This is BULLSHIT (that is a play on words)

Who wants to see these animals in a fanfiction?:

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I know I sure wondered.

¡Historia original!

Quote :

It was another normal day on the Barnyard Otis was grazing in the field when the farmer called him to milk him. Otis was excited, he hadn't been milked in weeks so this was his chance.

Otis is the black and white one, btw. I wouldn't have known because even though I often degrade myself by watching terrible cartoons, I have never hated myself enough for this. Someday maybe, but not right now.

Quote :

He walked over the the barn where the farmer was already sitting on his stool and holding a bucket.

As the farmer started to pull on his udder, no milk came out. The farmer felt his udder and belly. It was completely empty!

The farmer was surprised, and Otis was too! Otis thought that he was producing milk, but he was dry!

So... What did the farmer milk before again?

Quote :

The next day, a big truck pulled in with a big chunk of steak on it. The print on the side said "Prime Cut Steakhouse: Anytown,USA's favorite 5 star beef"

LIAR. That fucking cow would not provide high quality meat.

Quote :

"I'm so sorry, but if you can't make milk, you have no purpose here." "Goodbye forever..." The farmer petted Otis on his head for the last time as he led him to the truck.

Points for realistic portrayal of America's vile meat and dairy industries, Author. So topical. The killing stops once the buying stops.

Quote :

Otis was confused. He didn't know where he he was going, but all he knew was that there was no milk for him to drink.

Fucking leech.

Quote :

He soon found out where the truck was going when it pulled into the entrance of a large industrial building. Smokestacks rose to the sky and other cow moos came from everywhere. Otis hid in the corner of the truck. A big scary man put a leash on him and took him to a room that resembled a prison cell. He saw a cow being pulled down the hallway by a man whose shirt was covered in blood. A few minutes later, he heard the cow screaming in pain, then it was quiet. Otis scared for what would happen to him, eventually, and sat in the corner trying not to think about it. A few hours and several cows later, the man came into Otis's cell.

Oh man, prepare for some unrealistic slaughterhouse descriptions, guys!! Whether it will be worse or better than real life, I don't know yet.

Quote :

"Hello Meat boy! It's time to fatten you up!" He threw a large sack of hay and some gray solution at Otis. Otis obeyed the harsh commands, and ate the grimey food. It was horrible, but he tried to pick out the gray slime and separately eat the hay. After a few weeks, Otis's ribs weren't showing anymore, and he gained some of his body fat back. Soon he was able to produce some milk, so he started to drink some too, because he was starving. Until the warden came in his room.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I just got done with something related to him.

Quote :

"We've got a milker!" As soon as he shouted those words, two scary men came in. One pinned Otis down on the ground, belly up. The other pulled out a machete from his sheath and "Swoosh!" Otis's udder flew perfectly off with one swipe. The three men left the room, with Otis's decapitated udder on the ground in a puddle of milk. Even though it was useless, Otis kept his udder with him. It was his only good luck charm in this prison of doom.

This is a curious mixture of incredibly violent and horrible and also incredibly stupid.

Quote :

The next day, Otis was sent to join a herd in a pasture called "the yard." He had learned that they were a ferocious bunch of other male cows, and he had to toughen up to join their ranks.

What am I even supposed to be thinking while reading this? Am I supposed to feel like I'm reading Shawshank?

Quote :

They all stared at the bare skin on his belly, held together with a few stitches. Otis just realized that it was sewn together. Someone must have done it in his sleep.

W.... what...?

Quote :

The other cows laughed at his udder-less belly, and that got Otis really mad like a raging bull. Otis charged at the first cow he saw, and gave him a swift kick in the udder. This led to a full herd war. Cow against cow. Milk was spilled and there were casualties. Some guards came to collect the bodies, and Otis was the victorious one.

This has to be some kind of joke.

Quote :

He became dominant in the gang of cows, and he knew he couldn't be leader with fat. He started to work out and gain muscle. He felt pride, even without an udder.

Then, Otis was called in by the man. They walked down the hallway and then Otis got conked in the head.

My investment in what happens in this godawful puddle of bile keeps fluctuating.

Quote :

Otis woke up in a dark room; everything was blurry, he saw a silhouette of a strange man. There were diagrams of hot to butcher cows hanging on the walls.

Otis feared for how he was going to die. His skinned body being roasted on a spit? Processed into a hamburger? Thoughts swirled about his head.

"Hello Otis, we meet again!" The doctor snapped a rubber glove on his hand.

HEYNOW WAITA SEC...

