A Nyghtmare on Crystale Lake (NoES and Ft13th crossover)

The mispellings are in dubious honor of this fic, which has some very funny typos. This is a story about Freddy's daughter... no, the other one, not the one in canon... who runs away to Crystal Lake and begins dating Jason. I think.

Dream Child: Freddy had another daughter called Rosie who was only 2 when he was killed, she ran away when she was four and a group of teenagers took her to camp crystal lake, where she meets Jason Voorhees. Years later she has a family reunion.

Yes, that's the summary. She runs away when she's four. Damn, that's moxie!

The story opens with her running away by jumping into a black van with some teenagers in it. She's wangsting about missing her family...

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Katherine, she had forgotten about her sister who was five years older then her. She hated being away from her family even though she only had small memories. They were dead anyway.

Some really sentimental writing there. Whoo boy.

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Rose took a quick chance and bolted into the back of the van, The teenager’s started up the van and started driving.

Damn, for being four, she's talented. She runs down the street, avoiding parental foster people, opens up the van doors without being able to reach them, and jumps inside, closing it behind her, all without the teens noticing.

Anyway, the teens drive to Crystal Lake to go party, of course. They eventually discover the little girl in back, but instead of being worried about kidnapping, they decide to party first. Jason, of course, is watching from the shadows.

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JASON’S POV.

I growled from underneath my mask and I watched the van enter my TERRTORY.

Jason shakes his fist, "Damn you kids, get offa my TERRTORY!"

Rosie stays next to Kate, because she doesn't trust anyone. And one guy in particular is creepy...

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Rosie didn’t really like stranger’s, Mark kept staying at her.

"I'm staying at you! Grr!"

Rosie wanders out after everyone except two teens fall asleep. Those teens were about to have teh hawt sexxors, but damn it. The girl doesn't want to do it in front of a four year old! Jeez! What's a teenaged boy to do?

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JASON'S POV
He started to hurt the young girl and she cried. i growled, this reminded me of when I was teased when I was little. I grabbed my Machete and headed towards the pair

Of course! He totally teased her! Not child rape at all, noooo.

At any rate, this makes us glad when Jason kills him, right? Of course! Because Jason's a big fluffy bunny with bad skin and a hockey mask.

He decides to keep her for his very own.

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Help her Jason, keep her safe. I picked up the small girl in my arms and started walking back to my shack, I would keep her safe, whatever it takes.

Yeah, but what about an education? Food? Clothing? Pshaw, like any girl needs that sort of thing.

There's more, but I"m just not up to snarking it.

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There coming for her and she knew it, why did she have to run away now?

Because "there" coming for you and you knew it. Duh!

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She should of waited she should have been patient, but she was only four years old, she didn’t understand.

If she didn't understand, how did she know "there" were coming for her?

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Both of her parents had died when she was only two and she had been put into a foster home with her sister……..Katherine, she had forgotten about her sister who was five years older then her. She hated being away from her family even though she only had small memories. They were dead anyway.

Well... My Makes-Sense-O-Meter just flatlined...

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She was crying now, while running down her street, those kids had picked on her again, that’s why she was running away. To get away from the pain. She was smart for a four year old and knew she couldn’t stay here! Not with a foster parent who treated her like shit and kids that teased her.

I would be rather wary of a 4-year-old girl who could use "treated like shit" in correct context. But maybe that's just me.

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Her tiny little legs bolted down the street and her blond hair blew in her face as she sprinted across the front yard of a tiny white house. She saw a group of young teenagers packing bags into the back of a black van. She watched closely and flinched when she saw her old foster parent standing in front of her house and yelling her name.

♪I left home five hours ago, and I can still see my house from here!♪

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Rose took a quick chance and bolted into the back of the van, The teenager’s started up the van and started driving. She stayed in the back, careful not to make a noise and hopefully the teen’s would stop soon.

Unless this was a TARDIS (or the Mystery Machine) I am dubious that a preschooler could just jump in and hide like that.

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They drove for a while and when Rose looked out the window she saw a sign saying.

Welcome to Camp Crystal Lake…

Of course, being four and barely literate, she didn't know what the pretty letters actually meant.

Hmm... Let me read a bit to see if this actually makes any sort of sense (Note I didn't say "improves".)

