Strength of Heart. Because Shepard can't save the galaxy with out her cuttle bone.

*sob* It's almost over, isn't it?

Ugh...

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"Shepard, I'm so sorry. There was nothing we could do. Whatever happened to him it sucked the life right out of him."

No... Just no. Have you even played the game, author? Reave... That power you just described, isn't available until after Samara's loyalty mission.

You are made of hella stupid!

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The body was left in tact. There was no need for an autopsy. A detailed scan told them everything they could learn from the body. Nothing. There was no damage to his physical being, including the brain. The Normandy would not be returning to the Citadel until their mission was over. Meanwhile, Nihlus Kryik's remains would be kept safe in the main cargo hold on the hanger deck. It was the only space big enough for the cryo-coffin.

Emphasis mine because of the WTF. If you learned nothing from a scan wouldn't a more thorough examination be in order? Also, "I was frozen, today!"

Nothing can take away the utter suckage. Not even that!

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"You can't run the Normandy for the cargo hold. Moral is dropping. Nihlus wouldn't want you sulking down here in the dark. It isn't healthy."

"I just lost the love of my life, Garrus!" She snapped at him. "It's hardly been a week and you're telling me to just get over it? Fuck you!"

Here we go again. The moral of the story, children, is that when you lose someone special, it's an insult to their memory to just live your life! Especially when trillions of those lives are at stake because you are the only thing that stands between them and total and utter extinction!

So, like a good dumbass, she takes what would have been a good moment for Garrus to slap some sense into Shepard and pisses all over it. Garrus picked Shepard up and carries her like a sack of rotten potatoes toward the elevator when she gives him a Boot to The Head.

Must have been from Nihlus' last will that all characters going OOC get a Boot to The Head. I would love to be at the reading of that will.

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"Shepard, don't do this!" He warned. "I was one of the top two hand to hand combatants of the last turian vessel I crewed on, remember?"

"Well this isn't a turian vessel and I'm not that little tart you diddled either!"

O Snap! Sheptard is stupid.

So then Garrus headbutts her and then she gets pissed but then goes retarded again and starts crying like a little bitch and Retarded Garrus holds her instead of giving her a good slap and telling her to snap out of it.

Now, don't get me wrong. The Real Shepard would mourn, but she would do so out of sight of the rest of the crew. She would shed one tear of badass then proceed to find some mercs to kill.

And then she is contacted by the Illusive Man and told to investigate a Collector ship that some Turians disabled.

Never mind how and why, that would be discussed in a good story. Instead we get this.

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"Let's cut to the chase. What the hell did you want?"

"The turian's disabled a Collector ship. We have an opportunity to gather valuable information here, Shepard. Get your team together. I've already sent the coordinates."

... Udnot Grunt would fill in.

Urdnot Grunt? When the hell did Sheptard find time between being a doormat and Nihlus' fleshlight to get Grunt to Tuchanka to complete his coming of age ritual? It would have been nice if I knew when the hell this all happened.

And then Thane pops OOC to go all pushy boyfriend on Sheptard.

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He paused for a moment, feeling the warmth of her hands in his. He could see her sorrow in her dark eyes so exotically peering at him from her white features. He tried to think of something that might sooth her.

"Without death, how do we learn to appreciate life?" He said. He himself had learned this lesson almost too late. "I don't intend to let my body pass before it's time. I will watch over you." He smiled gently at her.

"I know." She said, thinking of Nihlus, thinking of Garrus.

You... you... I don't even have the words! You are thinking of a freaky eyed Zombie and WoobieCunt!Garrus over Thane? And he's more in character than anyone else in this story!

And then Thane blocks her from leaving and forces a kiss on her.

Wait! What!?