This IS an unrealistic slaughterhouse! I FUCKING KNEW THIS STORY WOULD LET ME DOWN ON EVERY LEVEL.

Quote :

Otis wanted to strangle the doctor, but his attempt was futile. He was tied down to a wooden table that smelled of leather and beef.

"I'm sorry about your udder, but cows aren't supposed to give milk here... Good thing I sewed it up before you spilled everywhere!"

Then the doctor pulled out a steak knife, and began to sharpen it. Otis feared for what was to come.

The doctor started making marks all over Otis's body, and Otis couldn't do anything to stop him. Otis screamed for help, but the doctor shoved an apple in his mouth to shut him up.

The person who wrote this story also wrote eight other stories for Back at The Barnyard. Nine stories. All some level of weird fetish. I'm not feeling safe.

Quote :

The doctor came close with the knife and said, "You won't feel a thing!" As he began to cut into Otis's meaty flesh.

The doctor started slicing above Otis's belly right above where his udder used to be. Once the knife pierced Otis's hide, blood and concentrated amounts of milk gushed out. The doctor took some samples in a test tube, and patted Otis's belly to thank him. It was harder to collect the sample, because there was nothing to squeeze it out of. Otis missed having his udder.

It's not so much the content that disturbs me, but rather the way it's being presented.

Quote :

The doctor made marks with the knife to separate the cuts of meat on Otis's large body.

The doctor then said "OK, you are ready now. Sorry, we ran out of anesthesia."

I've asked this before and I will be asking it for the rest of my life: Why didn't you just kill 'im?

Quote :

Otis looked over and saw the doctor pull a long bladed machete out of it's sheath. He started with the legs. He hacked through the flesh and bone, and Otis screamed in agony as blood spilled out. After his legs had been removed, the doctor moved on to his rear, hacking off chunks of meat and pulling out organs. Blood and milk sprayed the doctor. Otis screamed and screamed, but he was starting to feel faint. The doctor moved from back to front, slashing through his large back muscles and bone, removing every last part of Otis that he encountered, and putting the large chunks on seperate trays. Otis's vision was blurry, and when the doctor removed his 2nd stomach he passed out.

I'm compelled to call this a 'Cupcakes' fanfiction, but some part of me knows that this sort of thing has been around longer than that. Like autocannibalism.

Quote :

Otis woke up submerged in green fluid. He looked around him. He appeared to be in a container of some sort. He was overlooking a table in a room with blood everywhere. He looked down and saw that his body was gone, and there were wires coming from his neck. He then noticed that there were jars all around him, each containing a cow head. In the corner of the room, There were jars containing cow organs and udders. The udders were connected to wires, and each of them had tubes running down from each of the nipples. They were actually being milked and Otis spotted his. The largest one on the top shelf. Somehow, he could feel the suckling of his udder. It was much harder than the milk machine on the barnyard, but maybe it was so that they could get more milk.

This is what PETA refuses to stop. All they want to do is emancipate cats and exploit hot nude women.

Quote :

He tried to scream, but realized his tongue was missing. He closed his eyes, and somehow felt the rest of his body either in the same liquid or being heated up.

Ha.

Quote :

His toungue was being served on a fancy platter. His organs and were being dissected by the doctor, and he could feel each slice into his flesh. Otis felt the ripping of his tough hide to be turned into belts, shoes, and wallets. He felt the burning flames as his muscles were cooking. He could smell the spices of marinating. Otis knew what was going on. He was sent to a steak house.

This author should be on some kind of a list.

Quote :

He opened his eyes so he didn't have to feel his body being cooked. He was terrified, and realized that he would feel everything that happened to him as long as the jar stayed intact. He shuddered with this realization, and thought to himself, "From now on, I am in a literal living hell." He continued thinking this as parts of his body were dropped, bitten, spit on, stabbed, cut, digested, flushed, and everything that happened to any part of his body until everything ceased to exist.

Just focus on sweet oblivion, stupid mancow.

Quote :

Pip was stuffed. He had eaten all of the cheese that he got from Otis as he slept. Pip had milked Otis and there was none left for the farmer, but he wanted more. He went to Otis's stall in the barn, but no one was there. He checked the meadow and everywhere else in the barnyard, but no one was there. "Oh well,"Pip said as he went to get some from another one of the cows, "I'll just get some next time I see him."

What a twiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiist.

Well, that was a special kind of bad. Can't wait til I can burden the priest with it on Saturday.

The worst thing for me was the constant references to cows as "he". Not sure what that says about me, or this fic, to be honest.