Chris-chan and Sonichu: ZAP TO THE EXTREME

My favorite thing about that page is Magi-Chan's extremely bored thousand-yard stare.

"So, I traveled into the future and raped my future wife."

"Yeah sure, what the fuck ever. I'm going home."

Failbag update confirming what we all feared:

Quote :

From: Gloria Steinem

I have been an avid reader of your comic ever since I heard of the wonderful Sonichu #8. The Rosechus' fight for women's rights was the most beautiful depiction of a woman's fight for equality that I have seen in a long time.

However, I was deeply disturbed by the second page of the new comic. You say that you "did the do" with your future self's wife without her knowing it! I was appalled by this horrific act of rape in what I had thought was a brilliant comic book! A children's comic book! Lovely never really consented to having sex with you, but with your future self! The fact that you took advantage of her absolutely disgusts me. You were not the man she loved all those years. You were not the man she married. You knew that you could pass yourself off as being your future self and you used that to satiate your perverse sexual needs.
How dare you.

Quote :

You are misunderstood, it was not rape; She mistook me for my future self, and She Asked Me to have sex with her.

Chris is a loathsome human being.

Just when you thought it couldn't get any more embarrassing . . . .



WHY

SO

AUTISTIC?

Chris-chan is the masked man!

Oh man I'm late to the party and now none of the links work and I couldn't even load the pages at school so I had to wait till I got home and and bawwwwwwww

InkWeaver wrote:

Oh man I'm late to the party and now none of the links work and I couldn't even load the pages at school so I had to wait till I got home and and bawwwwwwww

The cwckipedia is down AS USUAL should be back up eventually.

Chris' wiki is currently experiencing issues related to his rank stupidity.

However, the last page of his comic is something to see.

Spoiler:

Oh wow...

Photoshopping himself in, the fact that those appear to be intended to be Guitar Hero controllers rather than real instruments (I don't know many musicans that paint their first five frets in bright colours)...

Incredible.

Sadness personified.

Quote :

Christian Love Day: NOT ONLY A CONSIDERED SECOND VALENTINES' DAY, BUT THE DAY ALL PEOPLE IN TRUE, STRAIGHT LOVE WILL REMAIN JUST THAT; ALL HOMOSEXUALITY AND ASEXUALITY WILL BE LEFT EXTINCT AND FORGOTTEN, THANKS TO THE BLOOD OF CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER, OF RUCKERSVILLE, VIRGINIA, BORN ON FEBRUARY 24, 1982.

On Easter, Christians around the world give thanks to Jesus Christ for the gift of His blood, saving them from Hell.

On Christian Love Day, Christians around the world give thanks to Christian Weston Chandler for the gift of His blood, saving them from Hell.

. . . yeah.

Quote :

Christian Love Day: NOT ONLY A CONSIDERED SECOND VALENTINES' DAY, BUT THE DAY ALL PEOPLE IN TRUE, STRAIGHT LOVE WILL REMAIN JUST THAT; ALL HOMOSEXUALITY AND ASEXUALITY WILL BE LEFT EXTINCT AND FORGOTTEN, THANKS TO THE BLOOD OF CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER, OF RUCKERSVILLE, VIRGINIA, BORN ON FEBRUARY 24, 1982.

...Wow. It really is all about Chris, isn't it? He's so egocentric, who the hell would WANT to go out with him in the first place?

Lysander wrote:

Quote :

Christian Love Day: NOT ONLY A CONSIDERED SECOND VALENTINES' DAY, BUT THE DAY ALL PEOPLE IN TRUE, STRAIGHT LOVE WILL REMAIN JUST THAT; ALL HOMOSEXUALITY AND ASEXUALITY WILL BE LEFT EXTINCT AND FORGOTTEN, THANKS TO THE BLOOD OF CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER, OF RUCKERSVILLE, VIRGINIA, BORN ON FEBRUARY 24, 1982.

On Easter, Christians around the world give thanks to Jesus Christ for the gift of His blood, saving them from Hell.

On Christian Love Day, Christians around the world give thanks to Christian Weston Chandler for the gift of His blood, saving them from Hell.

. . . yeah.

Ya know, I'm not sure, but I think he may've just committed blasphemy. Also, I am shocked and appalled that he's only two years younger than my sons. I thought he was somewhere in his late teens.

So Christianity is going to give up the celebration of Easter (which, BTW, is NOT a celebration of Christ's death, but of his resurrection and ascension into Heaven). which it's been practicing for centuries and replace it with the birthday of A 27-year-old guy who's in love with a cartoon furry.

The mind-she boggles

Edited to add: On the other hand, for us to celebrate his sacrifice, he has to die first....

Rabid Badger wrote:

Edited to add: On the other hand, for us to celebrate his sacrifice, he has to die first....

He's already dead. On the inside.

the asylum wrote:

Rabid Badger wrote:

Edited to add: On the other hand, for us to celebrate his sacrifice, he has to die first....

He's already dead. On the inside.

THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH! :explode:

He forgot about bisexuality.

Actually, we've been seeing Chris at his absolute worst, lately.

Here is the plot as I understand it: Chris has cornered all his enemies in the 4cent Garbage building. He is bringing the skyscraper down on their heads.

Spoiler:

Jason Kendrick Howell, for whatever reason, decides to quit and move into domesticated suburban life with his underaged love slave. Chris sees no problems with this.

Spoiler:

The building's demonic receptionist (?) informs Jack Thaddeous and Clyde Cash of their fate. Keep in mind, in real life, Jack is the person (or people) who buy all the ads for Chris' site, allowing him to publish this.

Spoiler:

Unintentionally, Chris writes a very tragic and compelling gay romance between the two.

Interestingly, Chris' latest Youtube videos aimed at these two have ended with the phrase "DEATH! SUICIDE! ROT IN HELL!" THis page makes it clear that he is not just yelling at them; it's a command. He is ordering them to commit suicide, and he expects them to comply.

Spoiler:

Chris did 9/11. Also, he can't add for shit.

Spoiler:

:hell:

From there, we going into a Family Guy style tangent which reveals to us that Sonichu and Rosechu have sex when she is on her period.

Spoiler:

Silvania Rosechu currently has a penis. Chris is hot for post-op trannies, apparently.

The mailbag has also been getting considerably more frightening as of late:

Quote :

From: hyle.19@gmail.com

Dear Chris,

Why are homosexual women morally superior to homosexual men? If it is because of the book of Leviticus, would you also support the exile of a couple who have sexual relations while the woman is menstruating? (Leviticus 20:18) Does Cwcville have sex laws? How are these laws enforced?
Yours, Caitlin

Cwcville has sex laws; the age of consent is 18, and NO GAY SEX IS ALLOWED WHATSOEVER. These laws are enforced by constant psychic-surveillance by Magi-Chan Sonichu. Should anyone go against these laws, Magi-Chan would know, inform the Police, arrest the individuals, tried and fined HEAVILY; $500 or 50 Hours of Community Service to ANY Sexual Violations; over-18 having sex with under-18, and Any homosexual relations. --ChrisChanSonichu 05:24, 5 January 2010 (CET)

Magi-Chan is watching you fuck.

Chris also said this in a message to his Sysop (for whatever reason):

Quote :

Also, I Swear as God and Jesus as my Witnesses, THE FIRST TIME, and maybe the second time as well, I HAVE SEX WITH A WOMAN, I WILL Video Record the Whole Thing and Upload it onto RedTube, so FINALLY PEOPLE can SEE what should have been seen almost a Decade Ago.

Eventually, he was questined about this in the mailbag:

Quote :

From: Frank Marks
What if the girl(or guy) you want to take your virginity doesn't want to be videotaped? Not everyone goes for that. And you seem to be more concerned with proving that you're straight than the pleasure you would get from having sex. And you didn't answer that one guy's question about asexual people.


I would use Hidden Cameras and blur out her face. It is very important to me, because I am SICK and TIRED of the Wrongest Mislabelings those damn people dare refer to me and my comics and characters. WE ARE STRAIGHT!!!! I have no objections with asexual, but I do feel pity for those individuals.

Although, he eventually went back on that one, presumably after being informed that it could land him in prison.

Quote :

From: John Thatcher

Dear Chris, I'm a big fan and I'm excited that I can finally write to you. I was a little confused about your statement about when you lose your virginity. You say you're for women's rights and supportive of women having a choice. If she says that she doesn't want to be filmed, then you should respect her wishes. Hidden cameras would be an even greater violation of her privacy and her rights as a human being. She could also sue you.
For someone who says that he's for women's rights, you sure don't respect them very much.

Well, I beg your pardon. I would make sure the woman would be okay with that, and I would have it in writing of no such acts would be followed. Otherwise, I would look for someone else who would love to be filmed taking my Virgin Cherry Branch.

I don't know, it seems like he's growing more and more monstrous, lately.

Oh man...that is just priceless.

Quote :

Sonichu: Yes, and they had no right invading mine and Rosey's private moments either

Quote :

Rosechu: Geez! Can't a girl even put on a tampon without being tabloided or exploited?!

Quote :

Cwcville
has sex laws; the age of consent is 18, and NO GAY SEX IS ALLOWED
WHATSOEVER. These laws are enforced by constant psychic-surveillance by
Magi-Chan Sonichu. Should anyone go against these laws, Magi-Chan would
know, inform the Police, arrest the individuals, tried and fined
HEAVILY; $500 or 50 Hours of Community Service to ANY Sexual
Violations; over-18 having sex with under-18, and Any homosexual
relations. --ChrisChanSonichu 05:24, 5 January 2010 (CET)

Or, as Lysander summarized...

Quote :

Magi-Chan is watching you fuck.

I think this goes way beyond "cognitive disconnect"

Haha... wow, this is an insult to Sonic fans!

