Charlie

So I was trolling around the X-Men movie section of fanfiction.net, looking for some bad First Class slash to snark, when I ran into this instead. It was too bad to pass up.

This one's about yet another mutant Sue, but it's a little different. I have to give it credit, this badfic at least attempts a plot, even though the plot it attempts has more holes in it than Swiss cheese. I swear, I really don't understand this thing. It's called Charlie, and...well...let's just get right to it, shall we? Hold on to your sanity, folks, this one's a tad lengthy.

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"Kick her ass!" Kaity screamed, jumping up and down excitedly and wringing her fingers together. Charlie sent her a look that could cut steel then ducked as Jack's fist flew towards her head. Kaity had been Cahrlie's best friend

You know it’s a bad sign when the author can’t spell their own OC’s name.

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until approximately two hours ago when she let it slip that she was a mutant.

What a shame she has fucking Purifiers for friends, apparently.

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Now she was standing, backed into a dark corner, defending herself from her former best friends older brother. Jack was a boxer. Life was great!

Wait, you told your best friend you were a mutant, so she got her brother to beat you up? Um…why? Does it make him feel good beating up little kids?

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"Please don't do this! I don't want to hurt you!" Charlie cried, not really a bluff. Jack scoffed at her and landed a puch to her left side.

“A durrr, she’s only a mutant! What credibility can her taunts possibly have?”

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She was about to break her own rules and use her powers to pus him the hell back

Ewww, her powers are pus projection? Ewwwwww!

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when a pain shot through her head like a white hot poker. Charlie opened her eyes, not realizing she'd closed them, to a huge field. Dumbstruck, Charlie looked around. The field was lush filled with green and many colorful wildflowers.

The fuck? Why is she in Logan’s head?
If anyone gets that reference, you win a cookie. :D

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What drew her attention was the woman sitting smack in the center of the meadow.
Even though she was sitting Charlie could tell the woman was tall, she had an elegance about her that most women strive for but never achieve.

Ah, those foolish women

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Her hair was long and flowed down her back in red waves framing her beautifully.

Okay, you get three guesses who this is.
Hint: It’s not Mystique.

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Charlie was drawn to her, like she had to talk to this woman, now! "Hello!" Charlie screamed over to the woman.

“I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. LIKE, NOW!”

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The woman looked up and smiled brightly. "Are you all right!" Charlie yelled and the beautiful womans smile faltered.

Stop screaming! Just walk over and ask like a normal person.

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Suddenly Charlie was standing in front of the woman. One moment she was far from her and the next it felt as if a giant had wrapped it's hand around her and pulled her, swift as the wind, over to the woman.

My god! It’s like she has some sort of…mutant power!

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"You must listen" The woman said, though her lips didn't move Charlie heard her perfectly. "I Don't have much time left."
"Time left?" Charlie gasped "Are you hurt? Are you in Danger? Maybe I can help...? I am a mutant." Charlie blurted then started to turn pink.
"No, Child, I'm beyond help but i know someone who is not. A Friend of mine, someone I love dearly." She looked down, her bright face filled with grief.

Again. Guess who.

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"Who?" Charlie gasped, more then willing to help.

No, I said guess. You have to guess.

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"My name is Jean Grey,

OHMYGOD, I NEVER SAW THAT COMING!

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you may need that name one day, and i need you to go to Alkali Lake."

“Why? Because I say so. You don’t know me, have no reason to trust me and have no idea what I could be asking you to do, but you should go anyway.”

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And just like that she was ripped back into reality as a boot collided with her upraised wrist. She hissed in pain and her hand shot out grasping Jack's ankle. Shocked, he slipped and landed hard on his back. Charlie stood up, noting a twisted ankle,

For a boxer, he’s surprisingly…bad at fighting.

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and pushed out wit her mind just as Jack stood.

So…is it force projection? Telekinesis? Sue-power?
I bet the author doesn’t fucking know.

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Both he and Kaity fell to the ground and Charlie looked down at them with pity before she straightened and walked out of the alley.

“I pushed them over! Surely they admit defeat!”

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As she rounded the corner she let the pain leak into her face.

Oh. Oh, shit. That…that is not normal.

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A quick inventory revealed that two or three ribs were probably broken, her wrist felt like it was cracked, and her ankle was definately sprained.

Uh…damn. So I guess that mutant pacifism that prevented you from pushing your dumbass opponents over and doing absolutely nothing else to them didn’t really help you at all, did it?

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She composed herself and went back to her dorm, packing all of her things before she left town.

