Join date : 2009-06-03 Age : 35 Location : a hell of his own creation.
Subject: Grievous in Leather Pants Thu Nov 19, 2009 12:21 am
Looking at the Romance section of Star Wars, an unusual number of 'fics seem to be General Grievous/OFC. I must admit, I am purplexed by this.
Here's one, called Peace of Mind
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The girl sat in the plain grass field surrounded by nothing but nature.
and the man stood on the burning pier.
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her body was relaxed and she was concentrating on her breathing, making sure it was slow and steady. Her eyes were closed and her mind was blank.
Is she concentrating on her breathing, or nothing?
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Her name was Alexa-San and she lived on the far side of the Planet Naboo
Wouldn't that make her a Nabooian?
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in a small village where there was no cities or towns, no war.
A village is just a small town.
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She had long black hair that went to her shoulder’s and was messy.
ENOBY!!! :unskilled78:
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Her skin was pale and she had a slim figure.
because a primitive person would have pale skin
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The strange thing about this girl was her eyes. One was a dark blue which looked kind, but the other was black and whenever she glared it sent a shiver down anyone’s spine.
Heterochromia: a common trait in the wild Sue.
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On her cheek was a tattoo of an animal, everyone had a mark of a sort of animal .
Hers was a Nerf.
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Hers was a dragon, its head was painted on her cheek and the rest of the body went down her neck, the tail of the dragon swirled down to her bare shoulder
.....or not..
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When she was born the tribes Elder had told the people of her village that she was special and had a remarkable power.
Looks like the Elder knows about Sues too.
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After her fifteenth birthday Alexa kept on getting visions in her mind about strange events, the next day theses events would happen.
Without any specialized training? Most illogical.
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The grass field was also a peaceful place it was far enough away from her Village and away from the cities were all the suck up sobs went.
Whaaaaa? :redangry:
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Alexa hated the republic and including the jedi, They think just because they have the gift of the force they are the masters? They get to decide what happens in this galaxy.
The Jedi only interfere to protect Republican interests or on Republican planets. :bang:
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The Elder always tried his best to teach her how to use the force but since he couldn’t use it himself it only help her little and there was no way she was going to the Republic
BECAUSE THEY ARE TEH SAETEN!
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There houses were all shapes and sizes and made out of a special wood that was cut down by the hunter’s in the village.
Hunters don't cut down trees. Division of labor comes before man-made settlements.
She has a vision which is literally copy-pasted two paragraphs down as the actual event.
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The next morning Alexa forced her weak body out of bed and made no food for breakfast.
No Food? I LOOOOVE No Food. Almost as much as I love Burger Burgers.
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Alexa ran towards the figure and gasped, it wasn’t a person but a Cyborg.
Given the relativly primitive nature of her people, would she know what a cyborg is?
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The Cyborg stirred and Alexa jumped back, His body jolted up and his thoughts came into her mind
WERE ARE THE JEDI?!?!? WHERE AM I….WHOSE THAT?!?!
How are thoughts shouted?
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The Cyborg yelled and went to though a punch but Alexa caught his wrist, she felt a tingling feeling and then a jolt of electricity jolt though her body.
General Grievous goes all stream of consciousness
Spoiler:
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Jedi scum!
Count Dooku
Pain
Lonely
Love
Death
ANGER
Jealous
PAIN
PAIN
PAIN!
General Grievous.
War
Power
Lonely
Love
Forced
Future
Mind
Jedi Scum
Alexa-San…….
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“What the hell!” Grievous shouted, The Jedi had tracked him down and shot down his ship causing him to crash down on this planet, and now he has meet some strange girl who now he knows nearly everything about just by one touch……..how could his day get any worse?.
She could try to sex him up
He blacks out and wakes up in a cave.
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He felt a slimy substance on his chest plate and looked down noticing it was blue. He touched it and soon regretted it when pain shot though him.
Alexa promises to hide him from her village because they'd just turn him in to the Jedi
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“Those Jedi scum’s deserved it!” He roared and turned his back on Alexa. She laughed.
“I know” Grievous was slightly shocked.
This girl hates the jedi? Grievous thought.
“Of course I do, there stuck up sobs who think they know everything and want everything to be perfect. They can die for all I care” Alexa hissed with anger.
Uh...... Ok, then.
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Grievous grunted and sat on the ground, Grievous must admit this girl had fire and no one had ever stood up to him before. Grievous softly growled.
He had met his match…..
No, he's going to mount her lady-bits on his mantle before this 'fic is out.
