Delcat: Okay, we're ready to rock. You wanna look up music or anything?
Zeiss: Let me see...
Zeiss: While I'm searching, do you want to tell everyone at home about what we're snarking?
Delcat: Sure thing.
Delcat: So, like eight years ago, my sister went to a con with her friends. One of them found a copy of a really janky-looking doujinshi, and Seiran and four of her buddies each chipped in a dollar to buy it. Much hilarity was had over it, and since no one really wanted it, Seiran took it home to show me, where
more hilarity was had. She gave it to me, but since it was impossible to fap to even at the tender age of fourteen (and I fapped to some
terrible porn at the tender age of fourteen), I put it in a closet and forgot about it.
Zeiss: Beautiful. And I believe I have found the perfect selection to accompany it:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]Delcat: Years later, I became a lurker on /y/, and noticed frequent requests for said doujinshi. At first I was too lazy to do anything about it, but they were so common that I eventually went "Enh, why not?" and scanned the entire thing, half-snarking it as I went. It was a hit, with three or four macros popping up for it on the spot, and to my embarrassment, it became the
first archived thread on /y/.
Zeiss: And our second selection:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]Zeiss: So, Del, how well do you think it's aged?
Delcat: I think that's about it, although I will mention that I'm not the first to scan it--I once found a doujinshi site that had it marked as archived, but with the note "This was too crappy to waste bandwidth on any longer" on the scans page.
Delcat: Well, Zeiss, some things are timeless. This is one of those things. Granted, that's because it didn't have any quality to decrease over time, but the point stands.
Zeiss: Oh, goody. Care to get us started?
Delcat: Only if you're ready for the wonder of...ANAL FANTASY.
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Zeiss: Wow, this even makes the Mars symbol flaccid.
Delcat: "I can feel it kicking!"
"You're not the father :D"
"What :D"
Delcat: This is going to come to an unfortunate end once that gunblade falls off the logo.
Zeiss: "Hoos a good penis? Hoos a good penis?"
Delcat: Squall, we sit like a
lady when we wear the purple undies.
Zeiss: Is Squall the one with the maroon hair?
Delcat: Yeah, and I can't recall the blonde dude's name, since this is like the
one Final Fantasy game I haven't played. What should we name him?
Zeiss: I dunno, I was just wondering why Maroon Guy is wearing a bikini top.
Delcat: It goes well with his bikini jacket.
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Zeiss: Oh wow, bikini bottoms too.
Delcat: The tongues in the panel look less like a doujinshi kiss and more like a mutual THBBBBT.
Delcat: Bikini bottoms are the only thing that will cover their woman-hips.
Zeiss: I think that their spacial awareness is gonked and they can't tell who or what to lick. They're just stuck there, tongues and brains lolling.
Delcat: Funny, that's exactly how most people look after reading this.
Zeiss: Panels 3-4: HOW TO PENETRATE THE ANUS IN TWO EASY STEPS
Zeiss: IS THE ANUS LEAKING ECTOPLASM? GOOD!
Delcat: Is there a pill for the erectile dysfunction of having a dick growing out of your thigh?
Zeiss: I don't think it's attatched to anybody, it's just...there.
Delcat: "Hey guys, how am I hanging?"
Zeiss: It was just minding its business in the church attic when all of a sudden it got trapped in this.
Zeiss: Seriously, they're fucking in front of a
Myst level.
Delcat: Yeah, they actually hate each other, but this is the only way to get the last marble that they need for the door lock.
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Zeiss: "Who are you who are so skilled in the ways of buggery?"
Delcat: Why is he screwing him through a...random block of wood or something, what even is that
Zeiss: I can't decide if that's his dick or his arm.
Delcat: Furthermore, either that is an uncomfortably tight asshole, or the dick/arm cut off suddenly right before penetrating him.
Zeiss: "It comes naturally when I see your CUTE BUTT and TIGHT ASSHOLE, available at participating Kmart locations!"
Delcat: Protip to mangaka: When doing a yaoi book, trace men, not women.
Zeiss: "Let's turn to this stool. Stool, what do you think about all of this?"
Delcat: "Frankly, I'm shocked. Those 2-D types are so pervy."
Delcat: Another protip: It's good for characters having sex to look like they're enjoying it, not like it's vaguely irritating for all parties involved.
