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 Bella Skellington

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TheIan
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PostSubject: Bella Skellington   Fri Oct 21, 2011 10:10 pm

Well, Halloween's around the corner. I figured there's an opportunity to wade into the cesspool of the timeless Tim Burton classic Nightmare Before Christmas fandom to present something written by an adolescent talentless fan-brat who has as much of a grasp on basic English grammar and spelling as an illegal immigrant.

And yes, I just totally went there.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] could be considered tame by the standards of our veteran forum-goers (IE Cyberwulf and Knorg) and no doubt a berating is inevitable. I've gone numb from all this pointless bitching, and I just don't give a shit anymore.

The author is so kind to give us a warning.
Quote :
SPOLIERS INVOLED WITH THIS STORY! BEAWARE OF THAT!
Yes, because what good is a warning of spoilers if we've already seen the movie?

I'm not sure what galaxy this fan-brat is from, but when she warns that spoliers are involed with this story, I'm not really all that worried.

And here's where the story gets off to a bad start. The author proceeds to fill the entire first chapter summarizing the ENTIRE movie. Not just a few moments, no, the entire movie scene for scene.

The start
Quote :
A long time ago, two holiday worlds collided, When a leader of a Holiday world, Jack Skellington, gets bored and tired with the same old screams and shrieks of terror on Halloween nights , he goes off to find something new but stumble upon the seven holiday trees when a door shaped like tree decorated with all sorts of ornaments catches his eye sockets…he couldn't help just be at least abit of curious and opens the door just to be swept in by a gust of snowflakes…When he finally gets out of there he comes across Christmas Town, Jack had never seen such in his dead life! Oh how he burst out in joy of this jolly town! Instead of screams and monsters there were elves and singing, laughter, and joy! Jack wanted to give it a try! He wanted this new joyful holiday! So he grabbed some items and left this jolly, colorful world and went back to his black and white Town.

When the town was about to give up on the search for there beloved pumpkin king, the barking of Zero could be heard and here he came riding some kind of machine! The ghouls and monsters watched as he ride into town with his ghost dog following right behind. "JACK! Where have you've been!" a cone shaped, fat, small man said, he's hat was taller then him but was skinny, he had a suit on and some pin striped pants, a spider for a bowtie, and a ribbon that said MAYOR on it.

The middle.
Quote :
"Call a town meeting and I'll explain everything!" The tall, skinny, skeleton said.

"When?" The Mayor asked.

"IMEDIANTLY!" Jack yelled.

"TOWN MEETING! TOWN MEETING TONIGHT!" The Mayor yelled through his megaphone that was on top of his hearse. In the tall tower that belongs to was a rag doll who heard, her name is Sally, Sally was a creation of who was made to be his wife but she thought she was more of a maid then to be his wife. Sally heard as she covered up who was knocked out by the deadly nightshade she put into his soup.

At the meeting Sally was sitting up on one of the branches of the hanging tree, she wasn't very good with crowds so she often stay out of them. Soon the lights darken and Jack came upon stage.

"LISTEND EVERYONE!" He boomed as he came over to the stand.

Everyone fell silent as they awaited to hear what their pumpkin had called to show them. "I want to tell you about Christmas Town." Jack stated as the curtains open. Ever creature was amazed at what they were seeing it was colorful, bright, and happy like unlike they're dark town full of monsters who wants to scare you. Sally gave out an awe as this was interesting to her, Jack started to explain what this was. Everyone didn't know what it was but they guessed at it. At the end Jack gave them want they want by telling them about Sandy Claws. Everybody gave out cheers like they finally understood what it was but Jack knew they fully didn't understand that feeling her got, he gave out a sigh.

And the fucking end of it. Skipped a few paragraphs because the text-walls are just so utterly pointless, there's no need banging your head against them all. We know the movie, author. We don't need you re-telling it to us.
Quote :
"HOW DARE YOU TREAT MY FRIENDS SO SHAMEFULLY!" Jack yelled and pulled his string making he come apart.

"NOW LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" Oogie yelled as his bugs were reveled and was falling apart. "My bugs, my bugs, my bugs." They repeated over and over until one was left. Santa stomped on it.

"Forgive me Mr. Claws, I'm afraid I've made a terrible mess of your holiday." Jack said as gave his hat back.