Last edited by unskilled78 on Thu Nov 19, 2009 12:35 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Correcting Spelling)
fishstickhater Sporkbender
Join date : 2009-06-12 Age : 35
Subject: Re: Grievous in Leather Pants Thu Nov 19, 2009 12:56 am
Out of all the characters in Star Wars.... General Grievous? Really? I'm more curious than anything. You'd think that the constant wheezing and coughing would be a bit of a turn-off.
Somath Cegem Wonderfully English
Join date : 2009-06-10 Age : 38 Location : Land of Burning Spirit
Subject: Re: Grievous in Leather Pants Thu Nov 19, 2009 5:31 am
fishstickhater wrote:
Out of all the characters in Star Wars.... General Grievous? Really? I'm more curious than anything. You'd think that the constant wheezing and coughing would be a bit of a turn-off.
He was quite badass. That was until he met MACE MOTHER FUCKING WINDU!!
Theaphelia Sporkbender
Join date : 2009-06-10 Location : A State of Procrastination.
Subject: Re: Grievous in Leather Pants Thu Nov 19, 2009 7:31 am
It's GRIEVOUS. GRIEVOUS! As in, "Grievous injury!" Not "Grevious."
There's a surprising amount of Grievous smut out there. The first one I ever saw involved Grievous falling in love with a battle droid (which was surprisingly cute, considering it was Grievous/Battle droid slash). Then there was one fic where some OC gives Grievous a phallic attachment or something as a present so that he can stick it to his crotch and do her. Said attachment transferred the sensation of sexx0rs to Grievous, of course.
Then there was a retarded trollfic I wrote where Dooku uses a lightsaber to melt a vagina into Grievous's crotch and fucks him, then Grievous returns to his homeworld only to find that his wife turned male and that vagina comes in handy. I forgot it existed until I saw this thread.
EDIT: How did I miss this?
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because a primitive person would have pale skin
EVERYONE WAS BLACK UNTIL THE INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION. Seriously, what?
unskilled78 Sporkbender
Join date : 2009-06-03 Age : 35 Location : a hell of his own creation.
Subject: Re: Grievous in Leather Pants Thu Nov 19, 2009 8:59 am
Theaphelia wrote:
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because a primitive person would have pale skin
EVERYONE WAS BLACK UNTIL THE INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION. Seriously, what?
By "pale skin" I meant the sort of fishbelly-pale that us white folk get when we never go outside. That's how I understood it.
Chapter 2:
Part of the next chapter is Alexa~s POV (& is marked as such)
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“Do you eat?” I asked from across the cave, he turned to look at me and scowled.
“Of course not you twit” He hissed.
Where do the remaining organic parts get nourishment from, then? Also, "Twit"? Seriously? I Reaaaaally can't imagine General Grievous, one of the scariest generals of the CIS using that term with a straight face.
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“Why do you always hit me?!” I snapped and turned away from him. He grabbed me by the neck and I was lifted into the air.
“I’ll do whatever I want, and you wont dare use that tone with me!” He growled.
Get Back in the kitchen and make me a sandwhich!
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Grievous had tightened his grip and then the girls eyes flashed, Her body went weak and Grievous thought he had hurt her but then the girls eyes turned back to normal and Grievous became curious.
No, it's her seeing the future...I think...
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Grievous wasn’t sure what to do now, for some unknown reason he felt like staying and not try to escape, Grievous growled at these new feelings and glanced down at the sleeping girl.
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He would never admit it but he had a tiny smidge of respect for Alexa. First she was very powerful with the force and second she was the first person to ever stand up to him that was lower class then him.
Given that most of his opponents are "very powerful with the force", I fail to see why that's unusual.
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“Beautiful isn’t it?” Alexa said admiring the view. Grievous grunted. “I never think anything is beautiful” He said and turned to walk away. Alexa sighed and looked at him as he walked away. “Is that all you ever think about?” Alexa said making Grievous stop.
Is what all he ever thinks about? Not Beauty? No Food?
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“You know nothing about me! So don’t you dare talk to me about that”
General Grievous: the Teenage years.
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He said with anger, each word had more anger then the other
But are they full of MALICE?
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Grievous sighed with relief now that the girl was finally gone but felt something he shouldn’t, Guilt.
He runs off to go angst, and she goes back to the crash-site and discovers...the 4 lightsabers. How she recognizes them as such when they could be anything is another question entirely.
They fight a giant tiger-shaped beast (oddly enough called a gator in text and in the title)
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Alexa saw something out of the corner of her eye and thought of it as nothing but then the beasts claw lashed out. Alexa acted quickly and grabbed one of the lightsabers turning it on. She twisted her body around and brought the lightsaber down and cut of the beast paw. Grievous had watched the whole thing and was slightly impressed. For a girl who didn’t know much about the war, she was good at handling a lightsaber.