Quote :

Everything Lysander said

The mailbag is the worst thing to happen to the internet via Chris. What a fucking lunatic.

Also, the Sonichu/Rosechu children are terrifying.

Whenever he goes on about the 4Cent Garbage thing, I always idly wonder if he even knows about the other 4Chan boards. Boards like /co/ and /ck/ are only tangentially related to /b/, never did anything to him, and are thus neutral territory. By bringing down the entire BEEEELDING, he effectively bombed Switzerland.

Of course, I only hang out in /y/, so I guess I'm going down with the rest of the gaywads.

Quote :

*Any names, or persons, illustrated in any of the Sonichu Comics,
except that of Christian Weston Chandler, that may seem similar
to anyone in real life,
are purely coincidental, or otherwise parodic.*

Yeah, a pikachu that looks like a rip of Sonic is TOTALLY COINCIDENTAL. So was calling it "SONIC-chu."

Wait, did he call him 'father'? JEEZ.

Wait, what are they doing? They're... they're TURNING SONIC CHARACTERS INTO POKEMON?!

*flicks through pages*

DEAR GOD THEY DID IT TO SHADOW TOO. AND KNUCKLES. I think I'm gonna be SICK.

Quote :

And lastly, there is me, the intrusive creator in Sonichu's story

"And in case it wasn't clear enough already that this was a SI, this is my height, age and marital status. I seriously believe that this art of myself will help me get laid."

I can't, I can't, oh god I can't read any more. They must use this comic to torture people into admitting acts of terror.

Also, as for 'high functioning autism', that's a clever way of saying "I have Aspergers and I want to use it as an excuse for terrible work." That's low. That's really LOW.

Quote :

"But wow, all this fantastic creativity and you still are girlfriend free?!"
"It bothers me too! But I'll find a boyfriend-free girl around my age yet!"

*totally speechless*

I can't. No, I just can't. It HURTS MY BRAIN! It actually physically hurts my brain!

You might attract a girl if you STOPPED MAKING THESE ATTEMPTS TO GET FEMALE ATTENTION AND LEFT THE FUCKING HOUSE. Stop looking for pity dates dammit!

STOP IT PLEASE STOP IT I ADMIT IT I'M A TERRORIST!!!

Lysander wrote:

Interestingly, Chris' latest Youtube videos aimed at these two have ended with the phrase "DEATH! SUICIDE! ROT IN HELL!" THis page makes it clear that he is not just yelling at them; it's a command. He is ordering them to commit suicide, and he expects them to comply.

"Christian Weston Chandler commands you to die!"
"YES YOUR MAJESTY!"

Chris wrote:

Also, I Swear as God and Jesus as my Witnesses, THE FIRST TIME, and maybe the second time as well, I HAVE SEX WITH A WOMAN, I WILL Video Record the Whole Thing and Upload it onto RedTube, so FINALLY PEOPLE can SEE what should have been seen almost a Decade Ago.

:headshot: I agree; he's going off the rails from naive craziness to outright creepiness and criminality.

Keith Fraser wrote:

Chris wrote:

Also, I Swear as God and Jesus as my Witnesses, THE FIRST TIME, and maybe the second time as well, I HAVE SEX WITH A WOMAN, I WILL Video Record the Whole Thing and Upload it onto RedTube, so FINALLY PEOPLE can SEE what should have been seen almost a Decade Ago.

:headshot: I agree; he's going off the rails from naive craziness to outright creepiness and criminality.

Do you think he realises that saying that sort of thing online is not going to aid him in getting a girlfriend?

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Keith Fraser wrote:

Chris wrote:

Also, I Swear as God and Jesus as my Witnesses, THE FIRST TIME, and maybe the second time as well, I HAVE SEX WITH A WOMAN, I WILL Video Record the Whole Thing and Upload it onto RedTube, so FINALLY PEOPLE can SEE what should have been seen almost a Decade Ago.

:headshot: I agree; he's going off the rails from naive craziness to outright creepiness and criminality.

Do you think he realises that saying that sort of thing online is not going to aid him in getting a girlfriend?

Chris has no sense of shame whatsoever. All of the embarrassing personal information we have was offered freely by him. He will flat out tell you about his fecal incontinence and deformed penis.

Lysander wrote:

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Keith Fraser wrote:

Chris wrote:

Also, I Swear as God and Jesus as my Witnesses, THE FIRST TIME, and maybe the second time as well, I HAVE SEX WITH A WOMAN, I WILL Video Record the Whole Thing and Upload it onto RedTube, so FINALLY PEOPLE can SEE what should have been seen almost a Decade Ago.

:headshot: I agree; he's going off the rails from naive craziness to outright creepiness and criminality.

Do you think he realises that saying that sort of thing online is not going to aid him in getting a girlfriend?

Chris has no sense of shame whatsoever. All of the embarrassing personal information we have was offered freely by him. He will flat out tell you about his fecal incontinence and deformed penis.

I believe he showed us those as well. He even drew a Sonichu on his mangled member too.