Adventures of Bad Spelling in the Pegasus Galaxy

This is my very first snark, so apologies if there is a lack of funny. This fic popped up on my LJ F-list for the SGA Community, which is usually filled with slash fiction, and for the first time in weeks it's non slash and it's a mary sue. So...Here we go...

Princess in the Pegasus Galaxy by GreenCasey

Step through the gate

We start off with finding out that there is a princess in the Pegasus Galaxy.

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In the Pegasus Galaxy, l there was a princess named Eve Phoenix, she was twenty.

Princesses in the Pegasus Galaxy...That's doable...But no clue what she is a princess of, a planet, city?

Then we get the normal sue description

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She had long dark brown hair, her eyes where one blue and one green.
Most of the time she wore a black mini skirt with a navy blue v-neck
t-shirt, she also wore knee high pair of black boot with laces all the
way to the top. She carried two hand guns that where sliver and had the ancients symbols on them.

Two colored eyes - check.
Impractical outfit - check
Those sliver sized handguns are not going to do you much good, especially not against the Wraith. And Ancient symbols are kind of everywhere in the galaxy.

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She loved to go off world threw the stargate, every chance she got.

Throwing the Stargate? Fuck, she's strong. Those things are massive and weigh a ton. And she's throwing them around.

By the way, that was only the first paragraph. And now that the description of our "protagonist" is over, lets get going with the action. Right into the middle of a planet at war.

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However on day when Eve went off world she ending up in a war, she went
into battle without knowing that she was being followed.

Battles happening at planets you arrive at? Perfectly plausible. The wisest option if you are a twenty year old girl in a miniskirt with teeeny handguns? Turn around and get the fuck out. Instead she goes into battle. Smart...

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He pulled
his gun on to Eve, just as he did Eve collapsed

And apparently so did the full stop from that sentence.

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When she woke up she was not in the woods anymore.

Please be in a dungeon. Please be in a dungeon. Please be in a dungeon.

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it was an infirmary.

Fuck.

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As she was looking around a man came up to her he had dark brown hair
and blue eyes. He was wearing a white lab coat. “It all right love,” he
said in a Scottish act sent.

Eve always notices someone's eye color. And that they send her acts. From the planet Earth, that she's probably never been to or heard of.

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“Where am I,” asked Eve looking around.

The one smart thing she does.
Our doctor with his Scottish act introduces himself as Carson Beckett, it's a shame he didn't get out of this fic... But then again Mary, er Eve, couldn't have another Mary Sue hanging around her fic. Eve's wound starts hurting, and as Carson tries to check it out, she ah so kindly punches him in the face and tries to bolt out.
Where the fuck are the guards? There are always guards, especially when aliens are brought into the city.

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She didn’t get far until she ran in to this tall man with dreadlocks
and brown eyes. He dress different from the doctor, he was in a black
singlet and brown leather pants.

RUN RONON RUN!

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He grabbed her, she tried to get away, and then she pasted out.

I know you can cut things out and paste things on, but how does one paste out?

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When she woke up, she was back in the infirmary she had restraints on
now. But as she looked at the end of the bed the guy from the woods was
there. “Now you can’t get away, my name John Sheppard,” he said.

They wised up, tied her up. Yay.

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“Mine is Eve Phoenix, were am I and why?” asked Eve.

“You’re in Atlantis and you collapsed on me,” replied John.

This happened in the woods on the unnamed planet where she stupidly ran into the battle.

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“The Home of the ancients and why didn’t you leave me there?” asked Eve.

It would have been the smart thing to do. But unfortunately John doesn't always think things through...

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“I didn’t leave you there, because you looked like a good person and
you need help. So can I take the restrains off you?” asked John as he
was walking over to her. Eve looked at him the pain came back, she
screamed.

I'm screaming on the inside.

Eve has a mystery wound that's green. I'm hoping it means she's turning into a wraith and has to be put down. Instead she's been poisoned, I know Carson is smart, but I didn't know he could diagnose people just by looking at them. Now, I'm hoping that's incurable and Eve will die.

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“this cured by a flower from the planet that were on,” she said with trying to move.

This fic? Okay!
...
Oh, you mean the poison...

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“How do you know that?” asked John getting up going over to Eve.

“I’m a doctor,” replied Eve as John was taking off her restraints.

“You too young,” said John as he jumped back in to bed.

Oh... A princess and a doctor.
Yeah, definitely a sue.

