Sephiroth's Shapeshifting Succubus Sweetheart (Kinda NWS)

So... in perusing some bad fanfic, I came across this little beauty. From the FFVII fandom, Delly and Inky bring you this snark.

[00:30] InkWeaver: LADIES AND GENTLEMAN
[00:30] Delcat: Okay, let's see. I've got the fic open, I've got my list of not-so-fun incubus trivia facts. Winamp's set to Nasty Habits on loop with the special wonky 2001 Vincent skin.
[00:30] InkWeaver: MESSRS. DELLY AND INKY BRING TO YOU TONIGHT
[00:30] Delcat: I daresay we are ready to rock.
[00:30] InkWeaver: ~~**WHO IS IT THAT CONSUMES YOUR THOUGHTS SO?~~**
[00:30] InkWeaver: okay, first of all, let me just say that that title is way too long and awkward and just... lumpy.
[00:30] Delcat: Is it Lord Nylarhotep? Is it?
[00:31] InkWeaver: we bring you today a nonsensical Vincent/Sephiroth written by none other than Amon2, the author of probably my favorite snark ever -- Vincent Valentine, merman extroardinaire, aka Fincent and Fishyroth
[00:31] Delcat: We sure ar--HEY WAIT YOU SAID WE WERE GONNA READ THE POKEY LITTLE PUPPY
[00:32] Delcat: AND HE WAS GONNA EAT ALL THE PUDDING
[00:32] InkWeaver: NO DELCAT, WE ARE WAY TOO HARDCORE FOR THAT
[00:32] Delcat: 'CAUSE HE'S KIND OF A DICK LIKE THAT
[00:32] InkWeaver: AND I HAVEN'T MADE YOU CRY LATELY, SO NOW IS ABOUT THE TIME
[00:32] Delcat: NOBODY IS TOO HARDCORE FOR THE POKEY LITTLE PUPPY, HE IS THE ORIGINAL GANGSTER
[00:32] Delcat: WAAAAAAH
[00:32] InkWeaver:

Quote :

Summary: A succubus is pays Sephiroth a visit and allows him to live out a sexual fantasy with whomever he desires.

First Fantasy: Sephiroth/Vincent/Vincent

[00:33] Delcat: Sephiroth: Awwww, I got doubles. Wanna trade?
Cid: DO I!
[00:33] InkWeaver: Yuffie: Aw MYAN
[00:35] InkWeaver:

Quote :

It had appeared to him just like that. There had been no warning and no preemptive to its visit. One moment he was alone the next he was facing a humanoid demon, a Succubus by the name of Shune that was offering him a night of fulfilling his wildest, most cherished of sexual fantasies with whomever he wanted.

[00:36] InkWeaver: Hojo: Oh, Sephirooooo~ooooth
[00:36] InkWeaver: Sephiroth: Why are you wearing a nightie?
[00:36] Delcat: Sephiroth: Hojo, call the exterminators, we've got demons.
Hojo: They're for a project, just put up the netting and make sure you throw away food in the bin with a lid on it and you'll be fine.
[00:37] InkWeaver: Hojo: What, you don't like it? I got it in your favorite shade: the blood of the damned.
[00:38] InkWeaver:

Quote :

Sephiroth was about to laugh in Shune's face, but not because he didn't believe it, but because he was the great SEPHIROTH.

[00:38] Delcat: Now I'm picturing him almost laughing and then, like, aborting it through his nose really painfully. SEXY??
[00:39] InkWeaver: Sephiroth: Okay, so, after I burn down Nibelheim, I want everyone to refer to me as an anagram of my name.
[00:40] InkWeaver: Hojo: Like... an I am Lord Voldemort type of thing? I dunno, overdone.
[00:40] InkWeaver: Sephiroth: Okay, fine, fine, all caps then.
[00:40] InkWeaver: Hojo: SEPHIROTH?
[00:40] InkWeaver: Sephiroth: Actually, let's go with "the great" before that.
[00:40] InkWeaver: Hojo: Noted.
[00:40] Delcat: ALL HAIL LORD OTHIPESH
[00:40] Delcat: ...R
[00:40] InkWeaver: ahahahahaha
[00:40] Delcat: oh fuck I suck at anagrams OH GOD HE'S STABBING ME IN THE EYE
[00:41] Delcat: CAN'T WE DO AN ACRONYM INSTEAD I'M BETTER AT THOSE OW OW OW I'M SORRY
[00:41] InkWeaver: SEPHIROTH LEAVE HER ALONE
[00:41] InkWeaver:

Quote :

HIM?! SEPHIROTH?! To actually have to rely on magic and illusion to have intercourse?! HA?

