My fandom is so flooded with badfic, that there's no end to it, but sometimes you stumble upon gems like this one. Sam, a teenaged boy, basicly gets pregnant to his car Transformer Bumblebee. The real action movies were bad I admit, but why the fanbrats must make everything even more craptastic?
I present you Spreading the love.
I will snark only the chapters 4, 5 and 6, because I was kind of mislead to reading this (*sigh* I never learn). To be honest people, I don't even want to read more of this. This fic just deepened my dislike towards children and almost got me to join Childfree in LJ.
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- Sam found out about Ironhide and Ratchet being sparkbonded in the usual, non normal way.
At this point I thought it would be roboporn all the way.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] I also regret of my habit of not reading the author's notes.
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- One day, thankfully shortly after one of his and Bee’s rare pleasurable romps on the bed, their seven year old son Thunderstreak, with Ravage following dutifully behind, came bursting into their room, blue optics bright with happiness, shouting ‘Daddy, Daddy guess what?’ at the top of his lungs
Somehow I kind of doubt that having sex with a giant robot is pleasurable - I would imagine it being painfull.
Also why is the assbaby named Ravage? The author starts very convincingly by raping canon characters right away, since there was in both G1 and in the movies a character named Ravage. Did Sam spawn something looking like this:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] - Quote :
- “Daddy, Papa, I just found out that Uncle ‘Chet and Uncle ‘Hide are gonna have a baby!”
Just what I needed, more babies. Also who else thinks the brat sounds retarded? Well I guess anybody would be reatrded, if they had a guy and a giant robot as their parents.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] - Quote :
- “It appears that from the data I have collected, enough Allspark energy was absorbed by our alloy that sparkbonded pairs can now be able to create sparks much the same as you and Bumblebee, though the resulting spark will not share the hybrid status that Thunderstreak does,” Ratchet finished summarizing.
How do you form a sparkbonding with someone without a spark? As I am aware the last time I checked humans didn't have sparks. Now just to be sure, everybody check out if you have something like this inside you.If you have something like it,feel free to reproduce with Transformers.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] - Quote :
- Ratchet’s confession may have sounded apathetic on the surface, but for some reason Sam was able to see the hidden happiness in Ratchet’s aqua optics.
Ratchet's optics are made of water.That must be pretty inconvenient.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] - Quote :
- “This means I can have somebody to play with Daddy when I’m Thunderstreak!” Sam’s son squealed in joy. It had been hard on the little boy to not have anyone his own age to play with while in protoform besides Ravage, who really was more of the family pet than a younger sibling since he couldn’t do many of the functions a full mech could.
Did they just call their own offspring a family pet?
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] - Quote :
- “So have you felt any of the same symptoms that I did?” Sam questioned. “Anything like the floaty feeling I got?”
Sam's a teenaged boy, not a bloody housewife in her forties.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] - Quote :
- “I wouldn’t know Sam, due to the fact that is Ironhide who is carrying our sparkling, not I.”
At least the author is original here. Usually it's Ratchet who's the weeping uke or Moominmamma.
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- Ironhide quickly rounded on the couple, and Thuderstreak took refuge behind his daddy’s legs, Ravage placing himself in front of Sam and snarling savagely.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]He really has spawned a metalcat!
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- “But Ironhide,” Sam choked out through his giggles. “How can I not be happy to be spreading the love around?”
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]Now Sam even giggles. Has the author any idea of HOW TEENAGED BOYS ACT!?
Chapter 5
This is a wild chapter. While I was reading it, I just saw babies popping out of nowhere.
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- When Sam had told him they were going to be having another sparkling, Bumblebee had been beside himself with joy, ‘prancing all over the base like a glitch’ as Ironhide put it.
This is the thrid phrase of this chapter and they are already at it. It's the normal babies=true luv, moar babies=moar tru luv.
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- That joy paled in comparison when Sam admitted to Bumblebee later on after having noticed the extra spark that he felt this sparkling was going to identify as femme. Bumblebee had taken his whole family out, including Ron and Judy, to one of the most upscale restaurants in the city closet to the base
There's so much wrong with this paragraph.
1.Sam is popping out litters now it seems.
2.How the Hell Sam knows that there's a fembot coming?
3.How does a giant robot take people out for a dinner? Well he could drive them there, but I don't think this is the thing author is trying to tell.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] - Quote :
- Sam hadn’t even pretended to be offended when Bumblebee had made sure to open the door and pull out his chair for him. Being cared for and smothered by Bumblebee was actually one of Sam’s biggest secret enjoyments.
I think the author has got their pronouns mixed. Sam is obviously an OC and female on top of that. Sam can be girl's name too. I'll just call Sam from now on "she".