"Bumpy sleigh ride, Jack? The next time you get the urge to take over someone else's holiday, I'd listen to her! She's the only one who makes any sense around this insane asylum! Skeletons.. Boogiemen... " Santa said.

"I hope there's still time-" Jack began.

"To fix Christmas? Of course there is, I'm Santa Claus!" with that Santa left.

"He'll fix things Jack. He knows what to do." Sally said."How did you get down here Sally?" Jack asked"Oh, I was trying to, well, I wanted to, to-" "To help me.""I couldn't just let you just... ""Sally, I can't believe I never realized... that you…" Jack got cut off by the Mayor and the two were soon out of there and headed back to town.

As they headed back into town Mayor honked his horn to wake up everybody. As they woke up they ran out to see their beloved pumpkin king and started to give out cheers and joys! All of sudden little white flakes fell down upon the dark town, they all had no ideal what these were except Jack. As everybody was distracted with the snow Sally went out of the town and went towards the spiral hill with Jack following her.

Sally climbed up the hill that was covered in snow and started to pick leaves off another forget me not only to hear singing behind her.

"My dearest friend if you don't mind I like to join you by your side, where we can gaze into the stars." Jack singed as he walked up the hill towards the rag doll.

"And sit together now and forever for it is plain as anyone can see we're simply meant to be." Jack and Sally singed together and kissed under the stars.
Now wasn't that a nice story?

Too bad it's only the beginning.

We cut to three years later, to a text-wall possessed by an exposition demon.
Quote :
Jack was nervous, he'd never been nervous as much as he was now, it's only be one year since he and Sally had been married but now Sally is pregnant with their first girl who's suppose to be a rag doll! It's only 3 days away till their baby girl arrives and Sally been at 's lab getting ready to have the baby girl. Jack was with Sally who's been resting in her old room, Jack glanced over at the clock to see what time it was, he started to go in deep thoughts about what has happened over the last few years but was soon snapped out of them by Sally screaming. A water spot popped up and Jack knew what was happening.
OK. Some questions.
1: WHAT THE FUCK.
2: How the hell is a rag-doll capable of giving birth?
4...waitaminute...3: For that matter, if Jack is a skeleton, how does his reproductive system work?
4: WHAT THE FUCK.
And 5, very important 5: don't let me eat pears, I HATE PEARS!

Either I've been here too long, or there are stories that drive me to a point of such unspeakable rage I come full-circle. Either way, there is no possible way this story could have a shred of coherency. It tries to be good, but like an unpotty-trained Labra-doodle, it only succeeds at looking cute all the while pissing on your shoes.

The end of the chapter leaves us with Sally giving birth, a scene that has all the momentum of a wet fart against a galleon's main sail.
Quote :
"DOCTOR! HURRY THE BABY IS COMING!" Jack yelled out.

hurried over with his wife, Jewel, and came to see.

"Jewel go help Sally while I'll go get the tools." Dr.F said, Jewel gave a nod and rushed over to the rag doll.

"Alright take deep breathes in." Jewel told Sally.

Sally did as she was told and started to take deep breaths in and out slowly, squeezing Jack's hand whenever she felt pain.

"Alright start pushing whenever you feel like it" Jewel said.

Sally soon began to push and Jewel counted to ten. The baby girl soon popped out and its crying was heard.
That's right. She just POPS out. Like a cheap little pop-gun you find for $1.50 at some tacky tourist trap.

But what to name the baby?!
Quote :
Soon the baby was washed off and cut the unbiblical cord.

"What should her name be Jack?" Sally asked as she hold the little rag doll baby in her arms.

"Hmmm." Jack thought for a moment.

"How about Bella?" a voice said.
That sound you hear? That's the sound of Twilight fans a hundred million strong shrieking incoherently.

Quote :
They both turned to see .

"I like the sound of that…Bella Madison Skellington." Sally said.

"I do too." Jack agreed.

Come on author! That's not how you spell Mary Sue!

And finally, FORESHADOWING!
Quote :
They both looked down at the little girl who was sleeping so peacefully by her mothers side thinking nothing could ever hurt this little sleeping fallen angle…..but they were wrong….terribly wrong.
Because as we all know, whenever a Sue is born, there's some sinister force that has dark intentions to destroy them.

That's just the first chapter. The second, I don't even want to touch. Is it bad? well, yes. The spelling and grammar is unforgivably atrocious, the writing is clunky and has all the pacing of a constipated bull-dog. Is it God-Awful? That's for you to decide.


