A Special Truce: AVGN vs Nostalgia Critic Slash

Here is an awesome fanfic written by someone called "Hammohamster":
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A Special Truce: AVGN vs Nostalgia Critic Slash

Uhm... Shouldn't that be "AVGN and Nostalgia Critic Slash"? Or is sexual activity some kind of a competition?

Why is Angry Video Game Nerd shortened to AVGN but Nostalgia Critic isn't shortened to NC?
And for christ's sake, THEY ARE NOT GAY! AND YOU CANNOT USE REAL PEOPLE IN A FANFIC! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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As the day came to an end, The Angry
Video Game Nerd, James went back to his hotel room to retire for the
rest of the day.

Here goes the last hope that this isn't a real people fic. I mean, one could perhaps make an argument that writing this is acceptable due to them technically playing different characters in their shows, but Hammohamster doesn't simply call them AVGN and NC, but also uses their real names (James and Doug).

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He spend his whole stay at Comic Con, mingling with
his fans and talking about shitty video games. The whole con should
have been a blast but it wasn't for AVGN. His booth was right across
from the Nostalgia Critic, his seemingly worst enemy. He was dogged
with fans instigating a fight with him, a fight he didn't want to
start. James was quite upset that NC wanted to fight him as well. See,
the AVGN don't hate NC.

doesn't hate

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In fact...he is madly in love with him. When he
first saw NC, he fell in love with his unshaven look and his sexy
glasses. His big, potty mouth gave him shivers down his spine every
time he talks.

As you can see, Hammohamster has some strange eyeglass fetish, and this isn't the last time it will appear in this fic.

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So he was very hurt when he learned NC made an video
calling him out."Why does he hate me?" James said as he plopped down on his bed.James
never knew he was gay until he meant That Guy with the Glasses. His
sexual desires just bloomed and he have been attracted to men ever
since. He is a virgin and he dreams of the day he might lost it to the
Nostalgia Critic.

First of all, why does he call NC "That Guy With The Glasses"? Isn't that the name of his website?

As for the rest: To my knowledge, James is married so why is he a virgin here?

And why is it that in fanfic people just become gay when they meet The One?

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Then the AVGN sprang up from his bed, "Wait a
minute! Why am i just laying here complaining? I need to know! I need
to know why he hates me!" James got up and walked to NC's hotel room
down the hall. He didn't understand. He was a nice guy, he had
feelings. He never mean any harm when he insults people in his videos.
He was just a random victim of the man he loves ever so deeply.Silently,
James knocked on the door. "Why am I doing this?" he thinks to himself,
wondering if his knocks was loud enough to hear. Suddenly, he felt a
hand on his shoulder from behind which scared the daylights out of him.
"What the fuck?!" he turned and saw the Nostalgia Critic himself.

Well, if you're not sure whether your knocks are loud enough to hear, why do you knock silently?

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the AVGN's legs started to go weak as he stare into NC' s glasses. He
couldn't help but grow an erection at his presents. He was just so
manly.

The eyeglass fetish again... [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

And "presents"? You mean like, christmas presents? I REALLY DON'T WANT TO KNOW!

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"Well well, Mr. Angry Video Game Nerd. We meet again!" the man with glasses says while glaring into James's glasses."Nostalgia Critic, I want a word with you.""Then come on in. You had a long day. Come inside for a beer." NC says while opening and walking inside on his hotel room.The Nerd follows the Nostalgia and sits on his bed. "Got any Rolling Rock?"

Yeah, eyeglasses are just so sexy that they have to be constantly mentioned! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Don't even get me started about the stupid product placement...

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"Of course!" Nostalgia Critic says while pulling out a beer in his suitcase.

That's awfully convenient. WHO ON EARTH KEEPS BEER IN HIS SUITCASE?!

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James hung his head low and NC
placed his hand on his back. "You think I really hate you?"James
couldn't believe he was this close to NC with out confrontation. He
started drinking his beer while Nostalgia Critic sat on his bed with
James, watching the nerd."So...what did you want to talk to me about?"James looked down and placed his beer on the floor. He didn't respond for a minute or two."Well, I was wondering what the deal with you disliking me. We never met before hand and you just decided to be a jerk to me."The
Nerd looked at NC and continued, " I am a big fan of yours, NC. I told
you I was a big fan on my forum and you thought it was a secret message
insulting you. Why do you want to fight me when I idolize you?"Nostalgia
Critic was silent for a while, "You really like me, don't you
buttfucker?" He laughs but the AVGN was somewhat offended by this
comment because he was homosexual.

Of course! Why else would he be offended?!!! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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James hung his head low and NC placed his hand on his back. "You think I really hate you?"
James looked up quickly, "You don't"

No question mark...?