[00:41] InkWeaver: HA? HA HA HA HA?
[00:41] InkWeaver: HA HAAAAAAAAAAA?!
[00:41] InkWeaver: MWAHAHAHA WHOOW AHAHAHAHA ?!?!?!
[00:42] Delcat: No, more of a meeeeehehehe, kind of in the back of the throat. It's not THAT funny.
[00:42] InkWeaver: Oh, okay.
[00:42] Delcat: And don't let it get out, but I hear the dude uses magic and illusions all the friggin' TIME to pick up ass
[00:42] InkWeaver:

Quote :

Shune smiled and brought his hands together. In a flash Sephiroth found himself in a large, luxurious bedroom fitted to resemble the harem's quarters of some long lost culture.

[00:42] Delcat: Like, lighting the cigarette with Firaga is just a total chick magnet.
[00:43] InkWeaver: So, I'm imagining a cave here.
[00:43] InkWeaver: A cave outfitted with smelly mammoth furs, matted with sexual fluids from lovers past.
[00:43] Delcat: --uh, wait. I thought it was a succubus, not an incubus. Is...is it a futa?
[00:43] InkWeaver: And now Sephiroth is wearing a mammoth loincloth and moccasins.
[00:43] InkWeaver: ...did cavemen wear moccasins i don't even know i mean fuck
[00:44] Delcat: And when he drags his share of the brontosaurus home from the hunt, Shune looks up from his cooking and smiles welcomingly
[00:44] InkWeaver: HAREMS LONG PAST
[00:44] Delcat: And they embrace and enjoy a dinner of caveman soup before having caveman sex
[00:44] InkWeaver: SPECIFY HERE, WRITER OR ELSE I WILL HAVE A FIELD DAY
[00:44] Delcat: Yeah, I'm digging that fic much more than this one
[00:45] InkWeaver:

Quote :

Suddenly a voice emerged from deep within him. It was Shune's.

"Well, what do you think? Do you like it?"

[00:45] InkWeaver: Sephiroth: AH AH AH GET IT OUT GET IT OUT
[00:45] InkWeaver: Shune: Shit, he's clawing himself. WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN.
[00:45] Delcat: Shune: SURPRISE YOU'RE PREGNANT :D
Sephiroth: OH NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN
Shune: I LOVE YOU MOMMY :D
[00:46] InkWeaver:

Quote :

Opening his eyes Sephiroth met the crimson orbs of one naked Vincent Valentine, ex-TURK, kneeling, on hands and knees, on Sephiroth's left. Sephiroth felt the bed dip again, only to his right, and when he turned around he met similar red orbs of Vincent Valentine, the TURK.

[00:48] InkWeaver: Sephiroth needs to get his fucking contacts checked again, seriously.
Delcat: Sephiroth: Vincent, why are your balls bright red--
Vincent: Cid found a tub of Chocobo dip and I sleep heavily I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT
Delcat: I will admit, though, if I had my own personal incubus, this is pretty much exactly what I'd do. Except...you know, more OOMPH to it. I mean, as long as you're warping time and space, you might as well make it snazzy. Circus elephants or something, I dunno. It's a work in progress.
[00:51] InkWeaver: I think if I had my own incubus I'd tell it to get the FUCK OUT OF MY CHEST DAMMIT
[00:51] Delcat: And maybe there could be like a pair of wisecracking lesbian succubi, only one of them doesn't speak very good English and...hang on, somethin's happenin' here, let me open up MS Word
[00:51] InkWeaver: YOU DO NOT GO THERE NOW GET OUT
[00:51] Delcat: Incubus: BUT IT'S SO COZY :<
[00:51] InkWeaver: MARCH!
[00:51] Delcat: I wouldn't mind an incubus burying himself in my chest so much :3
[00:52] InkWeaver: Okay, but INSIDE your chest, Delcat.
[00:52] Delcat: ...wait does this mean Sephiroth has a pair
[00:52] InkWeaver: And I don't mean between the boobs.
[00:52] Delcat: No, it's canon now, Sephy has a rack.
[00:52] InkWeaver: It just says deep inside him. For all we know it could be his asshole.
[00:52] Delcat: I wouldn't mind an incubus--no, not going there, sorry
[00:53] InkWeaver:

Quote :

For a long time Sephiroth had lusted after Valentine, had thought of no one but him, had dreamed of no one but him.

