Join The Quest For The Magical Sex Toilet In "Take Me To Ariake!" (COMPLETE 9/7)

A long time ago, back in the yonder days of the House, there was a thread I worked on for the better part of the board’s life that told the story of the oddest piece of smut I have ever seen. The porn in question was Anal Justice 2 by Toshihiro “Sanpei Kamirenjaku” Ono. Its quirks, as detailed in that thread, were numerous - its misplaced naiveté, its fanatical ravings about penises, its phenomenally odd plot, and the fact that it was made by the same guy who wrote The Electric Tale Of Pikachu, among others. Inkweaver, bless her heart, was able to retrieve the recap in that last, frantic hour of the Houses’ life, but instead of simply reposting it here (which I still plan to do sometime along the line), I decided to give the board some new content instead.

InkWeaver expressed interest in doing a joint snark, and a target was selected; Take Me To Ariake!, another Ono manga that I had sitting on my hard drive. My approach this time is a bit different; whereas the AJ2 thread was simply a redo of an older snark I wrote for Livejournal, I’m going into this one completely blind. I have not read this manga in advance, and neither has Inkweaver, and what you see here are our pure, untamed, initial reactions to this strange, strange comic.

NOTE: One of the things we soon discovered about this one was that it has a tad more lolicon focus than AJ2.
As we are wary of the demands of the One Rule, I have personally taken the liberty of censoring the entire manga in such a way as to annihilate any possible eroticism within it.

EDIT 7/21/09: Having made our way through a sizable portion of the book so far, I can now safely say what the plot concerns. It is about a group of very horny people going to an anime convention to search for a magic sex-enhancing toilet.

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Zeiss Manifold: ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO GO THROUGH WITH THIS
InkWeaver: YES.
InkWeaver: As long as you go through the trouble of posting it all XD
Zeiss Manifold: HERE WE GO

Quote :

Cover

Zeiss Manifold: SUDDENLY, PERSPECTIVE
InkWeaver: AAAAH
InkWeaver: the banana boobs!
Zeiss Manifold: The monster named Ono is attacking the city!
InkWeaver: it's hiding behind that kids' face!
Zeiss Manifold: I like the look on that person on the front cover
Zeiss Manifold: "Yes, I see there are tits, but what is in it for me?"
Zeiss Manifold: WELL HOLD ON MISTER
Zeiss Manifold: CAPTAIN ONO'S GONNA SHOW YA
InkWeaver: HAHAHA
InkWeaver: I just realized the two naked chicks on the right
InkWeaver: are in the clouds
InkWeaver: above a city
InkWeaver: they are giant and naked
InkWeaver: people are staring into the GIANT VAGINAS
Zeiss Manifold: either that or they are falling from orbit

Quote :

Page 2

Zeiss Manifold: AND THE COCKS ARE SPOTTED
InkWeaver: oh god
InkWeaver: CUPS OF JIZZ
InkWeaver: WHY?
InkWeaver: Is that like their morning coffee in Ono's world?
Zeiss Manifold: this reminds me of that sharpie commercial
Zeiss Manifold: except this time the guy returned to get his revenge
Zeiss Manifold: AND LITTLE BILLY'S BIRTHDAY PARTY WAS RUINED
Zeiss Manifold: wait wait wait
Zeiss Manifold: the comic
InkWeaver: ... there are dicks
InkWeaver: swinging around
InkWeaver: in the second panel.
Zeiss Manifold: I KNOW
Zeiss Manifold: but the first three panels
InkWeaver: FOR NO REASON
InkWeaver: THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT HOUSING
Zeiss Manifold: it plays out like some sort of pornographic Japanese Archie comic
Zeiss Manifold: I mean, it's the same kind of humor
Zeiss Manifold: oh god
InkWeaver: let us juxtapose this talk of housing with an extremely interesting panel filled with dicks!
Zeiss Manifold: what would it be like if every panel was like that
Zeiss Manifold: moving on

Quote :

Page 3

Zeiss Manifold: credits
InkWeaver: is ono gay
InkWeaver: or does he just like anal sex
InkWeaver: or does he like chicks doing each other
Zeiss Manifold: i don't even know
InkWeaver: I just cannot figure this out.
Zeiss Manifold: hopefully this comic will be an enlightening look into his psyche

Quote :

Page 5 (4 is a blank page)

Zeiss Manifold: MORE GIANT WOMEN
InkWeaver: LOOK
InkWeaver: AT THE SIZE
InkWeaver: OF HER ASS
Zeiss Manifold: and stock photography
InkWeaver: YOU COULD HAVE FUCKING TEA ON THAT
Zeiss Manifold: OH MY GOD INKY
Zeiss Manifold: LOOK AT HER BUTT
Zeiss Manifold: IT IS SOOOO BIG
InkWeaver: are they like
InkWeaver: on a tennis court
InkWeaver: or on a roof
Zeiss Manifold: they're in an empty void
Zeiss Manifold: duh

Quote :

Page 6

Zeiss Manifold: TABLE OF CONTENTS
Zeiss Manifold: the only page without cocks

TO BE CONTINUED

I can't imagine how we are getting overlooked here. Maybe when we post more...

IT GETS WORSE, PEOPLE.

Overlooked? No.

Too shocked and horrified by what we're hearing about? Terrified beyond the capacity for semi-rational thought?

Yeah.

O.o That man, He stares into my soul!

I don't know what's more disturbing: the pictures themselves or the Heino faces used to cover up the naughty parts.

Wait, wait, wait... the girl with socks is supposed to be... what, exactly? A minor or a really short person? Because if it's the first... daaaamn.