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"Of course not! I was just messing around. I like you very much, Nerd. You are awesome."AVGN blushed and looked away. "Well, gee...I...""And you want to know a secret?""What secret?" the Nerd says baffled."I...am
gay. And...I find you...attractive. In fact, I even...love you."
Nostalgia Critic looked away with a huge blush on his face. James
couldn't believe what he was hearing. Its like a dream come true. He
met his love and his love loves him, too.

HAMMOHAMSTER, JUST HOW HARD IS IT FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND? AVGN AND NC ARE NOT GAY! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

On further note, NC only blushes in his videos when he is really angry. Perhaps he's simply mad at Hammohamster for making him star in this shitty fic.

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"R-r-really?"Yes,"
Then the Nostalgia Critic leaned in and kissed James on the mouth. The
kiss sent shivers down his spine and aroused him greatly. AVGN returned
the kiss and they both started kissing passionately.

NO! This cannot be real... [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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The Nerd's head
almost exploded of the unbelievability of this.

As did the real James' head when he read this crap!

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He was kissing his
lover and he loved it. They parted later, panting for air.

Yeah, when you kiss your lover you might instead hate it! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Continued in part two...

Part two:

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"I love you too, Nostalgia Critic" James says with powerful bedroom eyes.

Oh my god, he's a monster! He can speak with his eyes! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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"You don't know how much I wanted to hear that."
The Nostalgia
Critic grabbed AVGN and slowly pulled him down on the bed while kissing
him. His arms wondered up and down the Nerds scrawny chest as he grows
more and more aroused. Slowly, Nostalgia Critic striped James shirt off
and started licking his nipples. He teased around the nipples and then
started sucking on the nerd's Milkdud colored tit.

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the nerd's Milkdud colored tit

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the nerd's Milkdud colored tit

No comment... [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

And the story already mentioned that the Critic started licking his nipples so why mention it at all?

Incidentally, what the hell does "stripe off" mean exactly?

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"Ohhhhh, Nostalgia...don't stop."The critic started to pull off James's pants and was shocked to find his Nightmare on Elm's Street boxes."Hehehe, I thought you hated this game? Heh heh heh!"

What the hell...??? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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Nostalgia Critic slowly slit his hand down the Nerds boxers and
grabbed his huge member and started to stroke it while kissing him. The
rhythm started slow at first and slowly worked his way up until he was
jerking him off violently. The AGVN was having the time of his life. NC
was very good at this. He must have done this a million times before on
other guys. The Nerd held his breath and was about to shoot when
Nostalgia Critic stopped."What the fuck are you doing?" James said disappointed."I don't want you to come this yet. " Nostalgia Critic says evilly.

What exactly doesn't the Critic want him to come? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

By "slit", I assume Hammohamster means "slid", but I cannot be certain.

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He pulled off the Nerd's boxers and told him to sit on the edge of
the bed, and he did. NC got on his knees and put James huge dick into
his mouth. Nostalgia Critic was also a very good cocksucker. In less
then a few minutes, He was ready to cum again when NC stopped."Dammit, stop doing that!" The Nerd was getting very frustrated."Shut up, slave. its time to see how your ass feels!"

The Nostalgia Critic is really out of character here...

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And with that, the Nostalgia Critic stripped off all his clothes and
forced James to get on his hands and knees on the bed. NC crawled up
there with him and split Nerd's small, flat pale ass and placed his
cock between his cheeks. NC took his dick and slowly teased poor James
asshole until he was moaning and begging NC to fuck him.
"Oooooo, baby, stop messing around and put it in already!" James said gripping the sheets."Beg for it." Nostalgia Critic said looking at the Nerd with lustful eyes."Please, put it in.""I don't like your begging. Try harder.""PLEASE, NOSTALGIA, FUCK ME!"

...and so is The Nerd. His submissiveness in this fic doesn't remind me at all of the guy whose videos I watch.

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NC liked to hear his little sluts beg for his huge cock but he
didn't hesitate to do what the Nerd wanted. NC spit on his dick so he
won't get cock burned and slammed his dick in AVGN's tiny asshole."AHHHH,
GOD!" The Nerd screams while enjoying the feel of the Nostalgia
Critic's cock in his bum. NC spend no time pounding his huge cock in
AVGN's ass. He was slamming his dick hard while listening to James moan
and groan. Harder and harder, NC fucked until they were both sweaty. He
liked how James screamed in pain when he knew he really liked it. The
Angry Video Game Nerd was in total bliss. His dream of fucking the
Nostalgia Critic finally came true. Oh, he can certainly die happy and
this moment.It seemed like forever but after a good 20 minutes
of hardcore fucking, NC was ready to cum. And so was James. He slammed
his cock in AVGN's ass one more time and let on a loud moan. James
rouse his head up and ejaculated all over the bed sheets. Nostalgia
Critic came so much, his jizz squirted around his dick and on the bed.
They both fell back down on their own cum, panting. Then they started
to cuddle.