And this obsession didn't start during the JENOVA wars, it began when he had still been under Hojo's 'care'.

[00:53] InkWeaver: ...what.
[00:53] InkWeaver: "Oh, i see you're torturing that fair young man there, Hojo. Boy, he sure looks handsome."
[00:53] InkWeaver: *wet dreams about Vincent being tortured*
[00:54] Delcat: "Ah, son, there you are. Come on, pull up a hole, let's have some quality time together."
"oh God I am never going to scrub my eyes clean you pervert I think I'll destroy the universe now"
[00:54] InkWeaver:

Quote :

Hojo had a habit of not locking his experiment's containers and Sephiroth had the habit of messing with the good doctor's projects so as to piss him off. One day he had gone too far and Hojo had chased him around trying to catch him promising the most severe pain he could come up with.

[00:55] InkWeaver: Please tell me I'm not the only one whose first thought was Hojo in an apron with "kiss the mad scientist" chasing Sephiroth around with a blood-spattered rolling pin.
[00:55] InkWeaver: Please.
[00:56] Delcat: Nah, I was more flashing back to that episode of Laurel and Hardy when Laurel flenses 87% of a man's skin off his body as a test of endurance and then smacks Hardy with his hat when he cuts in.
[00:56] Delcat: Or is it the other way around? I can never keep those two straight.
[00:56] InkWeaver: ...D;
[00:56] Delcat: uh yeah sorry I read a lot of Hojo fics
[00:56] InkWeaver:

Quote :

He had been expecting bones, a cadaver or even a monster to jump out and attack him, but he never expected the beautiful man lying inside.

He had short, black hair, high cheek bones and a pale complexion. He was stunning.

He didn't know it then but Sephiroth had fallen in love with the sleeping beauty.

[00:57] InkWeaver: ....
[00:57] InkWeaver: I don't... I can't even
[00:57] InkWeaver: Delcat, you got anything on this one?
[00:57] Delcat: Ah, we all know this story. Man falls in love with man, man goes utterly insane and attempts to turn the planet into a giant killer spaceship, other man wakes up and goes "LUCRECIA wait what just happened".
[00:58] InkWeaver: Don't forget the demons in the other man's head!
[00:58] Delcat: I thought you said they were in his butt!
[00:58] InkWeaver: No, no, Chaos. He's the comedy relief.
[00:58] Delcat: Wait, where DO Vincent's demons fall in this? Are they just gonna look up and go "'sup" to the incubi at some point?
[00:59] Delcat: Like, maybe this is their first time seeing each other since demon high school and they shoot the shit while Sephiroth fucks Vincent?
[00:59] InkWeaver: You know, smoke a j behind the gym, that kinda thing.
[01:00] InkWeaver:

Quote :

The two figures approached and trapping the silver haired warrior between their naked, lovely bodies began showering him with kisses. They kissed his jaw, his eyes, his cheeks, they alternated in sharing his lips. One would draw in for a long deep kiss and draw back so that the other may take a turn and Sephiroth met them with a deep passion such as which he had never experienced before in his life. Not even during his time under JENOVA's influence.