So…does she…get on a train, a plane? A bloody Greyhound bus? HOW DOES SHE LEAVE, DAMMIT. YOU CAN’T TRANSITION LIKE THAT.

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Charlie looked at the computer screen in awe. Alkali Lake was in Canada.

Canada…’tis a mystical place.

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Two years ago there was a tragic accident and the dam holding all the water broke had collapsed.

And…people died, but…y’know, let’s be sad for the dam.

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She shook her head and cradled her wrist against her right side.

Look, Sue, I don’t know where you left from and I don’t know where you went, because clearly the author cares even less than I do. But I’m pretty sure you could go to a hospital and get that set, at least.

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Charlie sucked in a deep breath and picked up her duffel bag. She closed out the computer, noddiing graciously to the librarian, and walked out of the small town library. Over night Charlie had managed to hitch a ride from Marysville to Bellingham, a short forty mile drive.

Oh, okay. That’s nice to know, at this point in the story…

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The, now five hundred kilometers, drive that it would be from Bellingham WA to Alkali Lake

Uh…’kay…

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in Canadas British Columbia might take more then an hour though,

Well damn, someone did some serious Google Earth…ing.

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Charlie thought bitterly. At least it would be pretty. She got a ride pretty quickly but after a week of traveling she found that she had somehow gotten off course and had wound up in a small town called Laughlin City in Alberta. "Damn lying truck driver."

Curse my bad Sue fortune!

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She murmured to herself as she walked into the dark bar that the trucker had pulled up to.
The place wasn't necessarily clean but she doubted that bothered most of the people here. She sat down at the bar and ordered a gingerale. The bartender looked at her like she was positively mad but handed her the drink anyways.

“Ginger-ale? That’s only ordered by escaped asylum patients!”

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She payed for her drink then walked to the back of the bar where most of the patrons seemed to be gathered. There was a large cage in the center of the alcove with three men inside.

Ah, okay…that’s…normal. A cage match. Hmm...this scene reminds me of something...

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She had a good veiw of one of them. He was big with broad shoulders and thick legs. He wasn't wearing a shirt and sweat was glistening off of his forehead and arms.

Um…okay. Maybe not a cage match. Cage sex?

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He was a hairy man with muttin chops and a hairy chest.

Oh man, I mean, I knew the fic was going there, but can we not go there this way?

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Charlie took her drink and sat down between two roudy groups of men. "And in this corner we have the Wolverine!" someone was saying and the crowed to her left cheered loudly.

BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT.
OBVIOUSLY, LOGAN WENT BACK TO CAGE FIGHTING AFTER X3.
(I like to pretend that that’s what Origins is about: endless cage matches and Ryan Reynolds)

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The other side was obviously cheering for the other guy. Charlie downed her drink and held on tightly to the heavy glass cup with her left hand.

“Hit me again, barkeep! Some more of your finest ginger-ale!”

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The fight commenced as the thin man in the cage got out to ensure his safety. The fight didn't last long.

…As Logan went after the guy and stabbed him eight times in the throat.

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The group to Charlie's left cheered loudy ensighting that 'Wolverine' had won, the group to her right didn't look too happy about this. Charlie stood nervously and went to get out of the crowd before anything happened. Her ankle throbbed and she tripped, catching herself before she fell.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Bella Swan of X-Men.

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Unfortunately she wasn't fast enough to avoid the fight that broke out in the crowd.

“BAR FIIIIIIGHT!”
/Dungeons and Dragons movie reference

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Men collided all around her as she tried to move out of the way. Someone jostled her roughly shattering the glass in her hand and embedding gllass in her palm and fingers. She let out a sharp yelp as someone pushed her bad side then all out screamed as someone punched her across the face.

Christ, these guys really don’t care who they punch, do they? I guess they just want to let off some steam…did their wives all stereotypically leave them that day or something?

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A low angry growl like noise sounded breifly above the noise and a hand shot out, wrapping around her right wrist and yanking. She felt the bones snap painfully and she screamed even louder as the person yanked her out of the crowd, away from the fight.

Okay, so, basically at this point this chick is a walking train wreck. I mean really, how is she even functioning with multiple broken ribs?

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She flopped uselessly into the mans chest and looked up, vaugely aware that this was the man she saw in the cage. This was the Wolverine.

She promptly asked him for his autograph. She had never been able to resist Hugh Jackman.

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Loogan smelled her the second she walked into the bar.

I think the Sue really needs a shower.

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She smelled of Innocence, pain, and fear

How can one smell of innocence? I mean…really? Logan can track scents, not emotions or outlooks on life.

