"Take my meat you amazing Lebanese salami seller. Take it all!"

I have to give this one props for continuity, setting and premise, if not characterization. Plus, it's a source of hilarious lines, especially when set to pictures. I have to give a +1 for continuity to the person who remembered the name of Klinger's uncle and bonus points for the correct use of "penultimate" in a sentence.
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Looking down at the kneeling man…and the ridiculous dress. Henry thought if he was a real man, he would just shut up and soldier. If he was a real woman, she could take care of him, help slack these urges…take down the fleshy tower that was rising in his olive drab fatigues at that very moment.

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"Its simple Klinger. You are dressed properly, and even in the proper position to take care of the minor service that you need to give, to make your self ineligible for service…in this MAN'S army." Getting up from his desk, Henry walks around to stand right in front of Klinger, his throbbing erection forcing the front of his uniform pants far out in an obvious tent, pointed straight at Max's face.

"Actually, I'm surprised at you…considering that you have been wearing dresses for so long, with no results, I figured you would have upped the stakes by now, been caught in bed with some enlisted man, a quick trip home stateside with a minor court case. With your friends here to testify of your early activities with the ladies, you could say this was a new development in your life, a shift in lifestyle, as it were. All that you need is the evidence from a superior officer, that you were caught in the commission of a homosexual act…so, Klinger, what do you say." With a waggle of his hips, Henry figured he had finally called Max's bluff for a section eight. Little did he know...

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"Oh, God Klinger…its…you…Gllahhagah." As Henry's eyes rolled back and he departed the realm of cohesive thought, he thrust powerfully with his hips, slamming his full length into the warm, moist cavity of Max's throat. Klinger started to choke on the length of his commanding officer, resisting the hands holding his head into position. The look of panic in his eyes finally reached Henry, in that warm happy place he had retreated to inside his mind.

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"Sorry Klinger, I guess I wasn't expecting you to do…what you did. Where did you learn to do…this?"

Max smiled, as Henry let him back off his cock, "My Uncle Habbib was a salami merchant. I've always said so…I just never mention what kind of salami he was selling. You know how they say most boys had "experimental contact" with homosexual sex in their youth? Well, I had Uncle Habbib. That man was amazing…he could take an entire length of…Ullpmffp"

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"Enough talk, more suck," said Henry "You don't expect me to just sign that section eight blind do you? Show me some real Fairy leanings…convince me you are the queer that the army will be willing to kick out of the service. Take my meat you amazing Lebanese salami seller. Take it all!"

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With his knees wilting in the post climax afterglow…Henry reached behind his chair, snagged a bottle of scotch and two glasses. Pouring two healthy fingers of scotch for himself and his visitor, he leaned back in his desk, tucking his spend member back into his fly. Clinking glasses with Klinger he asked.

"So…same time next week?"

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"You know, I told you people something a long time ago, and it's just as pertinent today as it was then. Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice - pull down your pants and slide on the ice."

I knew Klingerslash had to be a thing, but I never remembered to look. Damn my faulty attention span!

Lol salami seller wut

Thank you, I now know what to suggest to the OCAD boys for their next live fanfic reading.

"Gllahhagah"

Heywood wrote:

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"Enough talk, more suck," said Henry

So when the guys from M*A*S*H have sex with each other they talk like a bad porno. Huh. Never would have guessed.

Anyway, I would think that the salami seller would be the one, uh, dispensing the meat rather than taking it, but...

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This is my first attempt in M*A*S*H slash. Oppions are appreciated. I hope you like it.

Not sure what an oppion is, but my opinion is that you fail not only at *M*A*S*H fic but at slashfic in general. Please for the love of god stop watching bad porn.

We ALL know he has to get his meat from somewhere, never woulda thought like this though...