When Pro Writers Can't Be Arsed To Research, Or: TV Show Goof-Ups

Well, as the title implies, we have probably all seen episodes of various TV shows during which we yelled at our TV sets "That's not how science works/history happened/the world turns!" This thread is meant to share these abysmal failures of screen writers fucking up so badly even laypersons can catch them at it.

My personal "Double Facepalm Award" (tm) --> <-- goes to the episode "Amplification" of the show Criminal Minds. In it, a killer, who turns out to be a sociology grad student, murders people by randomly releasing a strain of weaponized anthrax on a breeze in a public park. This anthrax strain is infecting EVERYONE who was in that park at the time, while leaving the killer, who couldn't have worn a hazmat suit or even a mask without being immediately suspicious, completely unaffected. Yeah, because dispersal by wind works 100%.

Furthermore, this strain kills its first victims before 24 hours have passed. While some illnesses can manifest quickly (the flu is a good example), they do need to incubate for a while until the infection reaches critical mass. Anthrax also needs at least a week to manifest, and no amount of "weaponizing" will make it act this fucking quickly.

Also, this anthrax strain does not respond whatsoever to any of the regular anthrax treatments in ANY of the infected people, including cipro both as treatment and prophylaxis. It only reacts to some wonder drug the dude who actually weaponized it in the first place conveniently cooked up before he got his ass killed by Mr. Sociology. Yeah, nuh-uh.

And finally, let me emphasize once more: A dude who is a SOCIOLOGY student messes around with bacteria portrayed as absolutely fucking deadly, in a decidedly haphazard fashion, which I guess is somewhat realistic, as he would have no training on how to handle hazardous strains of bacteria (see point 1 about dispersing the shit on WIND without any protection whatsoever). BUT, in a realistic scenario, he should have DIED before he ever got a chance to kill anyone, as careless as he was with that stuff.

That episode was so fucking bad, the husband, who usually loves that show, did some headdesking of his own and wanted to choke the writer. The sad part? Neither one of us is working in microbiology, bacteriology or any medical field, all these ridiculous errors could have been avoided with a little common sense and maybe ten minutes online tops.

So yeah, this is probably one of the biggest humdingers I've spotted recently. What episodes made you want to throw a 26-volume encyclopedia at a screen writer's head?

Yeah, not only that, but my very limited understanding is that it would be difficult to weaponize anthrax unless you actually knew what you were doing. Sociology majors probably wouldn't fit that bill as a general rule.

I don't think this thread would be complete without mentioning Heroes, though. Do the writers actually believe it's plausible for there to be two total solar eclipses in the space of a year that can be viewed simultaneously around the world? Or are they just lazy and thought we wouldn't notice?

DeeDee wrote:

Yeah, not only that, but my very limited understanding is that it would be difficult to weaponize anthrax unless you actually knew what you were doing. Sociology majors probably wouldn't fit that bill as a general rule.

Oh, my bad, should have mentioned that: The dude who weaponized the stuff was actually a microbiologist, the sociology dude offed him and stole the stuff afterwards. He knew about it because he interviewed the microbiologist about his publicized and controversial theory that terrorists would soon use biological warfare against American cities.

Quote :

I don't think this thread would be complete without mentioning Heroes, though. Do the writers actually believe it's plausible for there to be two total solar eclipses in the space of a year that can be viewed simultaneously around the world? Or are they just lazy and thought we wouldn't notice?

I would assume the "lazy" theory holds water. But yeah, I don't even see how a solar eclipse that can be seen all over the world at the same time is at all possible. That is, unless the moon was just about to crash into the earth and END US ALL.

Simply put: New York City does not have "Crime Scene Investigation" unit. They have "C.S.U." - Crime Scene Unit. Anyone who watches NYPD Blue or the various Law & Orders knows this.

24 and the mountains in Iowa. Um, no. I'm also pretty damn sure you can't use a dinky little grassfire to make bullets explode or whatever it was Jack was doing to get a diversion in one of the earlier seasons.

ETA: Not exactly research, but I felt the need to complain: I can forgive travel time being sped up for the purposes of storytelling. But Season 5 (I believe) had an episode that ended with Logan and his wife about to have sex. Next episode? Opened with them dressing after sex. For those who don't never saw the show, each episode starts exactly where the previous episode left off.

Now we know the real reason she hated him.

The X-Files also showed Iowa as being mountainous. [In one early episode, they also had the Sioux City (as opposed to Woodbury County) sheriff's office, and they both misspelled Lake Okoboji (as Okobogee) and misidentified it as a National Park.]


Freezer, I'm pretty sure they were aware of that and changed the unit's name to fit in with the franchise.

CSI did an episode where some of the cast went up to Reno because they were looking for evidence. They arrived in the middle of a sandstorm.

1) Reno doesn't get sandstorms. Blowing sand, yes (it's mighty windy in some areas). But not a full-blown, zero visibility sandstorm. You have to head out towards Winnemucca or Fallon for that.