Quote :

Page 7

Zeiss Manifold: Two things Ono can draw well: cocks and apartments

Quote :

Page 8

Zeiss Manifold: "Now here's the layout for this page:"
Zeiss Manifold: "SEX - SEX - river"
InkWeaver: hold on
InkWeaver: I love
InkWeaver: that close up shot of an anus and a dick
Zeiss Manifold: what is that tit doing
InkWeaver: I had to sort of tilt my head sideways to understand that panel.
InkWeaver: Oh god that tit
InkWeaver: is trying to get away
Zeiss Manifold: "Well, here's what you're in for"
Zeiss Manifold: it looks like a mole

Quote :

Page 9

Zeiss Manifold: "FUCKING - FUCKING - boat - FUCKING"
InkWeaver: I love those
InkWeaver: strings of bodily fluid that sort of look like lightning
Zeiss Manifold: zeus is involved in this somehow
InkWeaver: Zeus is "involved" with EVERYONE
Zeiss Manifold: even the boat

Quote :

Page 10
Page 11

Zeiss Manifold: augh, they're spoiling the plot
Zeiss Manifold: i like how the computer looks like it's going, "I'm just gonna keep out of this."
InkWeaver: her breasts
InkWeaver: look like watermelons.

Quote :

Page 12

Zeiss Manifold: why does that cock have lips
InkWeaver: I don't... know
InkWeaver: why does the girl look cross-eyed as she has the dick in her mouth
Zeiss Manifold: why are her breasts about to swallow up her head

Quote :

Page 13

Zeiss Manifold: i'm definitely picking up on some sort of cock motif here

Zeiss, your pages are messed up. The first one in your post is the table of contents, so everything is one page down from where you want it. Might want to fix that.

Do people drool that much in real life? They look like dogs.

this is the most compelling plot I have seen in a manga

ever

period

Shit, cannot believe I missed this 'un.

Good snark guys ^.^ Loling like crazy over here!

My apologies again for the censoring - like I said, we're making this as One Rule-friendly as we can.

Quote :

Page 14

Zeiss Manifold: if only those holidays weren't consecutive, this barrage of cocks would never had happened
InkWeaver: ahahaha
InkWeaver: let it load and I shall comment
InkWeaver: She's apologizing
InkWeaver: for dragging her along
InkWeaver: but not for fucking a minor
Zeiss Manifold: priorities, people

Quote :

Page 15

Zeiss Manifold: "...and by heaven, I mean Cock Heaven."
InkWeaver: Brought me to heaven?
Zeiss Manifold: oh god, the girl's a ghost
Zeiss Manifold: that's it isn't it
Zeiss Manifold: and holy god again what is wrong with that girls' tits
Zeiss Manifold: there's perky and then there's hyperactive
InkWeaver: There's perky
InkWeaver: and then there's wandering
InkWeaver: maybe they're like...
InkWeaver: bloodhound tits
InkWeaver: they point to things
Zeiss Manifold: drug-sniffing tits
Zeiss Manifold: that probably would explain a lot about Ono

Quote :

Page 16

Zeiss Manifold: YARANAIKA
Zeiss Manifold: Ono cannot draw people eating
Zeiss Manifold: he can draw people bringing foodstuffs close to their mouths
InkWeaver: Her boner
Zeiss Manifold: and whacking them repeatedly with their tongues
InkWeaver: just unzipped her pants
InkWeaver: and popped out
Zeiss Manifold: but that's not eating
InkWeaver: It is a sentient penis.
Zeiss Manifold: she trained it
Zeiss Manifold: maybe her cock is part bloodhound too
InkWeaver: I imagine it making a noise
InkWeaver: like
InkWeaver: SPROING
Zeiss Manifold: I can definitely hear a "mwop Mwop MWOP" in the bottom middle panel there
Inkweaver: XD

Quote :

Page 17

Zeiss Manifold: ohhh
Zeiss Manifold: so that's what the ice cream represented
InkWeaver: I'M SORRY FOR MAKING IT HARD
InkWeaver: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh see I wouldn't have... known that
InkWeaver: I thought she was just eating. Artistically.
Zeiss Manifold: IKNOWRITE
Zeiss Manifold: that's symbolism for you
Zeiss Manifold: AGAIN WITH THE BOAT
Zeiss Manifold: is it going to crash into them?

Quote :

Page 18

Zeiss Manifold: "Lovey dovey sisters"?
InkWeaver: why is she fapping
InkWeaver: IN PUBLIC
InkWeaver: QUICK
InkWeaver: EAT THIS ICE CREAM
InkWeaver: MAKE IT LOOK NATURAL
Zeiss Manifold: "Uh, guys, I'm just an ice cream cone. You don't need ot perform fellatio on me, really."
InkWeaver: Passersby: They are some sisters, all right.
Zeiss Manifold: lovey dovey sisters

Quote :

Page 19

Zeiss Manifold: and now i'm lost
InkWeaver: I...
InkWeaver: hahah
InkWeaver: Passersby: "OH NO THEY'RE GONNA JUMP"
Zeiss Manifold: EAT THE ICE CREAM
InkWeaver: "oh shit... jizz?"
Zeiss Manifold: EEEEEAAAAT IT
Zeiss Manifold: uploadin' some more pages
InkWeaver: 'kay

Quote :

Page 20

Zeiss Manifold: "It is humorous as both ice cream and semen are similar in color and texture. Ha ha ha."
Inkweaver (7:50:59 PM): "Stuffs! Look how cute and illegal I am!"
Zeiss Manifold: the illusion would work better if she didn't say "orifices" in the panel before

Quote :

Page 21

Zeiss Manifold: SHE'S A MANIAC MANIAC THAT'S FOR SURE
InkWeaver: so
InkWeaver: are they related
InkWeaver: or what
Zeiss Manifold: I don't know
Zeiss Manifold: but Ono wants you to stay in school
InkWeaver: You should do your best! and have regular sex at the age of seven!
InkWeaver: Mmm mmm, statutory rape does a body good.
Zeiss Manifold: THAT'S THE SPIRIT
Zeiss Manifold: I'm sorry if I've made you feel ill through this

Quote :