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Delcat: Okay, that's a little betteOH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING TO BLONDE DUDE'S LEG
Zeiss: Wow,
Dizzy Gillespie was reincarnated as a penis?
Delcat: This doujinshi is really uncannily like if P.L. Nunn decided to do a comic.
Zeiss: Squall looks just as confused as us in the bottom panel.
Delcat: The pasted-on dicks, the idiotic facial expressions, the vaguely unnerving coloring...it has her stench all over it.
Zeiss: Panel 2: Oh great, that other cock is a faucet.
Zeiss: THIS PAGE:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]Delcat: Whereas Seifer looks like a 50's greaser and then gets an expression of "Oh, cookies are done!" with accompanying visual "ding".
Zeiss: SEIFER NO DURFING, SEIFER NO DURFING, SEIFER NOOOOOO DURFING
Delcat: I don't have a dick, but I'm kind of uncomfortable looking at that second panel. Is it supposed to...bend like that?
Zeiss: Like I said, it's got a faucet attachment.
Delcat: Oh hey, there's a sad face on Squall's chest in the last panel, complete with nose.
Zeiss:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] FAP TO THIS"
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Zeiss: I told you his cock was Dizzy!
Delcat: They're awfully talkative for people jizzing Photoshop 7 smudge effects.
Zeiss: You know, I should probably clear this up, but men typically don't ejaculate milkweeds.
Delcat: Thank God, milkweed sap tastes
terrible. But that does raise a question over why there are caterpillars making chrysalises in your pants, Zeiss.
Zeiss: THEY'RE ONLY DOING IT FOR THE WINTER
Zeiss: Oh, and I'm probably applying too much het logic to this, but wouldn't the point of making a yaoi manga be to actually
spend time on drawing cocks?
Delcat: I can't tell if Seifer's cock is badly foreshortened or actually bigger than his head.
Delcat: That would imply time was spent in this in general.
Delcat: Panel 1: When in doubt...
Zeiss: Squall's in the first panel is sporting a jaunty little hat.
Delcat: Seifer's is bunching up in a horrible fashion.
Zeiss: Yet another lovemaking session spoiled by a case of the Talking Balls.
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Delcat: SUDDENLY, SHADING
Zeiss: SUDDENLY, COCKS WITH JOINTS IN THEM
Delcat: It's like a literal trouser snake, except minus the trousers.
Zeiss: It looks like a walrus!
Delcat: Seriously, Squall, you could have spent two seconds at least grabbing a blanket. Also, your shirt is staying up for no reason.
Zeiss: I think it's just actually that size, and the creases are an optical illusion.
Delcat: His socks crack me up, for srs.
Delcat: I think I could use the top of his head as a level for various home improvement prokects.
Zeiss: Those aren't socks, he was just standing shin-deep in lucite.
Delcat: Is his thumb on backwards? Ouch.
Zeiss: Hey, let's try to find parts of his anatomy that
aren't wrong!
Delcat: ...CERTAIN STRANDS OF HIS PUBIC HAIR??
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Zeiss: That is the saddest-looking dong I have ever seen.
Delcat: Zeiss, your professional opinion: Semi-erect dick on cold ground feels...?
Zeiss: ARRRGH
Delcat: I thought so.
Zeiss: OH, IF ONLY THEY WERE FUCKING IN THE PANTS FACTORY NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED
Delcat: "I wish I could rest my arms on something, but I don't exist in the same dimension as the background. I'll just have to lean in its general direction and pretend."
Delcat: U gonna get raped. No, seriously.
Zeiss: So the chair is the sphere traveling through the rectangle?
Delcat: He's having a breather in the middle of the aurora borealis.
Delcat: Panel 5: ...Santa?
Zeiss: It's like the floor was patterned with Fruity Pebbles.
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Zeiss: COME, LET US SPEAK IN JPOP SONG TITLES
Zeiss: ...Actually, they're more like Morrissey songs when I think about it.
Delcat: So Squall and Leon are the same person, IIRC, so selfcest whooooo or something? I don't know, I don't think the mangaka cares.
Zeiss: Obviously, this is his alter ego from the dimension the furniture exists in.
Delcat: Panel 5: Amazing! This "perspective" thing creates the illusion that we're in the manga! I can almost smell his sad little dick freezing to the pavement!
