Purpose: to inform my audience of Delcat’s old fanfiction
Thesis: This fanfic is a reflection of all our past fanfics in some small way, and if we can dish it out, we can surely take it.‘Kay, so, for my second snark in the contest, I decided to do a shitty pokemon fic by none other than our very own Delcat. Now, I’m not sure of the title – it doesn’t say in the file, and the file itself that I downloaded here is called simply “shittypokemonfic.rtf”. That should tell you what she thinks of this’un here.
Now, Delly and I are giving each other a taste of our own medicines, so to speak, so in response to this, she’ll either be posting a terrible Yu Yu Hakusho/Inuyasha crossover I wrote once upon a time, or a Teen Titans angst-fest.
The first thing I noticed about shittypokemonfic is that Delly was a dedicated little bb – 32,000+ words? Daaaaamn. I only wish I was that dedicated when I was younger. Maybe I’d be a better writer now. >>
To be honest, this fic isn’t all that bad – it’s mostly just mediocre. It’s swimming in that inbetween that a lot of fanfiction swims in – amateur writers shitting out the bad stuff before they (I hope) move onto bigger and better things.
Well, the first thing I noticed was that this fic is, for some reason, bolded the entire way through. Aesthetic purposes maybe? Symbolism? Maybe it’s a BOLD new endeavor into the pokemon fanfic world!
*rimshot*
Chapter one is called “???? Fallowthorn.”
Well, the first thing I noticed was that this fic is, for some reason, bolded the entire way through. Aesthetic purposes maybe? Symbolism? Maybe it’s a BOLD new endeavor into the pokemon fanfic world!
What is a thorn lying fallow, you ask? Why, it’s the surname of our main character!
- Quote :
- . In case you’re wondering just who I am my name is Erin Fallowthorn, Pokemon Keeper. No, not Pokemon Master, trainer, or even breeder.
Okay, I have to give Delcat credit here (as I would any other author god I don’t have a hard on for her OKAY?) – at least she makes her Sue/Self-insertion kind of lame at first. Who the fuck wants to be a Pokemon keeper anyway?
- Quote :
- I blinked and sighed, staring down at the thick textbook about Pokemon.
Sweetheart, Erin, bb. You don’t tell people these things. You hide it behind a real book about astrophysics or something so that no one knows you’re reading about how exactly to evolve your Eevee into just the right match for your astrological symbol.
- Quote :
- I had been studying for hours, but I still couldn’t tell a Solar Beam from a Stun Spore.
*Sigh* Okay, I can tell you’re one of THOSE. Let’s start from the beginning.
You see, Erin, a
solar beam looks like, well… a beam. And a
stun spore looks like... are you getting the pattern here? No? A spore, Erin. A stun spore looks like a spore.
- Quote :
- “Togepiiiii!!!”
“Speaking of which,” I muttered, racing to the door. A short Pokemon with stubby legs was running as fast as he could from my brother’s ghost Pokemon, Haunter.
“Togepiiii-iii-ii!!!” He ran towards me, but stumbled as a Persian pounced on him.
Oh, I see. In Pokemon fanfics, Pokemon dialogue HAS to be written out each time. It’s not redundant or boring at all to see that every time a Pokemon talks!
Something tells me that this is, sadly, the norm in the Pokemon fandom.
- Quote :
- “What? Your weak little pets getting in the way of my Pokemon again?” My sneering, sweet (fat chance) older brother stood in the doorway of his room.
Okay. Okay. So I’ll say this much. Delly, you were about thirteen when you wrote this. I can excuse this… um… wit. But only because I love you.
That doesn’t mean I won’t rip on it at every opportunity, though. XP
- Quote :
- Scorn rubbed against his legs, purring like the menacing Meowth she once was.
Whoa, what an awesome (fat chance) name for a Persian!
oh god sorry I couldn’t resist oh god so sorryInkWeaver encounters a Mini’InfoDump! Mini’InfoDump uses Plot Point Introduction!
- Quote :
- “Clefairy?” The gentle voice of what had once been my mother’s Pokemon called out from the top of the stairs. She walked over with a concerned look in her eyes. “Clefairy?”
I put Toby down with a sigh. “I’m all right, Robyn.” Robyn was fourteen, two years older than me. My mother had given her to me on my tenth birthday, hoping I would love her as much as she had when she first caught her. That was before the accident... Something had happened between Mom and several ghost-type Pokemon. Her body was never found, so there’s still a chance she may be alive. I can always hope.
It’s not very effective…
- Quote :
- “It’s just that sometimes I feel like I don’t quite fit in around Jason. It figures he has to hang around with that jerk Gary.”
If you’re a douche in Pokemon, you’re either A) Gary, B) Gary’s friend, or C) a member of Team Rocket. Figures.
- Quote :
- “I’d love to make a fighting team, but we’re just not strong enough, and all that lives around here are Pidgeys.”
HEY SCREW YOU I FUCKING LOVE BIRD POKEMON ESPECIALLY PIDGEYS YOU ASSHOLE
I mean – uhm…
QUICK EVERYONE LOOK AT THIS FORESHADOWING!
- Quote :
- Toby made little comforting noises, and Robyn started singing slowly. Soon enough I was asleep, in the middle of a strange dream about finding an egg in the forest. It hatched, and I could catch a glimpse of brown fur before it started emitting a blinding light. “Who are you?” I whispered, the mist behind and the light beyond. “Who are you?” The dream faded, and I was left alone with my thoughts.
What on Poke-Earth could it be?! Tune in next time to find out in chapter two of...
SHITTYPOKEMONFIC.RTF!
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