Page 22

InkWeaver: pfft no
Zeiss Manifold: MWOP MWOP MWOP
InkWeaver: I don't feel ill
InkWeaver: what
InkWeaver: is that panel
Zeiss Manifold: "Your insight has led my lower body to transform into a dog!"
InkWeaver: even about?
InkWeaver: I don't get it
Zeiss Manifold: i actually know some background information regarding this
Zeiss Manifold: in Japan, copyright laws are much different
Zeiss Manifold: and there is an apparently large group of people who dedicate themselves to making fan-comics of shows, games, etc.
Zeiss Manifold: most of these are porn
Zeiss Manifold: and i believe the panel is referring to "Comiket", which i believe is like a biannual farmer's market for porn comics
Zeiss Manifold: or something
Zeiss Manifold: japan loves it
InkWeaver: I'm sure they do.
InkWeaver: Fucking Japan.
Zeiss Manifold: so tl;dr - dickgirl is embarassed that loli is aware of her position as an infulential porn artist
Zeiss Manifold: something like that
Zeiss Manifold: i don't even know if they have names
InkWeaver: Yasuka is the bigger one
Zeiss Manifold: ok
InkWeaver: loli is Hikari
Zeiss Manifold: like i said

Lol >.< Hocrap, what the hell? If they eat ice cream no one will notice they are having sex?

This is really good (the snark, not the twisted kiddie porn.)

Quote :

Page 23

InkWeaver: sad part is
InkWeaver: the art is not bad
Zeiss Manifold: Ono probably spent months on this
Zeiss Manifold: oh god
InkWeaver: LABORING over it
InkWeaver: sweatily
Zeiss Manifold: i don't want to imagine a sweaty Ono

Quote :

Page 24

Zeiss Manifold: guess where this is going
InkWeaver: Uhm?
InkWeaver: They want to play barbies?
InkWeaver: PLEASE LET IT BE BARBIES
InkWeaver: DX
Zeiss Manifold: if by barbies you mean
Zeiss Manifold: COCKS
InkWeaver: no
InkWeaver: ken doens't have that
Zeiss Manifold: Barbie does, at least in Ono-land

Quote :

Page 25

Zeiss Manifold: CALLED IT
Inkweaver: "are cocks delicious?"
InkWeaver: "They taste like... skin."
InkWeaver: and why does she think Hikari knows?!
Zeiss Manifold: are we even going to be able to post this on the main board?
Zeiss Manifold: One Rule and all
Zeiss Manifold: i suppose i could MS Paint censor the whole thing

Quote :

Page 26

InkWeaver: Just MS Paint censor it
Zeiss Manifold: ok
InkWeaver: does everyone drool like that when they come
InkWeaver: am I doing it wrong?
Zeiss Manifold: Ono just likes fluids
Zeiss Manifold: i think that's it
InkWeaver: Fucking Japanese.

Quote :

Page 27

Zeiss Manifold: what's happening
InkWeaver: I guess she was spying on them
Zeiss Manifold: no no
InkWeaver: "ALLOW ME TO LEVEL ACCUSATIONS AT YOU"
Zeiss Manifold: her face in the bottom left
Zeiss Manifold: what is that
InkWeaver: "ALSO THE WAY YOU FELLATE YOUR ICE CREAM MEANS YOU SUCK COCKS"

Quote :

Page 28

Zeiss Manifold: why hello again page
Zeiss Manifold: didn't see you standin' there
Zeiss Manifold: i wonder if anyone has used this excuse in real life
InkWeaver: YOU MEAN YOU **WANT** TO FUCK BANANA TITS?
InkWeaver: yeah
InkWeaver: that's why there's statutory rape.
Zeiss Manifold: good point
Zeiss Manifold: i mean in non-sex situations

Quote :

Page 29

Zeiss Manifold: FUCK
Zeiss Manifold: WHAT
Zeiss Manifold: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
InkWeaver: "I preger a girl... who doesn't exist... because girls with cocks don't generally exist..."
Zeiss Manifold: sort of a zen thing
InkWeaver: AHAHAHHAAHAH PLEASE POST THAT IN REPONSE TO THAT PAGE
Zeiss Manifold: i got a million of 'em
InkWeaver: why does he have such a ridiculous moustache
Zeiss Manifold: BECAUSE HE DOES
Zeiss Manifold: OKAY
Zeiss Manifold: This'll be the last page for today:

Quote :

Page 30

Zeiss Manifold: LESBIAN-THEMED DRAWINGS
Zeiss Manifold: INTRIGUE
InkWeaver: AS LONG AS YOU'RE FAMOUS
InkWeaver: I THINK IT'S OKAY IF YOU FUCK CHILDREN
InkWeaver: what are they
InkWeaver: they have to be, like
InkWeaver: eight or nine
Zeiss Manifold: JAPAN
InkWeaver: "AND IT MADE OUR PUSSIES WET"
InkWeaver: NO nine-year-old talks like that
InkWeaver: JAPAN, I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A WORD WITH YOU
Zeiss Manifold: welcome to Onoland
InkWeaver: YES YOU JAPAN. YOU'RE DOING THOSE COMICS AGAIN AREN'T YOU
Zeiss Manifold: ETCHINGS
InkWeaver: EXCUSE ME
InkWeaver: DON'T WANT TO INSULT YOUR "ETCHINGS"


NOTE: It gets worse from here, people.
If Anal Justice 2 was just pleasantly off-beat, a The Adventures Of Pete & Pete of porno manga if you will, then this thing qualifies as a full-blown Zardoz.

Zeiss Manifold wrote:

Quote :

Page 15

Zeiss Manifold (7:35:33 PM): "...and by heaven, I mean Cock Heaven."
Inkweaver (7:36:04 PM): Brought me to heaven?

I can actually shed some light here: One of the more popular euphemisms for orgasm in Japan is "going to Heaven". In English, we come, in Japanese, we go. Didn't Queen write a song like that?

So, yeah...what seems to be a sweet comment on the happiness of their relationship (however twisted) is, in fact, yet another sex joke.

8=====D THE MOAR YOU KNOW


You guys make me lawl 'most tremendously. Thanks so much for enduring this for us!

P.S.: Page 26 seems to have been ToSsed despite your censorship. A shame, I'm sure it was epic. Maybe Fapomatic for that one?