Delcat: He pulls him up too fast and a layer of skin is left behind, frozen onto the stone
Zeiss: This is the worst Christmas Story doujin I've ever read.
Delcat: You've read more than one?
Delcat: How did he know this would happen? Is he a dong psychic?
Zeiss: Panel 4: HIS COLLAPSE HAS SHRUNK MY FACE
Delcat: The church denounces this manga. Literally.
Zeiss: It's already disassociating itself as far as dimension goes.
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Delcat: Blue's Clues: The Lost Episode
Zeiss:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]Zeiss: More like the rejected
QI intro.
Delcat: That is a tiny-ass magnifying glass...well, in the first panel, it doubles in size for the next one. Handy, that.
Zeiss: Why are we just focusing on the magnifying glass? This page is a veritable smorgassboard of WHUT
Delcat: IT BOTHERS ME OKAY
Delcat: Can't they just mouth-fuck him, or jerk off into his mouth?
Zeiss: BUT BEWARE, THEY HAVE VERY SMALL LENSES
Zeiss: Clearly you do not understand the lost art of Samurai Dong Magic.
Delcat: I like that Squall is sitting informally. This pleases me.
Zeiss: Extra credit: Read this page in Olmec's voice.
Delcat: Panel 6: Squall's scar is levitating off of his face.
Zeiss: It's ascending to a higher plane of existence. You know, the one with the weapons.
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Delcat: Leon: he's buying it he's buying it I can't believe he's buying it
Squall: stupid blowjob face
Zeiss: "Okay, so the cock goes in the...lips? No, mouth!...what the
fuck am I doing?"
Delcat: Really, this page coasts on Squall's expressions alone.
Zeiss: Panel 2: cool penis bro
Delcat: In the first one, he's acting like hands have never existed before.
Delcat: In the third, one eye is wandering to the left and the other is rolling straight back in his head.
Zeiss: Which way does this thing read, anyway? I'm reading it L->R.
Delcat: And in the fifth, he was just sitting there going DERP DERP DERP and Leon shoved it in impatiently.
Delcat: I honestly have a hard time telling. I think it's meant to go L-R, but they forget to flip pages sometimes. CLASSY.
Zeiss: DERP Panel: HEY THIS AIN'T NO CORN DOG
Delcat: Although if this one was R-L, the second panel would be a priceless reaction face.
Delcat: "Okay, my cock is ready to be sucked now."
"...not following you dude :|"
Zeiss: Squall: By Request Only.
Delcat: ZEISS, ARE YOU READY TO GO BACK IN TIME TO THE AGE OF THE SAMURAIS??
Zeiss: ARE THESE THE 2-D SAMURAIS OR THE 3-D SAMURAIS?
Delcat: JUST SUCK IT DUDE
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Delcat: Jeez, Leon's got a hair trigger.
Zeiss: ONE DONG MAKES YOU LARGER AND ONE DONG MAKES YOU SMALLLLLL
Delcat: BOY, SQUALL SURE DOES HAVE A
BONE ON FOR LEON AMIRITE
Zeiss: Is Squall wearing himself as a wristwatch?
Delcat: Well, if you're time traveling, you're the only time that matters, you know?
Delcat: And it reads accurately--it is, in fact, dong o'clock.
Zeiss: "My mistake - the sperm will only get you to
Cottonwoodhill, not Japan."
Delcat: Wait a second, when I sucked off a hobo in a back alley that promised to send me back in time with his magical sperm, all I got was the HIV! I want my money back!
Zeiss: I keep imagining that Leon keeps a white van with TIME MACHINE INSIDE painted on it.
Delcat: ...I think I finally just figured out how this works. There must have been a mishap with the Tenth Doctor and Captain Jack and THIS was born.
Delcat: I mean, where else are you going to get time travel and gratuitous blowjobs in the same place?
Zeiss: "Mr. Wells, what on Earth are you writing?" "Bugger off, pageboy!"
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Delcat: Samurai: which way are the panels going I'm lost
Squall: BANG BANG YOU'RE DEAD
Zeiss: If by "Samurai Age", you mean "Triassic Period", then yes.
Zeiss: oh god that fourth panel
Delcat: Seriously, the panels are playing ping-pong by this point. It clearly starts on the right side, but ends on the right side as well. Time travel fucks with layouts, I guess.
