Alan wake came within a hair’s breadth of being one of only two other games that I’ll qualify as Horror. (The others are Amnesia, Dark Decent and Cryostasis, if you’re interested) It was doing really really well... and then it gave you a gun and a magic torch to scare off the nasty people.
Anyway... It had atmosphere, it had great characters, it was funny when it needed to be and could be genuinely scary at times so, let’s see what Alan Wake fan Mezwantzvgs thinks would improve the world and story by delving into her Fanfic: Lucindre LosstWat
Now, before we get into the fic itself, let’s look at the title.
Lucindre LosstWat
Alan Wake had an ironic and fitting moniker that worked within the dreamlike, amnesia plagued nightmare world of the game. Granted it wasn’t too subtle (A.Wake – geddit) but hay, it was also a nod to other pulp-horror tropes, right? That’s called being thematic, that is. Now, in case you havn’t already guesses, the title of this fic is the name of its protagonist: Lucindre Losst-Watt.
Lucindre...
Losst...
Watt...
Sigh.
Lucindre (really?) arrives in Bright Falls via a small yellow taxi. She appears to have narcolepsy.
- Quote :
- The young woman kept falling from her dream-like state to awake waiting patiently for the 2 hour taxi drive to end.
Finally after much resilience the woman stayed awake long enough to see the familiar warehouses and harbor buildings and blurted "Right 'ere 'ill do thanks
Oh, shit... We don’t have to put up with an OC with a ‘distinctive accent’ do we?
- Quote :
- "'ere ya go" the woman presented the man with the fare.
Oh boy...
Anyway. What’s-Lost spends a few moments wandering around with no goal or destination apparently in mind before cracking heads against one of the characters from the game.
- Quote :
- "Oh, sorry" the young woman apologized.
"No worries. Lucy, right?" the officer said in a curious manner.
"Yeah."
"Remember me?"
"Um, Sarah?" Lucindre hesitantly remembered.
"Sarah, wow look atcha'. Long time no see, still a Deputy?"
Huh? Lucy Losty is a deputy?
- Quote :
- "I'm Sheriff now, Lucy. It's great to see you too."
"How are ya?"
"Tired" Sarah groaned.
"Aren't we all?" Lucy laughingly joked.
Oh, I guess not... It looks like there was a line break somewhere where there shouldn’t have been. Still, it would have been a pretty fun glitch in the game if one character model suddenly started spouting another characters dialogue.
Anyway: the plot is on the way. See if you can spot it.
- Quote :
- "What are you doing back in Bright Falls?"
Lucindre went quiet. "Nan...died..." she was able to let out. Sarah stayed silent for a while, scared to continue the awkward conversation.
"Oh...I, I'm sorry" the Sheriff softly said "Lucy if you need to talk-" "I don't." Lucindre interrupted "I just need to get to the Trailer Park" Lucindre could see the pity that Sarah was feeling. "Well I take my brake in an hour, I can drive you if you'd like" Sheriff Breaker offered empathetically. Lucindre pondered this for a moment then agreed, hoping that she wasn't a burden to Sarah. "Great I can pick you up at the Oh Deer Diner if you want. Know the way?" "Yeah I remember, It's not like I haven't walked from the Police Station to the diner before". They both laughed and went on their mary way.
As if to make up for the additional, unneeded line break earlier, this one missed all of them entirely.
So, LL-Cool-Watts nan had popped her clogs. Which means Lucy has to... return to her hometown for...? What? Why? And what should I be caring about and why?
Oh, and that paragraph marked the death of her 'distinctive' accent by the way. She never uses it again.
Also: ‘brake’ and ‘mary way’.
- Quote :
- Lucindre crossed the street and jumped over the fence like she used to do to when she was a kid. She reached the front door of the Oh Deer Diner and was greeted by a smile from the waitress serving two old men coffee."Well, well never thought I'd see your face around this neck of the woods again" a young man in his mid twenties mocked Lucindre. Lucy shot him a look and sarcastically replied "Good to see ya too Dibbles".
Why does everyone still remember Lucy? Well, I suppose it’ll be hard to forget so stupid a name but still, how long has she been away? If everyone is surprised at seeing her back, why? What happened? How long had she stayed here previous?