Delcat wrote:

P.S.: Page 26 seems to have been ToSsed despite your censorship. A shame, I'm sure it was epic. Maybe Fapomatic for that one?

I think it was Page 25 you were talking about, and I'll reupload it. Oddly, if it was ToS'ed, they managed to get one of the few pages without any Heino.

Quote :

Page 31

Zeiss Manifold: MIGHT AS WELL FACE IT YOU'RE ADDICTED TO COCK
InkWeaver: okay awesomesauce
Zeiss Manifold: "GHIII-!": Surely the sound one makes when one is suprised by cock
InkWeaver: One day, Zeiss
InkWeaver: I will have a giant party.
InkWeaver: And all my internet friends will be there.
InkWeaver: I will call this party WE ARE FROM THE INTERNET
InkWeaver: and you and Delcat will be there.
Zeiss Manifold: YAY
InkWeaver: *snrk*
InkWeaver: I have the weirdest brain
InkWeaver: I imagined you squealing that like a girl
Zeiss Manifold: i envisioned it more deadpan
Zeiss Manifold: but yeah i would rock that party
Zeiss Manifold: CRATE FULL OF WINE COOLERS AND BUSHMILLS
Zeiss Manifold: HOLLA
Zeiss Manifold: wait
Zeiss Manifold: WE ARE KEEPING ONO WAITING

Quote :

Page 32

InkWeaver: WE ARE
InkWeaver: with our weird love for each other
InkWeaver: um
InkWeaver: adversity brings ustogether?
Zeiss Manifold: I guess
InkWeaver: oh god
InkWeaver: I WANTED TO KEEP HER COCK TO MYSELF?
InkWeaver: I mean]
Zeiss Manifold: In lucite
InkWeaver: why would anyone WANT Tomoko's cock
Zeiss Manifold: conversation piece.
InkWeaver: wait Ono would.
Zeiss Manifold: I can imagine Ono's coffee table
InkWeaver: Do tell.
Zeiss Manifold: COCKS EVERYWHERE
Zeiss Manifold: DUH
Zeiss Manifold: and somehow i do not think lesbians work that way

Quote :

Page 33

Zeiss Manifold: AUGH
InkWeaver: wow
Zeiss Manifold: LOOK AT HER FACE IN THE BOTTOM LEFT
InkWeaver: her hairless little girl vagina really just flicks my switch
InkWeaver: oh yeah that just
InkWeaver: turns me on
InkWeaver: shlick and suchlike
Zeiss Manifold: I like how Ono does not believe that foreplay exists
InkWeaver: it's just fucking
Zeiss Manifold: just a straight transition from dialogue to fucking
InkWeaver: and also bodily fluid comes from NOWHERE
InkWeaver: seriously Tomoko has a drool problem
InkWeaver: calm the hell down, Tomoko god
Zeiss Manifold: SHE'S LEAKING
InkWeaver: HURRY GET A PLUG
InkWeaver: ew I just disgusted myself
InkWeaver: MOVING RIGHT ALONG?
Zeiss Manifold: i think we can move on after that

Quote :

Page 34

Zeiss Manifold: cock is a bonding experience
InkWeaver: c'mon
InkWeaver: does jizz really taste that great
InkWeaver: I mean, am I just missing something?
Zeiss Manifold: i don't want to know
InkWeaver: Are my taste buds out of whack
InkWeaver: Also LESBIANS
InkWeaver: DO NOT
InkWeaver: WORK THAT WAY
Zeiss Manifold: welcome to Onoland
InkWeaver: I mean I don't think they like dick, even if it does come with a side helping of tits.
Zeiss Manifold: where everything is dripping and phallic
InkWeaver: and Tomoko's banana tits are freaking me out
InkWeaver: also it freaks me out how I know their names now.
Zeiss Manifold: ...they have names?
Zeiss Manifold: oh, yeah
InkWeaver: how did you even come upon this stuff, Zeiss
Zeiss Manifold: 1. decide to search for spork target
Zeiss Manifold: 2. google search "Sanpei Kamirenjaku", as that's Ono's porn name and he's always good for a laugh
Zeiss Manifold : 3. ????
InkWeaver: someone must have linked you
InkWeaver: PROFIT?
Zeiss Manifold: 4. COMEDY GOLD
Zeiss Manifold: It's all lost in a haze of sperm and drool now
InkWeaver: yours or Ono's?
InkWeaver: =D
Zeiss Manifold: primarily Ono's, I guess
Zeiss Manifold: he lives in an igloo
Zeiss Manifold: made out of those very things

Quote :

Page 35

Zeiss Manifold: NONDESCRIPT FUCKING
InkWeaver: hey is that foreplay I see
Zeiss Manifold: i...don't know
InkWeaver: also I just superimposed SLURP OM NOM NOM MUNCH MUNCH over that first part in my mind.
Zeiss Manifold: "Hau!"
InkWeaver: and that's totally how virgin vaginas work, btw.
Zeiss Manifold: she's a virgin in her girlcock
InkWeaver: Ugh
InkWeaver: also
InkWeaver: Tomoko is just so direct in all of this
InkWeaver: like
InkWeaver: no talking
InkWeaver: just
InkWeaver: really good at fucking little girls apparently.
InkWeaver: AND I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND
InkWeaver: ARE THEY SISTERS OR WHAT
Zeiss Manifold: IT'S ONO, YOU NEVER KNOW
Zeiss Manifold: they might be aliens or something
Zeiss Manifold: though i'm still holding on to my ghost theory
InkWeaver: I think Looking Out My BAck Door is the perfect backdrop to this
InkWeaver: MEMORY'S AN ELEPHANT
InkWeaver: ALL PLAYIN' IN THE BAND
InkWeaver: WON'T YOU TAKE A RIDE
InkWeaver: ON THE FLYIN' SPOON
InkWeaver: DOO DOO DOO
InkWeaver: GIRLS HAVE COCKS AND FUCK CHILDREN
InkWeaver: DOO DOO DOO LOOKIN' OUT MY BACK DOOR
InkWeaver: wait that's not right I think
Zeiss Manifold: I SEE
Zeiss Manifold: A BAD COCK RISING
InkWeaver: (psst please tell me I have made you laugh at least once ALSO LMFAO)
Zeiss Manifold: oh, don't worry, you're awesoem
InkWeaver: I HEARD IT THROUGH THE COCKVINE
Zeiss Manifold: *AWESOME
InkWeaver: ... why am I doing this to my favorite oldies band and my happy music
InkWeaver: I PUT A COCK IN YOU
Zeiss Manifold: well, said it wasn't working
InkWeaver: AND NOW YOU'RE MI~INE
InkWeaver: ...oddly apt, actually.
Zeiss Manifold: SOME GIRLS ARE BORN TO FUCK GIRLS IN THE ASS
Zeiss Manifold: OOH, THEY FUCK JUST LIKE THEY DO
InkWeaver: ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFL
InkWeaver: *snorting*
Zeiss Manifold: THE ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFL IS ON FIRE
InkWeaver: HAHAHAHAHAHA
InkWeaver: you're sending me into coughing fits
Zeiss Manifold: sorry about that

