The Power of a Song

Meet Elphaba818. Her shtick is, in her own words, writing "about young girls with kind older brothers", which in her case translates to "copying JK Rowling's books word-for-word, but throwing in a tag-along character that looks, thinks and acts exactly like Harry."

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To get an idea of my writing style, please read my story 'The Power of a Song.' I would advise against using 'Lucy Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone' and 'Lucy Potter and the Chamber of Secrets' as references for my writing style because, out of sheer preference to be different from other authors on this sight that write Harry Potter fanfictions, I'm writing those stories almost word-for-word from the books.

You see, copying straight from the book makes her original and totally different from all the bores on ff.net who create their own stories in their own words!

But as she herself is advising against using her HP stories as reference, let’s take a look at her Titanic fic The Power of a Song and see if it has any merit.

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summary: Jack Dawson survived the sinking, but only because there was someone else on board the Titanic. Someone he loved just as much, if not more, then Rose. Who is this person? What is this person to Jack? Do this person survive, too?

Duh, I wonder who it's going to be.

I was also tempted to point out the spelling and grammar mistakes in the summary, but decided not to. As far as I can tell as a non-native English speaker, the author has a good grip of the language, and the occasional grammar mistakes and homonym mix-ups did not distract me from the story.

So let’s dive right in, shall we!

Brock Lovett and his team of treasure hunters explore the wreck of the Titanic. The author has written this scene word for word from the movie, like the rest of the fic. She must have spent weeks watching the movie bit by bit, to get down every scene in such detail. Someone should have told her that all this time could have better been invested in creating interesting characters and an engaging story line!

I'll skip to the part where they find the safe with the drawing of the naked woman, as this is the first time the author adds something of her own to the source material.

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The woman was in either in her late teens, or early twenties, and had been captured perfectly by whoever the artist had been that had drawn her.

Umm... how are they supposed to tell if she had been captured perfectly? They don't even know who she is by this point.

Anyway, there's a twiiiiiiiist.

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The next two papers were filled with musical notes.

[...]

The last paper was a photograph. A photograph of three people, which included the woman from the drawing.

It’s easy to tell by the following description that this is a photograph of Jack and Rose, probably made with one of these instant photo cameras that wouldn't be around until roughly forty years after Titanic set sail. But this is of little importance, as we finally get our first impression of the mysterious life saving person "who Jack loved just as much, if not more than Rose".

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Unlike the man and woman, the third person was much younger than them. A child, in fact; a little girl. She was, without a doubt, related to the man. Her straight hair, which went just past her tiny shoulders, was about at light as his, and they not only had similarly shaped faces and colored eyes, but the exact same smile; although hers gave off more of childhood innocence than the adults' did.

The artifacts are shown on the news, confronting Jack and Rose, happily married for 84 years, with their past. They decide to pay a visit to the treasure hunters to share their story, which is also the story of Jack's little sister Clara.

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She [Clara] was only three when their parents died, and because of how young and stupid his grief-stricken thirteen year-old self had been after their funeral, he just took his sister and boarded the first train out of Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin, that he could afford.

If Jack realized it was a stupid idea, why did he keep dragging this kid around for five more years?

Also, Clara likes to play composer, prompting a fellow traveler to say this.

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"Hello," said Tommy, tipping his hat to them. "Do you make any money with your drawings or her music?" He asked, nodding to Jack's portfolio, and Clara's unfinished song.

You see, sheet music written by 8-year-olds is serious business in 1912. I know there are child prodigies like Mozart who composed his first symphony at age nine, but 1) he received a thorough musical education early on and did not grow up on the streets, dragged all over the globe by a hobo brother in search of prostitutes to draw, and 2) he's fucking Mozart!

Also, there is this:

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"This ship has been cursed from being determined, 'unsinkable,' by the newspapers. I guarantee it, and it seems like I'm the only person on board that can see that." She stated.

Terrific!

Besides her many talents, she also knows exactly what to say to stop an adult woman from ending her life.

