Bad Endings to Good Films

Ever seen The Lion King? Of course you have; if sales are anything to go by, everybody has at least three copies. And a lot of stuff I can excuse - Simba's Survivor's Guilt, the way the young child was after all a child, curious and naive, and the coincidental way it just happened to rain again when Scar got killed off.

But there's one thing I've never been able to understand, and that is Sarabi's reaction to Simba's admission of guilt. I mean, it's MORONIC. So I devised an improvement on how The Lion King ended.

~~~

Simba: The choice is yours, Scar. Either step down or fight.

Scar: Oh, must it all end in violence? I'd hate to be responsible for the death of a family member. Wouldn't you agree, Simba?

Simba: That's not gonna work, Scar. I've put it behind me.

Scar: Eh, but what about your faithful subjects? Have they put it behind them?

Nala:Simba, what is he talking about?

Scar: Ah, so you haven't told them your little secret. Well, Simba, now's your chance to tell them. Tell them who is responsible for Mufasa's death!

Simba:...I am.

Sarabi: What the hell are you talking about?

Simba: You heard me. I am responsible for Mufasa's death.

Sarabi: What the hell gave you that idea?

Simba:Well... I was there, you see, and Dad died saving me, and Scar came up and said it was all my fault... He said I should go...

Sarabi:(to Scar) You were there when Mufasa died? You said it was Simba's fault?! YOU TOLD HIM TO RUN AWAY?!

Scar: Well, uh... yeah...

Simba: Oh yeah... and Scar told me to wait in the gorge because Mufasa had a surprise for me. He said it was to die for.

Nala: That's sick.

Sarabi:So Simba was in the gorge because of you too, Scar?

Zazu:It's funny, but now you mention it, Scar was also the one to tell Mufasa about the stampede in the gorge with Simba down there too... And I was knocked into a wall before I could go for help...

Sarabi: So Simba AND Mufasa were BOTH in the gorge because of you Scar? And right after his father's death, you told Simba to run away! Just so you could be king! You bastard!

Simba: Oh yeah... and hyenas chased me out of the kingdom. They tried to kill me. They said if I ever came back they'd kill me.

Scar: Look, it's not my fault that hyenas caused the stampede, I didn't know-

Nala:Nobody said hyenas caused the stampede that killed Mufasa.

Scar:Shit.

Shenzi: It's not too late to turn King's Evidence now, is it?

Sarabi: No, Shenzi, it is not.

Shenzi: Scar told us to stampede the wildebeest into the gorge. Then after Mufasa was dead, he told us to kill Simba. He sang about it the night before. In return, we were no longer considered third class citizens.

Scar: Shit.

Banzai:He killed Mufasa too. I mean, we didn't SEE it happening, but he sure talked a lot about doing it.

Shenzi: Oh, and that near-International Incident in the Elephant Graveyard years ago? Scar told us he was going to send Simba there so we'd be ready for him. He was watching when we had Simba cornered.

Scar: Shit.

Sarabi:Right! So, you told Simba to wait in the gorge, told hyenas to stampede wildebeest into the gorge, knocked out Zazu, told Simba it was all his fault, and to run away, sent hyenas to kill him, then told us all that Simba and Mufasa had died in a tragic accident and claimed the throne for yourself and allowed your accomplices unlimited access to as much as they could eat. You might as well admit it.

Scar:Oh, okay. I killed Mufasa.

Simba: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

*So they fight... fight fight fight... fight... and fight*

Scar: Don't kill your old uncle! I blame the hyenas! They're the real enemy!

Shenzi: We're standing RIGHT HERE, Scar.

Scar: Shit.

*Scar is eaten alive by hyenas*

Shenzi:Well, the old king is dead, long live the new king, we'll be going now... You can keep Pride Rock. Have fun starving to death.

Nala: Piss off, commie-Nazi scum.

*hyenas leave*

Simba: So now I'm king of this shithole? I shoulda stayed in the Jungle.

*It starts to rain*

Sarabi: Shenzi had a point, you know. There's nothing left. We're starving NOW, not in six months time when the land has recovered from the hyenas overeating. Animals aren't gonna come back just to be eaten by us. Surely you saw on arrival the way there's no grass, and the river is dry.

Simba: Screw this. Come on, we gotta find a new piece of savannah and kick that Pride out for a while.

All: Hurrah!

*Six months later...*

Simba: Well I'm back in the Pride Lands, the hyenas are gone, Nala's had a baby, and half the Pride has been kicked out. Everything's okay again! Rafiki, the Circle of Life is complete! Now show that walking buffet down there who's at the top of the food chain!

*Kiara is held up. Roll Credits*

~~~

And that's how it would have ended if Sarabi had a brain cell.