There’s something to be said for keeping some facts vague and building intrigue but keeping all of them secret and just expecting us to buy it with no warning or background is just annoying.
- Quote :
- She sat down with the man known as Tybalt 'Dibbles' Dibbler and felt uncomfortable like she was sitting with an ex-boyfriend, which he was.
And it’s not helped when you keep messing up your subjects!
- Quote :
- "I guess the news got to you, huh" Tybalt started off
What news?
- Quote :
- "Were's Decster" he asked referring to Lucy's brother Declan.
Who is Declan and why is he important? What news?
- Quote :
- "Said he's on his way with the trailer and boxes" Lucindre gently said, reflecting on her text message.
What trailer? What boxes? Why is Declan bringing them? Why did Lucy come on her own? What news?
- Quote :
- They both went silent, hearing nothing but the footsteps of the waitress and blitherings of the two old men.
What old men?
Seriously, I can relate to the whole blathering part, but if you’re gonna reference the Anderson brothers, the least you could do is mention them when you introduce the scene. They’re both pretty distinctive. Also their presence here raises a whole bunch of questions over the sanatorium they’re supposed to be in and what happened to it during the events of the game.
But fuck it, you’re not gonna bother, are you? You really don’t give a shit about giving the reader any information whatsoever.
- Quote :
- Finishing their sundaes, Tybalt and Lucy continued their chat ,that Lucindre let Dibbles know using her expression, that she loathed.
Wat?
Anyway... Deputy Breaker collects Lucy from the diner and drives her to the trailer park.
There is, of course, an excellent reason as to why Lostie got the taxi she rode into town with to drop her off in the middle of a street nowhere near her trailer-park destination. That reason being: we needed to visit the diner in episode 1, just like Alan did in the game. Also Deputy Breaker runs her own taxi service on the side because police officers do that for old friends who turn up out of nowhere.
Seriously, fic. Where is the thinking behind all this?
- Quote :
- Aside from Pat Maine on KBF FM the trip was quiet. By the time Breaker and Losst-Watt got to the trailer park the sun had already start to fade creating a twilight coloured sky that still illuminated the road. Sheriff Breaker and Losst-Watt got out of the squad car, motioning for the owner to open the gate. "Hello Sheriff. Dropping of this little hoodlum again?" the balding and limping man laughed along with Sarah and Lucy. "I kid, I kid. Welcome back Lucy" smiled Randolf with an fatherly tone in his voice. "I suppose your here to get you're grandmothers stuff?" Paul questioned. "And stayin' for a bit. Seems that Declan could'nt make it" announced Lucy after recieving a text from her brother. Randolf opened the gate and started limping to the trailer in the far back with the speed boat on it's side, Lucindre still couldn't believe she did that, leaning up against the caravan.
Fuck off fic. Seriously, fuck right off with that block paragraph right there.
- Quote :
- "I'll let you get settled in. Call if there's anything" Sarah necessitated
"Right, your number still 911?" joked Lucindre
I saw Ace Ventura too, fanbrat. It’s a funny film.
Speaking of funny, the fact that this fic constantly refers to its stupidly-named protagonist as ‘Losst-Watt’ now just makes me chuckle a little inside.
Anyway. She falls asleep and...
- Quote :
- *Thump*
Lucy had woken up, dazed, to see only the darkness of the night in the caravan. Lazily turning on the lamp she heard the noise again.*Thump*. "The hell?" Lucindre thought to herself. The thump came from outside and Lucy had forgotten to lock the door and grab some kind of weapon, something she had learned from horror movies and the show Twin Peaks.
I know how she feels. I often forget to take off my glasses and ruffle my hair whenever I meet someone I fancy, something I learned from teen romance books and the movie Dirty Dancing.
- Quote :
- She raced to the door to lock it, turned the front light on to ward off any crazy guys who may come and get her. The light emitted a halo that made Lucindre feel more safe.
>mikeyface
- Quote :
- The lights slowly dimmed till they were finally burnt out. "This is like every teenaged horror film ever made!" Lucindre's thoughts screamed "Gotta find the torch"
A whole load of nothing happens before it becomes apparent that the figure she saw out of the window is just a branch.
She decides to go outside and wait for her ex-boyfriend to arrive to change the bulb for her (seriously).