I usually don't go back and resnark fics. I tend to do the first couple chapters (or all of it if it's really bad) and let people snark the rest if they want. However, this one is really atrocious, so I thought I'd go back and finish it up.

The first snark covers chapters 1-2. This one will cover 3-4, maybe 5 if I'm up to it.

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She had promised not to tell anyone and she broke that promise when the police come barging in and took Katherine and Rosie away from him.

Aw, so sad. The cops took children away from a pedophilic child-killer. SO TRAGIC.

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Rosie…Freddy thought. His innocent little daughter. He could never be mad at HER!. She was only two and did nothing wrong. But she would be four now wouldn’t she? And Katherine would be nine?. Freddy hoped Rosie was being taken care of and maybe he still cared for Katherine.

Yeah, to hell with Katherine! Damn canon characters getting in the way and all!

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Freddy glanced down at the newspaper in his hand and his icy eyes went wide.

Even in hell, the Times delivers.

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Foster Parents Claire and Mark Burrough are offing a reward to however can find this young girl…

"We were thinking about offering a reward, but decided against it."

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He wasn’t going to let her leave………

(12 YEARS LATER)

Yeah, we don't need any of that character development or anything in there.

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Rosie had been forced to stay at camp crystal lake and she knew that if she tried to escape her friend Jason Voorhees would hunt her down and drag her right back.

"Nnngh! Jason want play racquetball now!"
"No, Jason, no! Please!"
"NNNNNGH! Then we ride horsies!"

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For some strange reason she enjoyed watching them suffer but didn’t understand why.

Well, you see, when a boy serial killer and a girl serial killer are very much in love...

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That’s where she got her food but wasn’t loud to go alone just in case she tried to make a run for it.

"Nnngh! Jason want Hostess cupcakes!"
"But they're not very healthy..."
"NNGH! YOU BUY WHAT JASON WANT!"

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Rosie Krueger was surprised when she fixed the camp’s computer, which she had found in the councillors office. She was now 10 years old and had been stuck at camp crystal lake for 6 years.

"Awesome! We can get a DSL connection and play some Left 4 Dead! Wouldn't that be fun, Jason?"
"Nnngh. Jason want play Barbie Dream Princess Pony Maker."
"But Jas--"
"NNNGH! JASON WANT PLAY BARBIE NOW!"

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Police had also discovered that Krueger was the cause of all the missing child.

"Oh, crap guys, you remember that schmuck we were framing just for fun?"
"Yeah..?"
"Turns out he was the real killer!"
"HOLY FUCK!"

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Crystal lake was a beautiful place. But the fact that a killer was running around made the place seem creepy. A laugh escaped her lips and she headed down the path.

"I'm conflicted and tragic!"
"Nngh. You loony."

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“That’s some nice hit you got there sexy” He smirked winking at her. By the way he was standing he was drunk. Rosie scowled and went to move away but Ben put his arm around her waist and pushed her against him.

“Don’t be like that bade” He slurred and Rose tried moving from his grip but he held on tight. Even for a drunk person and his other drunk friends laughed.

"I NEED A PSYCHOPATHIC SERIAL KILLER! I NEED A PSYCHOPATHIC SERIAL KILLER!"

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I was pissed that those stupid teenagers thought they could throw a party right here.

I keep killin' 'em every year and they keep coming back! They're worse than roaches!

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She was the only friend I had and even though I held her against her will she didn’t mind staying here.

"Jason like Stockholm Syndrome."

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HOW DARE HE?! No one touches Rosie! NO ONE! I roared in anger.

Yes he would DEFIANTLY suffer the worst…..

Insert your own joke here. Just the word DEFIANTLY makes me crack up.

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Blood slurred everywhere and teens choked on there own blood.

Man... should have cut that blood off hours ago.

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Limps where cut of and most of the teens had there heads cut off.

"Awesome, man, you got rid of my limp! I can walk again!"

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Luckily her bed was still clean and she climbed under the sheets and went into a combatable sleep.

"I am going to fuck this sleep up!"

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she climbed under the sheets and went into a combatable sleep.

Ok, everything else I could make sense of eventually, but now I'm stuck. What is that even supposed to mean?

grmblfjx wrote:

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she climbed under the sheets and went into a combatable sleep.

Ok, everything I could make sense of eventually, but now I'm stuck. What is that even supposed to mean?