[01:00] InkWeaver: No, honey, that's what an incubus does.
[01:00] InkWeaver: It's called "sucking out your lifeforce as it masks the horror with sexual pleasure."
[01:01] Delcat: Uh, yeah, I take it back. This is boring. If I had a pair of incubi prettyboys, we would actually...y'know, fuck. A lot. We ain't got time for this flowery shit, we got the entire Kama Sutra to go through.
[01:01] InkWeaver: But, to confirm this statement, let me confront our resident incubus expert!
[01:01] InkWeaver: Delcat?
[01:02] Delcat: Well, Jim, you've got it about right there, but of course it depends on the type of incubus. Did you know that there are a number of different kinds of incubi, and not all of them are all that fun?
[01:03] Delcat: For example, the Popobawa of Zanzibar is known for brutally raping exclusively male victims literally all night long, causing as much pain and humiliation as possible, and will threaten to return every night if the victim doesn't tell everyone he knows about being dominated in great detail!
[01:03] InkWeaver: Why, no, Delcat, I wasn't aware of that!
[01:03] Delcat: Isn't that swell?
[01:03] InkWeaver: ...hurk.
[01:04] Delcat: And of course there are the type of incubi who have enormous phalluses made of solid silver that are painfully cold to the touch! Sure wouldn't want to meet one of those in a dark four-poster, ha ha!
[01:04] InkWeaver: *sob*
[01:05] Delcat: Although it could just be as benign as it being a succubus stealing the seed of a man she sleeps with, then turning into an incubus and using that seed to impregnate her next lover. Could Sephiroth be hearing those baby bells soon? And no, we don't mean cheese!
[01:06] InkWeaver:

Quote :

They shared a three-way kiss between them as hands roamed freely across skin, the heat and lust building up to intolerable levels.

[01:06] InkWeaver: How in the fuck does someone share a three-way kiss?
[01:07] InkWeaver: Is Vincent A or B sucking on the back of Sephiroth's head, slobbering all over the place?
[01:07] Delcat: Hmmm...I don't recall reading about any types of incubi setting people on fire for teh lulz, but I wouldn't be surprised.
[01:07] InkWeaver: Is one of them, like, the special needs Vincent or something?
[01:07] Delcat: No no no, I totally saw this in a manga once. You like all crush your heads together and slobber all over each other's tongues like retarded chihuahuas.
[01:08] InkWeaver: How is that appealing?
[01:08] InkWeaver: I don't... understand...
[01:09] Delcat: Ummmm...maybe the author has a retarded chihuahua fetish?
[01:09] Delcat: I don't know man if I was the director here I could think of better places for that extra mouth I just don't know
[01:10] InkWeaver:

Quote :

"Take him. I want to watch you make love to yourself."

[01:10] InkWeaver: Okay, NOW we're getting somewhere!
[01:10] InkWeaver: *zzzzzzip*
[01:10] Delcat: Yes! That's more like it! Grab the clapboard, scene ready!
[01:10] Delcat: Remember, your motivation for this one is that you're getting fucked in the ass! And...ACTION!
[01:11] InkWeaver:

Quote :

Soon present-Vincent releases the taut flesh and with a gentle hand separates the slender thighs and begins penetrating the other.

[01:12] InkWeaver: What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the yaoi
People watching boys fuck boys

Author, author, author help us
Please stop writing fucking dudes
'Cause you've got me, got me questionin'
Where is the lube? (The lube... the lube...)
Where is the lube, the lube, the lube?
[01:15] Delcat: Pssssst...Inky?
[01:15] InkWeaver: Yessss?
[01:15] Delcat: Do you think maybe incubi really DO have self-lubing assholes?
[01:15] Delcat: I bet they could!
[01:15] Delcat: Right?
[01:16] InkWeaver: ...D=... right
[01:16] Delcat: That's...that's what's going on, right?
[01:16] InkWeaver: HOLD IT IN, DELCAT, HOLD IT IN
[01:16] Delcat: WHAT, THE SYMPATHY BLOOD DRIPPING FROM MY ASSHOLE?
[01:16] InkWeaver: ...uhm
[01:16] InkWeaver: YEAH THAT
[01:16] InkWeaver: *furtively whipes tears off face*
[01:16] Delcat: Poor little fellas :<
[01:17] InkWeaver:

Quote :

"Stop." Both Vincents look at him " Come here."

