Things I learned from television

Epeyon wrote:

If you're attractive you're automatically shallow and/or a complete asshole who only cares about sex or looking good.

This is only the case if you know how attractive you are. If you're beautiful and nice, you'll have little-to-no idea of how beautiful you really are.

Anyone with "Dr." attached to their name is capable of brain surgery.

Despite lacking lungs, skeletons can sing.

I_Lam_Edhellen wrote:

Anyone with "Dr." attached to their name is capable of brain surgery.

Despite lacking lungs, skeletons can sing.

If for some reason it's a musical thingy, absolutely every chump that shows up on screen can sign like Aretha Franklin or Ol' Blue Eyes.

And if you're the odd man out who CAN'T sing, you can easily be taught to do so inside of five minutes.

I_Lam_Edhellen wrote:

Despite lacking lungs, skeletons can sing.

And rib cages can be used in place of xylophones.

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

I_Lam_Edhellen wrote:

Anyone with "Dr." attached to their name is capable of brain surgery.

Despite lacking lungs, skeletons can sing.

If for some reason it's a musical thingy, absolutely every chump that shows up on screen can sign like Aretha Franklin or Ol' Blue Eyes.

And if you're the odd man out who CAN'T sing, you can easily be taught to do so inside of five minutes.

The entire town knows all the same dance steps as you.

Only single people sleep on their stomachs.

Nobody ever marries for love. The marry for revenge, to piss off a rival, because they're forced into it by a centuries old (and technically unenforcable) marriage contract, or to find out the truth about the person they think killed their husband/wife/child/parent/former lover.

Invariably, of course, the fall in love with the person, even if it turns out they DID kill their husband/wife, because the deceased spouse was a lying cheater and deserved it. If a child or parent is involved, they always end up turning the person over to the police. With a former lover, it can go either way.

People have sex with their underwear on and never walk around or sit around naked in front of each other afterward (that would just be weird).

Mystique wrote:

People have sex with their underwear on and never walk around or sit around naked in front of each other afterward (that would just be weird).

I've never figured out how they have sex without taking their underwear off. I mean, technically, you could do it, but it'd be really really uncomfortable.

Rabid Badger wrote:

Mystique wrote:

People have sex with their underwear on and never walk around or sit around naked in front of each other afterward (that would just be weird).

I've never figured out how they have sex without taking their underwear off. I mean, technically, you could do it, but it'd be really really uncomfortable.

I'm also quite surprised that those people always feel the need to wrap the duvet around their bodies when they get up. What's wrong with walking around naked or, god forbid, donning a night gown? Oh wait. Nudity is evil. More evil than severed heads, terrorism and violence.

silly me.

kleine_kat wrote:

Rabid Badger wrote:

Mystique wrote:

People have sex with their underwear on and never walk around or sit around naked in front of each other afterward (that would just be weird).

I've never figured out how they have sex without taking their underwear off. I mean, technically, you could do it, but it'd be really really uncomfortable.

I'm also quite surprised that those people always feel the need to wrap the duvet around their bodies when they get up. What's wrong with walking around naked or, god forbid, donning a night gown? Oh wait. Nudity is evil. More evil than severed heads, terrorism and violence.

silly me.

Also, the sheet always happens to be bunched up so it covers the man up to his waist and the woman up to her armpits. (Nevermind gay people. They do not happen and they are not having sex.)

People might also have sex with a sheet between them. I have spotted this on several occasions and still cannot for the life of me work out how that's possible.

Rabid Badger wrote:

Nobody ever marries for love. The marry for revenge, to piss off a rival, because they're forced into it by a centuries old (and technically unenforcable) marriage contract, or to find out the truth about the person they think killed their husband/wife/child/parent/former lover.

Invariably, of course, the fall in love with the person, even if it turns out they DID kill their husband/wife, because the deceased spouse was a lying cheater and deserved it. If a child or parent is involved, they always end up turning the person over to the police. With a former lover, it can go either way.

Badge, sugar, you need to stop watching Lifetime. Srsly.

Mystique wrote:

(Nevermind gay people. They do not happen and they are not having sex.)

Nuh uh! What about when it's a hilarious comment on how feminine they are? Or when they're molesting kids? Honestly, Mystique, get with the program.

One example that incorporates EVERYTHING (although it's technically a movie and shouldn't be listed here): The Island.

Only Queen's English 1950's newsreader types ever move to America.
And most of them end up in some kind of law enforcement.

The women will be pale and drippy. The men will be weedy or Prince Charming.

No matter how large a police force is an officer in plain clothes with his sidearm drawn will be instantly recognised as a fellow officer by other officers arriving on the scene, even if they haven't been warned of his presence beforehand.

ZoZo wrote:

People might also have sex with a sheet between them. I have spotted this on several occasions and still cannot for the life of me work out how that's possible.

They use the sheet instead of a condom? (Which would make for some -nasty- friction burns.)

It is not possible to borrow someone's car behind their back with the intention of returning it before they notice, if you try the car will either get damaged or be stolen.

Anorexia is extremely simple to overcome, you don't need to go into therapy or anything, you just need to talk to someone about it.

At least once a year, usually during spring, the SHIT is going to hit the fan. Someone will:

1.) Turn up pregnant
2.) Cheat on their significant others when they had resisted all attempts at seduction before
3.) Die in a very dramatic way

Everyone will take the whole summer to not get over it, then get over it in the next episode a week after summer.

Broken bones and horrible wounds will have completely healed by the next episode--unless the injury is real (as in, the actor was hurt), then a character will walk around with a cast for five episodes. However, any other sustained injuries will still heal at their usual accelerated speed. No one will ever comment on this.

(Thinking Supernatural here)

Wounds do not scar unless the scar is 'what made the character'.

Britsh soaps, especially Eastenders; There is no such thing as a happy christmas. Someone will die, probably murdered. The secret affair you've hid all year will come out. Your husband will beat you to a bloody pulp.
Fact.

Montana is a picturesque fairy-land full of illiterate wife-beating republicans and hot, love-struck cowboys who know how to barbecue and commune with the animals.

Nevermind that Montana was the first state that elected a woman to congress, that a lot of ranchers are organic hippies, and most cowboys smell like cowpiss and manure. Oh, and we do have basic cable and satellite out here. We're no strangers to electricity either.

Licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets.

Star Trek fans are all male, geeky, socially awkward and had no actual friends in high school. Oh, and they were bullied. Most of them are awesome at maths and physics, but have no knowledge of modern pop culture.