Debbie Schlussel, Coulter wannabe blogger

People like her are why I identify as a libertarian now.

Some background: Debbie Schlussel is a Coulter-wannabe blogger who discusses film and various cultural issues from a supposedly conservative standpoint. Problem is, she's hypocritical, rude, nasty, and has all the reasoning ability of a mushroom.

First up, let's read her review of "Watchmen". Debbie Schlussel HAAAAAAAATES this film, and what's more, she HAAAAAAAAATES its fans even more. I have to admit, most conservatives don't go to that level of vitriol, as they attempt to practice the old maxim of "hate the sin, love the sinner".

What does Debbie think of Watchmen, the movie?

I love the title of this piece, and I love how she manages to pull the old "THINK OF THE CHIIIIIL-DRUN" canard out of her butt. Watchmen was rated R and the reasons for said R (meaning RESTRICTED) rating were amply obvious and available to anyone who wanted to know them; people who took their kids to the film anyway, expecting another X-Men movie were willfully negligent and obtuse.

But of course, such things as "taking a work of art into context" and "personal responsibility for what you allow your kids and yourself to watch" mean nothing to conservative media watchdogs like Schlussel!

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If you take your kids to see “Watchmen,” you’re a moron.
If you see it yourself, you’re also probably a moron and a vapid,
indecent human being.

I can almost hear her finger wagging back and forth at us.

Oh, wait, she saw the film herself, allegedly, so that makes her - O SHI-

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The movie arrives in theaters at Midnight,
Thursday Night. It’s rated “R”–which should kinda sorta be a hint–but
it really deserves an “NC-17,” at the very least.

How the hell is "R" not enough of a hint for these people? Is it because there's the rare R-rated movie that they like (or that they think fits into their agenda) like 300, Passion of the Christ, and Inglourious Basterds that it confuses them as to the fact that no, R-rated movies are, on average, NOT appropriate for kids to watch, so kids shouldn't watch them?

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And plenty of
clueless parents brought their young kids and kept them there for the
entire almost three hour “experience” at the screening I attended.

Well, then they're clueless, stupid, lousy parents. It says nothing as to the morality of the film they're watching - just that it isn't appropriate for kids to watch.

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Yes, I know, it’s being heavily marketed as a superhero movie, with action figures
for your kids. But that–and the heroic-looking movie trailer–are a big,
fat lie. And that’s where real parenting comes in . . . like actually
investigating the movie before you take or send your kids to see this
garbage.

I would hope that a person who has a working brain does that anyway, Debbie.

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In fact, as a movie critic who sees most new releases, I haven’t seen a
more violent, depraved movie in years (not to mention a longer, more
boring movie with a more preposterous and silly plot). This movie makes
the graphic bloodshed of the recently released “Friday the 13th” look
like “Cinderella.”

Blah blah blah, Watchmen is evil, blah blah ultraviolence, blah blah blue dong.

Since Watchmen fans weren't about to take this lying down, Debbie devoted some more column space to slag on them personally:

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I guess I shouldn’t be amazed at the number of slacker ignoramuses who are up in arms about my frank review cutting down the absolute crap they worship a/k/a “Watchmen“,
coming out in theaters late tonight. The e-mails they send me and the
comments they make about how “deep,” “edgy” and “profound” this vile
piece of trash (which is none of these) is, reminds me of the blind
statements of followers of Jim Jones. And we all know what happened
after they drank he purple Kool-Aid. If only this movie could achieve
that result, it would be the most fantastic exercise in natural
selection ever conducted in America.

Hmmm, yeah, that wasn't meant to come off as hateful or Nazi-like at all. Ignore any obvious parallels, people.

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But sadly, there is no instant cure or sudden death for “Watchmen” Fanatic Derangement Syndrome.

THINK EXACTLY AS I DO OR I WILL KILL YOU.

Hey, wait, Debbie, isn't that what fanatic, hateful, terroristic people and regimes like Osama bin Laden, Stalin's Soviet regime, and the Nazi regime did/do?