Quote :

Page 36
Page 37

Zeiss Manifold: okay what is the fucking scale here
InkWeaver: don't apologize. It's a lung hack well earned
Zeiss Manifold: "HAAAAAAAAAAAN"?
InkWeaver: I don't
Zeiss Manifold: is Chewie here too
InkWeaver: this page
InkWeaver: is just gross
Zeiss Manifold: people
Zeiss Manifold: don't bend
Zeiss Manifold: like that
InkWeaver: I mean
InkWeaver: I understand that it's been really gross so far ANYWAY
InkWeaver: but jesus fucking christ
InkWeaver: she must have
InkWeaver: like
InkWeaver: h cups
InkWeaver: that kid is being clotheslined by her tits.
Zeiss Manifold: that or that kid just shrunk
Zeiss Manifold: liek whoa

Quote :

Page 38

InkWeaver: oh god
Zeiss Manifold: A COCK IS NOTHING TO FEEL SORRY FOR.
Zeiss Manifold: LOOK, JIMMY, YOU'RE NORMAL

Quote :

Page 39

InkWeaver: oh haha I guess that's supposed to be cute?
Zeiss Manifold : y'know, I bet that Ono could have had a nice show about landscape painting on whatever the japanese equivalent of PBS is, and look how he's ended up
InkWeaver: Seriously it's a shame that the art really is good.
Zeiss Manifold: it's like the only thing he sucks at drawing is people fucking and then he writes entire books about people fucking
InkWeaver: it's not even that he sucks at drawing people fucking
InkWeaver: there's just
InkWeaver: SO MUCH DROOL
InkWeaver: and girls with cocks!Q
Zeiss Manifold: AND CRAAAAAZY TITS
InkWeaver: cocks!
Zeiss Manifold: everwhere
Zeiss Manifold: *everywhere
Zeiss Manifold: *EVERYWHERE
InkWeaver: lmfao lmfao oh god it looks like a purposeful progression
Zeiss Manifold: maybe
Zeiss Manifold: it is
Zeiss Manifold:

Quote :

Page 40

Zeiss Manifold: That poor river
Zeiss Manifold: probably didn't want anything to do with this
InkWeaver: um
InkWeaver: where are they in the house
InkWeaver: ARE THEY WHERE PEOPLE CAN SEE THEM?
InkWeaver: QUICK NEIGHBORS
InkWeaver: CALL THE JAPANESE EQUIVALENT OF DEFAX
Zeiss Manifold: if the first panel is any indication
InkWeaver: "What's that? A dickwoman fucking prepubescent girls?"
InkWeaver: "Yes sir!"
Zeiss Manifold: they live in the middle of the fucking river
InkWeaver: "... are you taking pictures?"
Zeiss Manifold: so maybe that's not so big a problem
Zeiss Manifold: TO THE COCKMOBILE
Zeiss Manifold: DANANANANANANANANA
InkWeaver: oh god laughing so hard
Zeiss Manifold: THIS WHOLE THING
Zeiss Manifold: is lunacy
Zeiss Manifold: LUNACY

Your snark is absolutely amazing guys. This has got to be one of the weirdest manga I have ever seen period.

I swear to god though, Ono's people drawing skills are getting worse. His landscapes are beautiful as you've both pointed out, but he can't draw breasts at ALL.

Many internets for you.
I actually like the MS paint censoring. It makes it more hilarious because you can't see where any of the limbs join up.

Why do they have to have lolling tongues every time they orgasm? It's a bit disturbing.

Quote :

Zeiss Manifold (11:39:11 PM): she's a virgin in her girlcock

Grife, I almost literally spat out my Diet Pepsi at that line.

I don't know how you can read this stuff, but we're glad you do.

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Page 55

Zeiss Manifold: ONO WHY DO YOU TAUNT US SO
Zeiss Manifold: WITH THOSE BACKGROUNDS

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Page 56

Zeiss Manifold: THEY'RE FUCKING, THEY'RE SUPRISED, WE GET IT
InkWeaver: is this where that dickgirl gets outed for being a child rapist?
Zeiss Manifold: maybe
Zeiss Manifold: WHO'S THAT GIRL
Zeiss Manifold: WHAT'S HER NAME
Zeiss Manifold: IS SHE COOL
Zeiss Manifold: IS SHE LAME
InkWeaver: ... you
Zeiss Manifold: OH YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT WHAT'S HER NAME
InkWeaver: are hurting my soul
Zeiss Manifold: fuck
InkWeaver: the fact that you even know that
Zeiss Manifold: can't remember the rest
InkWeaver: is enough.
InkWeaver: NEXT PAGE I WANT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS
InkWeaver: I WANT TO SEE IF SHE GOES TO JAIL
InkWeaver: how much you want to bet glasses-girl is a redhead.
Zeiss Manifold: DICKGIRL ANN DICKGIRL ANN MARCHIN' IN HER OWN PARADE
Zeiss Manifold: sorry i just remembered it again