Last edited by TheIan on Sat Oct 22, 2011 6:37 am; edited 1 time in total
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Howithurts
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PostSubject: Re: Bella Skellington   Sat Oct 22, 2011 2:08 am

I hope something does hurt that little sleeping angle. I hate geometry with a passion.
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Knorg
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PostSubject: Re: Bella Skellington   Sat Oct 22, 2011 1:23 pm

Quote :
I've gone numb from all this pointless bitching, and I just don't give a shit anymore

Constipated with rage! Result!
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PostSubject: Re: Bella Skellington   Sun Oct 23, 2011 4:52 am

TheIan, HowItHurts and Knorg ARE ALL LOUSY GREEKS

GREEKS STINK!!!!
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Howithurts
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PostSubject: Re: Bella Skellington   Sun Oct 23, 2011 9:09 am

Ujelly cause your country sucks so much, it looks like a vacuum.
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EileenK98
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PostSubject: Re: Bella Skellington   Sun Oct 23, 2011 2:24 pm

Uh oh. It's baaaaaack! Someone get the Ban Hammer!
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okaythen123



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PostSubject: Re: Bella Skellington   Thu Oct 27, 2011 3:24 pm

Is that all you have to do? Well I guess you know who I am. THE AUTHOR. Yes I knows it sucks. FUCKEN BIG ASS TIME! No she will not be a sue. I'm not very good at spelling nor grammer, I failed at that. So I don't need your smart ass comments telling me that. I deleted it. I screwed up big time. I suck. I tried. Then I failed. That's life. Oh so I'm a brat? that's all you have to think of me because of my story? God, stupider then I thought! Stop trying to use the cursing, it just makes you look even more stupider. Such a nice way to find out this through a private message on fanfiction. Not telling it my face eh?


Last edited by okaythen123 on Thu Oct 27, 2011 4:30 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Howithurts
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PostSubject: Re: Bella Skellington   Thu Oct 27, 2011 4:01 pm

okaythen123 wrote:
Trollface

Edit: I can't help but wonder how you found this? Googling yourself, are you?
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Cyberwulf
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PostSubject: Re: Bella Skellington   Thu Oct 27, 2011 4:12 pm

TheIan wrote:
Skipped a few paragraphs because the text-walls are just so utterly pointless

Then why did you quote them, dipshit? Fuck me, your favourite phrase after "Optimus Christ" is "TEXTWALL!" and yet ninety percent of your dull attempt at snarking this fic consists of huge chunks of copypasta from the original fic.

TheIan wrote:
as much of a grasp on basic English grammar and spelling as an illegal immigrant.

And yes, I just totally went there.
Your edgy racism doesn't make your shitty review any more interesting, racist.
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okaythen123



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PostSubject: Re: Bella Skellington   Thu Oct 27, 2011 4:32 pm

Howithurts wrote:
okaythen123 wrote:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Edit: I can't help but wonder how you found this? Googling yourself, are you?

YEAH I AM GOOGLING MYSELF! No, Through a private message on fanfiction.
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Owlish
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PostSubject: Re: Bella Skellington   Thu Oct 27, 2011 4:46 pm

okaythen123 wrote:
I'm not very good at spelling nor grammer, I failed at that.

You are aware that Word has a spelling and grammar checker built right in, yes? Why not use it? Being "bad" at spelling or grammar is never an excuse for shitty writing when the tools to fix it are literally right at your fingertips.


okaythen123 wrote:
Such a nice way to find out this through a private message on fanfiction.

Ian, are you harassing dim-witted children on the Pit again? I thought we talked about this. Colbert
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TheIan
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PostSubject: Re: Bella Skellington   Thu Oct 27, 2011 5:26 pm

Cyberwulf wrote:
[MUTED RAGING]
Well, at least you didn't have anything important to say.

Owlish wrote:
okaythen123 wrote:
I'm not very good at spelling nor grammer, I failed at that.

You are aware that Word has a spelling and grammar checker built right in, yes? Why not use it? Being "bad" at spelling or grammar is never an excuse for shitty writing when the tools to fix it are literally right at your fingertips.


okaythen123 wrote:
Such a nice way to find out this through a private message on fanfiction.

