Michael Jackson tribute fanfiction. Oh goody.

In case none of you have heard, Michael Jackson died. And with his passing came an out-pouring of grief from fans the world over. Some were inspired to don costumes and dance. Others, like this person, decided to show their grief by writing self insert fics in the Hunchback of Notre Dame section at The Pit. [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] God Help Us All.

So it begins innocently enough with this Author's Note:

Quote :

My rendition of The Hunchback Of Notre Dame

A/N: This is how it would be if Michael and I knew each other in a past life...or something.

Or something is an understatement.

Quote :

Claude Frollo (Joe Jackson)

Wait, what?

Quote :

Claude Frollo (Joe Jackson)

Oh come on, the man isn't THAT evil! Probably.

Quote :

dragged his son, Quasimodo (Michael Jackson-RIP, Michael. I love you forever, my angel.)(through Paris towards the cathedral as the Festival of Fools was in full swing. There was a huge group of people near a particular spot in the festival. Frollo stopped for a second. Quasimodo couldn't fathom what could be so interesting.

Okay, so Michael Jackson is being cast as Quasimodo, which is a huge insult...to Quasimodo. So if Joe Jackson is Frollo, and Michael Jackson is Quasimodo, who's Esmeralda? Janet? La Toya? Oh wait, it's the author. *sigh*

Quote :

Frollo was caught off-guard when he saw what the crowd was oogling at: A beautiful gypsy girl, who couldn't have been more than 16 years of age, was dancing in an erotic fashion to entice men and earn money. "May I introduce..." The jester called out..."The beautiful...the talented...La Esmeralda!" Esmeralda was talented, no doubt, and just her name had enough beauty to make any man swoon. She was tall and muscular, with golden brown skin and long, wavy black hair tied back with a pink scarf. Her eyes were gorgeous; they were a mix of blue, grey, and green. She wore a loose white blouse, excessive amounts of gold jewelry, and a purple skirt. One other thing was noticable about Esmeralda: She wore no shoes.

Another thing was interesting about Esmeralda: today, she was being played by a creepy Michael Jackson fan!

Quote :

Frollo was caught between being suddenly lovestruck and his vow to the church. "Ugh," he said, wrinkling his nose, "look at that disgusting display." Esmeralda paid no attention to his words; she radiated beauty and confidence. The way she gyrated her hips and twirled about; Frollo would have to be a homosexual to not have "dirty" thoughts about her.

Great, I will now have the mental image of Joe Jackson in a Frollo costume ogling at a teenage girl dressed as Esmeralda for the rest of my life. Is this supposed to be serious, or is this a bizarre troll attempt?

Quote :

Quasimodo, on the other hand, felt sorry for the girl. Sure, she was talented at dancing, but she was using it for the wrong purpose. She was so beautiful...why did she do this to herself? Quasi sighed in helpless despair. He decided he would watch Esmeralda dance until the show was over, and then go talk to her.

Awesome: Moral scolding from a hunchback being played by a guy who was accused twice of child molestation. That'll go over really well.

Quote :

Quasi walked up to the place where Esmeralda was standing. "Excuse me, Miss?" He said nervously. "Yes?" Esmeralda said, looking at Quasi after she had finished putting her coins away, "How can I help you?" "Um....well..." Quasi hesitated, "I couldn't help but wonder..." "Yes?" Esmeralda asked patiently. She couldn't help but wonder if there was something wrong with the boy.

Understatement of the Century. Did the author forget that Quasimodo's a hunchback?

Quote :

"I was wondering....why do you do this?" Quasi finally finished his thought. "I have to keep food on the table somehow." Esmeralda laughed, and then turned her back to walk away. Quasi suddenly felt like an idiot. "No," he said, putting a hand on her shoulder, "that's not what I meant. I mean, why do you use your talent to entice men like this? Why not in theater or something?" "Look," Esmeralda said, stopping in her tracks, "young man, that is just the gypsies' way. We give the people what they want, and they give us money for it. Now, will you please just let me do my job?"

So enticing men on stage is okay, but enticing men on the streets is bad? Just the sort of moral inconsistency you'd expect from a modern celebrity and a mentally disturbed fan!

