The Badfic Contest to End All Badfic Contests (EXTENDED TO SEPT 1)

InkWeaver: wow, that's a hell of a coincidence. I hate to think what the odds must be against that chain of events, given that I was favouriting fics based purely on pairing and number of reviews.

Oh, and I notice you got a review for your Twilight fic! A two-word review, but a review nonetheless.

Ink and Keith, your fics are hilariously good/bad(?). :roflmao:

Well, I can't submit stories for another 2 days, but the first chapter is written. TREMBLE, EARTHLINGS.

PS: are we allowed to whore ourselves out by favoriting or is that considered advertising?

Sloth wrote:

Well, I can't submit stories for another 2 days, but the first chapter is written. TREMBLE, EARTHLINGS.

PS: are we allowed to whore ourselves out by favoriting or is that considered advertising?

I think the general agreement is as long as we don't review, we're good. We've been faving to make our accounts seem legit.

Alright! Not only have I written and posted the first chapter--always super short because they start out insipid and short and stupid--but I have gotten two reviews! *flex*

Fear it!

Full Circle (jerk)

And the reviews!

Doni wrote:

2009-07-07 . chapter 1
Nice start. I'd like to see where you take this.

sugarbob wrote:

Well I liked it and I think you should keep going, as long as you twist it up so it's different than the canon (hopefully with more spuffy, but with your screen name I doubt I need to worry about that)

Truly, it's not HORRIBLY HORRIBLE yet, but I had to have the first 'It's not bad; this might be ok' chapter to lure them in. I kept it short though. The next one will be detailing a rape scene with Angelus & Spike & Buffy & Drusilla (maybe, but probably) and Spike feeling all woefully bad because Buffy got rapedzored.... cue... THE WANGST!

Inky, you're giving me a run for my money! Godammit, I must improve my first chapter *type type type*


Just as a litmus test, how many of us are planning to substitute 'orbs' for 'eyes' at least once in our fic?

Chapter 1 of My heart is Full of Secrets" is up. I feel very, very dirty and slightly worried about how easy I found it to write those horrid author's notes.

Fitchy, I will be using "orbs" somewhere. Maybe even "crystal orbs".

Meh, they were just regular ANs. To really make people shudder, you need to put them mid-fic. Spoil the mood. If there was any.

And WOW, Max, three reviews already!

I'm going to time when I upload. See, I'm working on GMT/BST which is about five hours ahead of most Americans - the majority of ff.net users! So I'm going to lay it wait and then spring upon new releases.

Fitchsticks wrote:

I'm going to time when I upload. See, I'm working on GMT/BST which is about five hours ahead of most Americans - the majority of ff.net users! So I'm going to lay it wait and then spring upon new releases.

Ooh, smart move. Mind, I uploaded mine about two hours ago and it's already on someone's alert list.

I've got one review and two alerts so far. o_o

Damn you pet peeve of people reading but not commenting! You curse me when I need it least!

Fitchsticks wrote:

Just as a litmus test, how many of us are planning to substitute 'orbs' for 'eyes' at least once in our fic?

I went with 'Stolen jewels in a face of glass'. :D

Inky's got 2 reviews too... and they're of the type I wanted! The 'Love it,update pls" kind. >< Thank god this chapter should be going downhill.... and have you noticed how hard it is NOT to correct spelling and typo errors?

Sloth wrote:

Fitchsticks wrote:

Just as a litmus test, how many of us are planning to substitute 'orbs' for 'eyes' at least once in our fic?

I went with 'Stolen jewels in a face of glass'. :D

'Limpid whirlpools of deep freezing hate'.

I'm particularly pleased with the juxtaposed meanings of 'limpid' and 'whirlpools'

Maximilia wrote:

Inky's got 2 reviews too... and they're of the type I wanted! The 'Love it,update pls" kind. >< Thank god this chapter should be going downhill.... and have you noticed how hard it is NOT to correct spelling and typo errors?

Oh I know. I almost used a semi-colon by mistake at one point!

Posted up chapter two. You can all kill me now, although writing horrid descriptions like this have already half-finished me off anyway. DX

Ok, I'm writing chapter 2 now and this is HORRIBLE. So unlike canon yet eerily reminiscent of it as well, but it would NEVER happen. I'm probably going to wait a few days before posting this, but... yeah. It's hurting me to write this.

Mwahahaha, Inky's count:

One fave.
Two reviews.
Five alerts.

Weeeeeeeeee!

Also, I have used "orbs" in the very first chapter. Sai almost strangled me to death.

Shit but people are PATHETIC. I mean, on the whole these aren't the worst stories I've seen, but they ARE drab and insipid, cliched and uninspired.

And yet people LOVE them! They get reviews faster than ALL of my fics.

My advice: When you get to your essay chapter, don't tell them you deliberately wrote badly, because the fics aren't actually BAD. But you ARE all using weak cliches - and don't forget the Purple Prose.

I have one alert so far. DAMMIT. I posted too soon. I was looking on Inky as my main competition in the Twilight fandom too

This competition has only just started...

ETA: My story Always Darkest Before the Twilight just got the following review:

Quote :

one of the best ive read please update soon!

Fish. Barrel.

Quote :

This sounds promising so far. One little thing-"steak" is a cut of meat; "stake" is the pointy wood thing. If Buffy is using a sirloin as weaponry, then please disregard.

Haaaaa! Yes! 4th Review, and this one found the mistake. LOL. I was hoping to go like ten or more reviews before someone mentioned that, but four's not bad!

Raine wrote:

Dun dun dun...

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I decided to up the ante and make Katara have an eating disorder. It just keeps getting worse.

Looks like you got half a review.

Quote :

Like the Way the stories i hope you have a new chapter out soon

Like the way the story's what?

Fairlight wrote:

Looks like you got half a review.

Quote :

Like the Way the stories i hope you have a new chapter out soon

Like the way the story's what?

Yeah, I'm confused too.

Quote :

I love how you wrote this chapter, with the symbolism of the light and everything. Please update soon ^_^ I want to know what happens after Zuko's unexpected confession!

I just lost it on that one. OMG! Random sparkly light makes everything more dramatic and symbolic!!!

:headshot:

I still don't have any reviews. I'm going to use a two-pronged strategy of inviting people to state a) which guy Hermione should be with and b) which guy they'd like to be with, and bribing potential reviewers...with porn. (Specifically, by offering special extended versions of chapters 1-2 for anyone who reviews.)

I ran out of mundane things for the Doctor and Rose to do, so I published anyway.

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Now I need to write the Jack and Ianto, Vampire Hunters bit. (With Holy water as lube.)