Transformers now complete with roboMpreg - Just like a real human!

Okay before I post something really nasty I offer you fellow WGWers this silly and wtf piece of chaotic robopreggers fic. This time we spare the poor humans, but I'm not very convinced that it's any better.

Poor Ratchet by Aquaformer.

Don't you think that the title is very fitting?[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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Ratchet awoke the next morning, tired but feeling more recharged than he had. Ratchet woke to see Ironhide lying down right next to him, still offline. Ratchet, not wanting to wake his sparkmate tried to get out of the berth when he realized that his sparkmate had a strong grasp on him. Ratchet could tell that Ironhide was not going to let go anytime soon, and so, the medic continued to lie there, but soon fell back into recharge. For some unknown reason, Ratchet was more than content to just stay there and spend time with his sparkmate. As Ratchet resettled back into recharge, he had no idea of what was to come.

At least we now know who's the poor canon character who's going to get abused.

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It was not that Ratchet thought that Starscream and Hotshot were bad parents, it was just that Ratchet knew that the two sparkmates were overwhelmed and having Kryptonight mimicking the older twins spelled disaster, not just for the twins, but also for the little sparkling who still was growing into his armor plating.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]WHAT THE FUUUUUCK?! Author shipped Starscream and Hotshot AND made them have babies too?! Starscream is like the most treacherous Transformer ever and Hotshot is like the most retarded Transformer ever. How could this work?
Also LOL Author named one of those OC sparklings Kryptonight - I bet there's Lex Luthor somewhere too.

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While Ratchet was going about the med bay, he suddenly began to get more emotional than usual. No he was not grumpy, he was upset. Over what, he had no idea, but the tears began to form in his optics. He was tired, frustrated and felt underappreciated.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]Yeeeeah, because robots totally have hormones that make you feel like that. Okay let's continue, I just hope that this isn't going where I think it is going.

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Ironhide came and drug the emotional Ratchet out of the med bay.

And now Ratchet is high. I wonder what kind of happy pills Ironhide gave him?[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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Ironhide laid his sparkmate down in their shared berth, very concerned at Ratchet’s condition, as Ratchet immediately fell asleep. Ironhide, very concerned for his sparkmate, immediately called their son, Red Alert (armada, the medic) to come and check on Ratchet.

Don't worry Ironhide, it's just the drugs you gave him.
HEYYYY AUTHOR Did you ever wonder why you need to put the names of the universes in brackets? Maybe because you're raping the whole canon here? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Funny fact: Red Alert was in the original Japanes Armada version called Ratchet, so basicly Ratchet is the father of himself.

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Red asked his “mom” when the last time he and dad interfaced, even though the question slightly embarrassed the younger bot, as he did not want to picture his parents interfacing, that was just plain wrong.

GAY COUPLES DON'T HAVE MOMS, THEY HAVE TWO DADDIES, FATHERS, PAPAS OR WHATEVER YOU MAY THINK TO DESCRIBE A MALE PARENT![You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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Ironhide told Red that they had interfaced with spark merging about a month ago. The only thought that went through Red’s mind was Oh Shit.

And I completely agree with you Red Alert OH SHIT! WHY THE HELL I'M STILL READING THIS?![You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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Ironhide, worried that Ratchet was having spark problems, began to cry, assuming the worst.

Ironhide is crying. IRONHIDE IS CRYING! It's the apocalypse! Next there'll be grasshoppers swarming everywhere!

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“Mom, dad is pregnant. Not only pregnant, but pregnant with multiples, although how many, I was not able to tell. Mom, you need to help dad, he is pregnant with multiple sparklings and he has never been pregnant before.” Red finally let the “cat out of the bag.”

Like one baby wasn't enough to destroy my sanity, but no the author needs to have Ratchet popping out litters.[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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Red quickly left after giving the news, he needed to find Optimus, his sparkmate, as this was too much for the young medic to handle on his own.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]I have no idea what to say, except that I really don't want to know how assraped the canon is here. I bet the canon is already bleeding heavily, I sure hope it's not going to die from all the blood loss.

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And with that thought, Ironhide curled up around his smaller sparkmate, falling into a peaceful recharge.