Zeiss: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MOOBSDelcat: CH-KUNK, LOCKED AND LOADED
Delcat: random belt that terminates mid-leg
Delcat: Hey, wait, where'd the pants come from?
Zeiss: PANTS FROM THE PANTS DIMENSION
Zeiss: Even in the aetherium, his shirt stays up.
Delcat: Seiran suggested that the Doctor went by in the TARDIS and dropped them off. "Here, lad, no one wants to see that!"
Zeiss: I swear, stick a little beanie onto that cock and you'd have Homestar.
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Zeiss: ATTENTION: YOU ARE NOW HEARING THIS COMIC IN HOMESTAR RUNNER VOICES
Delcat: I wish this was the reaction in more smut. You know...the realistic one.
Delcat: "my finger is like a foot long can you help me with that please"
Zeiss: Kenshin: WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT WAH-WAH PANEL COMING FROM
Zeiss: Squall: CHECK IT OUT IT'S A COCK
Delcat: Squall is standing in a permanent sashay in the last panel there.
Zeiss: Kenshin: :|
Zeiss: Squall: DID I MENTION THAT THAT IS A COCK? IT BELONGS TO ME
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Delcat: Whew, I was afraid we'd get to the end of this thing without any squirrel rape. Worries unfounded!
Zeiss: "Let me just POKE YOUR BALLS REAL HARD"
Delcat: Kenshin: Eeeeeeew, this is groooooss!
Zeiss: Squall: AW SHIT I MISSED AGAIN
Delcat: What even...I can't tell what the hell position he's in, his hips are going in like three directions at once.
Delcat: And his arms a further four.
Delcat: And his one leg just disappears mid-thigh.
Zeiss: I think he got splinched somewhere in the vortex.
Delcat: Actually, the squirrels look kind of stacked. I would rather be reading a manga about squirrel-stacking.
Zeiss: The squirrels remind me of that dice game with the pigs.
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Delcat: So, I don't have any real experience with cocks, but is a "pink, shiny head" actually a good thing?
Delcat: It looks more like it was scraped raw.
Zeiss: I think they all have Photoshop installed in their balls.
Delcat: You mean that isn't standard?
Zeiss: Well, most of us excercise more restraint.
Zeiss: There's a time for screwing around with image curves and the bedroom isn't it.
Delcat: These are the most casual orgasms I've ever seen.
Delcat: Panel 3: "Durr...is it raining?"
Zeiss: Squall's just kind of mugging in that last panel.
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Delcat: I hate to pull this one again when I did it for the Chick tract, but since I said it for the original thread: The speech bubble arrows have ceased to have any meaning in relation to who's actually saying them. We are now in Mark Trail.
Zeiss: Kenshin: OH GREAT HE'S GOT
ISSUESZeiss: What the hell is he sucking in that last panel? It's like an Escherian impossible object made out of skin.
Delcat: Is tasting his asshole a good thing? Doesn't rimming generally require some...preparation that presumably has not happened?
Zeiss: Apparently the Black Hole Of Photoshop took care of that one too.
Delcat: Whatever it is, he's certainly good at talking around it. Is this actually a combination of burlesque and ventriloquism? Is he going to drink a glass of semen while Kenshin's asshole sings "Row, Row, Row Your Cock"?
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Delcat: Just because you're cockgobbling doesn't mean you can't carry on a civil conversation. Remember that, Zeiss.
Zeiss: Hey, that cock's got his hi-beams on in daytime! That's not very polite.
Delcat: Despite the lens flare in Panel 2, I believe this doujinshi takes place on a dark day which the sun does not shine on.
Zeiss: ...The quality of drawing steadily decreases as we go from taint to tip.
Delcat: Much like the area where that cock is going to end up.
Delcat: Do you mean that in terms of literal anatomy or terms of beginning to finish? Because yes.
Zeiss: I mean in terms of everything. I'm surprised they were bothered to color it.
Delcat: But how else could they flood it with Photoshop filters?
Delcat: SPEAKING OF WHICH
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Delcat: We now enter a world of neon pink flamingos and painful inaccuracies regarding anal sex. Yep, it's Sunday in /y/.
Zeiss: Special thanks to Roseart for helping out with this page.