Hmmmmm.

....Irony lost. Oh well.

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Oh, and by the way, to all of you slacker Watchmen defenders and
fanatics–who resemble the many respondents on “Jay Walking,” yet are
suddenly the self-appointed intellectual lights of our world–grisly is
grisly, and gratuitous, graphic violence serves no positive or useful
purpose in our society, even if you read it first in a comic book.

But, as we shall learn, grisly, gratuitous violence is A-okay if it makes Debbie feel good or serves her political agenda in some way. Witness her review of Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds:

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The movie is riveting. It’s fun and serious at the same time. And it’s thrilling.

...

I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED this movie.

It's also a movie that features American soldiers brutally executing and torturing German POWs, but that's fine because that's justified violence and it's being done to Nazis, who are inhuman beings of pure evil anyway. Everyone knows the Nazis weren't human beings like you or I.

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“Basterds” is the story of an
American commanding officer, Lt. Aldo Raine (Pitt), from the south and
his brigade of Jewish American soldiers sent to France to kill Nazis .
. . and, yes, scalp them. (Several of the actors who play them are
Jewish in real life.) But it’s also the story of Shoshanna Dreyfus, a
French Jewish blonde who plots revenge on the Nazis who murdered her
family of dairy farmers as they hid. French actress, Melanie Laurent,
who plays her is the real star of this movie, as is the frighteningly
creepy Austrian actor, Christoph Waltz, as Nazi Col. Hans Landa.
(Diane Kruger is not bad as a German movie star and double agent.)

"Frighteningly creepy Austrian actor"... wow, that doesn't indicate a problem with separating the actor and the character he played at all, does it.

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Yes, this movie is somewhat bloody and graphic (a couple of Nazi
scalpings are shown as is a scene of “The Bear Jew” (Eli Roth) wailing
on a Nazi’s head with a baseball bat–though that’s only briefly
shown). But the violence is for a reason: it’s good against evil.

*headdesks* Newsflash, Debbie: the Allies did commit atrocities during WWII, even though their cause can be said to be just.

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And it’s thoroughly satisfying. I wish they showed even more.

So she does like violence in movies after all.

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I don’t
apologize for cheering on the killing of Nazis. They were inhuman.

Newsflash: Not all of the German soldiers in WWII were Nazis. And no, Nazis were not some homunclus creatures that just suddenly popped up one day and decided to get down with their bad selves and be evil, evil, evil. They were people, too; fairly normal people, as the Nuremberg trials discovered. Forgetting that is what makes them into cartoon character caricatures and not the truly frightening people they really were.

And dehumanizing one's enemies always leads to dehumanizing treatment, and the subsequent dehumanization and lack of compassion on the part of the person doing the dehumanizing in the first place.

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And the treatment they got in this movie is the same way we should
treat all of our enemies, but simply don’t have the guts to do so. It’s
fun to see the SS and Gestapo members get well-merited permanent
reminders of their days wearing the swastika.

So, we know that Debbie approves of violence and torture when it suits her agenda/personal feelings. Anyone care to dig up more gems from her site?

I really wasn't fond of the gory-ness of Watchmen-movie either, but geez, talk about missing the point.

The fact that she likes violent movies as long as the violence is "justified" just makes it better.

Lurv wrote:

I really wasn't fond of the gory-ness of Watchmen-movie either, but geez, talk about missing the point.

The fact that she likes violent movies as long as the violence is "justified" just makes it better.

The best part is that she's just like the Comedian.

Uh. But I agree with her regarding the parts of her review you posted. I see nothing wrong here. Watchmen was a bloated, fanboy-sucking oversexed and needlessly violent piece of shit and people who think "superheroes=kid friendly!" probably need to get reamed for bringing their toddler to the midnight premier of this SLOW-MOTIOOOON fuckfest. It should have been rated NC-17 to PROTECT DA CHILDREN from seeing the worst directed sex scene in the history of the universe.

