Breastfeeding Transformers

I take it this is an excerpt from her overly elaborate blog about her imaginary family since you're just dropped in the middle of stuff and expected to know what's going on. I don't really feel like digging through all of that, so I'll just link to this story on DeviantArt.

Now, I don't know much about Transformers, but I know enough to know how fucked up this is.

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CONTAINS BREASTFEEDING SCENES, AND CANON TRANSFORMERS (LAMBO TWINS) THAT ARE NOT BABIES. NO LIKE? = NO READ = NO FLAME/RUDE OR OFFENDING COMMENTS/!!!*

Oh, well, if you insist.

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His eyes had been staring at us almost all the time. Fixed on me, on Elanah, on our bond.

"Bond" is her way of saying breastfeeding. At least she's nursing a baby here. Oh, wait, that baby's a robot. I can't find any breastfeeding pics of this particular character, but she's the one in the diaper in this pic. Don't ask me why a robot is wearing a diaper. I don't know.

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"Even if my son is dead... you're still my daughter-in-law, Luana," he said, sweetly, approaching me and caressing both me and Elanah on our heads. "You can still call me 'dad'."

One of the first things you're just supposed to know is that in her imaginary world, she's married to a robot from Best Wars called Optimus Primal (or Black Jack in Italy or Jackie if you're this woman) who's Optimus Prime's son. She wrote about his birth in another story and yes, I said birth. I don't quite understand how things work in her universe.

The other thing you're just supposed to know is why the hell Optimus Primal is in danger and I have no idea. I'd have to dig through her blog to find out.

Skipping ahead a bit, she's in a room with her 'bot baby and Sideswipe watching her.

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But, in the blink of an eye, I saw him standing just a few centimeters from my bed and I felt blood icing in my veins.

Blood icing: It's what's for breakfast.

Anyway, I don't know who Sideswipe is, but the idea of any Transformer doing any of this is just...just...

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"You... you're the only mother I've ever had... That Sunny and I have ever had," he murmured, softly, hiding his face between my breasts.

Wouldn't that hurt?

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A couple of tears found their way to escape from my eyes, while a heavy rock was forming in my throat. "Please, Sides," I managed to say, "don't make things worser than they already are. You know that I can't be your mother!"

Worser isn't even a word. And why can't she be his mom? Beats me. She just keeps insisting that she can't. I don't get the answers, but then again, I'm too off put by a Transformer wanting a mom in the first place.

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The arm that was surrounding me hugged me even tighter, while I could hear a sob coming from that hidden face.

He's obviously crying 'cause that hug killed her, right? Right?

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Desperated in a way only a few people can imagine, I lifted my right hand and gently caressed Sideswipe's head in a motherly and reassuring way. Yeah, motherly...

I guess not. And "desperated?" To be fair, this woman's Italian, so English might not be her first language, but still.

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Sideswipe turned his head a little to look at my face. "You are doing nothing to help things change, though. We just keep suffering, all of us! And only for a bunch of stupid humans and stupid Transformers who find our relationship... perverted! By Primus' sake, what's wrong with this? You just want to be our mother, and we just want to be your sons, be loved as all the other children of yours!" He was almost shouting now. "And by Cybertron! Why didn't they say anything about Ratty and Smoky too? They're Transformers too!"

Oh God. Why does a fucking transforming robot want a human mom so bad?

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"It's because... they were just kids when I became their mother," I said, trying to speak properly between the river of tears, "It's just that. Human beings are so close minded, and I'm sad to see that a few Transformers are like that too."

I don't think Willy Wonka was a kid when you adopted him. The hell is with the wangst?

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"And you really think keeping yourself away from us will make us happier?" Sideswipe added, closing his eyes and hiding his face again, "Mommy... if you really think that, know that you're making the biggest mistake of your life!"

Did a giant robot just say "Mommy?" Also, there's more crying and now I'm gonna from thinking about a robot crying.

She lets him lie down next to her on a bed that somehow does not break.

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"But it won't last forever, hunny," I said, closing my eyes and letting the the cold shiver of pain taking my whole body.

That's right, hunny won't last forever because Winnie the Pooh is gonna eat all of it.

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"Elanah is a lucky girl," Sideswipe said, after a few minutes of silence.

"Why?" I asked, amused by Sides' sudden statement.

"Because she can bond with you the way only mothers and children can bond," he said, "I envy her."

"Bond? You mean... when I breastfeed her?"

Oh boy. I don't like where this is going.

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Suddenly, I heard the automatic door of the recreation room opening and then closing again. I startled, and tried to push Sideswipe away.

"No no no!" he complained, holding me even more tightly, "I won't let you go only because some stupid guy is coming here!"

"But... but..." I couldn't even speak under the pressure of Sides' arms.

And then she died, right? No, of course not, but Sideswipe's brother, Sunstreaker, entered the room, and I bet he's gonna totally change the subject.

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"So, here you are! Cuddling up in our beloved mommy's arms, huh?" he laughed, a delighted look in his optics.

O...K...forget I said anything. And now there are two giant robots saying "mommy."

