Neo Na-Zi-Oh!: A Yu-Gi-Oh fic with no cards, and Nazis

Step right up, ladies and gents, for what might be the most horrifically insensitive fic spawned from card games on motorbikes.

A quick and dirty introduction as to what likely spawned this masterful epic: Yu-Gi-Oh 5Ds has in the cast a pair of (decidedly mukokuseki) brothers with the family name of Godwin (their mother being That One Pic From VileCorp). As you can see, one brother has blue eyes, blond hair and dark skin. It is my belief that the author in question of this fic found out about Godwin's law and decided to run with it, possibly naked and sporting underwear on her head.

Oh and the other people mentioned in the fic are the other brother and their brother from another mother. In canon, they're all scientists working on perpetual motion in the form of spinning rainbows (also known as the world's largest CD drive). Clearly this is the best backdrop for a serious dissection of Nazi Germany. Let's dive in.

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Rudger stepped back from what he was doing when the door opened to see his Jewish friend and boss, Hakase Fudo. He was a fine looking man with black soft raven hair that gave the characteristic of pinchers of a crab that spiked out on either side of his head. His long bangs parted to the side, covering his left eye. Rudger was a young well built man with blonde hair and blue eyes. He wore the striking Nazi uniform, even though he didn't really believe that Jews were part of their problems.

Right out of the gate, we have [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] in the form of a lovingly childish character description contrasted with this man in a Hugo Boss uniform.

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Rudger raised a brow when he noticed that Hakase had several knife wounds across his face; a sling holding his left arm in place

Because that's what you do when your boss looks like he's been in a fight with a diseased alley cat.

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"Our house was ransacked last night by some some Nazis," Hakase explained, sitting down. "They said some of my research didn't make any sense, and they threatened me."

Well at least the author nailed the part about Nazi's being hardcore creationists. Only she writes later that the good doctor's work is in quantum physics.

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Sudden anger and concern welled up in Rudger, remembering what he had heard from the radio that Jews were attacked. "Why didn't you call me?"

"And have you risk your life? No! The last thing I want is to see you get dragged off or killed just because of me."

Tremble in fear at Nazi soldiers showing up at your door to discuss with academic references why your research is faulty!

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Before Hana could answer, familiar voices called out to them. Yusei twisted his body to the side to see his three friends running up. Hana placed her son down as he ran up to them. Hana smiled and glanced at them. The blonde-haired one looked German, but he was a half Jew named Jack. The red haired child was a Gypsy, named Crow, and Kiryu was another Jew.

And with no warning we get a mostly Mary Sue NPC, and a bunch more improbable roles for the main cast of 5Ds. In this segment, Yuusei is two years old and the rest are in their teens. These are guys who, in the show, go by the name "Team Satisfaction" and go around "satisfying" themselves; just to give you an... idea of their canon personalities.

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"Open up!" Shouted a Nazi, in pure German. "Immediately!"

Emphasis from the original story. Pure German. None of that shitty I Can't Believe It's Not German.

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"Don't give us any trouble or this will end badly for you. Step aside, now!"

"You better watch what you say! Things might happen to you!"

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"Don't you ever come back here," Hakase demanded.

"What did you say, Jew?" One of the Nazis was approaching the father slowly.

"I said don't come back."

In a flurry, the Nazi drew a hidden knife from under his uniform coat and made several fast slashes at Hakase's face.

"I won't ever listen to a word a Jew says, you filthy rat," the Nazi said calmly. Hakase was on the ground, holding his face in his hands, blood coming out between his fingers. "And here's how you're going to remember that!" The Nazi pulled his foot high in the air and brought it down on Hakase's torso, but his arm was in the way. In excruciating pain, Hakase rolled over on his stomach and moaned.

"And don't make me come back and do that to your wife and kid, you hear me?" the Nazi said, bending close to Hakase's ear. The soldier stood up straight, brushing his hands on the front of his coat, and walked out the front door.

Well on the one hand there's the antisemitism... but on the other hand why didn't the Nazi solider just shoot him in the leg? Seems like more effort then it's worth to ransack someone's house and then attack them with a very short-range weapon with little to no backup when there was no mention of the soldiers guns being disabled. These are the questions and they're quite perplexing.

That's the first chapter and that's all I've got for now. Stay tuned for chapter two + more links to ruin your life.