The comic is one thing, and if she had called that shallow, horrible and violent/sexualized she deserves the hordes of fan-rage, but Zack Snyder's horseshit excuse of a movie is a whole other ballgame that, now that I'm months over my initial impression of the film (which was "oh that wasn't that bad" and has now become "wait, yes, yes it was") deserves all the hate it gets.

After reading the full review, there's a lot more crazy in here than you let on but you're too focused on the movie critic ripping on a mediocre-to-terrible movie than to really get to the meat of this nonsense.

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In just the opening credits of this mindless celluloid claptrap, there’s a lesbian take-off on the famous photo of a woman kissing a sailor in Manhattan who is returning victorious from World War II. The lesbian make-out scene, featuring a “superhero,” is bad enough.

Because lesbians are EEEEVILL and heroes are GOOOD and the two are MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE.

Oh wait except for like, all of the gay and lesbian superheroes in mainstream comics.

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At the same time, the Soviets are about to nuke America. It’s 1985 and Nixon is President. We’ve won in Vietnam. Oh, and Henry Kissinger has a Russian accent. And Ronald Reagan is thinking of running for President in 1988. Wow, isn’t that cool that they got it wrong on purpose? I’m so amazed at this “high-brow art” of deliberately getting dates and timelines wrong, you know, just to be “artistic,” and get the drooling of the critics. That is sooooo genius. Like way totally cool. Maybe if I make a movie about how Eisenhower was President in 1972, we “lost” World War II, and Bin Laden was gonna bomb the World Trade Center then, I’ll be cool, too. . . so long as it’s “dark” and I include a bunch of rape, torture, explicit sex scenes, and extremely graphic killings, and oh, write a “graphic novel” a/k/a comic book about it, first.

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Superhero “The Comedian” (a bad Robert Downey, Jr. look-alike) brutally beating and raping another superhero–tis movie concludes that the rape was a good thing b/c the slutty superhero had a slutty superhero daughter from him;

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But just because shameless whores and crack dealers of Hollywood deal this stuff out, doesn’t mean you have to buy it and poison your kids’ minds with it.

Holy shit wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

I think this woman IS Rorschach.

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G-d help this country (minus Hollywood).

Yeah, fuck those guys I make a living bitching about.

Also: Look at that kick ass rating system.

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Looks like she was so busy hating the gory, unexcusable violence of "Watchmen" that she didn't notice that the fat guy who got his arms cut off during the riot scene had a swastika tattooed on the side his head.

So does that make his death justified? Or is it just "garbage" because he wasn't killed for a being a Nazi, he was killed because he fat bulk was blocking the lock to Rorschach's cell? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I had a hernia laughing at the rating system. Four Marxes plus an Obama. LOLFUCINGKLARIOUS.

She is right about one thing though:

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If you take your kids to see “Watchmen,” you’re a moron.

That's because it's not a kids' movie, dear.

Ah, the "K-Mart Coulter"...she is a pip isn't she?

"It's Islamic terrorism, stupid. Wait, that's repetitive. It's Islam, stupid." - shortly after the Fort Hood shootings (she is also one who believes that all Muslims currently serving in the military should either be dishonorably discharged or otherwise booted from the service.)

"Whatever happened to the good old days . . . when First Ladies knew their place and stuck to reading books to children and visiting libraries and hospitals?" - On Michelle Obama, whom she also called a "pimp" for health care reform

And of course I would be remiss for not mentioning that she wanted Jill Carroll, the American journalist who was kidnapped and held hostage in Iraq back in 2006, tried as a traitor and claimed that her kidnapping was staged to elicit American withdrawal from that country.

Debbie Bitches About Tinkerbell

To summarize: "THEY GOT RID OF TINK'S TINY SKIRT AND GAVE HER AN OUTFIT! SHE'S A RAGING DYKE! BAD MOVE DISNEY, YOU'RE LETTING THE MUSLISMS TERRORISTS WIN!"

