Charlie Sheen now claims Kelly Preston shot herself

We interrupt the Great Osama Photo Debate to bring you this special Charlie Sheen chutzpah report...

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By now, everyone's heard that infamous pop-culture anecdote about how, back in 1990, Charlie Sheen allegedly (and accidentally) shot then-fiance Kelly Preston in the arm, right?

Well, you've never heard Charlie's side of it. Until today.

While on the Vancouver stop of his My Violent Torpedo of Truth tour last night, Sheen, who has been telling a condensed version of the incident, a tour set piece, on the road, finally got around to telling the most complete version of events from that now infamous night.

And wouldn't you know it, there's not a lick of blame to be found anywhere near him! And even more impressively, it actually makes sense (or at the very least explains why no charges were ever filed and while, even now, Preston defends Sheen as a "great man"):

"I was downstairs early in the morning making coffee and I thought she was still asleep upstairs," he said, regaling the crowd. "And I heard a f--king gunshot go off. I thought, 'She did it, she finally f--king did it. She killed herself and they're going to f--king blame me.'

"So I abandoned the coffee, because a gunshot in the morning will wake you up better than a nice cup of coffee," he said, drawing increasing laughs from the crowd.

Translation: Attention Whore is at it again. BFD.

I think it'll take the Apocalypse to finally knock him out of the headlines for good.

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So I abandoned the coffee, because a gunshot in the morning will wake you up better than a nice cup of coffee

Best quote ever.

Also, he might fade from the headlines a little faster if mouthbreathers like yourself didn't eat up every fucking headline with him in it.

No offense, Mikey, but you're hardly in an ideal position to be calling anyone else a mouthbreather.

He's got a point.

"Charlie Sheen said something! Let's all talk about it! Man, what an attention whore he is! Let's all talk about Charlie Sheen and what an attention whore he is because Charlie Sheen Charlie Sheen Charlie Sheen Charlie Sheen"

And you wonder how he got this "Winning" thing going.

It was Charlie himself who started that fad, IIRC.

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

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So I abandoned the coffee, because a gunshot in the morning will wake you up better than a nice cup of coffee

Best quote ever.

Also, he might fade from the headlines a little faster if mouthbreathers like yourself didn't eat up every fucking headline with him in it.

Every once in a while, Mikey...

Oh gawd Chris, you seriously need to go DIAF, because I just agreed with Mikey thanks to you.

Chris91 wrote:

It was Charlie himself who started that fad, IIRC.

"Fad." Yes. You know what it takes to create a fad?

A bajillion people following it.

And you know what? Most people here at WGW are not following it. You are, however. I'll just put it this way: At this point, Chris, you're a Charlie Sheen fanboy. You pick up anything he does on the news and broadcast it to anyone who'll listen. Oh, sure, it's because you want us all to agree that Charlie Sheen is a terrible person, but you are still giving him the attention you think he craves.

It's like they say, the opposite of love isn't hate. The opposite of love is apathy.

Look at it this way guys, it's a step up for Chris. Stalking a big name actor having the most high profile meltdown this side of Brittany's shaved head is certainly better than stalking some internet famous man child known only as a walking punch line.

But seriously Chris, no one cares about Charlie Sheen. He hasn't done anything culturally significant in, at least, the last decade, except appear in a painfully unfunny sitcom.

Penguin wrote:

Chris91 wrote:

It was Charlie himself who started that fad, IIRC.

"Fad." Yes. You know what it takes to create a fad?

A bajillion people following it.

And you know what? Most people here at WGW are not following it. You are, however. I'll just put it this way: At this point, Chris, you're a Charlie Sheen fanboy.

Don't be ridiculous....There are only three people in the world I loathe more than Sheen, and one of them was killed by Navy SEALs five days ago. That said, maybe it is time I cooled it with the Sheen posts.

Chris91 wrote:

maybe it is time I cooled it with the Sheen posts.

There is no maybe.