The Rape of Wolverine--'Sex slave. You're ours now'

We've had entirely too much backbiting and sniping at each other lately. Let's make fun of bad fanfics instead. Like this one.

We begin with Wolverine struggling with his sexuality as he tries to fall asleep.


Wolverine was straight. He was certain of it. Well almost. There was that one
time when he壇 been imagining Jean and Scott had sort of slipped in to his
daydream but that was natural. He was her husband. They should be together. In
real life the pair were practically inseparable. And if he admired Scott痴
muscular frame, so what? The man looked good. He was just appreciating it. Not
lusting for it.

'...I like chicks, Bub. Not guys.'


He wasn稚 normally
so careless though. If you ignored the fact that he was far to busy
concentrating on what Bobby was doing and that fact that his stomach dropped to
his boots when the ice wielding mutant smiled at him in that carefree, 祖atch me
if you can・attitude. He groaned at the feeling of his cock stirring. It was
just Jean. She壇 just walked past and the smell of her perfume was arousing
him; nothing to do with Bobby and his lazy smile in the heat of battle. He
turned over and endeavoured to sleep.

Denial, it seems, ain't just an Egyptian river.

Something is off when he awakes, however:

Scott! What was the man
doing in his room? Perhaps it was a dream. A nightmare. He felt a sharp pain in
his arm. He jerked but his arm moved little. He was handcuffed to the bed. His
bed. His adamatium bed; created because he broke the last one during one of his
nightmares. Unbreakable as were the handcuffs. Adamatium as well. Why had they
tied him to his own bed? Perhaps he壇 had another nightmare. The pain in his
arm still throbbed. That was strange

Poor guy just can't catch a break. First he's turning bi for Scott and Bobby of all people, and then he comes to and the objects of his lust, have him cuffed to the bed. Naked. Blindfolded. And somehow they did this without him waking up once, despite the fact that he could probably hear them down the hall, and smell them in his room.

The blue furred creature spoke up again. Wolverine
tried to open his eyes. He blinked. They were open. He must be blindfolded. His
mind frantically tried to piece together the information but it wasn稚 working.
He was concentrating on the conversation around him as well. Beast had
continued speaking, 滴is healing factor will be neutralised so should he use
his 祖laws・he will experience pain that will not subside as usual・Another
voice chimed in, Bobby痴. 展e can稚 stand here forever. We致e all got places to
be・

Oh, they also seem to have temporarily Cured him such that what happens next hurts all the worse. Hint: they rape him. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] 'They' here means 'Cyclops, Iceman, Collosus, Gambit and Beast'.

Wolverine saw Colossus move towards
his head. His mind clouded with fear and heart pounding in his ears, he watched
the man change into his organic steel form and remove his boxer briefs releasing
the straining cock inside. He positioned himself under Logan痴 head and drew the
frightened man痴 mouth to his weeping cock

That poor rooster! Trapped in a huge sweaty Russian's boxers all day, struggling to be free, only to be shoved into a hairy man's mouth! So sad!

Without warning a barrage of cum came down his throat as Piotr ejected his juice
silently and Logan struggled to swallow it down so that he could breathe

Finished puking, Piotr wiped his mouth and silently vowed to never try and mix OJ with grape juice ever again. Oh wait.... [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] But yeah, Iceman finishes, then Gambit has a turn, and then...

Logan felt something really large at his entrance.
Beast!

Christ, Hank! I've heard of fisting someone, but...I don't even think there's a word for what you're trying to do!

The pain was intense and he could feel his
anus tearing. Beast tore into Logan痴 hole with ferocity that none had seen in
him before.

'I don't get it, he's usually so gentle about it that you'd never even notice the little tears!'


One last insult as all that he had to remember. 鉄ex slave.
You池e ours now, 'and then they were gone. And once again Logan was alone in his
bed. He was straight. Wasn稚 he?

"I fuck, who I wanna fuck!"

So yeah...What the Christ.

Well I know when I get gang raped I question my sexuality.

I feel a more in character Wolverine would have bitten Collosus's cock right off. And then growled an insult featuring the word 'bub'. But then arguably if any of them were in character there would be no gang rape to start with and this whole fic would never have existed in the first place. Nice snark.

Bright yellow text on dark blue background.

Block paragraphs of doom.

Courier font.

I haven't even read this thing yet and already my eyes are bleeding! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I think Wolverine is overrated, and I'm sick of seeing him in every other issue of anything Marvel publishes, but even he doesn't deserve this badfic.

For some reason the copy/paste job has sprinkled random kanji through the text. Am I the only one seeing this?

Good snarking, I couldn't pass up poking fun at the tripe as well. XD

Quote :

He let out a sigh and one of the voices said “Look he’s stirring”

So, were the Gangbangers just standing around, waiting for Logan to wake up?