Delcat: Yet another mark against them and their INFERIOR crayons >(
Zeiss: Okay, even
I know that anal sex does not work like this.
Delcat: That "bumhole" looks quite loose enough already, thank you.
Delcat: Are they fucking in a patch of sawgrass? They are going to regret that later.
Zeiss: I didn't know it was
possible for the art to get any worse.
Zeiss: It's like I really
am reading "How To Draw Manga"!
Delcat: I wish there was a yaoi edition of "How to Draw Manga". The world needs it.
Zeiss: All you would have to do would be just to reprint this doujin and stamp "DON'T DO THIS" on the cover.
Delcat: But it doesn't even touch on the issue of shoulders!
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Delcat: Okay, I've been holding back because this page is the best illustrator, but do you know whose cock they used for a model in this?
Zeiss: I don't see how it "fits perfectly", given that his cock has to bend at a 30-degree angle in order to make it in.
Delcat:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] EXACTLY
Delcat: I mean really is that uncanny or what
Zeiss:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]Delcat: Life imitates art imitates crazy autistic man's dong.
Delcat: "What are you guys doing?"
"Making pancakes. What does it LOOK like?"
Zeiss:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]Zeiss: oh god now i'm getting Leslita flashbacks
Delcat: Panel 2: Squall realizes belatedly that his dick has just cracked in half.
Delcat: This doujin really has an obsession with people wearing stuff on their feet while fucking.
Delcat: I'm not sure if it's a kink or just laziness.
Zeiss: Given that these people have Liefield-worthy talent for anatomy, it's probably for the best.
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Delcat: Oh buggery fuck, cocksparkles. Look out, boys, that's contagious.
Zeiss: Bird: JUST AS PLANNED
Delcat: Poor bird, they forgot to draw in his other leg :<
Delcat: I object to the term "queer boy". Squall is clearly so far away from bisexual he couldn't even see it on a clear day.
Zeiss: I wonder how much RAM their balls are taking up, what with all those effects...
Delcat: They have to double-compress their Cowper's glands just to take a piss.
Zeiss: I like Redhaired Not!Vash's expression: I KNOW GUYS IS THIS AWESOME OR WHAT
Delcat: I would ask where glasses-dude's pants went, but admittedly we don't know that he was wearing them to begin with.
Delcat: So you don't know or care who these guys are either? Awesome.
Zeiss: Hey, his glasses are gone too!
Delcat: Would
you want to keep looking at this? His expression isn't "THIS IS COOL", it's "HA HA I'M SPARED THIS DEBACLE BY SWEET LEGAL BLINDNESS"
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Delcat: that is one hell of a wet wiggle-noodle
Zeiss: It's an inchworm!
Zeiss: Boy, the shrubs are really exploding today.
Delcat: Now, Zeiss, that's just impolite. It's clearly at least a five-inchworm.
Zeiss: Hey, it's a step up from a duck.
Zeiss: All Kenshin is missing in that panel is the bubble pipe.
Delcat: Panel 3: PLBBBBBT
Delcat: And two eyes of equal sizes.
Zeiss: So, do
you have any idea what a "Scall" is?
Delcat: Some kind of lizard, I believe?
Delcat: Is...is that a navel? On his BACK? wtf anatomy.
Zeiss: wtf everything really
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Delcat: Speaking of wtf anatomy...
Delcat: Red-haired dude: HEY I HAVE PANTS NOW AND MY GLASSES ARE BACK
Zeiss: Holy shit, what circumsized that guy? A cookie cutter?
Delcat: Didn't you see that "Will It Blend?" video? Very controversial.
Zeiss: Squall: THESE COCKS DON'T LOOK AS MAGICAL AS I WAS LED TO BELIEVE
Delcat: Why is it so fucking hard for mangaka to draw heads in proportion to their respective bodies? I'm getting tired of making micro/macrocephaly jokes, and that's saying something because -cephaly is a hilarious suffix.
Zeiss: Looks like
someone can't figure out how a Chinese finger trap works.
Delcat: Zeiss, you're brilliant! Chinese cocktraps! We'll make a fortune! You make the prototype, I'll write the copy.
Zeiss: Alright, but I ain't gonna test it.
Delcat: Don't worry, that's what we've got Unskilled and Mikey for.
Delcat: P.S.: Make sure the cloth is nice and sandpapery.
