Nobody wins in Checkmate: A Lover's Game.

I hope you missed me. But then again, if you missed me I would be highly concerned, as I have done little to merit a missing. And I'm sure I can use missing as a noun in this sense, right? Whatever, my writing is not on trial, right now we are going to hellfuck the bejeebus out of some girl's flap fantasy. Far be it for me to make personal attacks, but I took a peek at the profile of author "sherabo", and I do not like what I see. Allow me to preface where I hungrily tear my fangs into this by noting several amusing tidbits straight from the palehorse's mouth, in bold.

Colors: red, black, and midnight blue

Hair: long and black with hazel highlights...waves

Glasses: which I lose all the time, hate them, weight you wish,

I took a survey on one of those internet webs and this is the outcome of my personality profile. Actually I am all this and a lot more...

PASSIONATE FAIRY, CAREFUL,PROTECTIVE, AWARE,CONSCIOUS,ALSO SELFISH,COLD EXTERIOR,MOODY...

ONE SOUL THAT DWELLS WITHIN THE ICE...LOOKS FOR IT IN WINTER...

DARKNESS,QUIET, MYSTERIOUS , LEAVE ME ALONE...

I CONTROLL TIME, NIGHT, AND MY MATE IS SENSITIVE...

BEAUIFUL, ELEGANT, STYLE, ...

WHAT THE FUCK? THIS DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING. WHAT A BALE OF "GOFFIK" HORSECOCK. FUCK.

Now that we're over this hill, let's delve into Checkmate: A Lover's Game, where I'm sure will be more of a clusterbomb to the hippocampus than any kind of card game. And believe me, if card games were being played, it would either make it worse or just nullify the failed subtleties of what today's young women see as eroticism. I shudder in disbelief. I'm stalling right now, in case you haven't noticed.

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Disclaimer: I don't' own the right to the characters of Yugioh…..

Nor do you own the right to a single Hooked On Phonics tome.

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A/N: I know you think you got this story down pat, but if you've ever read my works don't be so sure . . . . Give it a try…. As always I won't kill my boys or leave them in too much pain, I'm in love. But they are sure to have lots of s_. I won't make this too long only entertaining I hope. So sit back and have a holiday latte on me . . . enjoy. I'm spoiled, reviews, hits, and love is accepted. Personal pm's are also welcome…..

There was nothing to be gathered from that aside from "message me and we might have cybersex, only we'll have to roleplay: You as my favorite anime character, and myself as a character I created with wild hair/eye colors".

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Checkmate, A Lover Game

Chapter 1

"Hey Joey, you look handsome as hell, I bet you don't make it to the desert before his hands are everywhere." Yugi chirped.

Why was the title of the story typoed? Why is Yugi a whippoorwill?

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"You know I ain't into nobody feeling me up, I got my respect," Joey puffed up his chest. He wore a bright red net tee shirt, which sparkled against his creamy bronze tan. The gang used the last of their money from odd jobs and bought Joey a deep crimson waist coat trimmed in red and gold which he wore over the tee .

I must have shitty friends, because they never pool together their money to get me sexy clothing.

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His legs were covered in tight black leather pants. Joey could have easily passed for a dapper Dan or a well kept boy of a time gone by. Ryou loaned the nervous blond his special suede black boots which stopped just below his calves Joey continued to pace the floor and push his bangs out of his eyes. He still couldn't control the bangs that flopped over his forehead and brushed the tips of long eyelashes. A feature that caused Joey lots of embarrassing taunts from classmates over the years, like 'girly eyes or pretty boy'.

Well, maybe that's what happens when all of your friends buy/lend you fancy clothing. If anything, I think he likes this attention.

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"Yugi that jell ain't working'! Now the boy flopped down on the bed frustrated and near tears.

"Man chill out, this is your first date, but it's goin' be good no matter what, plus the service matched your profile with over thousands of other men and this is your perfect match. The statics show the guy matches your desires at ninety -nine point nine percent ratio."

"But"

"No butts, Ryou checked it out through his distance cousin Seth.

Who the fuck's Seth? And why does Ryou's "distance" cousin have such a plain name? You can do way worse than that, sherabo.

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It's an elite and very discrete service, plus you gotta have money."

"So you can screw the rules! All of them! Bona-fide, Louisiana fast!"

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"That's the problem what if I get caught," Joey turned his attention to Ryou who stood in a corner thinking about Malik one of his many lovers. It was no secret Ryou played the field.