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Page 57

InkWeaver: wait is this chick a dickgirl too
InkWeaver: I mean WHOSE DICK IS THAT
Zeiss Manifold: I DON'T KNOW
Zeiss Manifold: LET'S FIND OUT

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Page 58

Zeiss Manifold: "cum dumps"?
InkWeaver: so she put a shirt on
InkWeaver: but she's just sitting there with no pants
Zeiss Manifold: the bottom left panel
Zeiss Manifold: i think she's just stoned

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Page 59

Zeiss Manifold: i'm completely lost now
Zeiss Manifold: except
Zeiss Manifold: now i don't think they're sisters
InkWeaver: what the fuck is going on
Zeiss Manifold: i think
Zeiss Manifold: that the younger girl is simply Yasuko's fangirl
Zeiss Manifold: who walked into her house one day
Zeiss Manifold: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
Zeiss Manifold: let's just move on

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Page 60

Zeiss Manifold: so basically Yasuko was lying about everything
Zeiss Manifold: JUST LIKE A MOLESTER
Zeiss Manifold: aaand something
Zeiss Manifold: i'm starting to miss the boats
InkWeaver: Me too
InkWeaver: I don't understand anything
InkWeaver: maybe that's cause it's one in the morning
Zeiss Manifold: possibly
Zeiss Manifold: it'll all make sense when we wake up
Zeiss Manifold: i think
Zeiss Manifold: i hope
InkWeaver: WILL WE WAKE UP?
Zeiss Manifold: i hope so
Zeiss Manifold: i want to see how the legend of the toilet pans out
InkWeaver: ...i'm scared
Zeiss Manifold: it's turning into fucking Captain Underpants
Zeiss Manifold: just you watch

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Page 61

Zeiss Manifold: can't they go even one page without fucking
InkWeaver: LMFAO
InkWeaver: They did
InkWeaver: that one time
InkWeaver: with the title page
Zeiss Manifold: THAT DOESN'T COUNT
InkWeaver: and that page where dickgirl fell over
InkWeaver: with the architecture
Zeiss Manifold: that's like saying that the table of contents counts
InkWeaver: ... but that's out of, like...
Zeiss Manifold: ok i'll give you that
InkWeaver: what? Fifty pages or so?
Zeiss Manifold: i don't even know what we're on
InkWeaver: oh god
InkWeaver: now SHE'S gonna fuck a child? WHAT THE HELL
Zeiss Manifold: "Oh no~! I'm gonna get raped!"
Zeiss Manifold: well gee golly
Zeiss Manifold: WHY IS EVERYONE IN ONOLAND SO....UGH
InkWeaver: That IS the question, isn't it.
Zeiss Manifold: i know, i just...can't put my finger on it

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Page 62

Zeiss Manifold: alright that page may not have any fucking
Zeiss Manifold: BUT MY POINT STILL STANDS
Zeiss Manifold: and besides
Zeiss Manifold: HER TITS
Zeiss Manifold: WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM
Zeiss Manifold: SHIRTS WERE INVENTED SO THAT THAT *WOULDN'T* HAPPEN
InkWeaver: I can imagine
InkWeaver: it's like whatever she does
InkWeaver: they swing around
InkWeaver: and also, shirts do not mold around tits that huge
InkWeaver: there's no way
InkWeaver: all her shirts would have like... molded boob sleeves
Zeiss Manifold: SHE'S GONNA POKE SOMEONE'S EYES OUT
InkWeaver: she already poked mine out
Zeiss Manifold: maybe she like...glued her shirt to her boobs
InkWeaver: x_O
Zeiss Manifold: rofl
Zeiss Manifold: i like how the first thing she does is compliment her pussy
Zeiss Manifold: priorities, people

Oh god those breasts!

Great snark, it makes looking at the pictures enjoyable.

Finally, the epic plot is revealed!…sort of.
One fragment of this spork has not aged well. Can you spot it?

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Page 63

Zeiss Manifold: aaaaaaaaaand back to fucking again
InkWeaver: it's like
InkWeaver: she's all
InkWeaver: "I'm sorry i lied. I only did so because I like the way your pussy feels"
InkWeaver: "THAT MAKES EVERYTHING OKAY. STAIN ME WITH YOUR CUM"
InkWeaver: ... who even says that.
Zeiss Manifold: l33t dialogue skillz
InkWeaver: Look at those action lines on the dick in the last panel
InkWeaver: like whoa it's fast
InkWeaver: XD
InkWeaver: SUPERDICK
Zeiss Manifold: damn that thing is movin'

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Page 64

InkWeaver: my door is open
Zeiss Manifold: oh great she's having a stroke
InkWeaver: it occurs to me that this needs to change
InkWeaver: now.
Zeiss Manifold: yyyeah you might want to do that
InkWeaver: Dad: "Brownies are d -- WHOA WHAT THE FUCK KIDDY PORN"
Zeiss Manifold: I DON'T EVEN KNOW
Zeiss Manifold: i'm still fighting with myself about the one rule thing
InkWeaver: No
Zeiss Manifold: so far i haven't encountered any problems
InkWeaver: Nihilist looked at our thread today
InkWeaver: declared it okay.
Zeiss Manifold: phew
InkWeaver: he was all
InkWeaver: "You had me thinking it was a problem"
InkWeaver: "Nah we Heino'd that shit"
Zeiss Manifold: HEINO TO THE RESCUE
Zeiss Manifold: brb google image searching Heino
Zeiss Manifold: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
Zeiss Manifold: i love heino
Zeiss Manifold: i actually thought that he was like
Zeiss Manifold: an avant-garde composer or something
Zeiss Manifold: for the longest time
Zeiss Manifold: it's
Zeiss Manifold: THOSE EYES
Zeiss Manifold: NO FOLK SINGER SHOULD LOOK LIKE THAT
InkWeaver: WHERE ARE THEY IN THIS PAGE OF THE COMIC
InkWeaver: ARE THEY OUT ON THE FUCKING SIDEWALK?
Zeiss Manifold: holy fuck where do they live
Zeiss Manifold: that's a goddamn nice house
Zeiss Manifold: ...i think it's a house
Zeiss Manifold: it might be just stairs
Zeiss Manifold: in the middle of nowhere

