Hello everyone.
As you can see, this is my first post here. I’ve been wanting to post this for a while now, but to be perfectly honest, the regular posters scare me a bit…(yes, I’m a sensitive widdle baby)
But I felt I had to share this wonderful piece of original fiction with you all, so I’m just going to go ahead and throw myself to the lions.
Anyway, the fic I want to introduce to you is by a Korean author called Lee Yoon-sae, who goes by the name of Guiyeoni. She has an entry in the English Wikipedia, although it’s quite short.
She started out as an internet novelist. Her works became so popular that they were eventually published (offline). Also, we mustn’t forget the fact that three of her novels have actually been made into commercially successful films.
For anyone who’s interested, this article gives a fair rundown of the internet novel and Guiyeoni’s rise to popularity.
While there are a few equally craptastic novels to choose from, I decided to do “He Was Cool” (or “The Guy Was Dandy”, or “The Guy Was Cool”. It seems like nobody can agree on a translation). This novel was made into a very successful movie of the same title.
I feel that, before you read (parts of) the novel, you should get in the mood by watching the trailer. You know, to enhance the experience.
I apologize for all the tl;dr. I will actually get on with it now. Unfortunately, I’ve only found the translation of the novel as a attachment, so you’re going to have to download to read.
He Was Cool by Guiyeoni
One last thing: since this is a translation made by fans, I can’t really comment on sentence structure spelling or grammar, since mistakes could all be down to the translator. I can (and will), however, comment on the character development, plot, etc. But I will say that I’ve seen several translations of this story and they’re all very similar, including the ellipses, emoticons and the faux cursing. So I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume that the original Korean version is also like that.
- Quote :
-
# 1
Summer break is almost over and school is edging nearer.
Since it’s near the end my ‘friends’ have all gone away on trips with their boyfriends.
At the blossoming age of 18, the only thing I can do is go on my computer.
And I’ve gone on almost every site in the world.
So I have nothing to do on the computer either.
Every site in the world, huh? You hear that guys? Already so accomplished at the blossoming age of 18.
Our heroine checks out her school’s message board, where some asshole called Ji Eunsung has posted the following message:
- Quote :
“You girls~
Don’t go out in the city.. You girls dress like crap~
Get that?? Are you pissed yet? Reply~~ Kekekek”
Oooh, feel the burn! Our heroine (who has not been named yet) is very pissed. Or, as the author puts it: pissed!!! FuQ!!!
She decides to write a scathing retort and, after a couples of retries, settles for this:
- Quote :
“Aren’t you
too harsh, we dress better than YOU”
Okay, I guess this is good.. But I feel immature..
What, no poopiehead? Jerkface? Laaaaaaaaaaame
Unfortunately for her, Ji Eunsung is feeling quite butthurt by her reply and decides to call her on her mobile. How did he get the number, you ask? She wrote it in her profile.
The girl claims to have been to every site in the world and still gives out personal details like her damned phone number on a website that any outsider can access? We’ve got ourselves a fucking Einstein, here
- Quote :
RIINGGG
RIIINGG
Oh my cell phone’s ringing~~
Oooooh, sound effects, goodie:neckbeard:
But why did you write an actual sentence describing what’s happening, too? Surely that’s not necessary! Sound effects and emoticons are way more easy for our tiny brains to process. Less words more kekeke, plzthx
- Quote :
“Hello?”
“Do you know who I am?!”
..What’s this person talking about?? It’s a guy’s voice..
“Uh.. who is this?”
“Do you know who the HELL I am?”
“Who is this?”
“Me? I’m Sang Highschool’s Ji Eunsung.”
Ji Eunsung? O_O my reply...
He sounds pissed.. OMG what do I do ?
“Yeah, uh why?”
“Hey, you go to that girls school huh?”
“..yeah?”
“FuQ, are you kidding me? Who do you know at Sang?”
FuQ?? Did he just say that to me...? I’m pissed..
“What if I say I don’t know anyone..”
“You’re coming off hard aren’t you?”
“..why’d you call? How’d you know my number?”
“It said it your profile.. You don’t know why I called? Do you know who I am?”
“You started it.. And do you think I care who you are?”
“Hey hey! Listen to this, “you started it.. wah wah!!”
He said to his friends and I can hear them laughing at me..
“Dammit.. whatever, I’m hanging up.”
So I did.. but I’m scared.. what if he beats me up?
She’d better be careful. Anyone who’s ever seen a Korean movie about high school kids knows that the male protagonist is always cool, handsome, a total rule- breaker and really, very good at fighting. 20 Against 1? No problem! The sexy Korean high school boy/gang leader can take them all on AND verbally insult you at the same time.
*Dreamy sigh* Oh, Edward….I mean, Ji Eunsung
Movie clip to illustrate irresistible sexiness of meaningless violence (watch from 06:00)
- Quote :
Next Day
“Ji Eunsung? Yeah, I’ve heard of him.”