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His lips touched hers. They were not like human lips that she remembered. They were smoother, firmer without being hard. Electricity seemed to spark as the knot pushed up into her chest and the butterflies descended to her loins. Her lips parted and his tongue quickly found it's way to hers. So similar and so different. Intoxicating. Literally. Her knees felt weak and she lost her balance and fell against him. His denser muscles were hard under the smooth leather of his vest. His hand left her cheek to wrap around the small of her back and hold her to him. Her own fingers slid up his chest to run over the frills over his cheeks to wrap around the back of his crested head. Everything felt amplified. Her skin was on fire where he touched her. Her lips and tongue tingled with the pleasure of his kiss. For a few seconds she opened her eyes. His were closed, allowing himself to be lost in the moment. Her vision seemed fuzzy, brighter, as if in a dream sequence filled with a misty light. The floor beneath her feel began to feel unstable, doughy. Yet, when she closed her eyes again and let him support her the dizziness and light headedness wasn't so noticeable. She felt a gradual pressure against the back of her knees, then the sensation that she was falling very slowly. Her eyes fluttered open to see the ceiling over his cot spinning over her.

Aside from the disturbing imagery and the total WTF of Sheptard tripping balls, this has got to be the worst... I can't even read this without getting dizzy myself! Not something you want to induce in your audience, Author!

So, of course, she gets it right that having oral contact with a Drell's saliva causes hallucinations. Kind of like licking one of those brightly colored frogs from the Amazon. But this is just... I don't even...

And then they screw. Because why the fuck not?

And because this is the craptasticly horrid mirror universe version of Mass Effect, we get this.

Warning, the following scene is epic in it's utter fail. Viewer Excretion Advised.

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He cradled her beneath him as he pushed his way into her. Maintaining eye contact was difficult as she arched into him. The green centers of his eyes held her intently and she felt as though she might drown in him. He was not the same as Nihlus. A little smaller and the ridges more smooth, but his shape massaged her in a different way. His strokes were slower and more about movement than pressure and depth. He was an entirely new sensation. Every pulse, every throbbing thrust was amplified by the hallucinatory effects. His weight was crushing, but it was a welcome discomfort in exchange for the waves of ecstasy that flooded her senses. His lips were constantly on her. She moaned softly as he kissed her mouth, her chin, the sensitive skin behind her ear and along her neck to the hollow and across her collar to her shoulder. His hands curiously explored her breasts and the nipples that hardened at his touch. Her own fingers found pleasure in trailing over the stripes that decorated him. His nippleless chest was firm and smooth as it glided over hers. The flash of red from the folds of his throat enticed her lips to tease them, urging purrs and groans from the drell. He lifted himself off of her to view the point of their joining. The sight that met her eyes was colorful and beautiful. He seemed to almost be a part of her. Her lips clung to him as he slid out of her, then were pushed aside as they welcomed him back. His mouth was back on hers with fevered need as a purr rumbled deep in his chest.

Her body tensed as she neared orgasm. She moaned louder when the release came, and he with her. She could feel him release his seed within her, less waterythan turian cum and some how heavier. Unlike other species, he came as often as she did. Perhaps more, but in smaller amounts. The intensity built within her for the last time. As her body tightened around him he shuttered above her, releasing a steady stream as he climaxed for the final time. The deep endlessness of his eyes never left hers. Her own bliss followed his wake, and she gasped his name.

"Thane..."

When his body left hers she expected some of the seed to spill out, hot and wet, the way his had done. Only a little dribbled out, and even that was what had cling to him upon his exiting her. It was stickier than humans, but white, and much thicker, like plasma coolant.

And then Sheptard leaves him there because that's how she rolls.

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"There are too many shadows." Thane commented as the trio entered the entry corridor.

Oh, shut up! You've lost your Bad Ass privileges for the rest of this fic!

And if you couldn't already tell, they're on the Collector Ship that was magically disabled by some random Turians.

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She couldn't tell him that the drell visited her in her quarters some nights for quite intimacy that took her mind off the pain and filled her body with pleasure. She could even manage the hallucinations now. Things didn't spin anymore. She only felt the ecstacy of his touch amplified. No. She absolutely could not tell him that. Her turian friend would likely go nuclear on her. And there was something else. It wouldn't become an issue for a few more months, if it was even possible. It could just be stress. She pushed the worrisome thoughts aside and concentrated on hacking into a wall safe.

