Twilight Fans' Vampire Addiction Affecting Relationships

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With fans turning the area outside the Nokia theater in L.A. into a tent city in advance of the "Eclipse" premiere, the Los Angeles Times examines the phenomenon of fans whose lives are upended by their fierce love of the vampire books and movies. The Times found women who have nearly lost their marriages by neglecting their husbands in favor of "Twilight" fan sites, blogs, and message boards. One woman gushes that she's seen the movies "over 300 times."

And I thought the Titanic fans of 13 years ago were crazy. This is just... [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Seriously, people, it's fiction. Team Edward? Team Jacob? The stories are already written and you know who Bella winds up with, so what's the deal? Is it worth sacrificing your personal life for?

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The names "Bella," "Jacob," and "Cullen" are climbing the popular-baby-name lists every year as more and more parents make their "Twilight" fandom a permanent part of their families.

Soon to be followed by the inevitable backlash, as Twilight haters' kids tease the Twitards' kids on the Internet.

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With two more movies to go ("Breaking Dawn" parts one and two, in 2011 and 2012), could the entire U.S. population eventually succumb to this crippling disease?

Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Lady Anne wrote:

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With two more movies to go ("Breaking Dawn" parts one and two, in 2011 and 2012), could the entire U.S. population eventually succumb to this crippling disease?

Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I would sooner take a bullet to the arm than sit through those movies/books/etc with these crazies. I'm not even kidding. The wound will only hurt excruciatingly for a few days, then eventually become a dull throb before healing. The migraine these people cause never fucking ends.

Lady Anne wrote:

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With fans turning the area outside the Nokia theater in L.A. into a tent city in advance of the "Eclipse" premiere,

I thought this was an exaggeration, but...

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Jeez!

Edit: Hay, with a load of them all in one place all we need is one IUD... Just sayin'...

WD40 wrote:

Lady Anne wrote:

Quote :

With fans turning the area outside the Nokia theater in L.A. into a tent city in advance of the "Eclipse" premiere,

I thought this was an exaggeration, but...

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Jeez!

Edit: Hay, with a load of them all in one place all we need is one IUD... Just sayin'...

You know what every outdoor fan gathering needs? A good ol' out-of-control fire caused by the normal moron who can't put their cigarette out properly while toasted, with nearby whiskey inevitably acting as an accelerant. Happens at every outdoor concert tent city, every fan gathering. I mean, it's practically a rite of passage.

I like a good bottle of whiskey myself. Anyone here smoke?

And I thought the putrid bog of fans camped outside as described in the Barry Trotter books was bad.

Seriously though, if these women are going to give up their real relationships for the sake of a fictional fairy tale, they've only got themselves to blame for their own loneliness.

WD40 wrote:

Lady Anne wrote:

Quote :

With fans turning the area outside the Nokia theater in L.A. into a tent city in advance of the "Eclipse" premiere,

I thought this was an exaggeration, but...

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Jeez!

Edit: Hay, with a load of them all in one place all we need is one IUD... Just sayin'...

Intra-Uterine Device? Granted, it would be preferable to prevent these people from breeding, but it would take more than one.

gaijinguy wrote:

WD40 wrote:

Edit: Hay, with a load of them all in one place all we need is one IUD... Just sayin'...

Intra-Uterine Device? Granted, it would be preferable to prevent these people from breeding, but it would take more than one.

I just glossed right over that the first time, but now that I think about it, one is as good as the other. IED, IUD, riot-fire, whatever makes these creepy little girls go away.

Lapin wrote:

gaijinguy wrote:

WD40 wrote:

Edit: Hay, with a load of them all in one place all we need is one IUD... Just sayin'...

Intra-Uterine Device? Granted, it would be preferable to prevent these people from breeding, but it would take more than one.

I just glossed right over that the first time, but now that I think about it, one is as good as the other. IED, IUD, riot-fire, whatever makes these creepy little girls go away.

Except according to the article, it's not just creepy teenage girls. You've got women in their 30s and 40s who are ruining their real-life marriages/relationships because of a bunch of fictional teenagers. All the while quietly absorbing the Twilight Saga's dubious message that a women isn't complete unless she's got a big strong man around to protect her for the big bad world. And that everyone has a chosen one/soulmate waiting for them out there, and when they meet, they will immediately KNOW they've found their ONE TWU WUB.

Quote :

The names "Bella," "Jacob," and "Cullen" are climbing the
popular-baby-name lists every year as more and more parents make their
"Twilight" fandom a permanent part of their families.

Okay, Isabella, Edward, and Jacob are all real names.

Cullen? No. Just no. If you name your kid Cullen, the kid should be taken away from you and given to a pack of wolves so it can be raised properly.

Start being concerned when people name their children "Renesmee" or "Carlie".

If it were 40-year old men screaming for 16-year old girls, they'd be put in jail.

Just sayin'

the asylum wrote:

If it were 40-year old men screaming for 16-year old girls, they'd be put in jail.

