"Mass Effect: Detox" (very NWS)

I have gazed into the abyss, and the abyss is called Mass Effect: Detox by MorbidFantasy.

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Forward: I recently bought the Mass Effect PC game (not owning a 360).
Great game, but after playing it I realize that my Reality of Eden
Prime fic has some places that don’t seem to match up with the game
canon.

The said "Reality of Eden Prime" was very nearly the subject of this thread, until I checked out the oh-so-aptly-named MorbidFantasy's other work. This is worse than a fic written before he'd actually played the game (with all the canon rape that this implies, to accompany the more literal rape) that included the phrase "protracted fucking" and a gigantic author's note that spends most of its time arguing that he's not a misogynist. And apparently biotics can make someone's womb acidic. Let's not even get into the OOC and the biology fail. And just to reiterate, this is worse than that.

The scene is set:

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They had just come back from the
research center on peak 15, having vanquished the Matriarch Benezia,
Liara’s birth mother. It was a hard fought ordeal, and the three of
them were all well worn out.

Now, given that MorbidFantasy is Most Definitely Not A Misogynist, can we guess as to who's on the away team?

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Jane Shepard sniffed in amusement, Her fellow squad mates Ashley and Liara diverting
their glances almost in subtle guilt.

Of fucking course.

Some exposition later:

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“We’re not contaminated” Ashley huffed, impatient to get back to the
Normandy. The so called “contamination” was in reality a boatload of
rogue rachni that Saren had brought to the research facility to attempt
indoctrination of. The creatures had gotten out of hand and turned on
their keepers, resulting in the shutdown of peak 15. As far as
biological residues and chemical toxins went the group was unscathed.

“Just doing my job here ma’am, this whole place is home to a lot of
high-stakes investment and if we didn’t follow protocol the companies
here could take out their assets if word gets out that there was a
large contamination leak.” The guard said.

These aren't the contaminants you're looking for.
Die, motherfuckers!

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“Why do you have this part of the facility hidden?” Liara asked.

"Because the author is trying to hand-wave it into existence," the guard replied.

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“Can a woman get a little privacy around here? I didn’t think detox required any probing.” Jane said.

Normally it just requires a loading screen.

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Jane was suddenly apprehensive herself. Indeed, why hide the detox
laboratory from public view when any self-respecting science research
facility would have one…something was not right about this.

Good sense makes a valiant but ultimately doomed attempt to assert itself.

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“It’s a trap, Commander!” Liara wheezed in shock,

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
[/obligatory meme]

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already on her knees from the effects of the gas.

"Dammit, I knew vindaloo was a mistake."

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Jane shuddered as she woke up, sweat dripping from her brow. A feeling
of pain and pleasure assailed her body as she struggled to move.

See, he's not a misogynist because he's not sure whether the characters should be enjoying being raped or not. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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Immediately She realized that she was being raped

"Oh dear, it appears I'm being raped."

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Jane felt the dick being pulled out of her

Who subsequently went on to write this fic.

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‘Oh god, how many times have I been raped.” She thought.

And I can't help but read this in the matter-of-fact way someone might think "oh god, did I leave the oven on?"

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“Look, I gotta get back to my shift, otherwise captain Matsuo will have my ass.” The guard said as he redid his pants.

“Be lucky if she did.” Another quipped, triggering more laughter.

We interrupt this rapefic for some locker-room banter.

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“You….bastards.” Jane cursed between thrusts. But moreover, she was cursing herself for ending up in this situation.

But most of all, she was cursing the author.

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“Liara!” Jane gasped as the turian raping her vagina began shooting into her.

Bang! (Also: fatal allergic reaction. The End.)

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The young Asari, although her body was as developed as a full grown
human, had not reached the age where the Asari typically began to meld
and produce offspring. Her vagina therefore was still extremely tight
and refused to open up even after having being taken a dozen times.

Uh... I really don't think asari reproductive biology works that way. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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jizz

14-year-old boy alert!

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Beyond that, it was up to time to dull the pain

Yes it is. A drink might help, too.

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Short piece. This is not meant to develop into a bigger story,

Thank fuck for small mercies.

I dunno, the claim that this was written before the game's release rings a little hollow. There's just a touch too much information here. The writer would have had to spend 4 hours in the day reading press material and written it only a few weeks out, which is a touch too much familiarization for just grabbing a setting for a generic rape-fic. Then again:

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“Look, I gotta get back to my shift, otherwise captain Matsuo will have my ass.” The guard said as he redid his pants.

“Be lucky if she did.” Another quipped, triggering more laughter.

Of course, since Captain Matsuo is dead before you leave for Peak 15 OMG CONTINUITY ERROR

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“You….bastards.” Jane cursed between thrusts. But moreover, she was cursing herself for ending up in this situation.