How on earth Ratchet is smaller than Ironhide? Ratchet was a fucking repaint of Ironhide in G1![You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Next chapter shall be served right away!
Ratchet finds out
I think there was a Chii's sweet home chapter named like this. Maybe it's a good sign![You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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‘What are you hiding from me’ asked Ratchet through their spark bond.

Why does he need to ask it through their bond? Why doesn't use his vocal processor? Is it damaged by all the canon raping? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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‘ You are pregnant, dear’ Ironhide told Ratchet, ‘with multiples, but Red (armada medic) was unable to tell how many’

Because robots totally get preggers. AND I'M GONNA KILL THE AUTHOR IF SHE USES BRACKETS EVEN ONE MORE TIME![You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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Ratchet was shocked. Never in a million years did he ever think that he would be carrying sparklings.

I think Ratchet is the most stupid medic in the whole universe.

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Ratchet was now starting to show, and he hated it. The morning sickness, the stiff joints, the moodiness, everything. Now he finally understood how Ironhide felt when he carried Red Alert to term all those years ago. Ratchet, only being 3 months along, was not incredibly big, but big enough that he already felt like a blob and he knew he had about 7 more months to go.

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All Optimus could do was nod, as these new sparklings would not only be the same age as his own, but they would be his brother and/or sister in law, even though Optimus was old enough to be Red alert’s dad. Oh well

OPTIMUS IS A PEDO!

I can't stand this. Let's move to the net chapter shall we? Maybe it's better. Maybe?[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Ratchet's unborn sparklings
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]Somehow this doesn't feel promising at all...

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Red, concerned about his father, had ordered the older medic to be on bedrest. Ratchet hated it with all his being, but knowing that his son and his sparkmate were only doing what was best for the pregnant bot, he begrudgingly remained in his quarters, spending most of his time in the berth. Ratchet, once settled in the berth, realized that the formation of sparklings took more out of him than he realized.

The mental image in my head:[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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One good thing about being pregnant that Ratchet realized was that while being pregnant was that no one pulled any pranks on the old bot and he did not have to see the troublesome Twins Sunny and Sides (G1 for both) who he was sure were in the med bay at this moment trying to get repaired for some prank that backfired.

THAT'S IT! WHERE'S MY PINK SNIPER RIFFLE - I'M OUT TO KILL SOME FANBRAT! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Then some boring shit happens and more boring shit. Then this:

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Ratchet was carrying 4 unborn sparklings, something that had never been heard before in all of Transformer history, but with Ratchet being a much older bot – it did not completely surprise the young medic.

Diiiisturbing. HE'S POPPING OUT LITTERS!? Is he a dog?[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Ratchet, 8 months along
I wish I was making up this title...

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Ratchet was now laid up in the berth, as the quadruplets made him too unsteady on his feet to walk.

What did I say about sows earlier. Also never crossed the author's mind that he's a ROBOT. How the hell does a robot get pregnant and have all the stereotypical symptoms of human pregancy?!

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Red Alert, Ratchet’s son, refused to allow his father to get up out of the berth. Only now did the older bot understand why. The extra weight was almost too much for Ratchet’s old joints, but he still could stand for a couple earth minutes if he needed to, though any longer and he would pass out of the floor as he did not have the energy or strength to support so much extra weight for any longer than very short periods of time.

Forget what I said about the pigs earlier. This one's a better description to the situation:
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Ironhide could not believe how big his sparkmate was getting and Ironhide was extremely worried as he remembered that both Red and Ratchet had told him that quadruplets was unheard of in the Transformers universe.

Considering that Transformers universe is a toyline, I'm not surprised at all. I even have Transformers universe Ironhide toy here and at least it's not popping out litters. I just hope that this isn't going to affect my toy - I don't want to wake up in a morning just to find out that it has multiplied.

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Optimus could only hope that everything would turn out ok, but this was unknown territory, just like when Melissa had her sparkling-child, Izach/Zippy.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]Hello Melissa is that you there? Have you started popping out robots, instead of crappy my little pony fanart?

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He did not see anything until he gazed at Ratchet and the berth. Ratchet, still in recharge, had begun leaking oil. Oh shit, thought Ironhide, not tonight, not now. But whether he liked it or not, the little sparklings were not going to wait any longer. Ironhide woke up Ratchet and alerted Red and Optimus that Ratchet was going into labor.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
No really...