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Page 65

InkWeaver: what.
InkWeaver: What.
InkWeaver: HOW DOES NO ONE SEE THIS
InkWeaver: IS THIS JUST
Zeiss Manifold: "I'm a walking toilet!"
InkWeaver: RANDOMLY OKAY
Zeiss Manifold: EVERYONE ELSE DIED
Zeiss Manifold: I THINK
Zeiss Manifold: THAT IS WHAT IS HAPPENING
Zeiss Manifold: of like
Zeiss Manifold: the plague
InkWeaver: oh I get it
Zeiss Manifold: AND ONLY DICKGIRL COCK CAN CURE THE PLAGUE
Zeiss Manifold: SO OUR HEROES ARE SAFE
InkWeaver: they're reduced to fucking each other because they're actually is no one else on the planet left
InkWeaver: she has a dick because of nuclear radiation after the war.
Zeiss Manifold: this comic makes so much more sense now
InkWeaver: ... oh nuclear radiation
InkWeaver: you crazy thing!
Zeiss Manifold: maybe this is just a subversive exploration
Zeiss Manifold: of japan's attitudes towards sex in the post-war era
Zeiss Manifold: or some shit
Zeiss Manifold: and we're just missing its genius
InkWeaver: We're just dumb peons
InkWeaver: I think that's why I violently hate Twilight
InkWeaver: it's because I just can't understand it.
Zeiss Manifold: oh god
Zeiss Manifold: that damn book
InkWeaver: HAHAHAHA OH WAIT NEVERMIND
InkWeaver: I slay myself.
Zeiss Manifold: MEANWHILE
Zeiss Manifold: CUNNILINGUS IS OCCURING
Zeiss Manifold: since the hell when
Zeiss Manifold: was there a narrator in this book
InkWeaver: wait
InkWeaver: there was a narrator!?
Zeiss Manifold: someone had to have said the "Meanwhile..."
Zeiss Manifold: and it wasn't me

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Page 66

Zeiss Manifold: TAKE THAT ASSHOLE
Zeiss Manifold: LITERALLY
Zeiss Manifold: i am so sorry for all of this, btw
InkWeaver: lmfaooooo
InkWeaver: you apologizing is making me laugh really hard
Zeiss Manifold: I CAN'T HELP IT
Zeiss Manifold: I CAN'T SEE HOW YOU'RE REACTING
Zeiss Manifold: YOU MIGHT HAVE GONE INTO AN EPILEPTIC FIT FOR ALL I KNOW
Zeiss Manifold: AND I'D LOOK BAD IF I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE
InkWeaver: is it possible that in ono land girls also have prostates
Zeiss Manifold: hmmmm
InkWeaver: otherwise why is she even enjoying that. That'd be like having my elbow licked.
Zeiss Manifold : that would explain a lot
Zeiss Manifold: JAPAN
Zeiss Manifold: is why
Zeiss Manifold: also
InkWeaver: in capital letters
Zeiss Manifold: that was page 66
InkWeaver: JAPAAAAAAAN
InkWeaver: JAPAN, I NEED TO HAVE A WORD WITH YOU.
InkWeaver: SEVERAL WORDS, IN FACT
Zeiss Manifold: we need to stage an invervention
InkWeaver: ONE OF THEM BEING FUCK
InkWeaver: USED A COUPLE OF TIMES

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Page 67

Zeiss Manifold: SLAVE-Y AND CUMBUCKET-Y
Zeiss Manifold: LIVE IN PERFECT HARMONY
InkWeaver: gigantic penis panel
InkWeaver: why
InkWeaver: and is the penis the one saying HNNG
InkWeaver: it's tired of this shit
Zeiss Manifold: it's exerting itself
Zeiss Manifold: you know the porn is bad
Zeiss Manifold: when even the penises want to run off
InkWeaver: what
InkWeaver: who the fuck
InkWeaver: translated this
InkWeaver: "it's like it's a slave and a cumbucket at the same time!"
InkWeaver: first of all. You've used cumbuckets or variant of it like eight times now
Zeiss Manifold: BILLY MAYS
InkWeaver: that's eight times too many
Zeiss Manifold: apparently
InkWeaver: second of all
InkWeaver: how is a dick a cum bucket
Zeiss Manifold: it's...the opposite?
Zeiss Manifold: what's the opposite of a bucket
InkWeaver: Hose.
InkWeaver: =D
Zeiss Manifold: cumhose
Zeiss Manifold: that's better
InkWeaver: LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Zeiss Manifold: HEAR THAT TRANSLATORS
Zeiss Manifold: i think i have a page of translator's notes somewhere

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Page 68
Page 69

Zeiss Manifold: that's not it
Zeiss Manifold: her tits...
Zeiss Manifold: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
InkWeaver: that is such an interesting angle
InkWeaver: are her tits actually eating that girl
InkWeaver: like a boa constrictor?
Zeiss Manifold: i...believe so
Zeiss Manifold: "could you...STOP SUFFOCATING ME?"
InkWeaver: I'm being eaten by a boa constrictor
InkWeaver: a boa constrictor
InkWeaver: a boa constrictor
InkWeaver: I'm being eaten by a boa constrictor and I don't like it one bit
Zeiss Manifold: so early in the morning
InkWeaver: I'M SO SORRY SHEL SILVERSTEIN
Zeiss Manifold: i haven't heard that song in forever
InkWeaver: I'M SO SORRY I DO THOSE THINGS
InkWeaver: lol it's a poem
Zeiss Manifold: GWAAAAAAA this is screwing up my memory
Zeiss Manifold: let's move on