Hmm.

I know a better one.

Simba: And then he said it was my fault, and all this time I never got the idea to prove that he was wrong, and baaawwwwwwwwlll...

All the lionesses: You're a stupid fuck. Go away, we didn't miss you when you were gone and we certainly won't miss you now. And take that living prey with you, it talks too much.
Sarabi, you're in fact a way better leader than any of our male lions. Why don't you take over the Pride?

Sarabi: Good idea. Oh look, the hyenas are busy eating scar. Let's ambush them while they're gorging and get rid of them for once and for all.



Disney Ending: And so Mufasa's Pride was the first Pride ever to fall under female leadership, and the Pride thrived for many years before being shot in its entirety by seven over-eager hunters.

There. Sensible, anti-feminist and fitting.

The reason why I stopped watching Disney movies of the Lion King kind is that all the characters and situations are terribly cliche and all the endings are sickeningly sweet and happy. I mean, they even screwed up the Little Mermaid! She's supposed to turn to sea foam in the end, not live happily ever after!

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

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Quote :

Sarabi: Shenzi had a point, you know. There's nothing left. We're starving NOW, not in six months time when the land has recovered from the hyenas overeating. Animals aren't gonna come back just to be eaten by us. Surely you saw on arrival the way there's no grass, and the river is dry.

Simba: Screw this. Come on, we gotta find a new piece of savannah and kick that Pride out for a while.

Well Jesus Harley if we're going to get that fucking pedantic then Scar would have been turfed out by younger males long before the end of the movie. And they'd probably have killed Nala. And why wasn't Simba part of a litter. And why are he and Nala the only two cubs in the pride. And have you seen all those lionesses goddamn Mufasa and Scar wouldn't have been able to hold that big a pride all by themselves. And why is Scar all skinny and bony when nobody else is starving.

kleine_kat wrote:

Disney Ending: And so Mufasa's Pride was the first Pride ever to fall under female leadership, and the Pride thrived for many years before being shot in its entirety by seven over-eager hunters.

There. Sensible, anti-feminist and fitting.

Anti-feminist?

Quote :

The reason why I stopped watching Disney movies of the Lion King kind is that all the characters and situations are terribly cliche and all the endings are sickeningly sweet and happy. I mean, they even screwed up the Little Mermaid! She's supposed to turn to sea foam in the end, not live happily ever after!

WHAT

YOU MEAN A COMPANY THAT MARKETS THEIR CRAP DIRECTLY TO KIDS TACKS HAPPY ENDINGS ONTO ALL THEIR MOVIES (AFTER A HEART-WRENCHING SCENE EARLIER IN THE FILM)

WHY I NEVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING

So is the vuvuzela the official symbol of "annoying" now? 'Cause that'd be sweet.

On topic, The Mist. First, a little nitpicking. When you say, "There are four bullets left" you do not have another character pause for like an eternity and go "But there's five of us". NO. The audience can SEE THAT. This leads to the other problem with the ending in that the tragedy is so ABSURDLY PILED-ON that it becomes comical. If the mist hadn't cleared, I would have be prepared to call it the best horror movie I'd ever seen. The audience I watched it with LAUGHED at the 'five' line and at the military's magic cleanup. Too much tragedy to the point of absurdity is just plain fuckin' funny. Alas, it could have been much more epic and sad than it was.

kleine_kat wrote:

The reason why I stopped watching Disney movies of the Lion King kind is that all the characters and situations are terribly cliche and all the endings are sickeningly sweet and happy. I mean, they even screwed up the Little Mermaid! She's supposed to turn to sea foam in the end, not live happily ever after!

Yeah, and in Cinderella, the Wicked Stepmother didn't cut off her daughters' big toes and heels so they'd fit the shoe!

Whatever. Friday 13th. They call it Friday 13th... but when was the last time a Friday 13th was even MENTIONED in the movie? And the latest remake... Great, so Jason's mpt dead? But can't we at least see him hack up those uppity teenagers one last time? Why does there have to be any survivors at all?

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

kleine_kat wrote:

The reason why I stopped watching Disney movies of the Lion King kind is that all the characters and situations are terribly cliche and all the endings are sickeningly sweet and happy. I mean, they even screwed up the Little Mermaid! She's supposed to turn to sea foam in the end, not live happily ever after!

Yeah, and in Cinderella, the Wicked Stepmother didn't cut off her daughters' big toes and heels so they'd fit the shoe!

Whatever.

