Same shit, different story (a Lost Boys fic)

Awright! Time for a movie now! (Yes, I'm jumping around the pit a fair bit, just to get some variety) I thought for a few minutes about doing a Brokeback Mountain one because of the GAFF old snark "JACK'S MALE VAGINA", but I decided to find one in a movie I know at least moderately well. Hence...

Same Shit, Different Night: ALice likes reviews.

The description was so... brief that I had to check it out. And in the first chapter, what do we have? Why, nothing but character descriptions! You KNOW it's going to be a badfic when you see this:

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Lost Boys info:

Sara(represents)-17
hair-deep blue that fades to purple
eyes-deep blue
height-4'11"
weight-95
cloth-all black victorian style(long dresses corsets,etc. but always has jeans on underneath)
pets-pit bull named Satin aka Satie
clumsy yup
fav color-purple
no cars
rocks ass at piano, and vocals

Because she has to wear jeans under her dress, to be a prim and proper... vampire flunkie. Check.

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3rd pov

Because the idiots at the pit don't know what first and third person point of view writing is. Double check.

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First POV (the purple headed girl{I'm going to do this story in her POV most of the time} unknown name, so far)

Awright, AWRIGHT, WE GET IT!

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Unable to produce tears of salt water her eyes bleed a metallic liquid.

Oh, mercury tears. That's at least different.

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They talked while bringing us to safety, the platinum one told the other two that, and I quote, 'we found them, our mates.'

OH, don't worry, dear. All teenaged boys view anything with a vagina as their mates.

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I'm sooooooooo sorry”

...that you're reading this fic.

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I, the now know girl, told them.

Uhm, the readers already know you who are, now know girl.

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“We will NOT leave you, right Vanti?” My orange headed friend now voiced the blondes name.

“Call me Van.

Wait, wait--your FRIENDS don't know your nickname?

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“No my body has registered one of them as my mate. And when my body does something it can't be undone by me. Only my body or death can fix it now.”

“Then we all take mates.” They spoke at the same time.

A valuable insight into the Sue mating cycle.

And that's it for chapter one. I may come back to this one and do the rest of the chapters.

Oh dear God, this hurts my brain. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

You! Out of my fandom, now!