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"She doesn't want to be our mother," Sideswipe said, lowering his head, "She says our lives will be ruined if we become her sons. It's... it's all fault of those bastards out there!"

Oh, so that's what's going on. There are a bunch of kids with unwed parents running around outside. Well, I guess Luana is just gonna have to adopt all of them.
Yes, I know "bastards" isn't meant to be literal, but I really have no idea what the hell is going on.

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"Don't be stupid, now," Sunstreaker said, hugging me the same way Sides was, "We never had a mother. You brought us so much joy, a joy we'd never felt before... It's a kind of love we never experienced before, and it's beautiful. Just beautiful. And pure."

To be honest, I'm just quoting that because the thought of a robot saying it cracks me up for some reason.

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"What do you want to do, bro?" Sunny asked his twin brother. Sides didn't answer with words, but he pointed his finger at my boobs.

"Aaah, that's it," Sunny said, with a smirk; and then to me: "Same request from me, mommy: can I?"

No. No no no no! NOOOOOOOOO!

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I sighed again, not too convinced of what I was going to do. "Okay. Let's try it."

Oh God. Please don't.

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I didn't have to do anything. They did all of it: opening my breastfeeding bra, latching on, etc.

Holy crap. Somehow it's even creepier than I imagined. etc.!

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I could feel the idraulic pumps in their chests beating at same rhytm, through my skin. And my heart looked like to have joined the dance, because it was beating at the same rhytm. It was the bond, I could feel it. It was like the three of us were one thing only, now. Screw people who don't believe in the symbiosis that is born between a mother and her children, I thought, It's not a lie, it's true. It's real. Real!

Praise Robot Jesus! AMEN!

Oh, yes, this woman doesn't have any kids in the real world, so I really wonder where she got this crap from.

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Sunstreaker smiled back. "We're bonded to you, and you to us," he said, "Now nobody can tell us again that we're not a family."

I sighed. "I wish I was that easy, hunny. I don't even dare thinking of what will happen if someone gets to know what we've done here..."

Yeah, no one will ever know if she posts it on the internet.

The rest is pretty boring. She leaves the planet and there's no further talk about whatever the hell was going on outside.

Quijotesca wrote:

One of the first things you're just supposed to know is that in her imaginary world, she's married to a robot she made up called Optimus Primal (or Black Jack or Jackie), who's Optimus Prime's son. She wrote about his birth in another story and yes, I said birth. I don't quite understand how things work in her universe.

Optimus Primal is actually a canon character from the Beast Wars universe. This woman fails so hard it's difficult to point out which example is worse than the others.

I figured it was possible he existed in some continuity, but the birth story totally threw me for a loop. Tweaked the first post some.

She is a very strange woman indeed... I just checked out her blog for the fun of it and found it...Well very disturbing and creepy at the same time. Maybe this is all for shits and giggles for her, but it really sounds like she taking this 'imaginary' family really seriously.

Not that there's a problem with that. It's her choice altogether, but its still kind of creepy.

Oh by the way, I'm new here and I really enjoy watching everyone 'sporking' these god-awful fics.

I just . . . I . . . what is this I don't even

I dunno. Let's read the author's commentary on this story and see if it makes any more sense.

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I have my own views on breastfeeding, especially in the imaginary world. Breastfeeding becomes the SYMBOL of motherhood and affection, and this fic should be read in that way, NOT in other ways.

Why not find a symbol that makes sense in context? Breastfeeding robots just doesn't work.

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You're not God and you've no right to judge me.

In that case, I'd better stop and I feel terrible for picking on this poor woman.
Oh, wait, not really.

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Help me keep in mind that I have the same right as you have to be happy in the imaginary world! *hugs*

I'm supposed to do what?

So...I guess this didn't clarify anything.

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I have my own views on breastfeeding, especially in the imaginary world. Breastfeeding becomes the SYMBOL of motherhood and affection, and this fic should be read in that way, NOT in other ways.

Especially not creepy, sexual ways involving robots, right? I'm sorry, sweets, but I seriously doubt anyone who reads this is going to read it in the spirit intended. Matter of fact, I'd lay good money on it.

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You're not God and you've no right to judge me.

What if God's reading your stories? Is he allowed to judge you?

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Help me keep in mind that I have the same right as you have to be happy in the imaginary world! *hugs*

Why do I need to help you? You've obviously made up your own mind.

And I agree you have the same right to be happy in the imaginary world as anyone. I'm just somewhat squicked that your way of being happy is breastfeeding giant robots to demonstrate 'maternal love.'

I don't understand the appeal of breastfeeding a robot. I mean, if that's your fetish or whatever, fine...but there are living organic beings to breastfeed. WHY ROBOTS?

Breastfeeding a robot must be like wearing nipple clamps.

Dear author, please keep your imaginary world in your imagination. Thank you.

Why do I get the impression that someone saw the Mr.T Vs Megatron website, looked at the "Milk + Energon Cubes, make said Transformer 'Helleva Tough...'", & used this as the central idea for said story...

Probably because you're the sort of person who thinks posting entirely in italics is cool. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

InkWeaver wrote:

Breastfeeding a robot must be like wearing nipple clamps.

This so much. At least a human baby has lips.

