Boy, have I got a treat for you, folks!
I probably just struck the richest vein of stupid in the Star Wars: Clone Wars section!
Check this shit out!
What relevance does this have to Clone Wars? That's what we're gonna find out!
- Quote :
- January 14 1995
Niccolo Machiavelli Newton POV
His clothing is traditional Jedi clothing you've seen the movies
Right off the start--the start!--the author wastes no time to confuse the fuck out of you.
- Quote :
- I get alot of flack for that name since a rapper by the name of tupac shakur currently uses I use to like that name it was given to a great man who believed women of being capable leaders too this day true a man who encouraged excellence a man who was ahead of his time now I'm not saying the tupac disgraced the name he actually fits the bill for it he shares some of the same views of niccolo was for women's rights now Machiavelli believed that women where inferior to men physically but
Here we have a prime example of the Blithering Idiot,
Moronicus incoheridae expressing his mating call, it would seem. Note, the bright plumage as he puffs his chest out and strings together words in an attempt to sound sophisticated to attract a mate. This rarely ever occurs, seeing as the Blithering Idiot is, in fact, incapable of proper grammar or sentence structure, and only ever seems to attract one of the
Sueicus genus.
- Quote :
- he also claims that they make up for that by being less susceptible to corruption and evil than men. Women are also as psychologically tough as men are. Machiavelli also felt sorry for anyone who crosses a capable woman Pac work for peace in his streets machiavelli worked for peace in his republic and both were dedicated to their craft and wouldn't stop at anything to get their point across I was told that Machiavelli faked his death to throw off his enemies but he only wrote a book about that he actually had no reason to start a fresh life as he knew his people needed him only he knew how to cure Italy's ills he basically had the 16th century high life him and revan (Get it? Star wars character) in his front office.
This is a rather unusual move for the Blithering Idiot, as he tries to sound intelligent, but only quoting false historical facts. My researchers tell me they have no idea what the hell the Idiot is saying either, but it is a rather strange speech pattern. It's possible this may be a new species of Idiot.
- Quote :
- Don't get me wrong that I know I shouldn't let it tarnish my name but to be linked with a rapper who I like to listen to i remember trying to get money together to buy me against the world and waited in the rain to buy it I was 18 then now I'm 20 I still listen to it on a regular basis I haven't waited in the rain for an event since me and my uncle waited outside the louisiana super dome for a Muhammad Ali fight when I was 3.
As far as this story and all his others (Oh yes, there are more "stories" by this moron) go, he is completely and utterly stupid beyond capacity for rational thought.
- Quote :
- Newton POV
(35 minutes before order 66)
Well this sucks i got called for a mission to kamino to oversee a new shipment of clone troopers now I'm not one of those assholes who want to go out to the battle field and get glory and take all the credit its depressing knowing that a person life is at stake and about billions of people lives are if the goody guys lose.
Woah, hold it! Is this is an actual attempt at a
story?! An actual , coherent narrative?
- Quote :
- Now your probably wondering why did the council send me a 20 year old to oversee a very important mission to inspect the new clone troops the council said that i'm very trustworthy to make sure every little scratch is fix let me explain I'm very down to detail and I always make sure things go perfect I'm never gonna be granted master due to my inability to understand the code I'm not one of those other assholes who say (fake whinny tone) why can't I get married why can't I love wha wha wha normal people fall in love wha wha wha bitch bitch bitch) that's all I hear do something about it then don't just cry about it like a ten year old or younger do something or go get a playboy jerk off take your pick.
Well shit, that hope was short-lived.
The author further proves his inability to write coherently by having dialogue that feels like you're being bashed over the head with a cinderblock wrapped in burlap and barbed wire while trying to make souffle.
- Quote :
- Newton: hello
Obi-Wan: padawan Newton any status report on your mission?
Newton: the clones are taking longer than expected but don't worry I'm sure it'll be done in a bit master
Obi-Wan: just be carful I sense a tremble in the force
Yo Jedi momma's so fat, when she died she left a tremble in the Force!
Yeah I don't get it either that was terrible
Meanwhile, elsewhere, the author decides to continue confusing us with a scene jump.
- Quote :
- (12 minutes later outside the cloning facility it's raining of course)
(Cominlink goes off)
Newton: yo
Yoda: padawan Newton alive you are leave you must quick clones turned on us they have Jedi dying they are leave you must be quick Tantive IV met us on
(A/N oh don't judge me I don't know what the full Yoda would have said)
"No more could I eat. Burst from another slice of cheesecake I would."
So Stupid-Protagonist-I-Don't-Care-For escapes before the Clones turn on him, and... he checked an AFC championship game score...?
- Quote :
- Newton:(sigh) I wonder what's the score on the
AFC Championship game (turns on radio)
Dick Enberge: at that's ends the second quarter with the steelers leading the colts 10-6
I've yet to see how all of this ultimately ties into Star Wars. Because I can't see the story for the stupid.
So another scene jump, and we're on the Tantive IV, I guess because
- Quote :
- Newton: Master Kenobi I'm glad to see your still alive how many Jedi did we lose?
Obi-Wan: we don't know we expect in the high thousand all we know is that reports that the clones have turned on us they tried to kill me master Yoda but by as far as we know were the only survivors
Newton: should we go look for them
Yoda: wait we must not ready we are
Obi-Wan: if we go now we'll be humorously out numbered we need more Jedi and soldiers if we are to get to the archives if we need to get through the what was our blockade over courasunt to the temple.
Newton: shit...Alright. ( Now I know what your thinking but by chance we could be the last Jedi left it hurt but if we try to go there then chances are we die and we can't do anything more to help the Jedi way will be extinct yeah so theres my point yeah not talking now)
What's with the random sentence in parentheses? And why is it run-on? Do any of your characters have a chance to breathe when talking, author? Why are you--
- Quote :
- 5 minutes later Newton's quarters mediating.
STOP THAT!!! - Quote :
- (children screaming Anakin slashing there throats one by one dying Run you dumas Run!)
Newton went to pack his things light saber guns and plenty of amu water food computer oh I'm sorry holo pad or iPad whatever fuck you.
It's official. The author has stopped caring.
So have I. Halfway through, and I'm getting frustrated with this moron. I'll finish it some other time.
Home 
Morgan Freeman wouldn't touch this shit with a hundred-foot pole. Leave him out of this!