Zeiss: It's a shame that quamp left so soon...
Delcat: You know he'd like it.
Zeiss: ONE SHIPMENT OF STEEL WOOL A-COMIN'
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Delcat: Squall's dick: Ribbed for your pleasure. And by "ribbed", I mean "random chunks bitten out of".
Zeiss: It looks like this isn't the first time they've tried tying him.
Delcat: "Let's play hard! Here, put on this blindfold. Squall's the pinata and your dicks are the sticks!"
"I NO LONGER LIKE THE AGE OF THE SAMURAIS"
Zeiss: Dreadlocks Guy: I'M SORRY THERE'S JUST A BIT OF WARHEAD ON THE TIP OF MY TONGUE AND I CAN'T UNSTICK IT 'CAUSE IT'S SOUR AND OWWWWWWW
Delcat: Panel 2: PWBBBBBT
Delcat: Seriously what is with all the dudes blowing raspberries
Zeiss: Panel 1: WE WORK HARD, WE PLAY HARD
Zeiss: I'm expecting someone's cock to be doing PBBBT noises next
Delcat: Maybe that's why they're so pink?
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Zeiss: Del that didn't make any sense
Zeiss: Could it be that all this is finally starting to wear on you?
Delcat: IF THE MANGA DOESN'T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE, THEN NEITHER DO I
Delcat: PURPLE CAR ASS COATHANGER GERBIL CUNTERY
Zeiss: SUNNYFISH MELONJELLY BALL IN THE JACK HEY MEATWAGON NOW
Delcat: oh hey there's a narrator hi narrator where did you come from
Delcat: "We're not going to show you more than one panel of said ravaging, however. What did you expect? We're too lazy to look back a whopping eight pages to check the spelling of 'samurai', and you think we're gonna give you extra art? Ha!"
Delcat: Panel 2: THBBBBBT in the EAR
Zeiss: Dreadlocks Guy steals the show, really.
Delcat: Squall's balls are just a featureless void plane. And also fun to say. Squall's balls Squall's balls Squall's balls.
Zeiss: Hey, where's that fourth cock coming from? Don't tell me the narrator's in this too...
Zeiss: WE GOTTA FIND A BAD DOUJIN, THAT'S THE THING TO DO, WE FIND A BAD DOUJIN 'CAUSE IT'S
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Delcat: Likewise, there's no way they're going to proof the color plates to check for little things like...I don't know...SQUALL'S ASSHOLE SUDDENLY BECOMING AN EYEBALL.
Zeiss: Isn't there some creature in Japanese mythology that's really like that? That might explain a lot.
Zeiss: His area looks like an anteater.
Delcat: I think there's a kind of oni with an eyeball vagina, but the closest this manga has ever been to a vagina is the depths of my closet.
Delcat: Are you suggesting they shove ants down his urethra next? Zeiss, you are a sick motherfucker.
Zeiss: YOU MUST SHOVE THESE ANTS IN YOUR DICK TO GAIN ACCESS TO THE TEMPLE OF THE MONKEY
Delcat: "Mmm, let me just lick ass juice off my fingers while I hump the sawgrass, that gets me off like nothin' else"
Zeiss: "I AM NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY I AM"
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Delcat: A CHALLENGER APPROACHES!
Zeiss: With special guest Mark Hammill.
Delcat: *rides the waves* WHEEEEEE
Zeiss: Or Peter Hammill, by the looks of it.
Delcat: Background of Panel 1 courtesy of Mrs. Tillman's kindergarten class. Fun with sponges!
Delcat: Hey, this guy doesn't belong here. He isn't wearing socks and he's drawn semi-competently.
Zeiss: It looks more like the cover to some bad Krautrock album. The kind with angry German guys screaming about flaming trees.
Delcat: Are they flaming
epileptic trees, though? ...oh, wait, they kind of are.
Zeiss: Background of Panel 2, courtesty of some bad '90s Electronica act's graphic designer.
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Delcat: At this point in the original thread, I think I just broke down cursing and screaming "YOU ASKED FOR THIS, /y/"
Zeiss: I
KNEW DIZZY GILLESPIE WAS INVOLVED IN THIS
Delcat: BUT HOW CAN YOU DAM IT IF IT DOESN'T FIT
Zeiss: It's...like some really bad SAT analogy.