What's the point in taking a story with a wonderfully cruel ending, a children's story, and then cutifying it to fit your idea of a children's story? Especially if you pull a Bambi's Mum every single movie, or a Big Foot, call it what you want but it leaves all the kids bawling their eyes out, and then make it better by raping the story even more? If you're going to make a children's movie that ends happily ever after, stick to those fairy tales that actually do end happily, or make up your own fucking story.

BTW, your beloved Lion King is, of course, off the hook because it actually is an original story. I just didn't like it that much.

Man on Fire is a film that jumps to mind for me.

It's still an awesome movie, and is based on an Italian film which is in turn based on real events, (involving the Mafia rather than a Latin American kidnapping ring) which, depending on your viewpoint, makes the film either extra awesome, or extra disturbing. However, I dislike the ending, but to save those people who haven't seen it (GO SEE IT NOW!) I'll spoiler it.

Spoiler:

See the film! It's worth it to see Christopher Walken say this:

Quote :

A man can be an artist... in anything, food, whatever. It depends on how good he is at it. Creasey's art is death. He's about to paint his masterpiece.

This is one of those few films when Walken is hired to play a badass character and he plays the character as a badass! That line is said in total seriousness, and it is fucking awesome!

That and the scene when this happens:

Quote :

Do you know what this is? It’s a charger used by convicts to hide money and drugs they tuck it up their rectum. This is pencil detonator, timer, used as a receiver from the pager. This is C4 highly explosive; you put it all together you've got a bomb, not very sophisticated, but very powerful.

[whispers in his ear]

That's what you have in your ass right now.

I'm making the film out so sound more action/corny than it is... Even that last line when the film runs it, you will not be cracking a smile.

In fairness to Disney, they didn't change the "original" version of Cinderella (if you can ever really pin down the "original" version of any fairy tale!). The version with the stepsisters maiming themselves was the Grimms', collected from the German peasantry and recorded in the 1800s. The version Disney followed, the one that we all know best, was by Charles Perrault, written/recorded in the 1600s, and therefore coming earlier than the Grimms'.

And about the ending of "The Little Mermaid"...don't get me wrong, I do love the Hans Christian Andersen original. It's very beautifully written. But you must understand that like so many fairy tales, it reflects its time--a time when cross-race and cross-class marriages were taboo.

So maybe it's a good thing that Disney changed the ending. Because you could make a case that the original sends a message of "step out of proscribed boundaries, try to break the mold, and you'll end up punished for it." (Don't forget--even in Andersen's original, the heroine's curiosity for the world above was around before she ever laid eyes on the prince.)

To digress for a second--many people gripe when Disney makes changes to fairy tales. But fairy tales have always been in flux--every tale has had hundreds of versions, changing to reflect its teller, its time, and its audience. So why is it only wrong when Disney does it?

Miss Jennifer wrote:

To digress for a second--many people gripe when Disney makes changes to fairy tales. But fairy tales have always been in flux--every tale has had hundreds of versions, changing to reflect its teller, its time, and its audience. So why is it only wrong when Disney does it?

It's not exactly wrong. Or it would be wrong when everyone does. And I do get that children's movies should have a happy ending--hell, when I was young, movies HAD to have a happy ending or I'd become mightily upset.

What I find offensive in so many Disney stories is the Tragedy part, usually when the hero or heroine is still a child. The death of the mother or father, unjust treatment by family or stepfamily, etc. Then follows the sickly sweet ending.

Have you--has anyone--ever seen The Secret of Nymh? Now that is a great example of how to do it right. Nightmare Fuel galore, some truly scary moments, an ending that is happy, but not perfect because Nicodemus gets it. Now I must confess I didn't read Mrs. Brisby and the Secret of Nymh, so I don't know how faithfully they stuck to the story, but damn, that was one great movie!

While Disney (and some others, but let's stick to Disney because they're most famous) simply uses the same story over and over again, be it in an original script or based on a fairy tale.

Maybe I've just grown tired of Disney. That may be it, I don't know. This might be my problem and mine alone, just like I had a great big problem with the graphic novel series Grimm Fairy tales. They are presented as 'The old fairy tales with a delightful twist at the end!' while they are, in fact, only the badly-drawn retellings of the original Grimm stories, the way they used to be before people decided their children's souls were too delicate to stomach all the gore.

