a weekly
basis. I am a sexy black male looking for a pale white female but I
will consider others based on pics. this is a prime opportunity. dont
miss out. I will be looking forward to hearing from you.

Any pale white females out there looking to be TASTED? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

What a stupid thing to be pissy about.

slinkythecynic wrote:

What a stupid thing to be pissy about.

Look, it's not that you're commenting on things that are long dead. There's no expiration date on threads - no one enforces some sell-by date on conversations. However, you've dredged up this thread and brought it to everyone's attention just to make one little comment that will not inspire further discussion and did not add on to the original post. If you have some creepy personal ads to post, sure, go ahead. We're down with you reviving the thread for that. But if that's all you're gonna post, that's why people get annoyed.

If I have a comment, contributive or not, I'm going to post it. If you don't like that I'm not "contributing" to an already "dead" post, I am not forcing you to read it. That is a petty reason to be pissy.