Ahem... FORESHADOWING!!!

Just thought you might need help with that one since it's soooooo not obvious.

But... *reads on* wait a second here...

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"The Reaper just put up kinetic barriers. I don't think we can get through from our side."

Reaper? They were supposed to be investigating the Collector ship...

WTF! She skipped ahead without even... shit!

Let's just get this over with!

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"At the moment of activation, I detected a heat spike in what is likely the wreck's mass effect core." EDI responded. "Sending the coordinates now. Be advised. This core is also maintaining the Reapers' altitude."

"So when we take the barriers down to escape, the wreak falls into the planet core." Shepard restated the inference.

"And that means everyone dies. Yeah, got it." Said Joker.

Got that? Good. It's the only coherent thing in this damn chapter.

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Shepard tried to avoid looking at the bodies. The smell was enough. She didn't need to see the gore. It looked too much like the lasagna she had for lunch.

Were having that for dinner!

Then they go and kill some husks, meet Legion, escape the Reaper and have a three way bitch fight because apparently we need it brought up again that Sheptard couldn't cope with having her favorite model ship go missing let alone having Nihlus die. Thane grows a personality and Sheptard is left to stew...

And then...

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"I'm sorry, Garrus. Thanks. Now let's get this thing locked up. I think there's someone else I should apologize to as well."

"Aye, aye, Commander."

Sheptard is bipolar as fuck!

She spills her heart to Thane who quotes an artist and dances around the whole issue because the author wants to keep the suspense high but instead makes it tedious. So very tedious.

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A single tear left his eye and trailed down his cheek to be absorbed in her hair. Her scent reminded him of the first spring flowers on Kahje... and Irikah.

Oh, fuck you! Kahje is covered by water! Unless Thane can smell flowers underwater without drowning!

Ugh... Shepard turns Legion on, plagiarizes the conversation with him taking the Paragon route then goes to practice something resembling Ti-Chi in front of Nihus' freezer and starts talking to him. Then Garrus gives her a pep talk and then...

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"Keep it together, Shepard." She told herself. "Save the galaxy, then worry about what kind of scales are in your bed."

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'Heretic' station. It had been a while since she had gotten to have such guilt free fun. They got to blow up a tons of geth and 'make new 'friends'. Shepard had decided to rewrite them.

Glad to see this was as much of a moral dilemma as it should have been. Either she commits Genocide, or something akin to Indoctrination. But we can't let her focus on something that takes away from the OTP... or would that be the OT3? I guarantee you, it will be come an OTInfinity before long.

So the crew go to Omega... again. Because The Illusive Man has found a replacement for Samara. Morinth. Wut? Neither Shepard or the Illusive Man would know who the hell Morinth was or where she was headed unless they had recruited Samara and done her loyalty mission! Argh!!!

And then the Normandy's crew gets kidnapped by Collectors...

Wait...

Where the hell does it say they even got the IFF they needed? When did they install it? What day is it? My head hurts.

So... that whole trip to Omega was pointless... looking for Morinth was pointless that conversation with Aria was pointless and this whole damn fic is pointless!!!

So, they fly back to the Normandy where Joker has unshackled the AI and cleared out the Collectors by opening all the air locks and going FTL which sucked all the Collectors out. Then they plagiarize the entire conversation with Joker in the Comm room and then go and rescue the crew.

But wait! We have to play out the romance scene with Thane because Shepard totally hasn't hit that yet.

And yet again, the sexy is crushed under the weight of the utter fail of it all!

Then... again, with no pretense or introduction, we are thrown right into the fight with the human Reaper. No explanation on if the crew was rescued or how they got there. Nope... this is all we get until the Illusive Man calls and wants Shepard to keep the base intact to raid the technology from it.

Most express their misgivings about it...

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"What dose this alien know?" The Illusive Man gestured angrily at Thane. "Humanity is what's at steak! Don't throw this opportunity away!"