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"To tell you the truth, miss," the little girl piped, "I'm a lot more concerned about the water being so cold than of big brother dying from the jump." Rose frowned, glancing down at the water. She hadn't thought about that.

Clara pretty much takes over the conversation from there, rattling of Jack's original lines as if this is how a little child would talk.

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"Water that cold, like right down there, it hits you like a thousand knives stabbing you all over your body… You can't breath… You can't think… At least not about anything but the pain…" [Clara said]

"Which is why I'm not looking forward to jumping in there after you," said the man. Rose nearly let go. She had almost forgotten that the man was standing there, too.

Can't blame her! I had forgotten Jack was in this too!

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"Y-you're crazy!" said Rose, facing the ocean again.

"That's what I tell big brother all the time," said the little girl hesitantly. "But, with all due respect, miss, he's not the one hanging off the back of a ship, here."

Can't someone shut that little brat up already?

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"Lovejoy, shut her up!" Cal ordered, walking furiously over to Jack. Lovejoy placed his hand over Clara's mouth. She bit and struggled harder than ever, but her attempts were in vain. Lovejoy was simply much too powerful.

Thank you.

Clara get's most of her dialog from Jack's original lines, making her character almost indistinguishable from her brother's, no matter how precocious most of this sounds from an eight-year-old. Only sometimes does the author remember Clara's actual age, and then it's mostly used for comic relief.

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"Mistress?" Clara said quietly. "He isn't married?" Jack and Rose couldn't help but laugh slightly at her innocence.

The hilarity. If only these scenes weren't at odds with her usual worldly demeanor.

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"I was right! You and my son are just about the same size!" Molly exclaimed as she helped Jack into the jacket of the tuxedo.
[...] She had gone through one of the trunks she had brought with her before giving Jack the tuxedo she had bought in France as a gift for her son when she got home as well as a small bottle of gel to slick back his hair, and a small package to Clara, who she had then sent in the bathroom to change.

No explanation here why Molly Brown had clothes in Clara's size, so I'm just going to assume that she was carrying around ten wardrobes full of evening attires for men and women of all sizes and ages. How convenient!

What follows is the author's version of the dinner party with Rose, Jack, Clara and the social elite of their time.

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"And you find that sort of rootless existence appealing?" Ruth said disdainfully. "You don't feel as though your sister deserves to have a proper education?" Jack frowned. This was a question he pondered constantly to himself every single day. Then, to everyone's surprise, Clara laughed.

"Please, excuse me," she said, feeling everyone stare at her. "But your question about proper education amuses me."

[...]

"Do you really think Jack could even afford for me to go to school?" Clara clarified. Ruth felt her cheeks go red in anger as nearly everyone laughed at Clara's common sense. A mere child had just made her a fool out of her!

Ismay: But there are tuition-free elementary schools for girls and boys in all states since 1870!
Molly Brown: Also, most states have compulsory school laws. By not sending you to school your brother was most likely breaking the law.
Ruth: What a scandal!
Clara: Jack, is that true? I could have gotten a real education like every other child?
Jack: Um.... well, you see....
Ruth: *shakes head in disdain*

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"Well, I'm a musician." She [Clara] said. "A composer, to be exact…" [...]

"A composer?" Ruth said, masking the obvious disdain in her tone from her face. "What exactly do you compose? Songs that are played by the fiddlers in the decks below, perhaps?" Nearly everyone chuckled. Clara fought to keep a straight, neutral face.

"No, ma'am," she replied. "I compose various, refined melodies."

"Pardon my asking, but where would you hear such music, Clara?" asked Cal, sipping his champagne.

"Paris," Clara replied. She knew they were trying to make her look like a stupid little kid. They didn't realize whom they were talking to about this matter, however, nor did they realize how smart of a person they were trying to make a fool out of. "You of all people, Mr. Hockley, should realize that sophisticated music is played almost everywhere in France."