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accompanied by soem sort of flower he never bothered to learn the name of.

A botanist, he’s not.

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She didn't belong in here. She was in danger just walking into this bar.

This bar had men in it. And she’s the Sue.

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She walked up to the cage, some non-alchoholic drink in a large beer mug. She stood there, assesing him for what felt like ages before she moved to sit between the two seperate groups of men batting on him and against him. He won the match easilly. The other guy was big but faught like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

Blah blah blah blah blah Logan’s OOC ego blah blah blah

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Logan layed him out like a rug in an instant and returned to his corner looking up at the crowd. He reached down and picked up his shirt to whipe sweat off of his face and arms and when he looked up the crowd had broken out into a fight.

So…Logan is oblivious as fuck in this fic?

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The girl was somewhere in the crowd. Shit.

Suddenly, Logan feels like he must…protect random children?

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Logan groaned and stood up moveing to the door of the cage quickly. He heard the glass shatter and her yelp of pain which caused him to move that much faster. She let out another yelp then a high scream.

Hey, why isn’t she using her mutant powers to help her get out of this? I think she can let the “no powers” rule go at this point.

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Logan let out a deep, chest rattling, growl and grabbed her by the wrist, yanking her out of the group. She stumbled towards him then screamed again, a high sounding shriek that hurt his ears and caused the rest of the bar to quiet down a notch or two.

Sue used Rape Whistle Scream! It’s super-effective!

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She looked up at Logan dizzily then tipped into his chest. Logan let out a long sigh and lifted her slightly by wrapping his arm around her waist. She let out a gasp and a hiss so he pulled his arm away. "Follow me, Kid"
She looked up at him and nodded as he walked foreward, hand still firmly wrapped around her wrist. He felt her hand twisting in his grasp and sighed. "I'm not gonna hurt ya, kid"

“Except…for...y’know, how I already did. Sorry ‘bout that.”

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He grumbled then looked up at her. Her eyes, a deep blue with gold and black flecks dotting them,

Oh, ffs, now we have the weird eye color? Lemme guess, her parents are deeeeeaaaaad?

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were wide and childlike, filled with fear. He cussed and looked down to see her wrist. "Fuck" he cussed looking as the purpling bruise spread accross her wrist. He dropped her wrist and nodded for her to follow him. A voice in her head that sounded like Jean's whispered for her to follow so she nodded and followed him over to the bar. "All right, what happened to yer wrist, kid?"

“You broke it, dickweed.”

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"None of you'r buisness." She muttered and he nodded.
"Fair enought."

My spell check is in pain.

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He noticed that she favored her left side and she limped. He looked more carefully at her wounds without her noticing. The wrist looked like a clear defensive wound. He took a deep, calming, breath and mumbled "How old are ya?"
"None of you'r Buisness"

That is not how you spell “you’re”. If it was once, I would forgive the author. It’s not.

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She repeated and jumped to her feet. She couldn't have someone asking her these questions. She couldn't get attatched to anyone.

Another item to cross off the Sue checklist…

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She had to help Jean.

Why? Because…why not?

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She jumped to her feet but her ankle rolled sending her off balance. Not wanting to fall flat on her face she used her powers to steady herself. Hoping nodbody noticed, she turned on her heel and stormed out.

Okay, the author was either delirious with pain themselves when they wrote this, or drunk.

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Logan was impressed. She'd gotten half way down the road before he had pulled up next to her on the road.

In what? His invisible car?

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He pushed the door open and yelled "Get in!" She looked up at him with indescision in her eyes. "C'mon kid I won't hurt ya."

“Trust me, I’m a cage fighter!”

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She sighed loudly and anchored herself up into the cab of the truck, her anger and fear spent. "Where are ya headed kid?"
"Quit calling me that! I have a name!" she hissed.

“Just because I haven’t told it to you yet, doesn’t give you an excuse not to call me by it!”

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She was about to tell him her name was Charlie when she paused, common sense taking over. "My name is Temperance. And I'm going to Alkali Lake." he glanced at her and shook his head.

That and her obvious mutant powers don’t set off any warning bells in Logan’s head? At all?

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"That wrist is broken. How 'bout you go ta the hospital."
"No. I have to go to Alkali Lake. Now." He glanced at her again but she was so determined. He nodded and turned back to the road for only a moment but when he looked back she was already curled up against the window, her dark brown hair covering her face, fast asleep.

