I have the suspicion this could be a better piece, and I thought "What better place than here to get critique?" Is anyone willing to bite the bullet and help me? I'm afraid that it might be to cliche and worn-down, not to mention confusing with sudden character shifts. If anyone would be willing to help, I'd be grateful!
Since the work itself seems too large to fit in its entirety into a message, I shall give you a link to it on my DA page.
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