PLEASE STOP! I CANNOT TAKE IT ANY LONGER!!! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I have nothing against gay people, but pairing up two real people this way is just SICK!

Also note the stupid "he-screamed-in-pain-but-really-liked-it" -cliche.

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"That was amazing, my love." Nostalgia Critic says kissing and nuzzling the Nerd."Oh...yes it was." James said, returning the affection.They laid silent like this, basking in our own love and heat when AVGN broke the silents.

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basking in our own love

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Just how is the author involved in all this? Does Hammohamster fantasise about one of the two characters? I guess that could partially explain why both the nerd and the critic are so out-of-character; Hammohamster inserted himself into the story as either the nerd or the critic.

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"Does this mean we have a truce?" He lifted his pinky up with a grin on his face.Nostalgia Critic grabbed his pinky with his own and kissed him, "Truce".The End.

Thank God it's over!!! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Hey, eyeglasses are fucking sexy as hell.

fanficmocker wrote:

And for christ's sake, THEY ARE NOT GAY! AND YOU CANNOT USE REAL PEOPLE IN A FANFIC! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Welp, you've already lost me.

Miss Prince wrote:

fanficmocker wrote:

And for christ's sake, THEY ARE NOT GAY! AND YOU CANNOT USE REAL PEOPLE IN A FANFIC! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Welp, you've already lost me.

Well, Nostalgia Critic (NC) is this guy who does these video reviews of bad movies on his site. His real name is Doug Walker.
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Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN) on the other hand does similar reviews of bad videogames. His real name is James Rolfe.
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In the past they had this mock rivalry, and this fic seems to be built on that foundation.

fanficmocker wrote:

Miss Prince wrote:

fanficmocker wrote:

And for christ's sake, THEY ARE NOT GAY! AND YOU CANNOT USE REAL PEOPLE IN A FANFIC! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Welp, you've already lost me.

Well, Nostalgia Critic (NC) is this guy who does these video reviews of bad movies on his site. His real name is Doug Walker.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN) on the other hand does similar reviews of bad videogames. His real name is James Rolfe.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

In the past they had this mock rivalry, and this fic seems to be built on that foundation.

You're missing the point. RPF and slash are quite popular. Mock how horrible it is by all means, but don't pronounce the impossibility of the concepts.

What Myheerah said. 99.9% of the fanfic you find snarked on here will likely be slash between canon characters that are in no way, shape or form gay. The other 1% will be between canon characters who are actually gay (Jack/Ianto from Torchwood), but will render the characters so completely OOC, you wouldn't know who they were if the author hadn't mentioned it.

Also, this person claims to have written it as a joke, and I believe her. I must admit, I thought the story was funnier when I didn't know whether it was real or not. The dramatic reading helped.

Violet wrote:

Also, this person claims to have written it as a joke, and I believe her. I must admit, I thought the story was funnier when I didn't know whether it was real or not. The dramatic reading helped.

If only there was a dramatic reading of his other story. You know, that Bush/McCain slashfic.

EW!

Has somebody told Doug and James about this? Those poor bastards!

Incidentally, I think they're both sexy.

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Has somebody told Doug and James about this? Those poor bastards!

Since there's a reading of the fic on TGWTG, I'd say they know about it.

Oh man, this one. XD Bennet's dramatic reading brought the cringe factor down just a bit, but still.

fanficmocker wrote:

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"Well well, Mr. Angry Video Game Nerd. We meet again!" the man with glasses says while glaring into James's glasses."Nostalgia Critic, I want a word with you.""Then come on in. You had a long day. Come inside for a beer." NC says while opening and walking inside on his hotel room.The Nerd follows the Nostalgia and sits on his bed. "Got any Rolling Rock?"

Yeah, eyeglasses are just so sexy that they have to be constantly mentioned! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Don't even get me started about the stupid product placement...

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"Of course!" Nostalgia Critic says while pulling out a beer in his suitcase.

That's awfully convenient. WHO ON EARTH KEEPS BEER IN HIS SUITCASE?!

Isn't it also pointed out in his video game review that the NC can't stand Rolling Rock?




... Is it bad that this was the most prominent thing I noticed?

WD40 wrote:

... Is it bad that this was the most prominent thing I noticed?

Yes.

Now go sit in the corner!

You heard me. MARCH!

fanficmocker wrote:

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"Of course!" Nostalgia Critic says while pulling out a beer in his suitcase.

That's awfully convenient. WHO ON EARTH KEEPS BEER IN HIS SUITCASE?!

James keeps his in his closet Atari 5200.