They're not that hard to use in a single strike. It's deflecting and long-term combat that require effort.
They fight, he wins and hits her in the leg, yet she's somehow able to get up and hand him back his 2 other 'sabers.
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“Here, I think these are yours” Alexa whispered and shoved them into his hands. Grievous placed them away and kept walking.
“Your welcome!” Alexa called out walking behind Grievous.
“Thank you” Grievous whispered, hoping the girl wouldn’t hear. She did and smiled.
Grievous needs to go slit his wrists.
Last edited by unskilled78 on Thu Nov 19, 2009 9:04 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Spelling mistake)
unskilled78 Sporkbender
Join date : 2009-06-03 Age : 35 Location : a hell of his own creation.
Subject: Re: Grievous in Leather Pants Thu Nov 19, 2009 1:05 pm
Chapter 3.
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Alexa wasn’t quite sure why she was still following Grievous
Because he is her twu luuuuuv
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surely her mother would worry and send someone out to find her, she mentally kicked herself, she would properly send Taki.
as opposed to sending him improperly? [SN:Taki is her future huspand via an arranged marriage.]
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“GIRL?! Why have you stopped walking?”
I am now imagining General Grievous as the sterotypical belligerent black lady. It isn't much better.
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“Sorry, am just wondering what planet are you from?” “Like I would tell you girl” Are kaleesh my old home, will I ever return again Grievous thought and then realised his mistake. “You’re a kalee warrior?” She asked. Grievous growled loudly and grabbed the girl by her shoulders and shook her violently.
That planet name means something to her? What are the odds?
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“DON’T YOU DARE EVERY READ MY MIND AGAIN UNDERTSAND? YOU PATHIC GIRL!” He roared and it hurt her ears.
Uh-oh, you're making her angry, and you won't like her when she's angry....
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Anger flashed in her eyes and her hands started to get a tingling feeling. She pushed her hands and Grievous was forced back into a tree. Alexa looked at her hands and then back at Grievous.
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This girl had a strong link with the force and he knew that when someone with that gift get angry it boosted there power. The Jedi never let that happen because if leads to the dark side and Grievous knew this girl was losing control.
It's the force, not Gamma Radiation.
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Grievous thought about leaving her there, but he knew that somehow! He had a connection with this girl and he didn’t like it. She knew to much about him already and why hasn’t he killed her yet? Because somehow he knew that deep deep down he didn’t want to but this angered him. He wasn’t use to these knew feelings.
She forces him to meditate...
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He wasn’t sure what was happening to him and was slightly scared, he was changing and it was all because of this girl, why doesn’t he kill her? Because he didn’t want to. This girl somehow filled the whole in his heart, yes at first he was angry by these feelings but it was nice to know someone who didn’t boss him or wasn’t scared to death by his presence.
You tell me.
He starts coughing up some sort of black fluid (Given he goes out into the vaccuum of space in the movie, I'm willing to bet he doesn't need to breathe that often. ) and passes out.
He wakes up at her home, and it turns out to be "ship oil" in his lungs.
Then, her future huspand, who is basically Gaston in our little parody of Beauty and the Beast, shows up.
Taki/Gaston tells her to leave him alone because he's a monster, and that he should "take him there" right then (presumably, this means report his location to the Jedi council) but our little OC has this to say.
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“Remember are deal Taki!, you’ll leave him alone if I marry you” She said with regret in her voice. Taki glared at her and stalked towards her. “Yes of course I remember, so be a good wife and stay away from him!” Taki said grabbing her arm to tightly and started to drag her out of her own house. She pulled back. “No! am not your wife yet Taki!” Alexa snapped at him and broke out of his grip storming back into the house.
She's sacraficing her future for a war criminal
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Grievous had listen to the conversation and was slightly shocked. She would marry that jerk? For me Grievous thought and then anger started to rise when Taki hurt her.
Only slightly shocked, mind.
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“He’s not the monster YOU ARE!” She roared and shoved him away, he reacted fast and slapped Alexa across the face, her cheek was already red and it be a bruise by tomorrow.
She can out-react a Cyborg, but not a non-upgraded "human"?
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Alexa suddenly felt dizzy and fell to the ground and passed out.
Why? So Grievous can kidnap Rescue her.
He finds Dooku and some battle droids in the forest.
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“Grievous its time for you to return to your duty“ Dooku ordered and that’s when he finally notice the weak girl in Grievous arms. “An who might that be?” Dooku asked and stepped closer.