[01:17] InkWeaver: Vincents: Okay. *JIZZ*
[01:17] Delcat: Sephiroth: Stop! Break it down!
[01:18] Delcat: "C'mere boy! C'mere and get your Beggin' Strips! *whistle*"
[01:18] Delcat: So, uh...Inky, it has come to my notice, that is, it has not escaped my persuasion that it is such a thing as...
[01:19] InkWeaver: Sephiroth: STOP! ...VALENTIME!
[01:19] InkWeaver: Oh, sorry, you were saying?
[01:19] Delcat: Well, this is a fuck-fantasy without a plot, so it seems, if I am correct?
[01:19] InkWeaver: Um, actually, five chapters from now, they're running around with assbabies or summat.
[01:19] Delcat: Only, and this is as they say the "sticking point", there are fourteen more chapters of this fol-de-rol.
[01:19] Delcat: I see. ...I see.
[01:20] Delcat: ...I WAS KIDDING ABOUT THE ASSBABIES I SWEAR TO GOD I'M SORRY
[01:20] Delcat: I CAN'T HELP THE LORE
[01:20] InkWeaver: NOOOOOOOOOOOO

CHAPTER TWO COMING SOON

Is it weird that when the fic says that one version of Vincent is pre-transformation and the other is post I sort of went, "OOOoooh, that makes sense!" Like, that part that was confusing me was why someone would want two identical Vincent clones at once.

Vincent the TURK was a hottie.

Quote :

Delcat: Although it could just be as benign as it being a succubus stealing the seed of a man she sleeps with, then turning into an incubus and using that seed to impregnate her next lover. Could Sephiroth be hearing those baby bells soon? And no, we don't mean cheese!

Now all I can imagine is Sephiroth with a handful of those adorable little cheeses.

I also greatly enjoy your succubi/incubi facts--did you do all your research about them online, or do you have reference books detailing the different versions of the 'lil fellers? Just curious, as I keep meaning to read more about them.

I'm glad I wasn't drinking when I got to

Quote :

[00:45] Delcat: Shune: SURPRISE YOU'RE PREGNANT :D
Sephiroth: OH NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN
Shune: I LOVE YOU MOMMY :D

because I probably would need a new monitor.

Yorokobi wrote:

I also greatly enjoy your succubi/incubi facts--did you do all your research about them online, or do you have reference books detailing the different versions of the 'lil fellers? Just curious, as I keep meaning to read more about them.

It's stuff I pick up here and there, mostly online, but sometimes through books. I used to worldbuild for them, so I'm a magpie for incubus facts...even when they suggest that fapping to them is a really bad idea [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Why is it always Vincent and Sephiroth? I realize we're talking incubi-induced fantasy here (which, by the by, is the only way Sephiroth would get within 200 yards of Vincent without being pumped full of bullet holes), but even allowing for a certain amount of FoYay!, the two of them despise each other.

I suppose I should just be glad it's not Vincent/Yuffi. The last time that happened, I had to spend two days in bed heavily medicated so I'd quit screaming "Statutory rape! Statutory rape!"

Delcat wrote:

Rabid Badger wrote:

I suppose I should just be glad it's not Vincent/Yuffi. The last time that happened, I had to spend two days in bed heavily medicated so I'd quit screaming "Statutory rape! Statutory rape!"

Pssssst, Badge. You know that's Inky's OTP, right?

All apologies to Inky, then. I can't see it, but that doesn't mean others aren't free to enjoy it if they wish. Hell, I ship Rude and Reno, so what do I know?

Rabid Badger wrote:

Delcat wrote:

Rabid Badger wrote:

I suppose I should just be glad it's not Vincent/Yuffi. The last time that happened, I had to spend two days in bed heavily medicated so I'd quit screaming "Statutory rape! Statutory rape!"

Pssssst, Badge. You know that's Inky's OTP, right?

All apologies to Inky, then. I can't see it, but that doesn't mean others aren't free to enjoy it if they wish. Hell, I ship Rude and Reno, so what do I know?

Well, Rude and Reno is practically canon.

*Also likes Vincent/Yuffie.*

Heh, I don't discriminate, guys. Actually, Yuffie's my fandom bicycle.

I wrote a Yuffie/Rude once...

InkWeaver wrote:

Heh, I don't discriminate, guys. Actually, Yuffie's my fandom bicycle.

I wrote a Yuffie/Rude once...

If that's the one I'm thinking of, it actually worked.

myeerah wrote:

InkWeaver wrote:

Heh, I don't discriminate, guys. Actually, Yuffie's my fandom bicycle.

I wrote a Yuffie/Rude once...

If that's the one I'm thinking of, it actually worked.

yayiloveyoutheend

AND NOW, ONTO THE SECOND PART IN THIS SAGA!

