Ross and Monica's Night of Fun. No it isn't WS.

The One Where Ross And Monica Have A Night Of Fun.
So they do what? Play a board game, watch the old home videos, have a few drinks and catalogue Ross' fossil collection?

Of course not, they have incestuous sex. You didn't really think that title meant anything innocent, did you?

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Ross had always lusted after Monica ever since she lost all her weight.

Of course no man could ever lust after his fat sister. As we all know, no fat person could ever possibly be attractive or fall in love or have sex.
Yeah, one of those well known, "it's a bad thing that what bothers me most is..," moments.

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Ross knew these thoughts were wrong, and that if anyone found out, they would be unbelieveably repulsed by him.

I bet they wouldn't, it's usually considered normal to lust after your siblings in fanfic world.

But regardless, Ross can't seem to tell Monica how he feels, instead he decides to trick her into sex with him. What a loving and respectful brother/boyfriend and all-round decent human being the author makes him out to be.

Monica has a friend named Rebecca, (I don't know if she's canon or not) who often discusses husbands and sex with her. So Ross talks her into helping him with his evil scheme.

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"Listen Rebecca, there's something I need to ask of you, and I'll do anything for you to do it. All you have to do, is when you're talking to Monica about your sex life, tell her that you tried something new with Dan, where you stay blindfolded, and the man doesn't talk. Ok?" asked Ross. "Wouldn't that just help Chandler, or do you have some master plan Ross?" asked Rebecca.

See? This Rebecca person suspects he has a Master Plan to fuck his sister and she sees no problem with it. I knew the open-minded inhabitants of the liberal Republic of Fanfic Land wouldn't be repulsed by him.

Time to put the plan into action.

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Monica called Chandler at work, where Ross had already told Chandler's boss that he said something bad about her, so she is making him stay late.

And his sinister plot thickens. Ross Geller, evil genius. Mwa ha ha ha ha!

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Ross went in to find his sister in her sexy lingerie, blindfolded.

Inside my mind, Canon!Ross freaks, "Oh, my God! That is disgusting!" and it's more entertaining than this whole fic.
Fic!Ross however begins getting jiggy with his little sister.

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Monica opened her mouth to let Ross's tongue in, and their tongues danced together pleasantly.

For the record, if we ever have another metaphor art contest, I want to claim Ballroom Tongues.

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Then Ross stopped and slid his head down to her panties and removed them, getting a nice view of Monica's pussy.

"Well what did you expect to see inside of Monica's knickers, the Sydney Opera House, perhaps? The Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Herds of Wildebeest sweeping majestically...?"

Then it's Monica's turn to remove Ross' boxers and she realises something isn't quite right.

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"Oh my god honey, you've gotten bigger since last time, you've gotta be at least 9 inches long, and 2 inches thick," said Monica. Ross was pleased to hear good things about the size of his cock.

She hasn't seen her husband's face or heard his voice and he feels noticeably different. And she doesn't get even a tiny bit suspicious?
Not only has the author turned Ross into a depraved pervert but s/he's also turned Monica into an imbecile.

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Monica gripped it and started pumping it up and down till a little precum came out. Monica licked the precum off the end of Ross's cock,

Which was pretty dexterous of her as she can't see what she's doing.

With the oral out of the way, bring on the anal.

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"Now Chandler, I know you've been begging me for anal for a while now, and since your birthday is in a week, just consider it an early birthday present," said Monica. Ross looked up, and silently mouthed "thank you god."

Now, I'm not a Christian, I don't read the Bible or anything so I could be completely wrong here - but isn't God supposed to disapprove of incest?

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Monica turned around and say her ass on Ross's big dick. Monica made a sound of pleasure when all 9 inches of Ross's dick were inside her ass.

Everyone got that? Ross has a large dick. Paying attention at the back there?

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Ross laid back and Monica spun around to face him.

How in the hell is that a good idea? Surely, anal sex sans lube is painful enough without spinning on the thing.
Oh wait, I forgot, Monica's a moron.

The anal is soon over, "And now, the sex!"
Monica very nearly says it.

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"Alright honey, my pussy is ready for you, so let's get to the sex now,"

Actually, with bedroom dialogue like that it's not surprising Chandler and Monica's sex life has been suffering lately.

Don't worry, it's a very brief scene.

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Ross started frenching her and fucking her faster and faster. Ross loved hearing things like "OH GOD, YOU ARE SO BIG, MY PUSSY HAS NEVER BEEN STRETCHED LIKE THIS!" and "GIVE IT TO ME!" but Ross lost it when he heard "OH SHIT, I'M CUMMING, I'M CUMMING!" and Ross and Monica both came at the exact same time.

Monica doesn't think to remove the blindfold now the sex is over because she's an idiot, they just cuddle up together until Monica falls asleep and then Ross makes good his escape.

One week later, it's Chandler's birthday and Monica surprises him with the news that she's expecting a little inbred mutant freak show.
(Yes, I know a one-off inbred won't have anything wrong with it but I suspect the Friends cast don't.)

Chandler instantly points out that it can't be his as they haven't had sex in a month. One month? I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure that isn't too long a time span for it to be his.

So Monica runs into the bedroom to look for clues as to her mystery man's identity and finds Ross' signature watch just lying there.
Yep, apparently a strange watch was lying around in Monica's bedroom for a week and she didn't spot it.
Witness the character assassination of Monica the obsessive housekeeper.

What's wrong with me? The incest bothered me less than the "two inches thick". Isn't a two inch girth rather feeble. On a nine-inch cock, that would make it look ridiculous.

Monica has poor estimation skills.

Is that a two-inch circumference or diameter? Because a dick with a two-inch diameter would be the thickness of my wrist. If people usually mean circumference rather than diameter (which is easier to estimate) when they talk about dick sizes, that might explain why nearly every such description sounds freakish to me. Admittedly they quite often are freakish anyway.

bleachedblackcat wrote:

Sadly the thing that’s bothering me the most about this story is the fact that they had vaginal sex right after anal.

I can't really see clean freak Monica being all that happy about it either...

ZoZo wrote:

What's wrong with me? The incest bothered me less than the "two inches thick". Isn't a two inch girth rather feeble. On a nine-inch cock, that would make it look ridiculous.

Monica has poor estimation skills.

Very possibly you're right about that. I don't know what two inches is, I measure in centimetres.

bleachedblackcat wrote:

One week and Monica already knows that she's preggers?

Well. if the 28 day menstural cycle went to the bleeding phase during that week [which she would miss], it's possible...

Also @Fairlight: 2 inches is about 5.08 centimeters. (9 inches is roughly 22cm.)

Keith Fraser wrote:

Is that a two-inch circumference or diameter? Because a dick with a two-inch diameter would be the thickness of my wrist. If people usually mean circumference rather than diameter (which is easier to estimate) when they talk about dick sizes, that might explain why nearly every such description sounds freakish to me. Admittedly they quite often are freakish anyway.

Girth, in reference to anything not just genitalia, does tend to refer to the circumference. Not that I expect the typical badfic writer to know this. (Insert my usual rant about referencing measurements during sex scenes here.)