Quote :

Logan could feel his throbbing erection in his back (snip)

You're doing it wrong, Bobby.

Quote :

Bobby gasped “I’m nearly there” and in a flash Remy was on Logan’s back his boxers off and his cock sticking up a bank.

Bolding is mine.

Miss Prince wrote:

For some reason the copy/paste job has sprinkled random kanji through the text. Am I the only one seeing this?

Nope. Me, too.

Damn, I thought it was only my computer. My brother did...something, I'm not sure what, and now at times punctuation comes out as kanji. Anyone have a clue what he screwed up and how to fix it?

Wolverine is almost fucking IMPOSSIBLE to kill. He'd fucking kick his rapist's asses to hell.

Apart from that, Wolverine is not that attractive. Who the hell would want to TRY to rape him?

God, I've never seen him so freaking out of character.

Shingzyl wrote:

Quote :

Bobby gasped “I’m nearly there” and in a flash Remy was on Logan’s back his boxers off and his cock sticking up a bank.

Bolding is mine.

"Freeze, or I'll blow your head off!"?

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Apart from that, Wolverine is not that attractive.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Um.

God, Wolverine is so ugly with his intense eyes and rugged beard and sculpted chest and...

you know attractiveness is subjective but DAYUMN
(also Harley writes robot porn - I hate to bring that up, but is she really the best judge of this)

Actually, I agree with Harley on this one. He's always been one of the least attractive, least cool, most overhyped of all the X-Men to me. I don't get why he's so popular. He's just so graceless and skanky. Like, I imagine he smells really bad up close.

A..are we all looking at the same picture? 'Cause [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Hugh Jackman and Wolverine are not the same person! And I still don't find him that attractive in the films, even though I do dig the hairy chest.

Sheba's right; given his hyper-aware senses, there's no way in hell they'd be able to sneak up on him. He'd smell the phermones and hear them coming before they even left their rooms, know what they were up to, and kick their collective asses.

I'm apparently in the minority; I've always liked Logan. And that was long before I ever saw the Hugh Jackman version. But then, I have a thing for guys with body hair, so what do I know?

Rabid Badger wrote:

But then, I have a thing for guys with body hair, so what do I know?

The same thing I do. I've always found him to be particularly nommable.

I could go into the many reasons I really like the character, but it would go traipsing into the land of Teal Deer and isn't likely to change any minds. I wish he wasn't such a popular character so I wouldn't see so many shitfics about him.

Fitchsticks wrote:

Hugh Jackman and Wolverine are not the same person! And I still don't find him that attractive in the films, even though I do dig the hairy chest.

You call that hairy?

Penguin wrote:

Fitchsticks wrote:

Hugh Jackman and Wolverine are not the same person! And I still don't find him that attractive in the films, even though I do dig the hairy chest.

You call that hairy?

Well RELATIVELY. All the guys I've dated have been disappointingly smooth.

In the comics, Wolverine is usually drawn as fuck-ugly, not fuckable.

Sarin wrote:

In the comics, Wolverine is usually drawn as fuck-ugly, not fuckable.

He's also, like, a goddamn midget.

Ooh! It's a girly slumber party. Let's see... I would rate movie Wolverine 5/10 (and have no experience with the comic version).

Now it's time for Marry Fuck Kill: comics Wolverine, movie Wolverine, Hugh Jackman. Make your choice.

Dr. Professor Science wrote:

Ooh! It's a girly slumber party. Let's see... I would rate movie Wolverine 5/10 (and have no experience with the comic version).

Now it's time for Marry Fuck Kill: comics Wolverine, movie Wolverine, Hugh Jackman. Make your choice.

Marry Hugh Jackman, fuck movie Wolverine, kill comics Wolverine.

Hugh Jackman is admittedly sexy.

Wolverine is not.

I think they did that because Wolverine was already an Gary Stu what with all his popularity and recovery powers and I think he must have hooked up with just about every female character in the series by now.

But marry? I don't know, I don't think I'm into marrying right now. Not celebs anyway.

Fuck? Do you have ANY idea how desperate I am for a boyfriend right now?

Kill? I dunno. What would we be using?

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Hugh Jackman is admittedly sexy.

Wolverine is not.

I think they did that because Wolverine was already an Gary Stu what with all his popularity and recovery powers and I think he must have hooked up with just about every female character in the series by now.

But marry? I don't know, I don't think I'm into marrying right now. Not celebs anyway.

Fuck? Do you have ANY idea how desperate I am for a boyfriend right now?

Kill? I dunno. What would we be using?

I'm guessing you'd rather fuck a real wolverine?