“O_O where?”
“I dunno. But I have.”
“What do I do? Should I just act like it never happened?”
“Anyway’s Han Yehwon, you’re the problem. Why’d you even reply back?”
“I don’t know!!”
“Just don’t answer his calls because he’s probably out to kill you..”
“Yeah I know..”
“I doubt he’d hit girls..”
And that’s how it ended.. until 2 weeks and 3 days later..
The day right before school starts.
Finally, a name for our heroine: Han Yehwon. Also, is anyone else just loving the complete absence of description of any kind and the emoticon-infested dialogue? Because I sure am
Yehwon goes to the salon to get her hair straightened. There she runs into…yes, you guessed it.
- Quote :
Ring
The door opened ..
“Huk”
Three guys just walked in.. my age.. and GOOD LOOKING...
All 3 had blonde hair they’re probably here to dye it back to black cause of school..
Well thank God they’re GOOD LOOKING. Otherwise what’s the point, right?
The hairdresser calls Yehwon by her name, alerting the guys to the fact that the girl they’ve been looking for is right in front of them. We get treated to a wonderfully detailed description of Eunsung.
- Quote :
The guy’s face was looking at me with a look of loathing..
White skin. Short blonde hair.. no double lids but big eyes...
He looked like a Japanese comic book character.. Prettier than me...
I don’t want to admit he’s good looking..
But does he sparkle?
Eunsung tells her to hurry up and finish up her hair treatment so he can go ahead and beat her up. Unsurprisingly, she tries to stall. It takes so long that the guyz get fed up with waiting and make her promise to still be here when they get back (whenever that is), or “your 10 hits will become a 100”.
I think that by now we've established Eunsung's intelligence level. I wonder if the author is trying to make us buy into their whole tru luv thing by making them equally dumb
By the way, describing someone as prettier than you = revealing yourself to be a self-centred teenage girl
Of course she runs.
- Quote :
Next Day
It’s school!! The first day of school...
But I have a bad feeling..
You and me both, Obi-Wan.
- Quote :
I’ve arrived at school.
Much to my annoyance, Kyungwon didn’t even acknowledge my new hair.
Bitch
For some reason they have detention the first day of school, though there’s no mention of what they did to deserve it. They decide to skip it because they’re so EDGY and BAD
But they spot Eunsung’s gang waiting for them at the gates. OH NOES!!!
The only other way out is by jumping over a fence (that’s presumable quite high. At least it was in the movie, which follows the novel quite closely). Yea, let’s not bother with pesky realism here.
The following scene is the beginning of an epic love story.
- Quote :
If I’d ever made a big mistake it was on august 23, 2001.
And if I’d ever been so careless it was on august 23, 2001. I jumped without even checking to see if anyone was there.
I jumped with closed eyes thinking I’d chicken out.
“AAAHHHKK!!””
SmaK...
Smak?????
Oh lord!!
When I opened my eyes, I was in Ji Eunsung’s arms..
with his lips on mine...
Yes, you read that right. She fell on his lips
It has to be seen to be believed (watch from 07:42)
Now, this is actually a plot device that many Asian dramas use to get their main characters to start falling for each other, but it never gets any less ridiculous.
But, wait, there’s even more to follow. What will Eunsung’s reaction be? Rightfully, he should beat her to a bloody pulp, right? RIGHT???
- Quote :
“You’re the first b***h i’ve smacked lips with. Take. Responsibility.”
“You think I’ll believe you?! BWAHAHA!!”
A guy who looks like that has never kissed??
That’s like saying my mom does the dishes (she makes me do them..)
“Eunsung wouldn’t hold a girl’s hand unless he’s getting married.”
Someone said. It was stupid Floppy.
“Take responsibilities of your actions...”
#6
He’ll only hold hands if he’s getting married?? With THAT personality?!
“Sorry Yehwon, I was going to tell, but that ass over there covered my mouth..”
She said pointing to Floppy.
Don’t worry Kyungwon, I’ll kill Floppy.. it’s only a matter of time...
But right now, we have a bigger fish to fry..
“How are you going to take responsibility?”
“...”
“We. Have. To. Get. Married.”
AWWWWW, how cute, he’s still a virgin on his lips, lulz!!!!11 By the way, I love the role reversal here. It’s usually the woman that asks the man to take responsibility. Very clever, Guiyeoni
He decides they’re going out from now on and gives her his number, ordering her to call him or else she’s dead. This just keeps getting better and better.
I’m going to leave it here for now. And before you say anything, yes I know I’m not very funny. I am quite horrible at snarking. But I figured if I didn’t post this no-one ever would and it’s just too good of a find, especially considering it's so damned popular in Korea. Also, I know the rule is to do at least some snarking of yourself and not just dump a link, so I did.
Please feel free to take over where I left of, which is at the end of Chapter 6 (the story’s only barely begun, by the way).
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