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Her reviewers seem like a nice bunch.

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Hi Debbie! I just have to comment about Tinkerbells outfit, maybe it has to do with the weather, I live in San Diego, Ca., the Wife and I took our six year old granddaughte to see Disney on Ice, this past fri. 10-9-09, and the first one out on the ice was Tinkerbell, she was wearing her little tiny mini skirt and her great big smile, waving to all the kids, my granddaughter has also seen Disneys Song of the South, and when I find it I will also read to her Little Black Sambo. Have no fear Debbie the righteous will win out.
Marlyn Johnson

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“Oh, and now, there’s this stupid-looking visor/hat contraption, which I predict will, someday in the future, morph into a hijab.”
At least the hat’s bill is not cocked to one side like a hip-hopper would wear it.

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Narwhal wrote:

Her reviewers seem like a nice bunch.

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Hi Debbie! I just have to comment about Tinkerbells outfit, maybe it has to do with the weather, I live in San Diego, Ca., the Wife and I took our six year old granddaughte to see Disney on Ice, this past fri. 10-9-09, and the first one out on the ice was Tinkerbell, she was wearing her little tiny mini skirt and her great big smile, waving to all the kids, my granddaughter has also seen Disneys Song of the South, and when I find it I will also read to her Little Black Sambo. Have no fear Debbie the righteous will win out.
Marlyn Johnson

I... wait, the righteousness of American youth depends on some racist old cartoons/stories and a manipulative, bitchy little cartoon fairy wearing a hawt outfit?

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More gems.

“Twilight”: Entertaining Teen Vampire Movie’s Superhero Moves Balance Out Chick-Flickism
...you really don't read, do you Debbie?

FAT GIRLS CAN'T BE PRETTY!


MEN CAN'T BE PRETTY EITHER.
Debbie really doesn't want men to be pretty, she has six or seven articles under a series titled "Men, the new women".

Terrorists are invading us!

I love the photo in her page's header. It really encapsulates the dreaded MySpace angle school of failtography. Her fat-hating is about as convincing as the Sonichu guy's gay-hating.

Wouldn't surprise me if she's trying to help those fat women lose weight by hiding all the chocolate in the house in her thighs.

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Tinkerbell

"How dare they go and fag up that girl with some thigh-high boots, stockings, and a miniskirt! That shit's masculine, and bitches should know their place!"

Shingzyl wrote:

More gems.

“Twilight”: Entertaining Teen Vampire Movie’s Superhero Moves Balance Out Chick-Flickism
...you really don't read, do you Debbie?

Wow, I would think she would've slammed it for promoting unholy practices like drinking blood, necrophilia (sex with vampires, or at least making out with them), necromancy (talking with vampires), and Native American stereotypes to innocent teenage girls who need to be kept pure from the advances of stalkerish sparkly vampires with hundred-year-old hardons burning holes in their Y-fronts. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Shingzyl wrote:

FAT GIRLS CAN'T BE PRETTY!


MEN CAN'T BE PRETTY EITHER.
Debbie really doesn't want men to be pretty, she has six or seven articles under a series titled "Men, the new women".

...There are no words for how much I want to ream her out verbally. However, I'm glad to see that others are deconstructing her spiteful, illogical houses of cards.

She looks like JKR's plumper, bitter, hatefully jealous sister.

Shingzyl wrote:

...you really don't read, do you Debbie?

Welcome to the Republican Party.

What's weird is that most of the conservative griping I've heard about Watchmen is that, as an anti-Reagan Cold War era work, it's pretty much irrelevant now.

Malganis wrote:

Newsflash: Not all of the German soldiers in WWII were Nazis.

They were the minority to the point where it makes far more sense to call US troops Republicans. No, really. Even in the Waffen-SS, only around 10% were Nazis, and in the Wehrmacht, very few were as soldiers were largely forbidden from joining political parties. (Note that the Waffen-SS was not the same thing as the Gestapo, Allgemeine SS or Die Liebstendarte).