Yes, especially since decontamination is well established in Mass Effect to CONSIST OF A LIGHT SCAN TAKING 15 SECONDS. Then again, the Stupidity Is The Only Option fake choice in which Shepard rants at the council regardless what you do would seem to indicate Shepard's signal to be short a few bars.

szaleniec wrote:

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“Liara!” Jane gasped as the turian raping her vagina began shooting into her.

Bang! (Also: fatal allergic reaction. The End.)

Well, according to Mordin from the second game, only if she swallows. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
Also, beware chafing from the plated and high metal content skin.

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The young Asari, although her body was as developed as a full grown
human, had not reached the age where the Asari typically began to meld
and produce offspring. Her vagina therefore was still extremely tight
and refused to open up even after having being taken a dozen times.

Uh... I really don't think asari reproductive biology works that way. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I've been down this pervy road before. Liara is after all naked with a male Shep, so even if unnecessary, the birth canal region is possibly an erogeneous zone? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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jizz

14-year-old boy alert!

I posit here that use of immature wank terminology is good evidence a story is, in fact, wank.

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Beyond that, it was up to time to dull the pain

Yes it is. A drink might help, too.

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Short piece. This is not meant to develop into a bigger story,

Thank fuck for small mercies.

There is no fuck in this story worthy of your thanks. At all.

Also, if he weren't a misogynist, Shepard would have spent time hunting down and killing the entire security staff instead of woe-is-me-ing. The fact that Shepard is a SPECTRE/'above the law' means these guys had the intelligence of a partcularly dim flatworm.

Carrion Crawler wrote:

I dunno, the claim that this was written before the game's release rings a little hollow. There's just a touch too much information here.

I meant his previous story.

szaleniec wrote:

Carrion Crawler wrote:

I dunno, the claim that this was written before the game's release rings a little hollow. There's just a touch too much information here.

I meant his previous story.

Ah, got it. Still, it raises the question of why he became so well-informed a "fan" if it was all about his idiotic rape-fantasies. I mean, don't rape-fic authors more generally flit between scenarios a little?

Then again, I've seen an author who dwelt really heavily on Wonder Woman because he had this crazy idea that her Lasso of Truth was capable of, I dunno, convincing people of things that were not true/mindraping them.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Carrion Crawler wrote:

Also, if he weren't a misogynist, Shepard would have spent time hunting down and killing the entire security staff instead of woe-is-me-ing. The fact that Shepard is a SPECTRE/'above the law' means these guys had the intelligence of a partcularly dim flatworm.

Or maybe she would have simply turned the Normandy's main guns on the facility.

Normandy, guns? What guns? All they got are rocks and spears to chuck like the Russians, and soldiers of surrender.(Hint: is still upset over something that happened 60 years ago) (which only have numbers and crappy guns )

szaleniec wrote:

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‘Oh god, how many times have I been raped.” She thought.

And I can't help but read this in the matter-of-fact way someone might think "oh god, did I leave the oven on?"

"Dear me, I must stop appearing in fanfics written by definitely not misogynistic jagoffs so often." She thought.

DEAR GOD! MY FANDOM!!! MY OTP!!!

*Stomps off to kick AssHat author's ass*

Actual reviews...I shit you not:

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this is a good story the only thing i didn't like is the fact the only mention of whats happening to ashley is noise coming from the other room. although the reality of eden prime was good more ashley rape fics would be awesome

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Very good. It would have been nice if you had described what Jane looked like, but I guess you wanted to leave that up to the reader's imagination. The way Liara removed herself from her surroundings was a nice touch, as was Ashley being traumatized afterwards instead of just continuing to be a stalwart soldier... the poor thing.

And here's mine. Let's hope I don't get banned by the butthurt

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Um...acidic womb? Sorry, but Element Zero exposure does not work that way. It seems that you had not read the in game information and that is sad. It would have saved you this flailing attempt.

First off, Asari who have not reached Matronhood are not too tight. They simply can not conceive through melding yet. Though melding often brings on the change faster.

Second, Biotics does not come from acidic wombs. The abilities come from Element Zero exposure in-utero. Most of the time it results in fatal cancers in the fetus, rarely it results in a person with biotic abilities. They are not useful until they get the implants that enhance the Mass Effect fields produced. FYI: Every Asari is a biotic. Some develop their abilities while others choose not to.

Third, Turians and Quarians for that matter have DNA based off of Dextro-Amino Acids where as every other race is based off of Leino-Amino Acids. This means that any sexual encounter between Turians and Humans is fraught with danger. If any fluid from one is ingested by another it could result in a fatal allergic reaction. Even between Turians and Asari. Remember, Asari conceive through linking their nervous systems with another.

Fourth, you need to work on how you write emotional reactions. No matter what species, a woman raped is going to be emotionally distraught. She is not going to ask herself how many times she was violated with the exact same tone she would use to ask herself if she left the oven on.

Please play the game or read more because it is painfully obvious that you haven't been paying attention at all.