It followed me here. The script says I have to keep it.
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“Name’s Alexa-san comes from a tribe north from here, also she has a strong link with the force” Dooku stroked his beard.
Inside, Dookus mind was full of turmoil. Was Grievous looking for a hot new piece of ass to replace him? Dooku knew he wasn't quite as spry as he used to be, but wasn't Sideous always saying "It's not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean"? Dooku~s experience made wave conditions optimal.
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“Am sure Lord sidious would want to here of this” Dooku said with amusement. “She shall come with us”
"If you keep it fed and watered and potty-train it yourself, it should be ok." There's Chapter 3.
rae Contributor
Join date : 2009-06-10 Location : computer chair
Subject: Re: Grievous in Leather Pants Thu Nov 19, 2009 2:01 pm
...I've been trying to think of a response to this thing. Great snark, but HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK I DONT UNDERSTAND. The fic, I mean. He looked like a overly ambitious Black & Decker vacuum. What is sexy about that?
frostflowers Sporkbender
Join date : 2009-10-20 Location : The comics bunker
Subject: Re: Grievous in Leather Pants Thu Nov 19, 2009 2:26 pm
rae wrote:
...I've been trying to think of a response to this thing. Great snark, but HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK I DONT UNDERSTAND. The fic, I mean. He looked like a overly ambitious Black & Decker vacuum. What is sexy about that?
We-ell.... I once read a graphic novel called Silent Dragon, which had a female character who kept following the main character around because she wanted to fuck him. And she wanted to fuck him because he was a cyborg. She stated in so many words that technology turned her on.
I bet she masturbated with a toaster.
But re: this fic. Holy crapsticks - this is really bad. Not just because of the OC, not just because of the mischaracterisation or the fumbling with canon; it's just badly written. Shoddy punctuation, utter lack of logic, badly constructed sentences - it's like she is actively trying to do everything as badly as she can without turning it into a trollfic.
unskilled78 Sporkbender
Join date : 2009-06-03 Age : 35 Location : a hell of his own creation.
Subject: Re: Grievous in Leather Pants Thu Nov 19, 2009 7:29 pm
Chapter 4.
She wakes up in sick-bay. Why a ship crewed by 'droids would even have a medical facility is never explained.
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A brown droids face appeared before her and looked down at her weak body.
My sensors indicate that I would like to tap that.
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The droid scribbled onto the chart.
Because they still use paper?
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“You fainted from lack of food and water”
What? I had a heaping plate of No Food just this morning!
So, she's apparently on the Malevolence, which is the ship from the CGI movie.
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but then the last events she remembered came wondering back into her mind.
How does she remember something not in her mind?
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“You’ve been out for at least 3 days”
You would not be unconscious for 3 days if they fed you.
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She would miss her mother but no Taki, A shiver went down her spine.
Because that's.....creepy?
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“I must inform Grievous you have awaken” The Droid said and left the med-bay.
Why doesn't he just send an e-mail or whatever the SW analog is?
She falls asleep and Dooku wanders in to watch her sleep. Hooooow Sweeeet
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Count Dooku had spoken to his master about this strange girl and Sidious had agreed. This simple girl did indeed have a very strong connection with the force.
How does Sidious know how strong her connection to the force is? Naboo is in the Outer Rim. He's on Corescant.
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and Sidious wanted to use it. To turn the tide of the war.
One more force-user is enough to completely turn the campaign around?
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Alexa sat up, confusing written all over her face.
Be careful. I hear it stains
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Dooku notice this and smiled. “Count Dooku”
You ever seen a grown man naked?
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Alexa slightly smiled. She had heard of the Count before.
She's seen the movies.
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Alexa asked a question that had been wondering around in her mind for some time.
Mobile little buggers, aren't they?
He offers a choice: Either languish on her homeworld in obscurity or help defeat the "stuck-up" Jedi.
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“I suppose I could-”.
“I shall discuss this with my master” Dooku confirmed and left the room.
"....Err, I hadn't finished musing yet. Hello?"
The doc returns, and says something she doesn't catch.
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The droid sighed. “Grievous has been informed that you are awake” He growled.
Does anyone talk normally?
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“Geez don’t get your wires in a knot” Alexa mumbled. The droid laughed.
Why does a medical droid have a sense of humor? How is that funny?
It's apparently the personal physician (So....why is treating her?) of General Grievous, named D4.
Grevious comes in.
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“Report?” Grievous asked D4.
"It's not Lupus." :psy-4: "It's Never Lupus."
He gives her a bag of clothes to change into, and tells her to come to the communications room.