2) Despite the fact that Nevada is classified as desert doesn't mean the whole state is a desert. Along the Sierra Nevada is quite a bustling agricultural area - alfalfa, garlic, onions...lots of greenery.

Of course, my favorite is still the time Gil decided to send some flowers to Sara and told the florist to deliver them to the Crime Lab on "North Tropicana Avenue". Tropicana Avenue in Las Vegas runs east-west, not north-south.

Sparrow wrote:

24 and the mountains in Iowa. Um, no. I'm also pretty damn sure you can't use a dinky little grassfire to make bullets explode or whatever it was Jack was doing to get a diversion in one of the earlier seasons.

ETA: Not exactly research, but I felt the need to complain: I can forgive travel time being sped up for the purposes of storytelling. But Season 5 (I believe) had an episode that ended with Logan and his wife about to have sex. Next episode? Opened with them dressing after sex. For those who don't never saw the show, each episode starts exactly where the previous episode left off.

I thought the clock was running during the "Previously on 24" bit, as I think there've been a few more weird bits like that.

I adore The Wire, and I think season 4 might be my favourite, but the plot with the academics bothers me. I wish my university had their ethics board. They just wandered into that school and winged it. What the hell?

On the OP, that ep may have been scientifically inaccurate, but you got to see Reed compose a good-bye letter for his mother. (I love Reed! I could just eat him up!)

Mountains in Iowa? That's even worse than the mountains in Virginia goof-up that Disney made with Pocahontas. (But, that's a movie. It has to be discussed elsewhere.)

They screwed up crucifixion in Xena and Hercules. A body would just fall off the cross if you nailed through the palms. The nail went between the ulna and radius bones just below the wrist. (The Greek word for "hand"- cheir- referred to everything between fingertips and elbow. Hence the confusion.) Also, they broke legs as a sign of mercy. The victim would die faster.

Any episode of any incarnation of Star Trek that shows something blowing up in the vacuum of space with a loud "Ka-Blam!" is in error as are all SF movies/TV shows that do that. Then again, I guess it would be weird to have something blow up with no sound effects.

Melissa wrote:

They screwed up crucifixion in Xena and Hercules. A body would just fall off the cross if you nailed through the palms. The nail went between the ulna and radius bones just below the wrist. (The Greek word for "hand"- cheir- referred to everything between fingertips and elbow. Hence the confusion.) Also, they broke legs as a sign of mercy. The victim would die faster.

Ok, seriously, Melissa? Xena and Hercules getting something wrong? IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN. EVER. NUH UH. NO WAY.

Sarcasm aside, those are possibly the least realistic shows that ever were on television. I love 'em, don't get me wrong, but aside from maybe Brisco County, least. Realistic. Television. Shows. EVER. I could think of over a dozen things from the top of my head that's all sorts of not right about those shows where the writers just went, "We're gonna write this, and it'll be AWESOME!"

Of course, I don't think they cared, or even remotely tried, to get it "right". I think this thread is more for the shows like CSI or Law & Order where they try to be as realistic and accurate as possible.

There was a House episode that began with someone having an "attack" of synesthesia. It is possible I am wrong, but in general, synesthesia doesn't work that way.

Also, that episode where that guy was aphasic? If you have cerebral malaria to the point where you are aphasic, you are not walking around and going to parties. You are in bed, miserable, and hallucinating (not in the good way, either).

Rawr.

Kel, both of my parents are doctors and they've told me that pretty much 99% of the House episodes they've seen are utter bullshit. Fun show? Yes. Medically sound? Nooooo.

Melissa wrote:

Any episode of any incarnation of Star Trek that shows something blowing up in the vacuum of space with a loud "Ka-Blam!" is in error as are all SF movies/TV shows that do that. Then again, I guess it would be weird to have something blow up with no sound effects.

Yeah, that always gets on my nerves in Star Trek, Star Wars, whatever.

That's one thing I liked a lot about Firefly - no sound in space!

Narwhal wrote:

Kel, both of my parents are doctors and they've told me that pretty much 99% of the House episodes they've seen are utter bullshit. Fun show? Yes. Medically sound? Nooooo.

There is a doctor at the university here who holds, well, lectures where they watch an episode together and then stop it and try their hand at a diagnosis. I just read an article about him today. He says, no doctor could ever act like that and get away with it, but from a medical point of view the episodes are incredibly well researched and his students generally come to the same diagnosis.
Apparently, several other universities are planning on doing something similar.

DarthDarthington wrote:

Melissa wrote:

Any episode of any incarnation of Star Trek that shows something blowing up in the vacuum of space with a loud "Ka-Blam!" is in error as are all SF movies/TV shows that do that. Then again, I guess it would be weird to have something blow up with no sound effects.

Yeah, that always gets on my nerves in Star Trek, Star Wars, whatever.

That's one thing I liked a lot about Firefly - no sound in space!

And the Battlestar Galactica reboot, which goes for the "pilot perspective" by having the sounds muffled.