Just sayin'

Very true. I call it the 'Cougar Effect." The idea that movies and TV shows project that having sex with a woman who's old enough to be your mother is the best thing a guy can have happen to him. Because what guy out there doesn't want to bang some gorgeous 40-year-old woman who probably knows things about sex he never dreamed of?

theweirdkind wrote:

Start being concerned when people name their children "Renesmee" or "Carlie".

I think Renesmee has already happened at least once, and Carly is an actual name.

gaijinguy wrote:

Intra-Uterine Device? Granted, it would be preferable to prevent these people from breeding, but it would take more than one.

Not if you lined them all up at once.

Lapin wrote:

gaijinguy wrote:

WD40 wrote:

Edit: Hay, with a load of them all in one place all we need is one IUD... Just sayin'...

Intra-Uterine Device? Granted, it would be preferable to prevent these people from breeding, but it would take more than one.

I just glossed right over that the first time, but now that I think about it, one is as good as the other. IED, IUD, riot-fire, whatever makes these creepy little girls go away.

IED wouldn't cut it. Nuke them from orbit; it's the only way to be sure.

grmblfjx wrote:

theweirdkind wrote:

Start being concerned when people name their children "Renesmee" or "Carlie".

I think Renesmee has already happened at least once, and Carly is an actual name.

I know someone named Carly. She was born in the 80s.

Lapin wrote:

I would sooner take a bullet to the arm than sit through those movies/books/etc with these crazies. I'm not even kidding. The wound will only hurt excruciatingly for a few days, then eventually become a dull throb before healing. The migraine these people cause never fucking ends.

No joke.

Some housewife has a dream about a sparkly vampire and creams her pants, and now the whole world has to suffer for it.

To make this batshit (appropo term that) insanity even more so, I recently heard one of the stars of Twilight is actually a direct descendant of one Vlad the Impaler.

Yes folks...the kid playing a vampire is descended from the guy that inspired the ORIGINAL vampire.

Miss Misery wrote:

Some housewife has a dream about a sparkly vampire and creams her pants, and now the whole world has to suffer for it.

That would have ended there, if only several generations of dullard, vain women, whose ego responds really well to objects of their desire obsessing over them, also morons who think Edward is an example to follow and, idiots who don't know what a healthy relationship is didn't cream their pants as well.

the asylum wrote:

If it were 40-year old men screaming for 16-year old girls, they'd be put in jail.

Or shot.

Rabid Badger wrote:

the asylum wrote:

If it were 40-year old men screaming for 16-year old girls, they'd be put in jail.

Just sayin'

Very true. I call it the 'Cougar Effect." The idea that movies and TV shows project that having sex with a woman who's old enough to be your mother is the best thing a guy can have happen to him. Because what guy out there doesn't want to bang some gorgeous 40-year-old woman who probably knows things about sex he never dreamed of?

brb, vomitting. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] srsly old people r disgusting

Lady Anne wrote:

grmblfjx wrote:

theweirdkind wrote:

Start being concerned when people name their children "Renesmee" or "Carlie".

I think Renesmee has already happened at least once, and Carly is an actual name.

I know someone named Carly. She was born in the 80s.

I have a cousin named Carly. Also born in the 80s. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I just want to know why Smeyer had to completely wreak Seattle with this bull. I do not want to see Twilight shit in every souvenir shop ever! And I sure as hell do not want to see Twilight on the travel brochers on the ferry! Right next to the Pacific Northwest Native attractions! How am I going to pretend this never happened?!

Nuke 'em from orbit. It's the only way to be . . . goddammit, gai.

For a while, I had hopes that this craze was dying down. Unfortunately, with the bloody mess of Breaking D(o)wn still to come, Twilight will continue to haunt us for at least another year. I wonder if FEMA can fly in emergency supplies of common sense and migraine medication to the Pacific Northwest?

Tungsten Monk wrote:

I wonder if FEMA can fly in emergency supplies of common sense and migraine medication to the Pacific Northwest?

Those were in short supply ever since Bush got reelected.

Rabid Badger wrote:

You've got women in their 30s and 40s who are ruining their real-life marriages/relationships because of a bunch of fictional teenagers. All the while quietly absorbing the Twilight Saga's dubious message that a women isn't complete unless she's got a big strong man around to protect her for the big bad world. And that everyone has a chosen one/soulmate waiting for them out there, and when they meet, they will immediately KNOW they've found their ONE TWU WUB.

I love how you say that as if this message is somehow new and revolutionary, or even just unique to Twilight.

the asylum wrote:

If it were 40-year old men screaming for 16-year old girls, they'd be put in jail.

Just sayin'

...are you serious?

GamemasterAnthony wrote:

To make this batshit (appropo term that) insanity even more so, I recently heard one of the stars of Twilight is actually a direct descendant of one Vlad the Impaler.

Yes folks...the kid playing a vampire is descended from the guy that inspired the ORIGINAL vampire.

Where did you hear that, the National Enquirer?

ps learn to mythos, the concept of vampires was around long before some Wallachian prince decided to impale people up the ass and long before some Irishman decided to use his name in a pants-shittingly scary book