She meets Darth Sidious over the holographic communications device from the movies (& has heard stories about him ) and he compliments her power. He suggests that she be trained by Dooku, and that makes Grievious MAD!
Note that since Darth Sidious doesn't have the time for an apprentice, Asaji Ventress is still not trained well enough, and Grievous has no practical experience with the Force, it would kinda have to be Dooku.
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"She shall train under Dooku” That’s when Grievous decided to move.
He begs for her to stay with him, but Sidious will have none of this looooooove shit in his high command.
Asaji Ventress shows up to establish that she's a bitch and has a low opinion of our 'Sue, and that's pretty much the end of Chapter 4.
Braigwen Why yes, I am a Rocket Scientist!
Join date : 2009-06-14 Age : 44 Location : Punching Udina.
Subject: Re: Grievous in Leather Pants Thu Nov 19, 2009 8:54 pm
Join date : 2009-09-07 Age : 60 Location : Currently, running a Ski Resort on Hoth
Subject: Re: Grievous in Leather Pants Fri Nov 20, 2009 4:29 pm
So let me get this straight... A Human Native of Naboo, who from the background material available, tend to be Pacifists, with a intellectual/artistic bent, happens to meet the non-human cyborg leader of the Seperatists, General Grevious, who is on Naboo, for some unknown reason, & falls in love with him, even though Republican Propaganda depicts him as the proverbial "baby eater", who is in a perpetual psychopathic rage, due to his cybernetic implants... Does not Compute...
Reepicheep-chan Important Person
Join date : 2009-06-11 Age : 39 Location : IN A SEXY NEW CONDO
Subject: Re: Grievous in Leather Pants Fri Nov 20, 2009 4:58 pm
^ Well, if those damn Jedi were not such snooty sobs...
I bet they are even preps.
Rabid Badger And This is Why I Need Medication
Join date : 2009-06-10
Subject: Re: Grievous in Leather Pants Fri Nov 20, 2009 8:20 pm
So basically, what you're telling me is that she wants to hit on this:
Plus, you'd have a hard time fitting him into a pair of pants at all, never mind leather ones.
frostflowers Sporkbender
Join date : 2009-10-20 Location : The comics bunker
Subject: Re: Grievous in Leather Pants Sat Nov 21, 2009 12:35 am
I'm not even sure how she'd be able to hit that - there are a lot of sharp and pointy ends to Grievous, which would cause considerable pain and bleeding wounds if she ever tried to do the nasty with him.
Or maybe I'm over-thinking this - maybe they'd just have super-perfect out-of-body Force-soulbonding-sex, in true Sue Style. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
Rabid Badger And This is Why I Need Medication
Join date : 2009-06-10
Subject: Re: Grievous in Leather Pants Sat Nov 21, 2009 6:00 pm
frostflowers wrote:
I'm not even sure how she'd be able to hit that - there are a lot of sharp and pointy ends to Grievous, which would cause considerable pain and bleeding wounds if she ever tried to do the nasty with him.[/i]
The image that keeps popping into my mind is that it'd be like trying to fuck a razor...
[/]Or maybe I'm over-thinking this - maybe they'd just have super-perfect out-of-body Force-soulbonding-sex, in true Sue Style. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
I'd forgotten about the out-of-the-body Force soul-bonding sex. I'm ashamed of myself, given that I read enough of that crap after the first movie came out.
grmblfjx Hot and Botherer
Join date : 2009-06-10
Subject: Re: Grievous in Leather Pants Fri Nov 27, 2009 4:18 pm
Rabid Badger wrote:
So basically, what you're telling me is that she wants to hit on this: Cause I'm just not seeing it..
Robot sex archives. Just sayin'.
Grimley Fieendish Sporkbender
Join date : 2009-09-07 Age : 60 Location : Currently, running a Ski Resort on Hoth
Subject: Re: Grievous in Leather Pants Mon Nov 30, 2009 11:44 am
frostflowers wrote:
I'm not even sure how she'd be able to hit that - there are a lot of sharp and pointy ends to Grievous, which would cause considerable pain and bleeding wounds if she ever tried to do the nasty with him.
Or maybe I'm over-thinking this - maybe they'd just have super-perfect out-of-body Force-soulbonding-sex, in true Sue Style. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
Apparently Grevious was not a Force user, although the rumour persisted that he gained limited Force Abilities, via a transfusion of high Midi-chlorian blood, from a unknown donor, presumed to be the late Jedi Master, Sifo-Dyas... However, what if she eventually gets "drained" of blood to transfuse into Grevious, instead of Sifo-Dyas ...?