Narwhal wrote:

Kel, both of my parents are doctors and they've told me that pretty much 99% of the House episodes they've seen are utter bullshit. Fun show? Yes. Medically sound? Nooooo.

You and your parents might get a kick out of Polite Dissent, which humorously dissects medicine in TV and Comics.

Maximilia wrote:

Melissa wrote:

They screwed up crucifixion in Xena and Hercules. A body would just fall off the cross if you nailed through the palms. The nail went between the ulna and radius bones just below the wrist. (The Greek word for "hand"- cheir- referred to everything between fingertips and elbow. Hence the confusion.) Also, they broke legs as a sign of mercy. The victim would die faster.

Ok, seriously, Melissa? Xena and Hercules getting something wrong? IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN. EVER. NUH UH. NO WAY.

Sarcasm aside, those are possibly the least realistic shows that ever were on television. I love 'em, don't get me wrong, but aside from maybe Brisco County, least. Realistic. Television. Shows. EVER. I could think of over a dozen things from the top of my head that's all sorts of not right about those shows where the writers just went, "We're gonna write this, and it'll be AWESOME!"

Of course, I don't think they cared, or even remotely tried, to get it "right". I think this thread is more for the shows like CSI or Law & Order where they try to be as realistic and accurate as possible.

You got a point. I figured we were going more for physical/medical science goofs rather than historical goofs though. I think it was Lucy Lawless who coined the phrase "A wizard did it!"

But, there were even more unrealistic shows than that. Like Freakazoid. Especially that episode about Candlejack. Where would anyone get the idea that you'd be kidnapped by a ghost just because you sa

Melissa wrote:

You got a point. I figured we were going more for physical/medical science goofs rather than historical goofs though. I think it was Lucy Lawless who coined the phrase "A wizard did it!"

But, there were even more unrealistic shows than that. Like Freakazoid. Especially that episode about Candlejack. Where would anyone get the idea that you'd be kidnapped by a ghost just because you sa

Yay, a point: I has one!

But yeah... at least, that's what I figured the thread was for: shows that are trying to be serious but their writers couldn't give a shit. A lot of shows out there just throw reality right on out the window, lol.

OK, I'm back! I finally managed to escape the clutches of...that person. Gotta be careful not to say his name again.

BTW, is it geeky to yell "It's a measurement of distance, not time!" at the screen whenever someone misuses the word "light year"?

Does it have to be TV shows? Or can we beat up movies, too, like the botched abortion called Mission Impossible where Tom Cruise searches Usenet for the word "Job" and comes up empty-handed?

Wandering Critic wrote:

Does it have to be TV shows? Or can we beat up movies, too, like the botched abortion called Mission Impossible where Tom Cruise searches Usenet for the word "Job" and comes up empty-handed?

Hmmm....I think movie fuck ups would belong in another thread.

Melissa wrote:

OK, I'm back! I finally managed to escape the clutches of...that person. Gotta be careful not to say his name again.

BTW, is it geeky to yell "It's a measurement of distance, not time!" at the screen whenever someone misuses the word "light year"?

If it is, I'm officially the biggest geek in the universe.

Also, good that you got away from him, I wasn't aware Candlejack ever let anyone go. O shi-

Saleha wrote:

Melissa wrote:

OK, I'm back! I finally managed to escape the clutches of...that person. Gotta be careful not to say his name again.

BTW, is it geeky to yell "It's a measurement of distance, not time!" at the screen whenever someone misuses the word "light year"?

If it is, I'm officially the biggest geek in the universe.

Also, good that you got away from him, I wasn't aware Candlejack ever let anyone go. O shi-

Dammit, Saleha! Don't you know if you say "Candlejack" you'll be...NO! NO I WON'T GO BACK! I WO

Yeah, so this is really nitpicky and pedantic, but it really bothers me when they have a character speaking Ye Olde English and fuck up the pronouns. "Thee" is pretty much equivalent to the French "tu" or the Spanish ... er... "tú". It's second person informal. Y'all have it all backwards. "You" was the equivalent of "vous" or "vosotros". Bah. They can't be bothered to research how they spoke at all.

I'll have you know that that knowledge helped me a lot when talking about Shakespeare in English class.

True, that -- and also keep in mind that "thee" is the objective form of the word. The subjective form is "thou." So you wouldn't say, for example, "Thee may pass," but "Thou may pass." Likewise, the phrase "Good day to thee" is correct, while "Good day to thou" is wrong, wrong, wrong. 

In fact... the old verse that ends "a loaf of bread, a jug of wine, and thou" is kinda iffy, grammar-wise. It should really be "a loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thee," if it was to be completely correct... of course, then it wouldn't have rhymed.

But yeah... in proper "Olde English" you'd only use "thou" for friends and family, and people of a lower rank than yourself. Calling a stranger "thou" would be very informal, and calling a king or earl "thou" could easily be taken as an insult. (And you don't want to insult the king, now do you!)