Quote :

Quasi sighed again. He would never get the point across to this girl. "It embarrasses me to say this, Esmeralda," he began, "but...you're too beautiful to be doing this to yourself. How old are you? Sixteen? Seventeen?" "Sixteen." She said. "God," Quasi said, running a hand through his hair, "You could be doing so much with your life. You could be helping children...animals... You just don't get it, Esmeralda!" And a smile crossed his face, "There's a whole big world out there, don't you see? You just have to open those beautiful eyes of yours and look at it the right way." Esmeralda laughed and kissed him on the cheek.

Oh God, where do I begin? It's The Middle Ages. It's do what you can to survive. Does this author remember what fandom she's writing for?

Quote :

That night, when Esmeralda laid her head down to sleep, that beautiful, yet deformed creature's words kept playing over and over again in her mind... "You're too beautiful..." And then she was off to slumberland.

At least the author didn't say Neverland.

I...seriously don't know where to begin with this fic. It's not a tribute fic. It's a self-serving :viley: fic of the worst kind. It's not a Hunchback of Notre Dame fic: the characters, apart from their names, are completely unrecognizable. This very well may be the worst fic I've ever come across in this fandom, and I've read the works of FrolloFreak. I'm no Michael Jackson fan by a longshot, but he deserves a lot better than this garbage.

Pierre Gringoire wrote:

Quote :

Claude Frollo (Joe Jackson)

Oh come on, the man isn't THAT evil! Probably.

Says you!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Quote :

In case none of you have heard, Michael Jackson died

WHAT?! REALLY?!?! You'd think something like that might have been worth a mention on the evening news* or something.

*--Every night for three weeks

The scary thing is, Jacko as Quasimodo makes a weird kind of sense to me. One was inhumanly freakish looking, the other was a hunchback.>>rimshot<<

...

Yeah, yeah, I know. Too soon, right?

Trioculus wrote:

The scary thing is, Jacko as Quasimodo makes a weird kind of sense to me. One was inhumanly freakish looking, the other was a hunchback.>>rimshot<<

...

Yeah, yeah, I know. Too soon, right?

Are you kidding? It's never too soon! I was wondering if his nose was wandering, melting or had fallen off completely! And was the hump on his back Bubbles?

I don't know what's more disturbing, the fact that she's basing this on the Disney musical or that her self insert finds herself in a love triangle with Jacko and Joe Jackson.

And there goes my resolution to never delurk. Great job, self.

Michael Jackson was actually not bad looking when he was a young man (okay, so I had a minor crush on him junior high). It wasn't till after he started trying to turn himself in a middle-aged white woman that it got creepy.

And Pierre, if you've actually read Frollofreak's stuff, I salute you. She wrote in a fandom I got into when I first got online (not HBoND), and she was one seriously strange lady.

Meh, as long as it's not about him popping out of his grave and doing the Thriller dance...

Rabid Badger wrote:

Michael Jackson was actually not bad looking when he was a young man (okay, so I had a minor crush on him junior high). It wasn't till after he started trying to turn himself in a middle-aged white woman that it got creepy.

And Pierre, if you've actually read Frollofreak's stuff, I salute you. She wrote in a fandom I got into when I first got online (not HBoND), and she was one seriously strange lady.

Yeah, I have. Not everything, but enough to be seriously scared for the fandom, as well as her mental state. As for Michael Jackson jokes, bring it on I say!

Rabid Badger wrote:

Michael Jackson was actually not bad looking when he was a young man (okay, so I had a minor crush on him junior high). It wasn't till after he started trying to turn himself in a middle-aged white woman that it got creepy.

I've always said, if you want to have some fun with your kids, rent The Wiz. Try to convince them that's really Michael Jackson.

EileenK98 wrote:

I've always said, if you want to have some fun with your kids, rent The Wiz. Try to convince them that's really Michael Jackson.

Or better still, try and convince them he's playing Dorthy.

*looks at picture*

OH GOD.

*checks over the chapter*

The hell? It's just the Hunchback of Notre Dame story, edited to have the author in it. She could at least arse herself to change the names to "Quasimichael" or something interesting. She's just writing this mental fantasy and the only person who sees it is her because it's ALL IN HER HEAD.

It's probably the ONLY thing in her head.