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Page 70

Zeiss Manifold: TITLE DROP
Zeiss Manifold: WE HAVE IT
Zeiss Manifold: you'd think there'd at least be a plot by now
InkWeaver: that last panel
InkWeaver: I don't understand
InkWeaver: does the butt belong to the woman
InkWeaver: or is that a pillow
InkWeaver: 'cause if it does
InkWeaver: she's twisted all funny
Zeiss Manifold: oh god
Zeiss Manifold: i think they're
Zeiss Manifold: growing out of each other

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Page 71

InkWeaver: looks like Edward Elric's mom
Zeiss Manifold: fffffffffffff
Zeiss Manifold: GODDAMN WHY IS EVERYWHERE STAIRS
InkWeaver: (did you laugh)
InkWeaver: because they're getting exercise~!
Zeiss Manifold: i can see it
InkWeaver: also. That cat
Zeiss Manifold: oh god
InkWeaver: I can't tell if it's turned on or horrified.
Zeiss Manifold: it's stoned

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Page 72

Zeiss Manifold: oh this is new
InkWeaver: why
InkWeaver: would anyon
InkWeaver: even draw that
InkWeaver: it looks like some fucked up sculpture
Zeiss Manifold: just the fact
Zeiss Manifold: that he drew a nice-looking boat
Zeiss Manifold: and then that
Zeiss Manifold: ugh

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Page 73

Zeiss Manifold: WHERE DID HER EYES GO
Zeiss Manifold: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
InkWeaver: the first one
InkWeaver: um
InkWeaver: where does her dick even come from
InkWeaver: she just spears anything on it I think
InkWeaver: and it goes
InkWeaver: WOOHAH
Zeiss Manifold: DICKS FROM THE DICK DIMENSION
InkWeaver: !

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Page 74

Zeiss Manifold: whut
Zeiss Manifold: is going on
Inkweaver : are they scissoring? yeah they are
InkWeaver: what is with the other ladies pubes
InkWeaver: why do they look like a porcupine
Zeiss Manifold: it looks more like a skunk
Zeiss Manifold: pube pareidolia
InkWeaver: it almost looks like she combs it down the middle.
Zeiss Manifold: oh lord
InkWeaver: ?
Zeiss Manifold: why are we talking about her pubes
Zeiss Manifold: this is an ono book
Zeiss Manifold: we should just be glad she has pubes
InkWeaver: Because Ono is brainwashing us.
Zeiss Manifold: "GO FIND A TRANNY AND FUCK ON SOME STAIRS"

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Page 75

Zeiss Manifold: IS THAT A FUCKING POKEMON
Zeiss Manifold: WHAT THE HELL ONO
Zeiss Manifold: WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON IN THAT PANEL
InkWeaver: WAIT A SECOND
InkWeaver: DOES THE DICKGIRL HAVE A VAGINA TOO?
InkWeaver: SHE'S A HERMAPHRODITE?
Zeiss Manifold: "dickgirl" doesn't proclude having a vagina
Zeiss Manifold: i don't think
Zeiss Manifold: BUT WHAT IS THAT THING
Zeiss Manifold: WHO LET IT INTO THE ROOM

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Page 76

Zeiss Manifold: AND NOW IT'S GONE AGAIN
InkWeaver: but she totally has a censored vagina there
InkWeaver: I swear it
Zeiss Manifold: WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST DID YOU SEE SEE THAT
InkWeaver: also what what
Zeiss Manifold: first panel, on the last page
InkWeaver: well
InkWeaver: um
InkWeaver: she's sucking some more cock
InkWeaver: normal
InkWeaver: in this comic I mean
Zeiss Manifold: no no no
Zeiss Manifold: the other last page
Zeiss Manifold: the one above the "FUCKING POKEMON" post
InkWeaver: HAHAH
InkWeaver: it is WATCHING
Zeiss Manifold: and CLAPPING if i am not mistaken

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Page 77

Zeiss Manifold: and it's still gone
Zeiss Manifold: and also
InkWeaver: wtf
InkWeaver: she's just
Zeiss Manifold: sorry ono, i think you've dumbed
InkWeaver: staring happily at her oozing dick
Zeiss Manifold: the word is "came" instead of "cummed
Zeiss Manifold: yes, i know some shel silverstein too

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Page 78

Zeiss Manifold: um
Zeiss Manifold: yeah
Zeiss Manifold: backstory and such
InkWeaver: I'm so glad my dickgirl friend is fucking children!
InkWeaver: I can rest easy now!
Zeiss Manifold: and i also gave her a blowjob once!
Zeiss Manifold: isn't that great?
Zeiss Manifold: Ono fails characterization forever
Zeiss Manifold: i mean really
Zeiss Manifold: and i like how
Zeiss Manifold: everytime someone tells a story about sex
Zeiss Manifold: everyone else is like
Zeiss Manifold: "my goodness!"
Zeiss Manifold: WHO WOULD REACT LIKE THAT
InkWeaver: I mean I know I do
InkWeaver: and I would just be flattered when they complimented me on my fucking
Zeiss Manifold: i mean seriously, people just go around praising other people's sex organs
Zeiss Manifold: in this book
Zeiss Manifold: it makes no sense

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Page 79

InkWeaver: SEE SHE HAS A VAGINA
InkWeaver: SWEAR TO GOD
Zeiss Manifold: oh don't tell me ono likes pussies now
InkWeaver: no
InkWeaver: he just wants yasuko to get dicked.
InkWeaver: also
InkWeaver: who wants to bet whatsherface gets a dick.
Zeiss Manifold: christ girl there are ways to stimulate the vagina that don't involve dics
Zeiss Manifold: *dicks
Zeiss Manifold: read a damn book
Zeiss Manifold: probably
Zeiss Manifold: from the magical toilet
Zeiss Manifold: "I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TOILET"
Zeiss Manifold: oh hey look another cat
InkWeaver: Well
InkWeaver: obviously she KNOWS that
InkWeaver: because those two chicks were just scissoring!
Zeiss Manifold: CONSISTENCY, PEOPLE
Zeiss Manifold: maybe they're scissor-blind
InkWeaver: it's a delicate condition