Combatable is supposed to be comfortable, I think. A comfortable sleep.

Shisaiga wrote:

grmblfjx wrote:

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she climbed under the sheets and went into a combatable sleep.

Ok, everything I could make sense of eventually, but now I'm stuck. What is that even supposed to mean?

Combatable is supposed to be comfortable, I think. A comfortable sleep.

Either that or the author means combustible. In which case, she's due to burst into flames right about (checks watch) NOW: AAAAAARGGGGGHHHH!

I hate it when Jason's mother tells him to help OCs. Jason's mother was a total and complete nutjob. Furthermore, she's not actually Jason's mother. She's a voice inside Jason's head that he thinks is his mother.

Pamela Voorhees never told Jason not to kill somebody in canon (the kids impersonating her don't count) and there's no proof she would ever tell Jason to do anything other than slaughter.

As for a COMBUSTIBLE sleep... I WISH!

And why anybody would WANT to be Freddy Krueger's child beats me. The original story was that he was a pedophile as well a murderer; just nobody actually said it.

Oh, huzzah! There is a sixth chapter! Thanks to whoever did the Michael Myers fic to remind me of this Freddy AND Jason fic I snarked... when I went back, the author had posted again. Happy day. Starting with chapter five, since I evidently didn't finish this earlier.

We begin again with Freddy all by himself, after having killed another victim. He closes his eyes just as Rosie is going to sleep, and... voila! Instant dream sequence as our speshul Sue enters the Dream World!

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The whole scenery had changed around her. She was standing on lash green grass and nothing but peaceful woods surrounded her.

Yeah, but you better watch that dominatrix grass, man. It's ready to whip your butt.

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A frown foamed upon her features and she knew that she was dreaming so she sat down on the soft grass.

Quick! It's got rabies! Shoot it!

Eventually, she ends up at a house on Elm Street.

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She use to live her…

Don't leave us hanging in anticipa....... tion. She used to live her what?

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1,2...Freddy’s coming for you

3,4... better lock your door

5,6...grab a crucifix

7,8...better stay up late

9,10...better stay up late…

Dear, 'ten' and 'late' don't rhyme.

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Even if it is true…Rosie thought and gasped. For some reason she believed those small girls. But why?. Well Rosie told herself I do live with a mad killer who somehow came back to life after drowning…oh and he cant die.

So all this is perfectly normal. Gotcha.

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He notice how she didn’t scream and run and that’s how he notice this would be an easy kill.

Really? Did he notice it? I don't know if he noticed it. Tell me, did he notice it?

Anyway, Freddy sees Rosie in the Dream World, and she sees him, and they're all like, "Who's that?" And then Freddy is like, "I'm gonna cut that shit up" and Rosie is all like, "Uh-uh, oh no you DIDN'T" and hits him. And Freddy's all like, "What the fuck is this shit?" and like "You're gonna pay" and she's like, "Oh no I'm not. I'm totally cool shit, because I live with a SERIAL KILLER."

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She crocked her head to the side “Do you really think am scared of you? Listen here Freddy why would I be scared of you when I’ve been living with a serial killer since I was four?” She asked sweetly.

What is this "crocking" her head to the side? I keep thinking she's ducking to avoid a crockpot.

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“Jason?. Do you mean Jason Voorhees?” He asked smiling. Rosie paused also and glared at him.

“Yes. How the fuck do you know him?” She growled. Freddy laughed.

“Ha! We go way back bitch” Freddy looked Rosie up and down and something about her was oddly familiar but it just wouldn’t click

"We used to do scrapbooking together."

Ok, so then Freddy is all like, "I'm gonna kidnap you and use you to get to Jason"... like he needs to. But whatever. He's all bragging that FREDDY will triumph. And she's like, "Well, Freddy who?" And he's like, "Freddy KRUEGER!" And then she's all like, "OMGWTFBBQ! Daddy's name!" And he's like, "Well, what's YOUR name sexy?" And she's like, "I'm ROSIE KREUGER!" And then HE'S all "OMGWTFBBQ!"

Seriously. I think my summation is written better than this story, and I'm talking like a ten year old. Anyway, the chapter ends with Rosie being pulled from the dream world after some bullshit identification test with her charm bracelet. The next chapter begins with Jason.

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Had I missed someone at that party?