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Could this be any more generic?

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"Has anyone here ever read the book, Futility, by Morgan Robertson?"

Futility is a book that has been written some 14 years prior to the Titanic disaster and that has gained notoriety by the sheer amount of similarities between events described in the book and the fate of the Titanic.

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"Well, I haven't either, but I do know the basic synopsis of the story, because mother told me before she died. In the book, there's a grand liner, much like this ship. It was known as the Titan."

You know, the things you tell your three-year-old kid!

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"And then the ship hit an iceberg and everybody died! The end!"

Before the sinking of Titanic, Futility was not a successful book, but Clara's mother just happened to own a copy. What are the odds.

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"Like the Titanic," she went on. "The Titan was remarkably similar, in both steel and in rumors. I read in the papers, Mr. Ismay, Mr. Andrews, about the basic facts of the ship. You, Mr. Ismay, were reported to say, and I quote, 'Titanic is over sixty-six thousand tons in displacement, and is over eight hundred and eighty two feet long.' In the story, Robertson made his to be over seventy thousands tons of displacement, and was measured to be eight hundred feet long. I'd also like to take the liberty to add that both ships could carry over three thousand people on board. I'm not quite sure what the current number of people on board Titanic is, but I certainly hope there are enough lifeboats on board…" She paused for a moment to take a sip out of her grape juice that the waiters had presented to her instead of champagne.

"Why are you concerned about that?" Mr. Andrews asked.

"Well, Mr. Andrews," she replied. "Like Titanic, the Titan was also determined to be 'the unsinkable ship,' and because of that, no one bothered to be concerned about the fact that there weren't enough lifeboats on board for everyone. This, however, turned out to be a terrible mistake."

Boooooooo!

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"Why?" asked Mr. Ismay in alarm. "What happened?"

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"The exact same thing that I fear is going to happed to Titanic, Mr. Ismay," Clara replied. "She sank." The table became very quiet. "[...] My song reflects that. It starts off with a joyous, enchanting melody filled with hope and love, but at the bridge, it swiftly changes into a chaotic, hauntingly fearful piece of music."

Jack: What? Why did we board this ship then?
Andrews: Scientifically speaking, where do you see the connection between the Titanic and a fictional work about a similarly named ship?
Molly Brown: Hey, I suddenly remember this book! Didn't the protagonist survive by jumping on the iceberg and fighting polar bears?*
Jack: SERIOUSLY, WHY DIDN'T WE WAIT FOR THE NEXT SHIP?

*according to Wikipedia, he did! Our little child prodigy conveniently only remembers the parts of the book that dramatically relate to future events, and leaves out the parts that would make her look like a blithering idiot.

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Silence spread across the table once more.

Why is everybody acting so concerend? For all they know, Clara is the 1912 equivalent of this dude.

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Sure, modern readers know that it's a Cassandra truth, but it makes her look like a ditz nonetheless.

And thus ends chapter 4, leaving us with five more to go!

And naturally she is a refined little miss even though Jack's blue-collarness was sort of intergral to his character.

A sister-Sue? I gotta say, I didn't see that coming. Does Miss Elphaba-and-some-numbers have an older brother that she wishes would take her seriously?

The author writes that she doesn't have an older brother. But you're right about her having issues. A few reviewers have been kind and patient enough to explain why her second HP fic has problems, and let's just say she didn't take it too well...

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I give up. I give up completely with trying to politely explain to all of you reviewers who constantly hurt my feelings with your cruel words in your reviews about what's going on in my head as I write this. So, I'll just be blunt, and to all of you that are actually praising me with your reviews, please don't stop leaving kind reviews, and ignore these next words:

IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY ABOUT THIS STORY, THEN DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL!