Now, I'm not normally one to get bent out of shape over people using "Nazi" as a catch-all term for Germans in WW2. That's what was said back then, and besides, even if they weren't members of the Nazi party, they were fighting for the cause of the Nazi regime. The problem comes from people like our beloved reviewer here, who actually thinks that this was the case, and being a member of the Nazi party meant turning in your humanity. For civilians, being a Nazi might be the only way to ensure they could stay in business. Never mind, I'm sure there were no human Nazis.

I bet she thinks Pius XII was best buds with Hitler, too.

Shingzyl wrote:

Debbie Bitches About Tinkerbell

To summarize: "THEY GOT RID OF TINK'S TINY SKIRT AND GAVE HER AN OUTFIT! SHE'S A RAGING DYKE! BAD MOVE DISNEY, YOU'RE LETTING THE MUSLISMS TERRORISTS WIN!"

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I think she's just mad because she can't [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] to Tinkerbell anymore.

But Tink's new outfit is cute! She's really exaggerating how butch she looks, like it's impossible to see that she's a girl. Does those boots really look like something a man would wear, btw? What annoys me, is it seems like they've made Tinkerbell so much nicer than she really is (but maybe I should try watching the movie before I complain. I don't know).

Penguin wrote:

Never mind, I'm sure there were no human Nazis.

Of course not; everyone knows that only zombies could be Nazis!

*from a comment about her Watchmen review*

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1.This is a Hard-R rated film

2. It is not a children’s movie nor did I see any kids in the theatre
3.It does not glorify rape or murder
4. It was called “the apex of artistry” by Time magazine
5. Take off your pants and sit on your husbands cock
6. get back to the kitchen, bitch.

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I don’t apologize for cheering on the killing of Nazis. They were inhuman.

The greatest thing about conservatives is that they are what they hate.

Mr.Doobie wrote:

*from a comment about her Watchmen review*

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1.This is a Hard-R rated film

2. It is not a children’s movie nor did I see any kids in the theatre
3.It does not glorify rape or murder
4. It was called “the apex of artistry” by Time magazine
5. Take off your pants and sit on your husbands cock
6. get back to the kitchen, bitch.

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First four comments are relevant, last two are completely misogynistic and unnecessary and facepalm-worthy, unfortunately.

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I can’t imagine Disney redoing the cast of “The Lion King” and
dressing them for the North Pole. This is akin to that. And it’s
dumb. This isn’t about putting your girls in a less sexually-saturated
world. It’s about putting them in a more emasculated one, where the
men are girls and the Tinker Bells are men.
And that’s never a good thing. As I always say, matriarchical
societies die. They simply don’t have staying power. Butch Disney
characters for girls is not a positive development.

Wulfie? Can we go on a road trip now? I've got this sudden urge to strangle someone with my tie.

This woman's an idiot. I seriously can't help but wonder how she got to where she is. How did she get out of college without being beaten to death by her professors. She is a disgrace and I can't believe she calls herself a journalist. She's patently biased and is what gives us all such bad names. And then there's the fact that she's just a moron that doesn't understand entire cultures, but is apparently considered an actual expert on them. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] I can't believe she's a lawyer!

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For example, earlier this year, I noted that the New York Times reported that a U.S. Congressman, whom I believe is Republican Darrell Issa a/k/a “Jihad Darrell,” was caught on phone wiretaps talking ad nauseam with a known Islamic terrorist buddy. All the clues point to Issa, the Hezbollah’s (and Syria’s and Arafat’s and the Saudis’, etc., etc.) best friend in Congress.

Her little 'whom I believe' isn't going to protect her from a libel lawsuit if it turns out not to be him. I mean how the hell is she a lawyer?

And I happen to like Tinkerbell's new outfit, it seems to be Disney might be recognizing the sexualization of the icon and instead of marketing it to both adults and kids, are creating a new character and model to market to younger girls. Which basically means more money for Disney.