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“I’m twenty, be learning for as long as I can remember, what your only about twenty something yourself,” said Eve.

“I’m twenty five, so what have you learnt?” asked John with an interest.

*buzzer sound* WRONG! If this is set in season 2 or 3, John is a lt. colonel. 25 is an awfully young age to be a major... According to Stargate Wikia he was born in 1970...Season 2 is set lets say 2005, so he's about *pulls out calculator* 35. Unless John is lying so he can screw her. Which wouldn't surprise me at all.

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“Well I’m a fighter, sciences, doctor and born leader,” Eve said with a smile on her face.

She's science?

Part 2 of chapter 1 coming right up!

Part 2.

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“Well that my whole team right there,” John said laughing.

Except John's team is way funnier.

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Then the man with the dreadlocks and a woman with black pants, top and boots, she had light brown hair and brown eyes.

Why didn't you run when you had the chance Ronon? Why?
Eve bolts out of bed to hug Teyla, who turns out to be her long time friend. They grew up together. Teyla is such a nice girl, playing nice with everyone, and I'm sure Eve's people had something the Athosians needed.

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“Um going to like this girl,” said Ronon laughing.

Ah. Ronon did run and leave us with this version. He appears to be mid season 4. From Quarantine it seems. *phew*

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It was quite for a bit then John asks “how long are you going to stay with us?”

*hint hint* Leave!

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“When I paid my debt back to you,” replies Eve looking at Carson and John.

“You don’t have to pay us back, it what we do,” said John.

"Really, just go."

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“You can stay without a reason,” said John looking at Eve. Then as Eve
was about to speak, the words never made it, her eyes got heaver then
she closed them.

Please don't wake up. Please don't wake up. Please don't wake up.

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When she open them Teyla was standing there next to her bed “

Fuck.

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“You fell asleep and went in to a deep sleep and then we got back before you died,” replied Teyla.

Couldn't they have been a bit slower? They could've used the battle on the planet as an excuse for taking so long.

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“How John?” asked Eve.

*sniffs air* I smell...A love interest.

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“Teyla what it like here?” asked Eve looking her in the eyes.

Eve has a thing about eyes.

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Then Eve looks around and then at John “I like to stay here, I think I
can learn from you and the people here, if it ok with you?” asked Eve
as she was looking at John.

Please say no. Please say no.

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“That be fine but there is only one thing you got to do,” replied John with a smile on his face.

"You have to let us use you as a snack for Steve"

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“You got to be on my team,” replied John. Eve looked at Teyla, and then she looked at John.

I am sure this is an elaborate ploy to make sure she dies quickly.

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“You’re going to tech Eve how to be a better doctor, because she a great doctor,” said John.

Oooh! Maybe it's replicator Atlantis!

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Ronon came up to her he put his arm out and said “let me show you
around,” Eve grabbed it and they started to walk around. As they
walking around Ronon were telling Eve on how he came to Atlantis and
that he was from Sateda.

Definitely not the normal Atlantis or the normal Ronon.

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“What kind of doctor are you?” asked Eve with a smile on her face, Rodney’s face was surprised.

“Um, science,” replied Rodney.

“Eve here is a doctor too,” said John.

“What type of doctor are you?” asked Rodney.

“Um,
both, However I’m more medical,” replied Eve. The face on everyone was
shocked, part from Teyla’s. “But your only twenty,” said John.

Yes, we've established that Eve is only twenty. And Rodney where is the snark?

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Rodney asks “define everything?”

That's it?

Elizabeth shows up. She doesn't seem to like Eve. Or the fact that John told her she could stay without asking her. I'm thinking that the author doesn't like Weir. Elizabeth is angry, understandably. Thankfully someone is still in character. Then we move to Eve's quarters that thankfully seem like everyone else and then

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Then a young man walked in he was in an army uniform, he had brown hair
and eyes. He went up to John and whispered something in his ear. Then
he turned around and saw Eve standing there, he went over to her and
hold his hand out and said, “My name is Lt. Aden Ford,”

He's supposed to be dead. Wait... That's Aiden Ford. Nevermind.

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“well my room just across the hall. So if there is anything that you want or need, just knock,”

John is very helpful. He's definitely looking to get laid. Though usually he doesn't have to go through that much trouble.

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Then Ronon ask “how come you never said that to me?”

“Well your ... Ronon,” replied John looking at everyone.

"And you're lacking a vagina"

That was chapter 1 folks. Chapter 2 tomorrow.