And then, in the next chapter, she writes this author's note:

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Okay, to begin with, I'd like to apologize for my angry outburst last chapter, but before any of you consider me to be really sensitive to criticism, understand please that I have medication I take for my depression and anxiety problems, and I forgot to take them that day. And the reason why I take them? Bullies. So, reading all those negative reviews when I was off my medicine made me think,

'My God, I've got bullies in the real world who make fun of my work in fanfiction because they think it's stupid, and now I have cyber bullies on my favorite website, who really are treating every chapter like crap because they think the way I'm writing them is stupid!'

And to sum up the rest of her post for you: She of course doesn't change jack shit about her story. After all, she has important reasons for writing it the way she does, and deserves to be showered with praise.

saja wrote:

Meet Elphaba818.

Thanks, I'll pass.

Oh yea, another fanbrat using mental illness as an excuse for being an asshole...that one never gets old. As someone who suffers from chronic depression/anxiety, I may have to give my two cents.

saja wrote:

I have medication I take for my depression and anxiety problems, and I forgot to take them that day.

What the hell kind of antidepressants does she take that missing one is noticeable?

Mouse wrote:

Oh yea, another fanbrat using mental illness as an excuse for being an asshole...that one never gets old. As someone who suffers from chronic depression/anxiety, I may have to give my two cents.

Exactly! Also, if her meds are *really* the only thing to stop her from lashing out at other people, why doesn't she make sure to take them at all times?

grmblfjx wrote:

saja wrote:

I have medication I take for my depression and anxiety problems, and I forgot to take them that day.

What the hell kind of antidepressants does she take that missing one is noticeable?

Maybe she's not on SSRIs, but on some other drug. Although I find it a lot easier to believe that she's just looking for an excuse. "So you say I wasn't on my best behavior yesterday? Well, duh, I'm sick and I couldn't help it, so stop bullying me about it!"

Also, 'bout that: She had her little freak-out in an author's note for her other fic Lucy Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, not this one. Just felt the need to clear this up.


Chapter 5 starts off with a response to a slightly negative review:

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Why, you ask, is she so grown up, and not acting like the little girl she is? [...] Clara has always, for as long as she can remember, been with Jack, so she sticks to Jack like glue, following him around like a baby duckling follows its mother. Because of that, she has subconsciously developed his personality and way of thinking.

Way to prove that you have no clue how sibling relationships work, author!

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Don't forget, she also was forced to grow up on the road for the past five years, and barely even remembers how life was when she and Jack had a permanent roof over their heads. Combine that fact with the other fact that she has come to realize that with their mom and dad dead, they need to survive and make their limited time on earth count, and you get where her way of thinking comes from.

See, she has a tragic back-story and we all know that no Mary Sue has ever had that!

I case any of you actually tried to read the fic, do you remember this scene from chapter 4 about Clara being kept ignorant about sexual matters?

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"Well, that's one of the good things about Paris," he said in a low tone so his sister wouldn't hear him. "Lot's of girls are willing to take their clothes off." Rose blushed again and turned the page.

Well, it all gets flushed down the toilet in the following chapters!

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"Yes, she did," she [Clara] forced out between laughs. "She wants you to draw her like one of the French girls you drew. You know, the ones wearing absolutely nothing!"

[...]

"H-how do you k-know about those, Cl-Clara?"

She smirked. "I have gone through the portfolio, big brother," she replied.

[...]

"I'm not going anywhere!" Clara said firmly, putting down her nutcracker on one of the nearby couches to fold her arms. "I'm going to play the piano while you do your drawing."

[...]

Then Rose said, "Perhaps if we move the piano to be facing the deck, it would be alright for Clara to stay."

Jack nodded. As long as Clara had her back to them while playing the piano, she wouldn't actually see anything.

Because she couldn't *possibly* just turn around to get a glimpse of what you are doing.

Jack and Rose only have enough blood for either their brains or their nether regions. That is the only reason I can come up with to explain what has just happened.

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She moaned in absolute pleasure. The flame that had burned inside both of them back in the boiler room returned. They knew they had to be quick. Clara was somewhere on the outside of the Renault, and by now, the stokers in the boiler room had mostly likely called for stewards to find them, but Jack and Rose were determined to do this.