Ian, are you harassing dim-witted children on the Pit again? I thought we talked about this. Colbert
No, Owlish, I actually left a multi-paragraphed review on where she could improve. If she deleted it, then it's either for the best or she just gave up, which is not something I ever really encourage.

In fact, oh author! If you still have the review I left, would you be a dear and quote it?
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Owlish
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PostSubject: Re: Bella Skellington   Thu Oct 27, 2011 9:33 pm

TheIan wrote:
No, Owlish, I actually left a multi-paragraphed review on where she could improve. If she deleted it, then it's either for the best or she just gave up, which is not something I ever really encourage.

I didn't honestly think it was you, but I couldn't pass that up. Sorry. Razz

Glad to hear of your review though! *golf clap*
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TheIan
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PostSubject: Re: Bella Skellington   Fri Oct 28, 2011 6:43 am

Owlish wrote:
TheIan wrote:
No, Owlish, I actually left a multi-paragraphed review on where she could improve. If she deleted it, then it's either for the best or she just gave up, which is not something I ever really encourage.

I didn't honestly think it was you, but I couldn't pass that up. Sorry. Razz

Glad to hear of your review though! *golf clap*
On the bright side, you're more bearable than Cyberwulf.
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PendragonGirl
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PostSubject: Re: Bella Skellington   Fri Oct 28, 2011 10:33 am

What the hell is an unbiblical cord?!
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your mom
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PostSubject: Re: Bella Skellington   Fri Oct 28, 2011 12:51 pm

PendragonGirl wrote:
What the hell is an unbiblical cord?!

It's like, an umbilical cord for the undead. Which Jack and Sally are. I guess. And something about the Bible.

...I don't know.
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Reepicheep-chan
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PostSubject: Re: Bella Skellington   Fri Oct 28, 2011 1:10 pm

It is the cord that developes to allow you to have a baby when you cannot know your partner in the biblical sense.
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Cyberwulf
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PostSubject: Re: Bella Skellington   Fri Oct 28, 2011 2:35 pm

TheIan wrote:
Cyberwulf wrote:
[MUTED RAGING]
Well, at least you didn't have anything important to say.
Whatever, racist.
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PostSubject: Re: Bella Skellington   Fri Oct 28, 2011 6:56 pm

Hey Ian, humour that's supposed to cross the line twice doesn't work so well when the line being crossed is one that gets crossed even when people aren't trying to be funny.

Stick to dead baby jokes.
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TheIan
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PostSubject: Re: Bella Skellington   Sat Oct 29, 2011 7:18 am

Cyberwulf wrote:
TheIan wrote:
Cyberwulf wrote:
[MUTED RAGING]
Well, at least you didn't have anything important to say.
Whatever, racist.
I liked you better when you weren't a troll whoring for attention. Can we go back to those days?

Sutremaine wrote:
Hey Ian, humour that's supposed to cross the line twice doesn't work so well when the line being crossed is one that gets crossed even when people aren't trying to be funny.

Stick to dead baby jokes.
That is probably the best advice/guideline for writing humor I've had ever. I'll follow that next time.
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PostSubject: Re: Bella Skellington   Sat Oct 29, 2011 5:18 pm

TheIan wrote:
Cyberwulf wrote:
TheIan wrote:
Cyberwulf wrote:
[MUTED RAGING]
Well, at least you didn't have anything important to say.
Whatever, racist.
I liked you better when you weren't a troll whoring for attention. Can we go back to those days?


And I liked this site better when we attacked the fanfics more than we attacked each other. Can we go back to THOSE days?
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KJM
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PostSubject: Re: Bella Skellington   Sat Oct 29, 2011 7:04 pm

No, we can't.
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Howithurts
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PostSubject: Re: Bella Skellington   Sat Oct 29, 2011 8:16 pm

This is why we can't have nice things.
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Cyberwulf
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PostSubject: Re: Bella Skellington   Mon Oct 31, 2011 4:43 pm

Yes, TheIan, I'm trolling for attention. I'm certainly not calling you out on your fucking racist remark, which you knew was racist because you flagged it with a cheeky 'Yes I went there'.
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TheIan
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PostSubject: Re: Bella Skellington   Thu Nov 03, 2011 8:23 am

Cyberwulf wrote:
BAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWW I TAKE EVERYTHING WAY TOO SERIOUSLY AND CAN'T TELL WHEN SOMEONE MEANS TO MAKE A JOKE
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