This is for now, because I need to find the last part of this where Ratchet pops out 5 babiez while being asleep. But the author's page is so messy that I can't find it right now.
Good time to stretch out my limbs.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]The last chapter that I'm going to snark from this monster.

Ratchet's sparklings
Notice the plural.

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Orangecrush, Freedom, Sunburst, Blue Alert, Blueblast, Bluebolt, Lawnmower, and Slugbug are my creations.

These are probably the most stupid OC names I've ever heard. I wonder if Lawnmower looks like this:[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
That's fucking L-A-M-E

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Ironhide looked around the room, wondering what was going on, and what that strange feeling on his legs was. Once Ironhide’s optics adjusted to the poorly lit room, he was able to see what was bothering his legs – oil. That meant only one thing, Ratchet’s sparklings were ready to come out, whether Ratchet was ready or not.

The author has some sort of kink for this? Or why I do get the robo!childwater again.

And why the poor Ratchet hasn't woken up already? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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Red commed ahead to First Aid and told the medical assistant to prepare the surgery room as Ratchet would need to have all four removed by c-section as Ratchet was in too deep a recharge to try and push the unborn sparklings out. First Aid quickly cleared out the medical bay and prepared the surgical suite for the imminent arrival.

DUN DUN DUN
It's the first ever robo C-section!

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Thankfully for all of them, ratchet remained in recharge as opposed to having a moody fit. They did not want to have to fight with him especially since the sparklings were coming. Then the three bots wheeled the heavily pregnant Ratchet down to the med bay, still unaware as to what was going on.

Let's face it the author gives a damn about them being robots, so let us do the same for a moment.
WHY THE HELL IS HE STILL ASLEEP?! I haven't given birth to anything, but I would imagine it at least waking you up.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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After removing the white and red abdominal armor, Red was able to find all the sparklings, but it would not be easy to get them out. First, He removed a very large orange and green mech sparkling, which looked a lot like a young Ratchet only with different colors. Red, surprised at how large this little mech was, almost dropped him, but managed to hand the sparkling off to First Aid before that happened. Ironhide, seeing the little one, named him Orangecrush. Well, that was on down, three more to go, or so Red thought.

The author has now turned Ratchet into a baby making machine -OH wait, she already did that like what; 5 chapters ago?
This scene is now repeated five times and Ironhide keeps giving them one stupid name after another stupid name.[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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Red tried everything, and it was not until he tried the dangerous spark rubbing that he got the little mech circulating air, moving, and engines revving. Red stared at the little one, it was blue and red like him. Red called the little one Squirt, but he did not figure the name would stick.

And all the while Ratchet is still sleeping...

FAIL

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Optimus returned home to see little Slugbug watching Sideways, Blueblast, Bluebolt, and Lawnmower.

Here are all the bastard child Sues that Optimus has spawned around the fandom.
How does
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]+
=[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] This work?

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Meanwhile, in the med bay, ratchet slowly came back online, wondering why in the hell he was in so much pain. His optics flickered a few times, before completely coming online. After his optics came online, he realized that he was in his own med bay but he could not understand why.

Ratchet IS the most stupid medic in the whole universe.

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As he looked around the room he saw his son, Red Alert, and his sparkmate, Ironhide, looking at something that Ratchet could not see due to the other two bots being in the way. Ratchet, tried to sit up but was unable to, due to too much pain. The yell he let out made the other two bots jump and then turn around. They looked to see that Ratchet was trying to get up, and could tell he was curious as to why he was in the med bay. Red, still checking on the newborn sparklings, did not say anything, but Ironhide informed his sparkmate what had happened.

Yeah fuck Ratchet! Who cares if you just popped out five puppies robots, you are just a baby making machine and you better get used to that position.
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Rest of the fics is just AWWWWW CUTE BABIEZ EVERWHERE HUUUURRRRR DURRRRR LOOKIT AT THEM THEIR SOOO CUTE I LUV YOU IRONHIDE AND ME TOO YOU RATTCHET BABIEEEEEEZ!1!11
Here's an extra kitty for all of ya'![You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Do you draw the cats or are they done by someone else?