Rose: Um, do you think watching us park the beef bus might disturb the little girl?
Jack: Nah, I don't think so. Clara is usually okay with me getting it on with the ladies...
Rose: What did you just say?
Jack: Umm, nothing! Must have been the, uh, noise from the boiler room!

Again, a shining example of responsible parenting!

The author's slavish dedication to the source material almost makes me pity her. Did she swear a holy oath not to leave out any scene that was included in the movie? It's like an obsession! Why doesn't she get it in her head that some events ARE UNLIKELY TO HAPPEN IF A CHILD IS IN THE SAME ROOM WITH YOU ALL THE TIME?

But I'm digressing. A few pages later, Titanic finally hits the iceberg and starts sinking, giving me the pleasant feeling that this fic is going to be over soon. However, my reading is interrupted by an

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IMPORTANT AUTHOR NOTE! PLEASE READ!

To begin, I'm extremely sorry that this chapter is much shorter compared to the last two I've posted. It's just that the next chapter is going to be the ending, and I want that one to be very long. However, I'm afraid that you, my dear reviewers, are going to have to be patient for that last chapter. Ever since I first thought up this story back in mid-December, I started racing against the clock to make sure that I posted the final chapter on April 15th, 2012, to commemorate the 100th anniversary for when the day that the R.M.S. Titanic sank on April 15th, 1912.

You cannot be serious.

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As you can guess, that deadline will easily be reached without any worries, considering that the day I'm publishing this is February 8th, 2012, at 4:58 P.M. I never intended to write this so fast, that I would end up leaving all of you waiting desperately for my desired deadline. I deeply apologize to you all, but I'm determined to keep that deadline, and publish it on April 15th. Anyone, and I mean anyone, who makes a review begging me to update sooner will have their review deleted at once! In my opinion, I am trying to honor all those people who lost their life on that tragic night, and all I can ask of you is to do the same!

This. It's just... Wow. I cannot even be snarky about this.

Let's just get this fic over with.

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"Here!" shouted Clara, who was now running towards Lovejoy as fast she could with one of the dining room chairs. "Compliments of the Chippewa Falls Dawson's!" She screamed in rage as she swung the chair against his body with all her might. Lovejoy roared, feeling his skull split open.

FINISH HIM!

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"And this," she screeched as she dropped the chair, "is for endangering my nutcracker!" She kicked him between the legs as hard as she could. He bellowed in pain.

FATALITY!

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"Th-this is my fault…!" she whimpered, staring at the floor with her fists balled up tightly. Jack, Rose, and Mr. Andrews stared at her, confused by what she meant. [...] "I… I'm to blame… I cursed the ship! I… I said from the beginning… that the ship would sink… And it is…! This… This is my"

"Never," Mr. Andrews said, gripping her shoulders tightly, "say that any of this is your fault! If anything, you should be saying that you had tried to warn me, that you had tried to warn everyone about this ship! But I didn't listen. No one did. More than anything, you should consider yourself the one person on this ship that saw past what we were all too foolish to see, and tried to prevent this terrible tragedy from occurring! Do you understand me?"

She's just too perfect to live in this world! Thank god, that mistake will soon be corrected. You all know what's to come to crown Clara's heroic journey, right? There's enough room on the floating debris for two adults, but not for a small girl!

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"L-listen, big brother, you and R-Rose are gonna g-get out of here…" Clara told her, she herself believing the powerful statement. "You're b-both gonna go on… and y-you're gonna have… l-lots of babies…" she continued, managing a lovely grin. "And… And you guys are gonna watch them grow… Y-you two are gonna die as old… as old married f-folks… warm in bed t-together… So not here…"

Can you imagine the guilt-trip if the two of them find out over time that they can't stand each other's guts?