"Jason check guest list three times."

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He slightly sook her hoping she would wake up but tears started streaking down her cheeks.

"Whee! We're free! Free!" ~tears

Anyway, Jason is very distressed at Rosie having a cut on her arm and freaking out. So, what does any loving psychopathic serial killer do? You got it! He cuts her. SO LOVING.

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Tears started spilling down her cheeks and she grasped her bed sheet.

"I made a doodie. BAWW!"

Rosie jumps up, orders Jason to stay (like a good puppy), and runs out. We cut to Freddy, who is somehow in the Real World (tm) and at Camp Crystal Lake. He's pissed, yet worried that Jason is going to jump him from behind for some smexy buttsecks. I'd be worried too; anything could happen in this story. We cut to Rose, running through the woods, looking for her father, AND THEN...!

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She found the camp site and stopped dead when she saw the sight before her. Freddy was holding the body of a young male and his head seemed to be missing. The female who had screamed was lying on the dirt beneath Freddy’s feet soaked in her own pool of blood.

Freddy hadn’t notice the presence of Rosie. Rosie grabbed a large stick from the ground and got a good grip before she whacked Freddy across the face. There was a large whack as the stick came in contact with Freddy’s burnt skin and in shock Freddy dropped the dead male and glared up at Rosie.

“Grrr its you” He growled and grabbed her wrist that was holding the stick.

"Curses! Foiled again!"

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“I suggest you return to your ‘dream world’ “ she said turning around to face her father “Before Jason finds you” Freddy roared with laughter.

“Oh you really think I’m scared of that thing?” He said, still laughing.

“Don’t call him a THING!” she roared.

“I’ll call him whatever I want to princess” He teased.

“Your being a total dickhead!” Freddy just smirked and started circling Rosie.

"Dude, seriously, you're being a douche, just chillax."

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“Its good to know that you have more of my genes then that mother of yours”

~*~distant banjo playing~*~
Max: Why would her mother have his gen.... OH.

And then, after a touching scene of her chastising him for killing... I think... she plays keep-away with his hat. Freddy goes to bitchslap her (which I'm rooting for at this point, because not only is she an improbable, impossible Sue, she's also a total douche), Jason stabs his hand. Aw... the whole family is together now!

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“Freddy” Jason growled (AN: yep that’s right people Jason speaks).

O RY'LEH?

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“They took both you and Katherine away from me that night I died. I didn’t really care about Katherine seeing as that bitch turned me in” He growled. “But you did nothing wrong…..did you princess? But no you just had to run away and live with that ugly thing!” He gestured towards Jason who growled in return.

Yeah, who gives a shit about the canon daughter?

And whose side would she be on?

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Her father?……or closet friend?

EDIT: Fixing error.

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And whose side would she be on?

Her father?……or closet friend?

Must...not...make...obvious...joke...

Shisaiga wrote:

grmblfjx wrote:

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she climbed under the sheets and went into a combatable sleep.

Ok, everything I could make sense of eventually, but now I'm stuck. What is that even supposed to mean?

Combatable is supposed to be comfortable, I think. A comfortable sleep.

The word "combatable" happens when you spell comfortable wrong and you spell check it without reading it.

Who the hell spells comfortable wrong, anyways? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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Who the hell spells comfortable wrong, anyways? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Somebody who types fast to get the fic out in a hurry and relies purely on spell-check without reading their work, which generally explains why it's crap.

If I recall correctly the skipping rhyme of Springwood goes:

1, 2... Freddy’s coming for you
3, 4... better lock your door
5, 6... grab a crucifix
7, 8... better stay up late
9, 10... never sleep again...

If needed to last longer they traditionally loop it.

If you don't know the rhyme, what the hell kinda fan are you?

And JESUS CHRIST what is it with people thinking they can change psychopaths? It's not even as if Jason is a psycho with like, a chance of rehabilitation, he's been living in the Camp for 30 years killing people.

"NNNNGH! JASON NOT WANT PSYCHIATRIST NOW! JASON WANT INNOCENT AND BEAUTIFUL GIRL!"

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He's pissed, yet worried that Jason is going to jump him from behind for some smexy buttsecks.

I seriously lol'd, but now I don't think I can unsee that image. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I'd be more worried that Jason was going to jump me from behind for some unsexy machete-up-the-ass-sex.