It’s not too late to dump her on the side of the road, Logan…

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Charlie found herself in the meadow again, sitting with Ms. Jean. Ms. Jean smiled at her and opened her mouth "You'r doing good Charlie. Really good. You'r on the right path."

FFS SPELL RIGHT

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"Thank's Ms. Jean" She smiled, happy that this motherly woman was happy with her.

Hmm. Motherly? Really? I wonder how The Phoenix would react to being called “motherly”?

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"The man you are with is a good man. You can trust him to keep you safe. Trust him like you trust me."

“I mean, you’ve known him for almost as long.”

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She nodded thinking of her od trust in Ms. Jean. She trusted her, a deep instantaniouse trust that she didn't really understand.

Okay, some people have natural tendencies to create typos. I get that. THAT’S WHY COMPUTERS HAVE SPELL AND GRAMMAR CHECKS. I mean…that’s got to be the worst spelling of the word “instantaneous” that I’ve ever seen.

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"Okay Ms. Jean."
Logan's hands clenched over the steering wheel again and again. He knew many people talked in their sleep, Kitty never shut the Hell up awake or otherwise, Hell he even spoke sometimes. What he hadn't expected was the small girl to his left to murmur Jean's name in her sleep in a loving, adoring kind of voice.

Yeah, because it’s not possible she could know someone else named Jean. It’s gotta be the same one.

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He glanced over to her, her broken wrist resting in her lap, body angled to releive her left side. He shook his head and sped up, to Alkali Lake.
Charlie smiled and stretched outt as a beam of sun warmed her cool face. The bruise from the punch marred the left side of her face but that didn't bother her. She tilted her face to the sky and spread her arms breifly spinning in the snow.

Has the author never heard of transitional text? This story teleports more than Nightcrawler.

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Logan watched her for a moment noticing the oney and auburn highlights to her hair.

OMG SHE’S SO BOOTIFUL

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Her eyes suddenly glazed over and she moved so suddenly to the cliff that overlooked Alkali. Charlie could feel Jean in her head then, acting like a rudder, a beacon of sorts. 'Don't worry, just follow my lead and you will be unharmed' she heard Jean say, loud and clear like always, in her mind. She nodded and jumpde off of the ccliff into the dark waters below.

Apparently, Jean now feeds on the souls of the dead. I guess.

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She swam down, down, down deep into the water, chest constricting the deeper she went. When she felt like her heart would burst she turned abruptly into an underwater cave.

Yeah, the girl with the broken wrist(s?), broken ribs, and twisted ankle would totally survive the impact of a jump off a cliff into a freezing cold lake.

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She swam parallel to the ground this time for a good ten or so feet before she let her body float upward. She broke into the cavern and gasped for air. She'd entered a cavern underwater.

Really. I forgot that’s what you’d been describing for the past paragraph or so.

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She took a deep breath and pulled herself painfully onto the cave floor to gasp for air. 'Good! You have no idea how proud of you I am. Now please catch your breath then follow the glow to the end of the tunnel.

“Yes…just…uh…go towards the light.”

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She took several deep breaths and looked around, nervouse. She was terrified of the dark.
Charlie sucked in one more deep breath and looked up. The cave only went in one direction and it was obviously an unnatural cave. The cave looked like the inside of a metal can, the hall was perfectly circular,

IT MUST BE MAGNETO!
/X-Men Evolution reaction

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causing her to walk with one foot in front of the other,

You mean like how everyone walks, all the time?

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and the walls were ribbed. She followed the cave all the way back, following the soft pink glow at the end of the tunnel. Confusion swept aover her instantly.
The object at the end of the tunnel was odd. It was floating three feet off the floor parallel to it. The object was roughly four feet thick and six and a half feet long.

Um…

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Oddly it reminded Charlie of a coffin or a cacoon big enough to fit a person. The edges were rounded but it was hard to really tell because it was glowing the unnatural pink so brightly it was hard to look for too long. 'This is why i called you Charlotte. Touch it with your mind.'

Okay, this is getting weird.

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Jean whispered and Charlie sucked in a deep breath stretching her mind out. Reaching for something. And then she felt it. Another mind beating furiously. 'He's been trapped in there for a whole month. He won't last much longer, the energy used to cocoon him has been spent. It is no longer acting as a shelter but as a tomb.

Oh no. No. No. No. No. YOU ARE NOT BRINGING THIS INTO THIS BADFIC, AUTHOR! NO! FUCK YOU!