- Quote :
- Just when Lucy was just about to text Tybalt his car started his truck's highbeam caught her eye and she waited for him to come up the driveway. But he diddn't seem to be slowing down, if anything he just started to swerve. Lucindre watched horrified as she watched the truck's lights go off road and into the woods. Of course Lucy being in shock just stood there for what seemed to be the longest five minutes thinking 'Ohmygod' over and over until relizing that he could be hurt. She quickly pulled out her phone to call for help. While waiting for an eternity for the phone to pick up, Lucy climbed the fence and started to jog to the direction Tybalt had crashed.
Finally after what had seemed like an eternity the phone had been answered
"Hello?I-I kinda' need an ambulance o-or somethin-"
"I'm sorry but the number you have dialed is out of service, plea-"
911 is out of service? How daft is this fic?
- Quote :
- Many thing's were goin through her head right now but the first priority was 'GET HIM THE HELL OUTTA THERE!'
Why? Unless there’s a fire what you should be thinking is : Leave him the fuck alone until the professionals get here,
right?
Still, she finally reaches the truck...
- Quote :
- "Tybalt! Tybalt, wake up, man!"
Shaking Tybalt had sturred him from his unconscious state but in return had put him in a daze.
"DIIBBLES,c'mon man, get up!" she sceamed into his ear making his raging headache worse.
"Auugh"
"Can you walk?"
Tybalt only looked through half lidded eyes, recognizing that the woman shaking him was Lucy.
"Kay, take that as a no" she guessed and attempted to pull him out with her arm wrapping around his build and the
other holding on to Tyblat's arm slung around her shoulder. Pulling him up and out of the car, both Tybalt and Lucindre
grunted.
She carried him in short strides towards the slope as Tybalt was muttering something in jibberish. "Huh? Watta ya tryin'
to say-"Lucindre
SNAP!
And that is why you do not move people who have been involved in serious accidents. Tybalt spent the rest of his life in
a motorised wheelchair pooping in a bag.
- Quote :
- Lucy quikly twisted her head at the sound of broken sticks only to see more darkness. The trucks headlights had
started flashing as the sky grew more intense.
Lucindre had seen enough movies to know where this leads,
She had evidently not had enough life experiences to understand that movies aren’t fucking real, and that a clichéd
setup in real life does not automatically mean that an attached film-style response will happen.
- Quote :
- Lucindre could'nt see anything and relied on the night sky to find where the noise was coming from, the shadow
of a man in the middle of the road.
20 internet cookes to the first person who can flowchart that sentence. She can’t see anything so she is forced to rely on
ambient light in order to see something?
- Quote :
- Lucindre had not noticed the axe he was handling until now, and she was petrified. She wanted to turn and run
but her legs would'nt her.
And right now my brain won’t me.
- Quote :
- Lucindres legs began to inch away with Tybalt into the deep dark woods 'Hey what's worse, getting killed or
getting lost?' she thought.
Gee, let me think on that one. I’m sure philosophers have mulled over this very question for years...
- Quote :
- Finally reaching past the light Lucy summoned up the courage to look over her shoulder as she just kept moving.
Lucy was stunned at what she witnessed. The man had ran into the light only to be dissolved and dissapear completely.
Numerous problems here... First off the Taken were projections into Alan’s world of the forces of the Dark Presence
trying to prevent him from cocking up the Dark Presence’s own plans, and Alan didn’t encounter them until after he was,
kinda, made aware of the Dark Presence. He didn’t know what it was but he knew there was something wrong. Why is
Lucy getting visited by them?
In addition, The Taken in the game don’t have the best AI in the world, but they’re smart enough to know to avoid light,
in further addition light doesn’t kill them, it kind of removes their shielding, making them vulnerable to physical harm.
What version of the game were you playing, fanbrat?
- Quote :
- Regaing her senses, Lucy turned to Tybalt and asked calmly "Now what?"
Now we thank the forces that be that this story hasn’t been updated since the 23rd of March this year.
What a stupid, nonsensical, pile of gibberish. Missed the point of the game, can’t hold an atmosphere, doesn’t give us
any reason to care for anything that happens, makes no sense and has no connection to the game aside from paper cut-
out references.
This fic is dead, and should stay that way if there is any good in the world.
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