Whichever it is, I'm very glad they helped my brain get through this story. Poor Ratchet. I can't help feeling that he had tried to off himself and was in a coma, not asleep.

Awwww, kitties! ... Badfic? What badfic?

Braintwitcheysplodeygoo...

Robots getting robots pregnant isn't any easier on the brain than robots getting humans pregnant.

I am staying way the hell away from this fandom.



Love the kitties though Sorsa! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

bleachedblackcat wrote:

Do you draw the cats or are they done by someone else?

Whichever it is, I'm very glad they helped my brain get through this story. Poor Ratchet. I can't help feeling that he had tried to off himself and was in a coma, not asleep.

I could draw cats like these, but I don't have a scanner. Instead I stole them from an awesome manga called Chii's sweet home.

Somehow I have the feeling that Ratchet tried to off himself too and I can't feel anything ecept sympathy for him.

I wonder if the OC Orangecrush looks like this:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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Lawnmower

So named because he was concieved in a story titled "Optimus Prime Mows The Lawn"?

EileenK98 wrote:

I am staying way the hell away from this fandom.

You and me both. I keep reminding myself that Transformers are cool alien robots who turn into planes and trucks and boom boxes and shoot each other with lasers, not horny alien robots who wangst and impregnate everything they stick their outputs in.

Besides, all the bad robot mpreg is starting to blur together to me...

Two words that should never, never, EVER be used for young ANYTHING EVER again, for they have been ruined:
-younglings
-sparklings

Especially 'sparklings'. That sounds like something out of a Twilight book.

...wow. XD That's very special. I thought m/f robopreg was as bad as it got, but this is a whole new level of fail.

Technobrat wrote:

Two words that should never, never, EVER be used for young ANYTHING EVER again, for they have been ruined:
-younglings
-sparklings

Especially 'sparklings'. That sounds like something out of a Twilight book.

Very much agreed. And especially 'sparkling' is a word the fanbrats keep abusing all the time in fics like this.

Sara Jaye wrote:

...wow. XD That's very special. I thought m/f robopreg was as bad as it got, but this is a whole new level of fail.

Well yes, that's the exact reason I snarked this. It's not gory or graphic, but the whole setting is so mind killing that reading through it, is pure agony.

I still have plenty of TF fics to spork. I have no idea what's wrong with my fandom - It's so fucked up nowadays. I blame Michael Bay. *explodes*

Sorsa A. Jänis wrote:

Technobrat wrote:

Two words that should never, never, EVER be used for young ANYTHING EVER again, for they have been ruined:
-younglings
-sparklings

Especially 'sparklings'. That sounds like something out of a Twilight book.

Very much agreed. And especially 'sparkling' is a word the fanbrats keep abusing all the time in fics like this.

Sara Jaye wrote:

...wow. XD That's very special. I thought m/f robopreg was as bad as it got, but this is a whole new level of fail.

Well yes, that's the exact reason I snarked this. It's not gory or graphic, but the whole setting is so mind killing that reading through it, is pure agony.

I still have plenty of TF fics to spork. I have no idea what's wrong with my fandom - It's so fucked up nowadays. I blame Michael Bay. *explodes*

Oh god do not get me started on Bayformers fans. I could tell stories...

Technobrat wrote:

Sorsa A. Jänis wrote:

Technobrat wrote:

Two words that should never, never, EVER be used for young ANYTHING EVER again, for they have been ruined:
-younglings
-sparklings

Especially 'sparklings'. That sounds like something out of a Twilight book.

Very much agreed. And especially 'sparkling' is a word the fanbrats keep abusing all the time in fics like this.

Sara Jaye wrote:

...wow. XD That's very special. I thought m/f robopreg was as bad as it got, but this is a whole new level of fail.

Well yes, that's the exact reason I snarked this. It's not gory or graphic, but the whole setting is so mind killing that reading through it, is pure agony.

I still have plenty of TF fics to spork. I have no idea what's wrong with my fandom - It's so fucked up nowadays. I blame Michael Bay. *explodes*

Oh god do not get me started on Bayformers fans. I could tell stories...

Please don't. I know eough of shit already even without new ones.