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- As a couple months passed, Bumblebee and Sam grew more excited every day, double and even triple checking to make sure everything that was needed for the sparkling’s placement into her body was ready.
Because they obviously don't have anything else in their lives, except popping out babies.
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- The removal of the spark from Sam’s chest was performed in the same manner as the last time, but for some unknown reason, something went dreadfully wrong. About halfway between Sam’s spark chamber and that of the sparkling’s body, the transferred spark was nearly extinguished.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]Yeah, I have no idea either what's going on. I'm just having nasty mental images of a guy laying on his back chest ripped open.
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- “Her name’s Winterstar,” Sam whispered quietly and seemingly to himself, though Bumblebee knew better. “Winterstar and Mirari Lyra.”
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]I'm wordless. I just want to hit the back button hard.
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- Upon finding out what had nearly happened to her granddaughter, Judy Witwicky became a near constant presence at the base, knowing acutely the fear that her son was going through, having lost three children before Sam and almost losing Sam prematurely as well
Why she isn't scared that her SON is popping out babies for GIANT ALIEN ROBOT is beyond me.
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- Though all the ‘bots were itching to see more of and to especially hold the little femme, they tried to be patient, knowing that Bumblebee and even more so Sam were still feeling overprotective and a bit twitchy.
Sam is what? A Dog?
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Well he did pop out a metal cat, so I guess this is nothing abnormal.
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- As a human, Mirari had inherited Sam’s curls, though hers were more loose and tame than her daddy’s, but she also had the exact same bright blue eyes that Bumblebee possessed when his holoform was activated.
LOL she inherited eyes from a scanned image that doesn't really exist!
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] She has two forms a robot and a human form. She really is a Transformer I guess. Somehow I have the feeling that I'm witnessing the birth of a Sue, but I really don't want to know.
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- Steelshadow would probably be getting a sibling in the near future as well.
Just when you thought there was enough of them.*Dies*
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- A/N: So now there’s two new offspring, Steelshadow who’s five years younger than Alex and Mirari (it means miracle) who’s eight years younger.
I think there's something wrong with your fic, if you need to explain what's going on in your author's notes. To be honest, I had no idea what was going on in this chapter except the BABIEZ EVERYHWERE OMG THEIR SO CUTE AND SMALL AND HUUURRR DURRR BLLLLAAAARGH BABIEZ!!1
Now Chapter 6 it shall be.
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- Ironhide was a very old mech.
Oh wow! We actually get some description here and what's even more surprising it's not about anyone's baby!
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] - Quote :
- What kept Ironhide from fully accepting the union was the fact that Sam was human.
I think Ironhide is genius.
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- But Sam had to go and change all that, for suddenly he was half one of them, and there was no more looming decay, no more insufferable watch of Bee’s optics dimming day by day.
Soo Sam too is some sort weird robohuman hybrid. It probably would have been told in the previous chapters, but I really don't want to read any more of this thing.
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- In a matter of a few Earth months, Samuel James Witwicky became the Autobots’ very foundation. Prime’s son in all but name, sparkbonded to Bee, and the bringer of bright sparklings into their once dark world, Sam was their hope and future all rolled up into a slightly over five foot being.
You can bring hope by popping out dozen of freak robohuman hybrids?
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- Ironhide and all the Autobots together, were forever grateful to Sam for saving their Prime’s life twice. They were relieved that Sam had saved one of their youngest from feeling the greatest loss of their kind. They were honored that Sam now shared their own form and abilities. They were elated that Sam had delivered their race’s future through sparklings. And now, they were awed at the power Sam used to bring Jazz’s spark back into his newly rebuilt body, a feat that had knocked Sam into involuntary stasis for five whole Earth days.
First of all, didn't we already get the praising of popping out offsprings *Looks up*
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]When did Sam turn into a Stu btw?
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- Ironhide is still a battle hardened mech whose ammo and armor are known for being the toughest, but though his hide may be as solid as steel, his spark can’t help but be as soft as stuffing with all the sparklings and love-struck couples always coming and going from the base. That doesn’t mean he won’t blast anyone with his plasma cannons who’s dumb enough to say it to his face though.
Once again it's proven: babies=Tru luv, Moar babies=Moar luv and it's extended to GIANT ALIEN ROBOTS.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] - Quote :
- Also, in case anyone was wondering, Sam stored his Allspark energy for an entire year to discharge it into Jazz and reignite his spark.
Kame-Hame-Ha or Sonic Boom, anyone?
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]ETA:This snark sucks, but I hope I'll make it up with the kitties.
ETA2:Apparently I can't type anymore.
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Later on I used Chi because people demanded me to use her moar.