Delcat: humpin' in the sawgrass on the astral plane
Delcat: "Dick is to frog as..."
Delcat: I've got it! Dick is to frog as Del is to WHY ISN'T THIS FUCKING OVER YET
Zeiss: Is he
breathing through it? Is that the secret?
Delcat: If that's the case, he can suck cock WITH his cock!
Delcat: Zeiss, remind me to call Unskilled a cockstraw next time he fails.
Zeiss: yo squall i herd you like cocks
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Delcat: How fast do you
usually control your ass, Squall?
Zeiss: i'm sorry comic but whut
Zeiss: Is he turning his fist into a dick?
Delcat: Better than turning your dick into a fist, all things considered.
Zeiss: I think Squall's just phoning it in now, really.
Delcat: His cock achieves a 90-degree angle in that last panel, though, so that's something.
Zeiss: ...even the fist-cock is going PBBBBBBBBBBBBBBT
Delcat: I TOLD YOU
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Delcat: I am starting to suspect the word "translation" is not something that can be accurately applied to this dialogue, but rather "Look at it and put down what you think they're saying, we've got another dozen books to shoot off before lunch".
Delcat: God, they can't even draw the bottle the same way twice.
Zeiss: I think everyone involved just gave up at this point.
Delcat: Can we?
Zeiss:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]Delcat: C'mon, what could possibly happen that's more bizarre than the rest of it?
Zeiss: Fourth panel: ROLL UP, ROLL UP FOR THE MYSTERY COCK
Zeiss: Last panel: Gah, that thing looks like a
probiscis...
Delcat: Man, he's really not paying attention. Only the one guy was wearing the Chinese Cocktrap (tm), a product of Zeiss and Del and Sons, soon to be sold at stores near you!
Zeiss: It's fun for half of the family! Which half, I don't know.
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Delcat: Kenshin tries to give the Shocker, then realizes the vagina part is moot and gets confused and stops halfway.
Zeiss: When was this thing made? 'Cause it looks like Kenshin is making the KIRAAA~ gesture, which didn't crop up until a few years ago.
Zeiss: Or maybe he's just trying to be classy.
Delcat: Like I said, I've had this since I was a small thing, so it couldn't be.
Delcat: Where did the feathers come from? Is Sephiroth waiting for his chance to play Cock Roulette?
Delcat: Protip: Cock Roulette is a no-win game. All of the guns are loaded.
Zeiss: Oh dear, Slifer's been left alone so long that someone has started to jumble his layers in Photoshop!
Delcat: Panel 3: Rayman hand
Zeiss: I'm not even sure if it even is his.
Delcat: How the hell does he hope to see them again sometime? They live in Bumfuck A.D. They're DEAD by now.
Zeiss: Hey, no one's going PBBBBBBBBBBBBT in this one!
Delcat: HUZZAH!
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Delcat: AND THEN THIS HAPPENS
Zeiss: And what happened next? Well, in Squallville they say, that the poor Slifer's cock grew five sizes that day!
Delcat: Way to jam your foot in your boyfriend's urethra there, Squall.
Jerk.
Zeiss: Y'know, it's a minor gripe, but the dialogue never fit the art
at all.Zeiss: It's like one of those badly dubbed Russo-Finnish movies where everyone just tries to cram as much exposition as they possibly can into one sentence.
Delcat: I really do think it was bought dirt-cheap and dubbed instead of actually translated. Honestly, I can't blame them.
Delcat: The fourth panel there was probably originally just "NANIIIIIII?! *wah wah wah*"
Zeiss: SQUALLOVANOVITCH'S COCK HAS GROWN TO LARGE LENGTHS, AND THIS IS A PROBLEM FOR ME BECAUSE COCKS THAT SIZE ARE MUCH TOO BIG! THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT COCK OF HIS!
Delcat: It's also utterly devoid of sound effects, did you notice?
Delcat: I'm half-convinced it's German or something.
Zeiss: Well, that might not be German, but this is:
Zeiss:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]Zeiss: And that about sums it up.
Delcat: Yeah, that'll do it. Like I put in the scan, Zeiss, let us never speak of this again.
Zeiss: I gotta say, it was worse than I had expected.
Zeiss:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]Delcat: They pulled it out at the end, is all. Out of their pants, that is.
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