[01:26] InkWeaver:

Quote :

The musk of sex hung heavily in the air, long, slender limbs entangled in powerful ones.

[01:26] InkWeaver: Vincent1: Dude, Sephiroth, did you wear deoderant?
[01:26] InkWeaver: Vincent2: I effin' told you we'd be playing Twister, and now your pits are in my face, man.
[01:26] Delcat: Sephiroth: --ugh, who musked?
Vincent: Who do you think?
Musk Ox: It's a condition, okay? A condition called evolution.
[01:31] Delcat: Okay yeah, let's take this out of background talk and address the audience: Kids, we have no idea what the fuck's going on here, the author is having a butterfly interlude or something.
[01:32] Delcat: I swear this whole thing reads like a cybersex RP log. I think...oh God, Inky, is that what this is?
[01:32] InkWeaver: It's like some sort of choose your own adventure nightmare, conveniently labeled "yaoi" for the kids at the back of the class.
[01:33] Delcat: If you found the lube, turn to page 57.
If you don't have the lube, turn to page 114.
[01:33] Delcat: Well, we're gonna do our best here, guys. Remember, we're as confused as you are.
[01:34] InkWeaver:

Quote :

Vincent of the past down on his back with his counter part kneeling on top of him in a 69er position and they were pleasuring each other. Sephiroth was kneeling behind the long haired-Vincent and thrusting vigorously into him. The only audible sounds in the room were that of their moans and the sound of skin impacting skin. Both Vincents' moans were getting loader and it drove Sephiroth nearer to the precipice.

[01:34] InkWeaver: NO SEPHIROTH DON'T JUMP I KNOW THIS FANFIC IS BAD BUT MAYBE THERE'S STILL HOPE
[01:35] Delcat: Psssh, pussies. REAL men go for the Isoceles 69 Lock.
[01:35] Delcat: Um, 69 is the position, 69ers are the sports team. Unless this is one of those wacky Urban Dictionary sex acts I'm not privy to?
[01:36] Delcat: Quick, Inky, imagination game! What does the 69ers position entail?
[01:38] InkWeaver: It involves mining for gold.
[01:38] InkWeaver: In the uke's asshole.
[01:38] Delcat: CONGRATULATIONS, YOU WIN THE IMAGINATION GAM
[01:38] Delcat: E
[01:38] Delcat: THE PRIZE IS MORE FIC
[01:38] InkWeaver: DAMMTI
[01:39] InkWeaver:

Quote :

Sephiroth lay gasping for breath as his vision returned. Turning his head and making out both Vincents side by side he wished to partake in some cuddling.

[01:40] Delcat: Sephiroth: Loyal subjects, I now wish to partake in some cuddling! Quickly, or it shall be off with your heads!
Vincent: ugh what a douche can we eat his soul yet or what
[01:41] InkWeaver: Sephiroth: *monocle* Pip, pip, chaps, I wish to partake in some cuddling, cheerio then!
[01:41] Delcat: Vincent: THAT ONLY SUCCEEDS IN MAKING YOU EVEN DOUCHIER
[01:42] InkWeaver: Sephiroth: FUCK IT I'M JUST GONNA RIDE THE PLANET AS A BURNT OUT HUSK OF A VEHICLE WITH JENOVA AS MY PASSENGER-SEAT BABE
[01:42] InkWeaver: SO LONG BITCHES!
[01:42] Delcat: Vincent: WAIT I CAN DIG THAT
[01:43] InkWeaver: magical LSD Fairy: HEY WHO WANTS SOME ABSOLUTELY NONSENSICAL BULLSHIT? YOU, YOUNG MAN? HOW ABOUT YOU?
[01:43] Delcat: Yuffie: OO ME ME
[01:43] InkWeaver:

Quote :

Sephiroth was about to yell and demand them back only to be interrupted.

"No worries Sephiroth" it was Shune the succubus "I'm about to return you your precious Vincent"

Scenario One:

Sephiroth was standing in a long corridor dressed as a warden and inspecting the prison cells. But in truth he was heading towards on that held one particular inmate.

Reaching the door farthest from the others he looked inside.

The inmate known as Vincent had shed his orange jumper and was laying naked on his cot masturbating. When he saw Sephiroth he beckoned him inside with a lust-glazed look.