Fables, on the other hand...Fables is great. It takes all the original myths, uses those as a background for the new story, and thereby creates something that is both entirely new and original. I would love to see Fables made into a movie. By Disney, if they could, and preferably by a Japanese animator, simply because I'm a Ghibli fan

kleine_kat wrote:

Have you--has anyone--ever seen The Secret of Nymh? Now that is a great example of how to do it right. Nightmare Fuel galore, some truly scary moments, an ending that is happy, but not perfect because Nicodemus gets it. Now I must confess I didn't read Mrs. Brisby and the Secret of Nymh, so I don't know how faithfully they stuck to the story, but damn, that was one great movie!

I have a special place in my heart for many of Don Bluth's movies, with my absolute favourites being An American Tail, The Secret of NIMH and All Dogs Go To Heaven. All movies with a good plot, good songs, genuinely scary and tragic moments, but a satisfyingly happy ending. That's kids' movies done right.

kleine_kat wrote:

Fables, on the other hand...Fables is great. It takes all the original myths, uses those as a background for the new story, and thereby creates something that is both entirely new and original. I would love to see Fables made into a movie. By Disney, if they could, and preferably by a Japanese animator, simply because I'm a Ghibli fan

Speaking of Ghibli...The Borrower Arrietty (written by Hayao Miyazaki and directed by Hiromasa Yonebayashi) is coming out soon here! I'm planning on seeing it before I go back home. ^_^

alexis wrote:

I have a special place in my heart for many of Don Bluth's movies, with my absolute favourites being An American Tail, The Secret of NIMH and All Dogs Go To Heaven. All movies with a good plot, good songs, genuinely scary and tragic moments, but a satisfyingly happy ending. That's kids' movies done right.

I'm also a Bluth fan, but I swear, I'll never understand why this film is popular.

I watched it as a kid, and I watched it as an adult, and both times it's an incoherent, wobbly mess!

WD40 wrote:

alexis wrote:

I have a special place in my heart for many of Don Bluth's movies, with my absolute favourites being An American Tail, The Secret of NIMH and All Dogs Go To Heaven. All movies with a good plot, good songs, genuinely scary and tragic moments, but a satisfyingly happy ending. That's kids' movies done right.

I'm also a Bluth fan, but I swear, I'll never understand why this film is popular.

I watched it as a kid, and I watched it as an adult, and both times it's an incoherent, wobbly mess!

Okay, I have to admit, the last time I saw that movie was quite a few years ago. I remember it quite fondly, but the details of the plot are a bit vague >.>...

I also like A Troll in Central Park, Anastasia and Thumbelina, though they're a bit more formulaic than the above-mentioned movies.

alexis wrote:

I also like A Troll in Central Park

Dear god, WHY?

alexis wrote:

Speaking of Ghibli...The Borrower Arrietty (written by Hayao Miyazaki and directed by Hiromasa Yonebayashi) is coming out soon here! I'm planning on seeing it before I go back home. ^_^

I...did not know that! That sneaky Ghibli crew! I'll check it out right away. Even though Earth Sea was a huge disappointment, new Ghibli movies always make me feel warm inside.

alexis wrote:

Speaking of Ghibli...The Borrower Arrietty (written by Hayao Miyazaki and directed by Hiromasa Yonebayashi) is coming out soon here! I'm planning on seeing it before I go back home. ^_^

I've been looking forward to that one for a while now. :D I think the one after that is The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter which sounds rather interesting too. If it's anything like Spirited Away I'll be extremely happy.

Raine wrote:

alexis wrote:

Speaking of Ghibli...The Borrower Arrietty (written by Hayao Miyazaki and directed by Hiromasa Yonebayashi) is coming out soon here! I'm planning on seeing it before I go back home. ^_^

I've been looking forward to that one for a while now. :D I think the one after that is The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter which sounds rather interesting too. If it's anything like Spirited Away I'll be extremely happy.

It looks very typically Ghibli from what I've seen so far so I'm sure It'll be quite good.
I'm actually also really looking forward to the Tale of the Bamboo Cutter. I've read it before and the story is really good and one of the earliest examples of science-fiction (at least in Japan).
One of Japan's beloved classic folktales adapted into a movie by Ghibli: hell yes!

A.I. I just feel like there's something 'off' about the whole film, something
that makes me think, "Why did people think this was so good?"

I don't know what it is about this film that gets me. What, exactly, am I supposed to feel during it? Humans invent a robot that can feel real love. Cute. And he loves his mother. Cuter.

And then it all goes down-hill - somehow there's not a moment of happiness for the little robot. I know we're supposed to sympathise with him much more than the humans and I do. Is it really necessery to indulge in all that misery? I felt sufficient sympathy for the little robot the moment his monstrosity of a 'mother' dumped her loving son in the woods to spend eternity as a child searching for love.