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Her other hand gripped Jack and Rose's linked hands as hard as she could while she looked both of them in the eyes, needing them to see how desperate she was for both of them to understand. "Both of you… must do me this honor… Jack, Rose, you both must promise me… that you'll both survive… That neither one of you will… give up… Neither one of you…" Again, Clara was choking up at her own words as her tears started to flow down her tiny cheeks, freezing within seconds. "Promise me… that my love song for you both will live on… that it will be finished… It can't ever be finished… if either of you die… My song… my song for you both… It has to be finished!"

Dying for her art in the most WTF way imaginable.

And the author's final note:

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At long last, the day has come. Today officially marks the 100th anniversary of the day the Titanic sank. I ask all of you, my dear readers and reviewers, to stop and take a moment to reflect on the 1500 people who lost their lives on that tragic night. To us, who have seen the movie so many times it is now just a great movie. But to so many others, it was a horrific reality, and is just as much a part of history as any kind of brutal war.

OMG TITANIC WAS FOR REALZ?

Thanks for reminding me, author, your annoying OC almost made me forget.

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And now, I must give a shout out to my best reviewer

who's been giving me such indispensable input as "I think it is sweet that you are honoring the people that passed away on Titanic and I love that I idea." and "Oh my god! So good! I love this story so much it's like unbearable!"

That's FF.net, folks! A place where bad authors can feel like they've written the next "Doctor Zhivago". FF.net – Unleash Your Ego!

Thank you all for sharing my pain!

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"And this," she screeched, "is for endangering my nutcracker!" She kicked him between the legs as hard as she could.

This is my take-away from this story. I do not even want to know the context.

Nor do I.

saja wrote:

Mouse wrote:

Oh yea, another fanbrat using mental illness as an excuse for being an asshole...that one never gets old. As someone who suffers from chronic depression/anxiety, I may have to give my two cents.

Exactly! Also, if her meds are *really* the only thing to stop her from lashing out at other people, why doesn't she make sure to take them at all times?

grmblfjx wrote:

saja wrote:

I have medication I take for my depression and anxiety problems, and I forgot to take them that day.

What the hell kind of antidepressants does she take that missing one is noticeable?

Maybe she's not on SSRIs, but on some other drug. Although I find it a lot easier to believe that she's just looking for an excuse. "So you say I wasn't on my best behavior yesterday? Well, duh, I'm sick and I couldn't help it, so stop bullying me about it!"

Also, 'bout that: She had her little freak-out in an author's note for her other fic Lucy Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, not this one. Just felt the need to clear this up.

D'oh! Probably should have read a little more closely before I laid into her in a review of her titanic fic.

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"And this," she screeched as she dropped the chair, "is for endangering my nutcracker!" She kicked him between the legs as hard as she could. He bellowed in pain.

This line made me lol, though I'm sure that's not what the writer had in mind. But hey, I'm sure her nutcracker wasn't in any danger, considering what she managed to do with it.

This is even worse than transcribing every scene from the film, whilst replacing Rose with a Mary Sue...which is kind of what I thought was going to happen, at first.

Lame.

Ugh. This was boring. So boring. And her use of a mental illness as an excuse makes me mad. There are probably lots of authors who have illnesses that manage to both write and behave better than her.

The Scientist wrote:

This is even worse than transcribing every scene from the film, whilst replacing Rose with a Mary Sue...which is kind of what I thought was going to happen, at first.

Lame.

Also, her profile page is full of copy paste crap. How befitting.

Anyway, as I was scrolling down half a mile to get to her stories, I stumbled upon this:

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For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)

I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-Sue

This makes no sense, see, you are a real person and therefore bound to be well-rounded and....

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I’m SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic

I’m EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists

I’m PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin

I HAVE STRAIGHT A’S, so I MUST have no social life

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention

I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party

I’m into THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual

I have BIG BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe

I CAN’T HELP POINTING OUT MISTAKES, so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist

Umm... forget it! My bad!

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I CAN’T HELP POINTING OUT MISTAKES, so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist

No. Just an asshole.