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Connect your mind to his, set him free. For me.' Charlie nodded and took another deep breath. She stretched her mind further, connecting with the mind in the pink cocoon. The moment her mind fully connected with his the light shattered. It grew so bright it blinded her and by the time her eyes had adjusted the light was gone and she was in pure darkness.

She blinded me with sciiiiennce…

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Gasping wildly Charlie hit the floor, her knees keeping her in a somewhat upright possition. Jean's plea rocketed through her and she crawled over to the lump, a darker black in the blackness that surrounded her. She gently lay her head on his chest and cussed, years of CPR comming back to her in a flash. She tipped his head back and breathed into his mouth. She started compressions and breathed again.

Uh…wait, what?

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She started compressions and breathed again.

No. I’m sorry, but no. A person with a broken wrist would not be able to perform compressions. Ever.

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The last time she leaned down and breathed into his mouth his lips twitched and she felt him suck in her air. She sighed and leaned back putting her head on his chest to make sure he kept breathing.

Fuck this fic.

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His chest moved up and down with her leaning on it and she thought it was the most beautiful thing in the world. Her wrist hurt like a bitch, her ribs cracked, shifting, and her ankle was throbbing

Can she die now? Can somebody die now?

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but she didn't care for one beautiful moment. She'd saved a life.

Grats, go die in a hole to balance it out.

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Now to get him the hell outta here.
Logan was livid. Scared. Pissed. He was dripping wet and pacing the length of the cliff, a constant stream of cuss words dripping from his mouth. When she didn't come up he went after her. He couldn't find her and after ten minutes his emotions changed to Desperation. Hope. Anger.

Please. Stop. Trying.
Wait, Logan can hold his breath for ten minutes? What a bamf!

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How could he just let that kid jump into the water like that. It was like she was in a trance. Then, finally, he heard a noise. A strangled gasp, desperate paddling. He ran to the edge and gasped. There she was, Temperance. She was flailing and struggling to stay afloat. He didn't see that she was carrying someone on her back. He jumped in and swam to her, ready to help her out, and thats when he saw him. Logan stopped short. Eye's wide. "Scott?"

The thing I hate most about this fic is that it makes no sense. Is Jean dead? If Jean's dead then why is Scott trapped in an underwater cave? Why did Logan go back to cage fighting? Where are the rest of the X-Men? If this is supposed to take place during the third movie then how does Logan know Kitty so well? WHERE IS CANON?
I hate the fact that Scott died in X3, him being my favorite X-Man aside. It was just a dumb way to kill a great character. But I would definitely rather see Cyclops stay dead in the movieverse canon than be brought back to life with the aid of a Sue and her bullshit CPR.

Jesus Christ, not every single sentence needs a fucking comment. Pick out the bits that are actually bad, would you?

Sorry Wulfy. How about you just pick out the sentences you want to read and ignore the rest? I aim to please, y'know

Spoiler:

Happenstance wrote:

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The girl was somewhere in the crowd. Shit.

Suddenly, Logan feels like he must…protect random children?

'Reluctantly' hoarding spunky teenaged-girl sidekicks seems to be Wolverine's schitck, even in canon.

Happenstance wrote:

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He noticed that she favored her left side and she limped. He looked more carefully at her wounds without her noticing. The wrist looked like a clear defensive wound. He took a deep, calming, breath and mumbled "How old are ya?"
"None of you'r Buisness"

That is not how you spell “you’re”. If it was once, I would forgive the author. It’s not.

It should be your. It is like the author could not tell you're from your and decided to split the difference.

Reepicheep-chan wrote:

Happenstance wrote:

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He noticed that she favored her left side and she limped. He looked more carefully at her wounds without her noticing. The wrist looked like a clear defensive wound. He took a deep, calming, breath and mumbled "How old are ya?"
"None of you'r Buisness"

That is not how you spell “you’re”. If it was once, I would forgive the author. It’s not.

It should be your. It is like the author could not tell you're from your and decided to split the difference.

Aha, I should have picked up on that. But it does seem like the author just assumes they both serve the same purpose, so how about both at once?

Great snark, ignore Cy it's her raison d'etre to be a complete bitch to all and sundry

I clicked on this thinking it was about the unicorn.

Howithurts wrote:

I clicked on this thinking it was about the unicorn.

Sorry to disappoint...if it helps, you can always pretend it's about the unicorn. That would be a lot more interesting.

Charlie's not even a kid, she's at least 21, although it's hard to tell her actual age because of the author's confusing narrative. Could have fooled me tho, since she acts like she's 12.

Also, Emma is now part of the institute even tho she didn't appear in X:3, and she's a raving bitch. Hooray.