Hello guys!

So, this is the woman behind the creepy stuff you're having so much fun on. :D Glad to see you find it entertaining! Of course, I did enjoy the whole conversation here, and the more you pick on me and on my ideals, the more fun it gets. Oh, it's always fun to see close-minded/prejudiced people at work. Uhm.

Ah yeah, when I wrote that fic, my English wasn't very good. Well, not that it is now, but I try. I began learning very late, I was 14, and the later you learn a language, the harder it gets. But I don't care. Learning is fun.

And if you're curious about it: I always had maternal feelings to robots. In imagination, that leads to the stuff you have read about. Fantasy/Imagination is the only place where the laws of physics and the restrictions of real world become null: nothing is impossible in your mind. And YES, it is great enjoyment to share it online, because it lets me meet people who think and feel alike... and of course even people like you, who find all that very disturbing. Trust me, I knew very well about it when I first began sharing my stuff online, and I didn't give a damn about it. My very depressed/scared warnings on DA? Oh well, I have to play the role after all, haven't I?

And to conclude the message:

Vanilla-villa wrote:

Dear author, please keep your imaginary world in your imagination. Thank you.

Aww, of course. In fact, I will continue writing, and drawing and do whatever I please, and SHARE it online. For the ones who like my world and.... for your enjoyment! It'd be sad if there was nothing online to pick on, wouldn't it?

If you wish, I can provide you with more stuff to laugh on. *giggles*

*blink*

Wow, we had an author show up? It's been a while for that...did someone phantom link her?

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And if you're curious about it: I always had maternal feelings to robots. In imagination, that leads to the stuff you have read about. Fantasy/Imagination is the only place where the laws of physics and the restrictions of real world become null: nothing is impossible in your mind.

Whew! Thank you for confirming that you're just pretending. Some of us were afraid you took it seriously. As long as you understand the line between fantasy and reality, that's all right.

Still don't understand your kink, but . . . *shrug* different strokes, I guess.

Maximilia wrote:

*blink*

Wow, we had an author show up? It's been a while for that...did someone phantom link her?

Hey hello! Nope, I was only looking up 'breastfeeding transformers' on Google, to see if there were other people with similar imaginary worlds. I found the link to this thread there.

EileenK98 wrote:

Whew! Thank you for confirming that you're just pretending. Some of us were afraid you took it seriously. As long as you understand the line between fantasy and reality, that's all right.

Nah, that's alright. I'm perfectly sane. I just like to pretend. It's fun. :3 I have a disclaimer on the site too: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Hm. Actually, now my troll sense is tingling. Who in the world Googles that after writing so many stories about that subject? It's like... someone sporked their own story here, and then is posing as the author who is really themselves to stir up controversy.... I KNOW. YOU MUST BE LOLITA.

*puts on tinfoil hat*

Maximilia wrote:

Hm. Actually, now my troll sense is tingling. Who in the world Googles that after writing so many stories about that subject? It's like... someone sporked their own story here, and then is posing as the author who is really themselves to stir up controversy.... I KNOW. YOU MUST BE LOLITA.

*puts on tinfoil hat*

Dear Maximilia, this is no spoofing at all. I'm the real Luana, and I can prove it if you wish. I'm here to have a laugh with you guys, this is no controversy.

I google those keywords every month in search of similar worlds to mine. It's what every person in a certain fandom does.

And have you found any?

EileenK98 wrote:

And have you found any?

So far, only a few on DeviantART. Art pieces, for the most. But I continue searching every month, even in the non-Transformers fandom.

lubabe85 wrote:

Vanilla-villa wrote:

Dear author, please keep your imaginary world in your imagination. Thank you.

Aww, of course. In fact, I will continue writing, and drawing and do whatever I please, and SHARE it online. For the ones who like my world and.... for your enjoyment! It'd be sad if there was nothing online to pick on, wouldn't it?

I am just going to say that weither you are legit or tollin', I agree w/ this sentiment. I mean, there is some truely sick stuff out there I would perfer not be aired in public, but when it comes to weirdos just being weird I am in favor of throwing that stuff all over the net. Makes life more interesting.

So shine on you crazy, crazy star you.

Reepicheep-chan wrote:

I am just going to say that weither you are legit or tollin', I agree w/ this sentiment. I mean, there is some truely sick stuff out there I would perfer not be aired in public, but when it comes to weirdos just being weird I am in favor of throwing that stuff all over the net. Makes life more interesting.

So shine on you crazy, crazy star you.

Hehe, thank you! XD

Well, it was fun with you guys. I won't intrude your fun any further (for now *evil grin*).

Bye! ^_^

P.S. For the guys who don't believe I'm the real Luana, I've got something for you on my Twitter ( [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] ). You'll get the hint, hehe. Bye.

Haha, is this like the 2nd time we have gotten someone with a weird website to post stuff in order to prove they are the real thing?

Imma draw a picture for you when I get off work, Luana. You check back late tonight.

To be honest, I just did a writeup of this so I could use the phrase "Praise Robot Jesus!" so I consider my work done.

I am kind of glad Luana's still active though because randomly stumbling on all this dead weirdness kind of made me sad.