(art by 氷室雫)

mistressminako wrote:

A quick and dirty introduction as to what likely spawned this masterful epic: Yu-Gi-Oh 5Ds has in the cast a pair of (decidedly mukokuseki)

OH MY GOD
FUCK YOU
DAMMIT FUCKING TVTROPES

I WAS ALL EXCITED TO READ THIS SNARK AND NOW I'M JUST CLICKING WHAT WILL BE AN ENDLESS CHAIN OF FASCINATING LINKS.

edit: I've finally broken away! FREEDOM!

mistressminako wrote:

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"Open up!" Shouted a Nazi, in pure German. "Immediately!"

Emphasis from the original story. Pure German. None of that shitty I Can't Believe It's Not German.

I loll'd. In all seriousness, though, it's continually throwing me for a loop that these very Japanese characters with very Japanese names are being portrayed as Jewish people. Why that's the only thing that's breaking my suspension of disbelief, I'm not sure.

Forget suspending disbelief-- this story expects you to hang it by the neck until it's dead. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Chris91 wrote:

Forget suspending disbelief-- this story expects you to hang it by the neck until it's dead. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

That's an excellent way to put it [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] I might be able to forgive the author based on Japan's love of uniforms (sorry Himuro-san), but after as much investigation as I could stand, I'm fairly convinced she's writing this story unironically and fully believes in the power of her prose. If you're feeling daring, just have a look at the word count on some of her other magnificent dissertations on human nature.

Bamshalam wrote:

edit: I've finally broken away! FREEDOM!

mistressminako wrote:

Quote :

"Open up!" Shouted a Nazi, in pure German. "Immediately!"

Emphasis from the original story. Pure German. None of that shitty I Can't Believe It's Not German.

I loll'd. In all seriousness, though, it's continually throwing me for a loop that these very Japanese characters with very Japanese names are being portrayed as Jewish people. Why that's the only thing that's breaking my suspension of disbelief, I'm not sure.

Whoops. Next time I'll NMS any TvTropes links. Thanks for coming back and sticking with the show [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I don't blame you. However the naming issue gets worse as she's ascribed names to characters who are not named in the show. To fully appreciate the depth of the author's misinformed intellectualism requires a small lesson in the Japanese language as well as principals of real life alchemical concepts; both of which are forthcoming in chapter two.

Who's up for another helping?

/digs into chapter two

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A couple of Nazis led by Yliaster made their way to Rudger's house. Yliaster wore a Nazi uniform and his hat cast a shadow over his face so no one could see his eyes.

Because Illiaster is actually a hivemind.

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The two Nazis narrowed their eyes as the door closed on their faces.

I don't know about you, but if a door were closing on my face, I'd be going, "Ow, fuck! MY NOSE!"

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Rudger stared at Hakase, wondering if he heard right what his friend and crush was going to do.

The most in-character sentence in this entire fic.

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All Rudger did was nod his head sorrowfully. When there was nothing more to say, the two made their way out, making sure that no Hitler Youth were watching them.

Those damn Hitler Youth! Watching us from around the corner whenever we touch! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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Hana turned when her husband walked in to see a depressed look on his face. Concern flashed across her features as she watched him sit at the table. Hana made her way over, knelt in front of him and...

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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...hugged her husband.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Well, fuck.

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She knew how highly Hakase felt for the Godwin brothers, and she was going to support her husband all the way.

You mean by making it a foursome, right?

OK, somebody needs to severely limit KellyQ's internet access IMMEDIATELY. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

What the hell? Nazi Yu-Gi-Oh? What's with all these Nazi Mary Sue fics lately?

Maybe David Duke's traded politics for fanfic? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Maybe History courses are aligning and teaching about the Nazis at the same time?

Now that personal drama is over, it's time for an update!

First, a quick Japanese lesson: You'll notice that one of our main characters is named Dr. Hakase Fudo. In Japan, he's called 不動博士 = Fudou (不動) Hakase (博士) or simply "Dr. Fudou" (博士 is a title that is applied most often to medical doctors or those with a PhD). Our esteemed author has thus named her main character Dr. Doctor Fudo. Keep this in mind.
When we last left our heroes, Paracelsus was threatening the world of [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Meanwhile the African-German Nazi officer and the Jewish nuclear physicist were desperately trying to keep their love secret from the rascally Hitler Youth.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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A moment later it opened and Rudger's brother, Rex Godwin a half Jew, half German, stood there.

"Where's your brother, half-Jew?" one of the Nazis spat.

Does he have it tattooed on his forehead? If Rex and Rudger are brothers in this story, then someone needs to read up on how Jewish heritage is passed down.

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My brother is going to get us all thrown into a Concentration Camp if he keeps this up!

That sounds like a mild inconvenience at best. Although I suppose if you throw in Bio-Dome it might become significantly terrifying.

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"And I wasn't going to let him hurt you or my family," Hakase explained, coming out of his memory. "Besides, it's much better that we stop seeing each other until the war is over."