"Ryou, help us out here, before Joey gets cold feet and calls it off," Yugi spoke loudly.

Up until this point they had been whispering?

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"Ah . . . Seth promised to back you up. . . . These men are cool and will treat you will respect, so don't worry. They're looking for relationships not one night stands from a bar. Plus Seth gave me this credit card to give to you." Ryou handed Joey a gold master card.

"What's with the card?"

"Joey don't you know anything . . . geez? Ok if you want to leave or pay for something, then here's the money. You don't have to take no crap from the guy. There's not a limit to the money you can charge, remember you're young and rich and free," Ryou smile.

Because "smile" is now in the same league as "said", "asked", etc? Of all the verbs that are past tense variants of a speech act, I'm sure "smile" isn't one of them. Also, you have to pay off credit cards eventually, so you're 0 for 2, and that's not counting all the previous offences.

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"Well if it's so good, why don't you use it," Joey pouted.

"I like going to the gay district down town. I don't limit myself to money or older men, plus I'm not in the closet." Ryou winked. Some would even call me a little whore, well what the hell. I like my men wild, loose and rough. The service goes against everything I like."

"Damn enough information! Screwing around is going to get you hurt one day," Yugi tried to sound stern.

So, Bakura's a slut, and sherabo seems to be attempting foreshadowing with the getting hurt bit. Either that or it's just one of those stock lines that you gotta throw in. I find myself wishing my town had a "gay district", but I could always take a trip to San Fran for that.

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"As long as I get a nice thick cock to keep me company in hell I don't care." Ryou countered.

"Gods, you're so hot, cool off," Yami whispered, his deep velvety voice drifted across the room.

Okay, at what point did Yugi become Yami? Was everyone just not supposed to notice that he grew a foot taller and developed a voice that can put women out on the corner at night?

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"Joey don't listen to that fool, being gay is not all that." Yugi turned his attention back to Joey. Some of us want to have a responsible mate and love.

"I know but what if I'm wrong and it's just something else, something wrong with me!" Joey whined.

"Joey when you look at girls, you don't feel anything except friendship, but with guys well you blush or get a hard on right" Ryou counted off point one on his fingers.

"Yeah and masturbating is the only thing that gets you off, and you're not twelve anymore. What about the real thing!" Yugi counted off point two. "Boys live in your wet dream? That's three points."

What's happening? OH GOD WHAT'S HAPPENING!? I might be overreacting, but I'm simply having a claustrophobic event in which too many disjointed sherabo thoughts are surrounding me and demanding equal attention, which I cannot afford to give because I don't even KNOW WHAT THE FUCK'S GOING ON.

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"Besides aren't these your blue satin bikini briefs?" Yami chuckled, holding up the lace panties. "Little cross dressing at night. Love the perfume."

"Give them back, you pervert!" Joey screamed.

For a guy who's supposed to be in the closet, he doesn't hide very well. He leaves the door cracked, just in case someone has a weird habit where they poke their cock inside. It's a textbook case of Poor Characterizationitis.

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"I only wanted to wipe my hands on a towel and these fell out from underneath," Yami continued to wave the panties. "Oh that's four points. You've gay, or at least friendly," Yami smirked.

"I bet he's a top," Ryou blushed.

"No, he's a definite bottom, "Yami adjusted his crouch and turned his head towards Yugi. He'd been working on getting into Yugi's pants and stealing him away from that stupid thief Bakura.

"What the hell is that?" Joey screamed out.

I've been yelling that same thing due to all the misplaced quotation marks. I'm glad that Joey feels me on this, even if he is swimming in deNile as per yaoi fangirl fantasy guidelines.

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Everyone laughed; "You've got to be joking," Yami arched his brow. 'Damn a real virgin'

Totally stealing that and making it a B-Movie tagline. "The Sacrifice, starring Nick Nolte and Sandra Bullock. Damn A Real Virgin. Rated S, for Stupid."

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"You'll find out soon enough. But for now you need just a little eye shadow and liner." Yugi reached for his purse on the bed next to Joey and laid out his personal makeup. A smile returned to Joey's face because along with dressing he secretly applied makeup in the late hours of night, plus he loved the feel of gloss on his lips.