Sephiroth reached for his master key, unlocked the door, and entered.

(Yaoi)

[01:44] InkWeaver: Is it a normal problem for wardens to be buggering the inmates?
[01:44] Delcat: Uhhhh...50'S PULP HOMOEROTICA BREAK??
[01:44] InkWeaver: Wasn't this what happened in the Stanford-Prison Experiment?
[01:44] InkWeaver: The wardens started buggering the prisoners, and then everyone got sent home?
[01:44] Delcat: Man, if it was, that movie we watched in Sociology would've been even COOLER.
[01:44] InkWeaver: I think it's called role fulfilment or something
[01:45] InkWeaver: oh wait that's not what happened anyway moving on
[01:45] Delcat: I think it's called SEXY.
[01:45] InkWeaver:

Quote :

Scenario Two:

Surrounded by nature, retaining a maximum height of no more than 7 inches, wearing nothing but a loin cloth made of leaved, and with two green-glowing butterfly wings Sephiroth could only assume that he was currently a pixie. And before him flying around the canopy was a 6 inch high Vincent, with crimson luminous butterfly wings emerging from his back, and clothed in absolutely nothing.

The moment Vincent saw him he giggled adorably and sped of with a flirtatious wink.

Sephiroth smiled wickedly and flew after him.

(Yaoi)

[01:45] InkWeaver: What the fuck.
[01:45] Delcat: Okay, if we're doing 50's pulp homoerotica, 's gotta be Nazis yet. Is it Nazis? Is it?
[01:45] Delcat: wait that's like the anti-Nazi what the fuck
[01:46] InkWeaver: Is she telling us it's yaoi? Is she Captain Obvious? Or is she using "(Yaoi)" like, [insert sex scene here]
[01:46] Delcat: Vincent: I'm the Green Fairy!
Sephiroth: oh fuck why did I steal Rude's absinthe
[01:46] Delcat: ALTERNATE RESPONSE:
[01:47] Delcat: Vincent: Come with me and you'll never have to grow up...ooh, I see someone already did!
Sephiroth: Gimme some pixie dust, sugar.
[01:47] InkWeaver: Okay I don't want to quote every bit, but ALL of it is gold, man, ALL OF IT
[01:47] InkWeaver: OH GOD, LOOK AT THIS, RETURNING TO MY FUCKING ROOTS MAN
[01:48] InkWeaver:

Quote :

Scenario Four:

He was in Atlantis. His wings were gone, and so were his legs as a long black tail replaced them.

Vincent had a long, elegant, carrier-finned, obsidian tail that was curled gently next to him as he slept amidst the coral. Sephiroth watched him from his position hidden from view and contemplated means so as to woo the beautiful creature.

(Yaoi)

[01:48] Delcat: Wait...wait, I think this is actually acceptable incubus behavior! This happened to one of the incubi from my old campaign! Except, uh, it was because he lost a bet. ...a lot of bets, actually. ...God that was one sullen pixie.
[01:48] Delcat: NOOOOOOOO
[01:48] InkWeaver: Honestly, bring back Fincent and Fishyroth. I liked them better.
[01:48] Delcat: BUT IT SMELLS LIKE TUNA AND THERE AREN'T EVEN ANY LESBIANS
[01:48] InkWeaver: But we had Yuffie the clownfish!
[01:48] InkWeaver: And finrape!
[01:48] InkWeaver: Wait, that was just my version.
[01:48] InkWeaver: Fuck.
[01:48] InkWeaver: There wasn't even any hot Cid!Merman in that one.
[01:49] Delcat: What kind of fish do you think Cid would be? An octopus, maybe, shooting clouds of smoke?
[01:49] Delcat: Or no, of course not! He'd be a flying fish! Hee hee!
[01:50] Delcat: ...is the fic still there I'm trying to ignore it
[01:50] InkWeaver: ....Cid Highfin, then?
[01:50] InkWeaver:

Quote :

Suddenly music erupted.

Startled Sephiroth looked in front.

People that had been previously sitting in the pews stood and turned to look at him.

He recognized them. They were AVALANCHE and the TURKS.

At first he wanted to run, to escape confrontation, but their benevolent, happy smiles stopped him.