Let me interrupt this serious retelling of issues facing men of science in war-torn Nazi Germany with generic kawaiidesu yaoi subplot bullshit.

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Automatic defense snapped in Hakase. He started to struggle and called out for Rudger to stop. The blonde-haired Nazi slapped Hakase when the clock tower struck.

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The young professor held up his hand and shifted so he could sit up and leave. He had hoped that their last meeting wouldn't turn out like this.

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Rudger let out a cry of frustration as he dropped to his hands and knees. He slammed his fist onto the wooden floor, hard enough that his whole fist went through.

Wait what?

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The hand that had slapped Hakase.

Mind you these are men in their solid 30s. They are a little past acting out high school crushes. Oh and Nazis.

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When he came back, Rudger had already removed the handkerchief and leaned over the sink to wash the blood off. Rex opened the box and found the tweezers. He took it just as Rudger turned, stepped up and sat down. Fresh blood started to come out of his knuckles again. Rex moved the file over to the side as he took his brother's hand and started to pluck the splinters out. More blood stained his hand and thin lines trailed down his fingers dripping on the floor and table.

These are short chapters and they tend to be very dialogue-heavy. This is the most description the author has given on any action so far and it comes across as quite creepy seeing as how this guy is the one playing nursemaid.

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"Mind telling me what happened, big brother?" Rex asked, not making eye contact with him.

Although he does have pretty good comedic timing.

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He knew how sensitive Rudger was, and the last thing Rex wanted to see was his brother becoming a beast that he was slowly starting to become.

So being a fairly high-ranking officer in the German army so much so that no one questions his scientific pursuits is perfectly fine to his (half!) Jewish brother... but a homosexual tiff with another Jewish man is something to be worried about?

I'm sorry, but every time I read the name "Rex,' all I can think of is the old cartoon 'Rex Morgan, MD.' It just doesn't strike me as either a very Jewish OR Nazi name.

When I first saw this thread, I thought it was the old Nazi fic that used the original Yu-Gi-Oh! series. Then again, this fic is extremely similar to that one, just with 5D's characters.

I was laughing out loud at just about every sentence of this snark. I am equally baffled by the abundance of terrible Nazi fic that has been cropping up lately. If this is another byproduct of globalization--more terrible fanfic written about Japanese comics and German history written by Americans--I might just shoot myself now and get it over with...

Owlish wrote:

I was laughing out loud at just about every sentence of this snark. I am equally baffled by the abundance of terrible Nazi fic that has been cropping up lately. If this is another byproduct of globalization--more terrible fanfic written about Japanese comics and German history written by Americans--I might just shoot myself now and get it over with...

I'm baffled, too. I've been contributing to the Nazi pile-up at WGW, but only because I've been finding so much of the stuff. Why, just the other day I found a fic called "Hitler and Goebbels: A Yaoi" on DeviantArt.

littledorrit wrote:

I'm baffled, too. I've been contributing to the Nazi pile-up at WGW, but only because I've been finding so much of the stuff. Why, just the other day I found a fic called "Hitler and Goebbels: A Yaoi" on DeviantArt.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Oh, snark it here! Please please please!

Owlish wrote:

littledorrit wrote:

I'm baffled, too. I've been contributing to the Nazi pile-up at WGW, but only because I've been finding so much of the stuff. Why, just the other day I found a fic called "Hitler and Goebbels: A Yaoi" on DeviantArt.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Oh, snark it here! Please please please!

I've been thinking about it, but I'm stalled because of all the other Nazi slashfics (and slash art) I've found. The whole Hitlerslash* fandom is so appalling and snarkable...I just don't know where to begin.

Although that fic in which Reinhard Heydrich knocks Heinrich Himmler up might be a good place. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


* YES, THEY ARE COMMUNICATING WITH ONE ANOTHER AND CALLING IT THAT. WE ARE AT DEFCON ONE.

*journeys deep into the bowels of DeviantArt to resurvey her territory*

UPDATE: you know how I referred to a Himmler/Heydrich mpreg fic, in the singular? Well, it turns out there are three such fics, and those are just the ones you can find on one website by searching "himmler mpreg."

Ein!

Zwei!

Drei!
As I said, where does one even begin with this shit? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

littledorrit wrote:

*journeys deep into the bowels of DeviantArt to resurvey her territory*

UPDATE: you know how I referred to a Himmler/Heydrich mpreg fic, in the singular? Well, it turns out there are three such fics, and those are just the ones you can find on one website by searching "himmler mpreg."

Ein!

Zwei!

Drei!
As I said, where does one even begin with this shit? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

My brain...it is broken