"Wow . . . . But there's one thing missing," all heads turned to Yami as he quietly approached the blond. "Yami gentle brushed the hair away from his face, next pulled only a few strains to the front and secured the rest of his hair in a low ponytail which he tied with a small leather strap. The effect illuminated the dark brown liner and shadow Yugi applied and cast a brilliant glow to his hazel eyes. The boy was simply yummy.

I read that about 3 times, and I am still unsure about the sequence of actions taken by Yugi and the subsequent reactions by Joey, so I'll just get on my knees and curse the heavens for an hour instead.

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Joey looked at his image in the floor length mirror, he smiled and some of his confidence returned. "I like it man, thanks."

Just a few bros doing make-up and dressing up to play Adult House, with the general masculine courtesy of a "thanks, man".

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"Just remember where the tie came from," Yami whispered the next words against Joey's ear. "l'll collect it later."

WHAT TIE!? If he's referring to the small leather strap, then why not call it a HAIR tie, so as to avoid conflict with the whole dressing up and doing girly make-up but then wearing a professionally knotted corner office noose?

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It was almost time to go the limo would be arriving soon. The arrangement called for the other to pay for the first date and if there was a connection the next date would be decided between the couple, but arranged by the service. It was only after the third date that the couple was left on their own. Joey just wanted a taste of something nice and to find out if this was a world he belonged in. Maybe with an older man he'd find the truth.

The limo arrived at the restaurant which was a part of an exclusive men's club. It was located at the top of the largest bank in Domino and across from Kaiba Corp. "Damn it, I won't think about that jerk," he turned away from the huge KC sign glaring at him from above and entered the private elevator which led to the top of the twenty-second floor. Once inside Joey was escorted to a private booth in a dimly lit room. He tried to ignore the elegance all around him but the masculine smells of leather and oils comforted and excited his senses at the same time.

Gotta love those "masculine" smells of leather and oil. As though women aren't fit to peruse the finer lubricants and cow hides this side of the Stonewall.

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Once seated his body stopped trembling and he relaxed in the leather chair.

"Would you like a cocktail while you wait for your party?" a waiter approached him.

"No I'm fine," Joey replied.

"Your party instructed me give these flower to you. I hope they meet your approval."

"Yes but I would love them more with a blue orchid in the middle," Joey asked.

You picky ungrateful twat, accept the damn flowers! If I were being given flowers, and had thoroughly checked to make sure they weren't rigged with timed knockout gas or cameras, I'd thoroughly enjoy getting any at all, dammit.

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"Of course I believe a special order came in today," quickly the waiter left to brighten up Joey's bouquet.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, the moment was almost near. Joey felt the man's presence at his side, and the familiarity was slightly disturbing. He lowered his head and opened his eyes to rest on a pair of dark leather shoes. Slowly he allowed his eyes to travel upward and he stopped at the narrow waist line of the man. The shinning belt buckle made him gasp and fall back in the soft leather cusion.

"Shit!" Both men whispered at the same time.

The suspense for the next chapter is thoroughly fucked by the mention of the Kaiba Corp logo, so I'm sure you can piece together that Joey just might end up being Kaiba's fucktoy as the story progresses.

And so ends Chapter 1 of this lurid tale. If there's anything, ANYTHING, that I take from that story, it's that I sincerely hope one day our own real world will be that comfortable with guys recounting their slutty adventures with rich geezers, fearing no reproach. A man can only dream, but in the meantime, it's back to my partially open closet. Ta-ta, lovelies, I'll be back to finish you off later.

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"Joey when you look at girls, you don't feel anything except friendship, but with guys well you blush or get a hard on right" Ryou counted off point one on his fingers.

"Yeah and masturbating is the only thing that gets you off, and you're not twelve anymore. What about the real thing!" Yugi counted off point two. "Boys live in your wet dream? That's three points."

What teenage boy talks like that? I know, some circles of friends are more open than others, but as a whole, boys don't like to talk about sex and relationships like girls do. That's one of the major mistakes yaoi writers make; because they are mostly teenage girls, they can't write anyone not talking like a teenage girl. Not to mention the unfortunate implications of making men become women in all but name just because they realize they're gay.

Also,

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Yami adjusted his crouch and turned his head towards Yugi. He'd been working on getting into Yugi's pants and stealing him away from that stupid thief Bakura.

This made me laugh. Yami, you're already in Yugi's pants all the time! And how did you turn your head toward Yugi? Did you look in a mirror? Are you in Yugi's mind where you can speak to him face to face? Talk about self-love!