Horror Movies Which Make You Scream and Run... for all the wrong reasons

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Shrooms.

Worth it for the review on the back of the box: "When the giant talking cow comes out of the woods and tells you to go back to camp, you listen to the giant talking cow."

All of the later Saw films. The first couple were good, I may even venture a 'great'. But now its being dragged out and done to death. Naked chick in a freezer being showered to death? *yaaaawn*

The Hills Have Eyes and The Hills Have Eyes 2. Plot? There is no need for plot! Just rip a dudes leg off, its all good! Although the second one gets props for having a little bullied mutant who just wants to help ^^

All Hollywood horror films. There, I said it.

I think there might be something wrong with Esther.

Maybe it's that she's...

Spoiler:

HurriKaty wrote:

I think there might be something wrong with Esther.

Maybe it's that she's...

Spoiler:

Wait, what.

Okay, I was guessing, like, an alien or something. That's really stupid.

Scary Movie.

I think it kinda missed the point. It parodied Scream. Scream was a parody, and as parodies go, was pretty damn good. Very self-aware, quite funny, but also genuinely bloody and scary.

Scary Movie 1 and 2 were not too bad. But then there were the others, two of the writers left and the series took a really sharp downward turn.

Plus they inspired all those dreadful spin-offs that were really, really bad. Like Date Movie, which mostly ripped off She's All That (which was a pretty awful film in itself). But at least it took the piss of a film that really, REALLY deserved it. Look! Take off her glasses and let down her hair and she's not a nerd anymore!

And then Epic Movie, which had no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

Horror is a genre where most of the movies suck. People have no standards.

Also, House of the Dead

Not sure whether this should be posted here, or in Movies That Are Going to Suck.
Oh, Megan Fox, you are the new Lindsay Lohan.

Both. Also, any current movie is a "movie that is going to suck".

It's proper hard core.

"Jennifer's Body, featuring today's slutty IT girl and a soundtrack full of crappy bands I don't know!"

Why did you agree to this movie, Girl From Big Love? Why?

Killer Pussy. You heard that right. It's a Japanese movie that came out in 2004. Pretty much it's about a flesh eating fish that burrows in to a woman's vagina and lives there, controlling her and, well, eating people. But the movie is pretty much a slut fest with terribad actors and horrible cgi. The fish is retarded looking.

And I second Donkey Punch. Though I did love Jaime Winstone in Dead Set.

Rizale wrote:

Killer Pussy. You heard that right. It's a Japanese movie that came out in 2004. Pretty much it's about a flesh eating fish that burrows in to a woman's vagina and lives there, controlling her and, well, eating people.

Sounds like a seventies exploitation horror flick.

Fairlight wrote:

Sounds like a seventies exploitation horror flick.

That's... Pretty much what it was. It was an excuse for bad porn. And two guys got their dicks bitten off. D:
Sad thing is, none of the actors or actresses were very attractive. They were like bargain bin actors.

Rizale wrote:

Killer Pussy. You heard that right. It's a Japanese movie that came out in 2004. Pretty much it's about a flesh eating fish that burrows in to a woman's vagina and lives there, controlling her and, well, eating people. But the movie is pretty much a slut fest with terribad actors and horrible cgi. The fish is retarded looking.

In the same generic vein, I offer Teeth. It's about a young girl with an enormenous forehead who is very prim, especially in regards to sex - she has a purity ring, and gives Abstaining For Dummies on high schools, stuff like that - and yet she has this awful affliction, called vagina dentata: she teeth in her vagina and while the movie gives us no direct explanation for this unnatural oddity, the establishing shots of the town's resident nuclear power plant might give us a clue.
Despite numerous heavy subjects - such as rape, a mother suffering from leukemia, peer pressure and the occasional shot of a cut-off penis here and there - the movie is awesome. Seriously, go see it: you'll be in stitches, because the entire thing is just so... so weird. I can't figure out if it's supposed to be taken seriously or as a parody, if it's a cautionary tale about sex or just pretty cavalier about the whole thing, if it's women-empowerment or degredation, because it's just so bizarre. It's awesome, though: just watch this (slightly NWS) clip and be convinced.

Rizale wrote:

Fairlight wrote:

Sounds like a seventies exploitation horror flick.

That's... Pretty much what it was. It was an excuse for bad porn. And two guys got their dicks bitten off. D:
Sad thing is, none of the actors or actresses were very attractive. They were like bargain bin actors.

Sounds like it.

M. Night Shyamalan. No, seriously. His first movie, most people agree, was pretty good, or at least "ok"... that movie being 'The Sixth Sense'. And while I personally got a kick out of 'Unbreakable', the rest of his movies took a sharp downward spike. It's like he started off on top of his career, and is plummeting downwards. The latest one... 'The Happening' is...well, horrible. And not that suspenseful. And really damn dull.

I don't even know if I should consider his movies 'horror'--they're more thriller, yea? But they all tend to have that thread of supernatural in them, and I've seen them listed as horror in other sections, so I'm putting it here, for lack of a better place.

I feel sorry for Shymalan, really. He started off with his best film and he's been trying to live up to that image ever since.

Does excuse The Happening, though.

Boogeyman was just stupid. I remember seeing it in theaters and some of my friends almost got kicked out because they were making fun of it the whole time. It wasn't scary at all. I think the only time I jumped was when the bird committed suicide on the guy's windshield.

You can tell this movie is going to suck. It has a bottle on the poster! (Ducks while people throw things at her for making such a godawful pun.)

OK, here's the trailer for Grace. It's in theaters now, but I haven't seen it in my area. It's probably gonna be on video in less than a month.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

I absolutely hated Rod Zombie's Halloween. You should not mess with a classic. I'm only glad he's not touching my favorite horror movie Halloween 4.

kryceksangel wrote:

I absolutely hated Rod Zombie's Halloween. You should not mess with a classic. I'm only glad he's not touching my favorite horror movie Halloween 4.

Ehhh... I liked the first of Zombie's Halloween. The second one, however... eeesh.

Wasn't the second one totally unrelated to...anything? Or was that the third? I'm less up on Halloween than I am on the Elm Street series.

The third Halloween was totally unrelated to anything Michael Myers, yes. It was called "Halloween: Season of the Witch" or something like that. The premise--other than John Carpenter didn't want any more sequels--was that Michael Myers wasn't the only weird/supernatural thing happening in Haddonfield.

Ghost Ship

About a guy who's cursed to use gold as bait for killing people on ships and ferrying around their souls. Or something. And a ghost ship.

Not the very, very worst film you'll ever see, but unbearably DULL, with about a million plotholes, and a really, REALLY apalling ending that SCREAMS "Insert Sequel Here" but never got around to it, thank GOD.