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 Terrible lines that made it into published works

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Penguin
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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Tue Jul 21, 2009 8:01 pm

I don't have a copy with me, but basically the whole scene from Patriot Games where Jack Ryan talks to Prince Charles.

Come to think of it, Tom Clancy has written some super bizarre lines in all his books. Like in the Bear and the Dragon, a sailor observes the result of desperately trying to shoot down a nuclear warhead aimed at Washington D.C.:

Quote :
"Missed it by a cunt hair!"

Meanwhile the ship is still trying to shoot it down.
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Lady Anne
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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Tue Jul 21, 2009 8:42 pm

Quote :
She woke up screaming!
Used again and again and again in the Earth's Children series.

Quote :
Cheanah's discombobulated grandiloquence.
From the William Sarabande novel Forbidden Land.
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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Tue Jul 21, 2009 9:14 pm

Jenny Islander wrote:
"But this was no chicken. This was evil manifest."
"My first trip to KFC" by S. Meyer.
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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Tue Jul 21, 2009 9:18 pm

KJM wrote:

Also: "I'll kill you to death!"

On the subject of Countdown, Donna's comment about Jason being a 'Re-Todd' was also pretty awful.
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Miss Misery
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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Wed Jul 22, 2009 9:02 am

From "In The Cut" by Susannah Moore, during the scene where Frannie and Det. Malloy are fucking in the police captain's office:

Spoiler:
 


:panic:
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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Wed Jul 22, 2009 6:37 pm

Miss Misery wrote:
From "In The Cut" by Susannah Moore, during the scene where Frannie and Det. Malloy are fucking in the police captain's office:

Spoiler:
 


:panic:

I hope that's talking about anal sex. It's not erotic, but that's what I would be worried about....
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Dick Powers
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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Sun Jul 26, 2009 12:42 am

Batman wrote:
An Amazon attack, a deadly bee weapon... bees. My god.
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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Sun Jul 26, 2009 12:52 am

Quote :
Cheanah's discombobulated grandiloquence.
Can someone revoke this author's thesaurus privileges?
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Dr. Professor Science
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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Sun Jul 26, 2009 1:18 am

Lady Anne wrote:
Quote :
Cheanah's discombobulated grandiloquence.
From the William Sarabande novel Forbidden Land.

This one would actually fit quite nicely into a comic piece or something.
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Penguin
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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Sun Jul 26, 2009 2:12 am

Quote :
Jennifer stood there, quietly ovulating.
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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Sun Jul 26, 2009 2:33 am

Quadratus wrote:
Batman wrote:
An Amazon attack, a deadly bee weapon... bees. My god.

I think Hideo Kojima might have a problem with this.

Obligatory: I'm covered in bees!
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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Sun Jul 26, 2009 2:35 am

gaijinguy wrote:
Quadratus wrote:
Batman wrote:
An Amazon attack, a deadly bee weapon... bees. My god.

I think Hideo Kojima might have a problem with this.

Obligatory: I'm covered in bees!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Worst. Movie. Ever.
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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Sun Jul 26, 2009 3:01 am

gaijinguy wrote:
Quadratus wrote:
Batman wrote:
An Amazon attack, a deadly bee weapon... bees. My god.

I think Hideo Kojima might have a problem with this.

Obligatory: I'm covered in bees!

Speaking of Kojima;

"I think they are deadly Poisionous Zanzibar Hamsters..."

"FOX! I'LL KICK YOUR TWISTED MIND OUT OF YOU!"

Campbell: You have to go and connect to the Node.
Raiden: Did you say "nerd"?

''MRRROWR!'

"IT EVEN RAINED ON THE DAY I WAS BORN!"

"You've got it all wrong! You were the lightning in that rain! You can still shine through the darkness!"

"The Ravens are pecking at my flesh! And my soul!"
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Animir
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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Sun Jul 26, 2009 9:33 am

Hey, don't forget "We've managed to avoid drowning."
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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Sun Jul 26, 2009 6:41 pm

Penguin wrote:
Quote :
Jennifer stood there, quietly ovulating.

Hey, now, that is an AWESOME line.
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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Sun Jul 26, 2009 6:48 pm

Penguin wrote:
Quote :
Jennifer stood there, quietly ovulating.

How would someone ovulate loudly? Would it sound like dropping a marble onto a tin roof? :lolinsane:

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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Mon Jul 27, 2009 10:27 am

Wasn't that line from a contest of making the worst first line of a novel possible? My MSN signature is from the contest too:

Quote :
"Crime," declared the police captain, "is everywhere, crime, crime!"
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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Mon Jul 27, 2009 2:31 pm

^
Yeah. The whole thing was based off of the opening line from Paul Clifford (a novel which I'm fairly sure is only famous for its first line).

Quote :
It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents, except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.

It's the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, named after the author of Paul Clifford. The point is to write the opening sentence to the worst novel imaginable. It's had some truly amazing entrants in the past.

Quote :
Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped "Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J."

Quote :
"Ace, watch your head!" hissed Wanda urgently, yet somehow provocatively, through red, full, sensuous lips, but he couldn't you know, since nobody can actually watch more than part of his nose or a little cheek or lips if he really tries, but he appreciated her warning.
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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Mon Jul 27, 2009 3:20 pm

It's not so much that these lines are terrible, but the sheer repetitiveness of them in the series has made them unbearable:

Quote :
Hell's fire, Mother night, and may the Darkness be merciful!

From Anne Bishop's Dark Jewel's Trilogy, along with such repetitive phrases such as "Jaenelle gave her confused-but-game smile (repeated at least three times)", "Sadi growled" "Daemon turned cold" or "his eyes had that sleepy look which meant danger."

Ughhhh....

Or RA Salavatore and any mention of Drizzt's Whirling scimitars...
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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Wed Aug 19, 2009 11:09 am

do I need to remind everyone the gem of 2 pages of a book I posted on HoBF? "Her toes were snails" anyone?
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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Wed Aug 19, 2009 11:11 am

I AM A MAN! *punch*
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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Thu Aug 20, 2009 11:42 pm

The classic, allegedly erotic, description of a kiss from the woman's perspective:

"Our teeth grated and my nipples went spung."
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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Thu Aug 20, 2009 11:46 pm

Lady Anne wrote:
Quote :
Cheanah's discombobulated grandiloquence.
From the William Sarabande novel Forbidden Land.
I'll see your discombobulated grandiloquence and raise you a
Quote :
For a moment I thought my brother had managed one of his more charlatanous machinations of malevolent legerdemain.
(I should mention that the speaker is a sixteen-year-old girl.)
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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:28 pm

Cactus Wren wrote:

I'll see your discombobulated grandiloquence and raise you a
Quote :
For a moment I thought my brother had managed one of his more charlatanous machinations of malevolent legerdemain.
(I should mention that the speaker is a sixteen-year-old girl.)

Huh. I haven't read the book in years - can barely remember it - and yet, recognized it immediately. Podkayne of Mars, isn't it? By Heinlein?
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PostSubject: Re: Terrible lines that made it into published works   Tue Aug 25, 2009 1:52 am

Cactus Wren wrote:
The classic, allegedly erotic, description of a kiss from the woman's perspective:

"Our teeth grated and my nipples went spung."

Yeah, that threw me right out of the book. And there's another one of his in which the self-insert hero just.won't.stop comparing his wife's nipples to rubies; Heinlein even has her get a priceless necklace from somewhere or other just so he can describe her on a hot day in a land with few nudity taboos, "wearing her rubies, and also her jewels." Okay OKAY you're very clever A+ for effort SHUT UP.

Hey, has anybody mentioned this one yet? "That'th a cock, hey-o!"
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