Why were they smiling? Were they smiling at him? Why? Didn't they hate him for all that he did to them and the world? Shouldn't they be cursing him? Shouldn't they be attacking him?

[01:50] InkWeaver: Sephiroth, stop wearing that Cait Sith suit!
[01:50] Delcat: ...oh God. Is this what I think it is? I'm afraid to look.
[01:50] InkWeaver: You're tricking them all!
[01:50] InkWeaver: What do you THINK it is?
[01:51] Delcat: I swear I have not peeked...SHOW ME A WEDDING DRESS, er...WHOEVER RAN FAMILY FEUD
[01:51] InkWeaver:

Quote :

But what?

He looked down the long, red carpeted isle.

And what he saw shocked him.

Sitting at the piano, playing, was a smartly dressed Genesis.

But that was not all.

Standing at the altar dressed in priest's garb and holding the manuscripts was Angeal.

[01:51] InkWeaver: Why the fuck is Angeal dressed as a priest.
[01:51] Delcat: DING DING DING DING DING
[01:51] InkWeaver: Oh, I get it.
[01:52] InkWeaver: It's a costume contest!
[01:52] Delcat: Oooo, yay! Wait, wouldn't Reeve win with his Cait Sith get-up?
[01:52] InkWeaver: Nah, robots don't count.
[01:53] Delcat: ...I have a K. Haruka doujinshi where everyone wears a costume, actually. It's Yuffie's doing.
[01:53] Delcat: Vincent ends up as a sexy nurse. Cid ends up as a Chocobo.
[01:53] Delcat: Can...can we read that instead?
[01:54] InkWeaver: Sorry, Delcat! NO MERCY!

Quote :

In front of the priest stood Vincent, wearing a white tux and smiling lovingly at him. It was then that Sephiroth noticed that he too was wearing a white tuxedo. It suddenly dawned to him.

This was his wedding.

And Vincent was to be his husband.

[01:55] Delcat: HERE COMES THE BRIDE
MAKING SURE EVERYONE'S DIED
DAH DAH DAH DAAAH DAH DAH NOBODY KNOW THE OTHER WORDS TO THIS SONG
[01:55] Delcat: HERE COMES THE GROOM
BRINGING ALL THEIR DOOM
[01:55] InkWeaver: Here, instead let's do an overplayed wedding song that's actually really creepy.
[01:55] InkWeaver: EVERY STEP YOU TAAAAAAKE
[01:55] InkWeaver: EVERY MOVE YOU MAAAAAAAAAAKe
[01:55] InkWeaver: EVERY STEP YOU TAKE EVERY MOVE YOU MAKE
[01:55] Delcat: Sephiroth: ...wait. Why do I have to wear the dress?
Shune: 's funnier.
[01:55] InkWeaver: I'LL BE...
[01:56] Delcat: STABBIN' YOU?
[01:56] InkWeaver: USURPING YOUR POWER AND DESTROYING THE SOUL OF YOUR HOME WORLD
[01:56] InkWeaver: no, actually, I like yours better.
[01:56] InkWeaver: Meter's more even.
[01:56] Delcat: Hey, Inky! Do you know why it is that they cannot do this?
[01:56] InkWeaver: Why is it, Delly?
[01:56] Delcat: Because Sephiroth wouldn't accept the flower girl!
[01:57] InkWeaver: ...THANK YOU FOLKS
[01:57] Delcat: HA HA HA HA no seriously there is blood all over the fucking place get a mop
[01:57] InkWeaver: *shepherd's cane*
[01:57] Delcat: OW MY THORAX

More soon, folks.

Quote :

[01:56] Delcat: Hey, Inky! Do you know why it is that they cannot do this?
[01:56] InkWeaver: Why is it, Delly?
[01:56] Delcat: Because Sephiroth wouldn't accept the flower girl!
[01:57] InkWeaver: ...THANK YOU FOLKS
[01:57] Delcat: HA HA HA HA no seriously there is blood all over the fucking place get a mop

I love you guys. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Bravo! Author! Snarkers!

Also, I love your cartoon, Del. And ya know, I think I remember seeing the K. Haruka doujinshi where they all ended up in costumes. or maybe I'm thinking of Fighting Vincent-Kun. They all kind of blur together after a while...

What is the fanfic... I don't even, someone want to help me gouge my eyes out now?