There is not one moment of happiness after that. It's all strife and loneliness and encountering fear and hate.

But worst of all is somehow the sickly-sweet ending. For 2000 years the child searches for love. Then super-robots are capable of bringing his mother back for one day.

Why only one day? And why couldn't they bring her back again after that? And yet this is supposed to be our 'happy' ending. This one day with his mother makes him capable of sleep. Nothing did before that. Not the other days with his mother in the past. Not 2000 years of wishing.

A happy ending. Everything else in the film is psychologically stifling and sad, and yet the film tacks in the most sickly-sweet happy ending it can possibly muster up, as if it feels like it's obligated to give the audience a happy ending that they can go "Awwwww..." to. If anybody but Spielberg and Kubrick had been responsible for this pile of sappy, turd-coated depressants it would have been completely panned, but instead people mush on about how great nothing in particular is.

Because, you know, it's impossible that him being dumped in the woods is symbolic of growing up, and that the time he spends with the aliens/his mother is a metaphor for death (and, so saying, being with his mother in death). Death and growing up are things he, as a character, is physically incapable of experiencing but, his brain being so close to a human's, he experiences them psychologically.

Honestly, that's what I got out of that movie, and what made it so interesting for me. He was, mentally, basically human, but unlike a human his past experiences aren't worn on the outside.

kleine_kat wrote:

BTW, your beloved Lion King is, of course, off the hook because it actually is an original story. I just didn't like it that much.

You're an idiot.

TheHedonist wrote:

Because, you know, it's impossible that him being dumped in the woods is symbolic of growing up, and that the time he spends with the aliens/his mother is a metaphor for death (and, so saying, being with his mother in death).

I thought he "went to sleep" forever in the end? So yeah, I pretty much agree that it's a metaphor for death.

Penguin wrote:

kleine_kat wrote:

BTW, your beloved Lion King is, of course, off the hook because it actually is an original story. I just didn't like it that much.

You're an idiot.

Ah, yes, because absolutely EVERYONE should be familiar with an anime series from the fifties and know all about the controversy surrounding it and Lion King. How dare you act on the assumption that because you haven't heard of the story before, it's an original one.

I thought The Lion King was an admitted retelling of MacBeth with cartoon lions.

MacBeth? I thought it was Hamlet.

Electron Blue wrote:

Penguin wrote:

kleine_kat wrote:

BTW, your beloved Lion King is, of course, off the hook because it actually is an original story. I just didn't like it that much.

You're an idiot.

Ah, yes, because absolutely EVERYONE should be familiar with an anime series from the fifties and know all about the controversy surrounding it and Lion King. How dare you act on the assumption that because you haven't heard of the story before, it's an original one.

No, they don't have to be. However, kleine_kat's whole thing is HOW DARE DISNEY TWIST THE ORIGINAL STORY and then goes on to say that The Lion King is "off the hook" because it's an original, when it's being needlessly nitpicky in the first place regarding the other stories, and false in the latter. In short, idiotic.

Penguin wrote:

Electron Blue wrote:

Penguin wrote:

kleine_kat wrote:

BTW, your beloved Lion King is, of course, off the hook because it actually is an original story. I just didn't like it that much.

You're an idiot.

Ah, yes, because absolutely EVERYONE should be familiar with an anime series from the fifties and know all about the controversy surrounding it and Lion King. How dare you act on the assumption that because you haven't heard of the story before, it's an original one.

No, they don't have to be. However, kleine_kat's whole thing is HOW DARE DISNEY TWIST THE ORIGINAL STORY and then goes on to say that The Lion King is "off the hook" because it's an original, when it's being needlessly nitpicky in the first place regarding the other stories, and false in the latter. In short, idiotic.

No, you dolt, I don't say Lion King is off the hook. I don't like Disney, I just thought The Lion King was an original story, and so less stupid than their other hackneyed stories.

Seems I was wrong. So sorry I didn't know about Kimba. Oh god, I was WRONG!!! Watch me prostrate myself at your penguiny feet. Happy now? Jeez. BTW, did they fuck up the original story too, since I, ignorant person, don't know anything about Kimba and really can't be bothered to read that page you linked? If so, you get my apologies. If not, it's you who's being nitpicky.

Also, I don't care about twisting original stories as long as it is done interestingly, and Disney sweet-coats everything while still managing to put in one moment of pure, heart-wrenching cruelty to make sure every single little kids bawls his or her eyes out while still flashing the happy ending Colgate smile.

Now I'm talking about twists, let me refer to the Clash of the Titans thread. Another twist to make a happy ending that makes me want to vomit. And yes, I do know Clash was a remake.