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But because Sheptard can't stick to her guns without her Cuttle-Bone Dildo there to keep her spine straight, she caves in.

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"You want Kryik alive and on your team. I can't do it without him." Shepard said, and crossed her arms.

"Can't or won't." The Illusive Man growled.

She didn't answer. Either answer was acceptable.

"I can see you won't be dissuaded. Very well. I'll have a ship escort you to a capable station once you clear the Omega-4 Relay. We'll begin as soon as you arrive."

Never mind that any sensible person would be pissed off at being used as a bargaining chip and that the one you love allowed it to happen... Forget all that! We need DRAMA!!!

And then the things get blow'd up and shit gets real and the platform they were standing on cracks up like Sheptard and they all go down. Thane almost dies. Almost. Would have been way too cliched if he did die. Not that I wouldn't put it past this author to pull that out of her ass.

The crew escape and go... somewhere.

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The Normandy docked at the station that orbited the world.

Thanks... that cleared it up. Author.

But wouldn't you know it! The Cerberus team trying to bring Nihlus back can't figure out what the hell is wrong with him. Here's a theory: He doesn't want to come back to this shitty fic! Now, mind you, a threesome between either him or Garrus with Thane in the alien version of an Oreo cookie would top my list of kinks. But this... ugh. It's like watching one of those really, really, really horri-bad gorefest movies on the off chance that one of the bikini clad women will have her top slip off before she gets devoured.

This fic is like that. Only worse.

Though, I don't find it at all strange that Thane is the only one to maintain some semblance of his personality in this travesty. Unless Siha be trollin'.

And then he does die... but on Kahje. In the grass... THAT DOES NOT EXIST ON A PLANET COVERED IN WATER AND CONSTANT CLOUD COVER!!!

RAEG!!!!

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Another year and still no progress with Nihlus. Sonya was beginning to give up hope. But she was never completely alone. Joker was still her pilot. Jacob remained on her crew, as did Kelly. Tali stayed, despite the protests from the flotilla. They couldn't do anything about it as long as she wasn't hurting the flotilla. Eventually they tolerated it in silence. Legion returned to the geth. Grunt to Tuchanka, but never for very long before joining up with a merc gang just to find them again. Chakwas stayed for Commander, now Captain in Cerberus ranks, Shepard, and finally got her brandy. She shared it with the Captain and they reminisced about old times. Mordin returned home to die of old age. Jack vanished on a mission and never returned or sent a word. And Garrus, as always, was there if she needed him.

Thanks for telling us instead of, you know... SHOWING US!

And then she hits up Garrus to talk about Nihlus and hit him up for sex. Wait, what!?

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"A girl gets lonely after a couple years of being cold in her bed. I thought maybe..." It was her turn to fidget. "Well, you say all the time if I ever need you for anything and... uh, what are friends for? Right? I mean if you can't..." She broke off to mentally kick herself.

Oh, you... Oh. I get it. This is what Bella did in Twilight to get closer to Jacob. You hack! You can't even come up with your own ways of turning into an obnoxious idiot without stealing from shitty vampire novels?

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Garrus eyed the Captain for a few seconds before answering. She was lovely as far as his knowledge of human beauty went. And she had one hell of a spirit, especially in battle. He could see why Nihlus loved her. But he'd never thought of her that way.

Liar...

And then she plagiarizes the entire awkward yet endearing scene between Shepard and Garrus when she propositions him. Only now, it sucks.

So now they move right to the tie breaker that was supposed to be in Shepard's quarters only now its in the forward battery and, of course, wouldn't you know it! Garrus falls for her right then but she's still in love with Nihlus and only wants sex and Garrus hides his feelings and the whole Normandy is just floating around in space, just waiting for the Illusive Man to tell them what to do and I HATE THIS FIC!!!

I hate what this author has done to every character in it! Yea, it's pretty much canon that everyone is hot for Shepard, but she's the most awesome thing since sliced cheese! Who wouldn't want to have a piece of that?

And now I have to suffer through the last story in the trilogy. Enduring Love.

Oh, gag me!