Fifty Shades of Grey

I'm honestly surprised Fifty Shades of Gray hasn't ended up on the boards yet. It's a truly godawful piece of ass. As befitting of a book that started out as a Twilight fanfic, really.

It's an incredibly trashy, badly researched BDSM novel about an utter moron of a girl who reluctantly gets in a relationship with a pretty rich sadist. Everyone in the world of Fifty Shades is a horrible person, consent is fishy, the sex is far less hot than the old ladies who love that book would have you believe, and the term "inner goddess" pops up far too many times.

Here is a link to a really good snark of the first volume of Fifty Shades. Keep a pillow on hand, it'll help reduce the pain from the headdesking.

Snake Bandage wrote:

I'm honestly surprised Fifty Shades of Gray hasn't ended up on the boards yet. It's a truly godawful piece of ass. As befitting of a book that started out as a Twilight fanfic, really.

I'm not surprised that "Twilight" played a role in the creation of this literary Frankenstein's monster. Only a hardcore "Twilight" buff could have written the massive collection of fail that is "50 Shades of Gray".

Words cannot describe how much I hate this book. I've read about 45% of it and want to strangle the main character. And if I read the words "inner goddess" one more time, I will scream.

Honestly, I didn't know this was a Twilight fan fiction until I started reading it and was about three pages in when I texted my friend and wrote, "I feel like I'm reading a Twilight AH fanfic." *Googles it* "And that's because it was originally a Twilight fanfic."

I don't think I've ever facepalmed so much in my life from reading a book. Seriously, this is worse than Twilight.

CLI-TAURUS!

All I have to say to this is

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I have a friend who tried to snark it on her Tumbler, got about a quarter of the way into it, and got so squicked out she had to quit. Given what she quoted from the book, I don't blame her.

The thumb in the puss goes round and round, round and round. The thumb in the puss goes round and round all in my ears!

Currently waiting for it to be available for me at the public library

I'm 468th on the waiting list

Rabid Badger wrote:

I have a friend who tried to snark it on her Tumbler, got about a quarter of the way into it, and got so squicked out she had to quit. Given what she quoted from the book, I don't blame her.

Did she upload the stuff she managed to snark?

Lurv wrote:

Rabid Badger wrote:

I have a friend who tried to snark it on her Tumbler, got about a quarter of the way into it, and got so squicked out she had to quit. Given what she quoted from the book, I don't blame her.

Did she upload the stuff she managed to snark?

I'll have to check. She said last night she was going to try and restart it, but it's spread out all over her Tumbler, so you'd basically have to look for the 'Shades of Cray' posts if you didn't want to read the rest of her stuff.

You can find her Tumber [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

In just a few minutes, I am going to be sitting down with this and cracking open a bottle of Tuaca. I'll be on Skype if anyone wants to join in.

You are a brave and beautiful person.

rae wrote:

In just a few minutes, I am going to be sitting down with this and cracking open a bottle of Tuaca. I'll be on Skype if anyone wants to join in.

I encourage everybody to join this. It is so much fun!

TheIan wrote:

All I have to say to this is

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I posted that months ago stop riding my dick.

It looks like we will be doing another drunken reading of this (chapter 3) on Thursday (the 28th), sometime after 10pm Central.

JOIN US AND DO NOT FORGET THE BOOZE.

I'll be there. Without booze, though, I'm not allowed any. It'll be like 6am here though so I'll survive on general exhaustion. Everything's funnier when you're tired!

rae wrote:

It looks like we will be doing another drunken reading of this (chapter 3) on Thursday (the 28th), sometime after 10pm Central.

JOIN US AND DO NOT FORGET THE BOOZE.

I just realized that I can do this earlier as well. I totally forgot that I actually took Thursday off. Any time in the evening works for me.

Woohoo! In that case, how would about 5pm Central work for everyone?

I don't know yet. Our schedule isn't made until Wednesday. I should know by then.

I'd be up for this. Providing I can figure out how to use Skype and if I can figure out what 5pm Central is in proper time.

In the mentime, you can follow Christian Grey on Twitter.

Here's a sample:

Quote :

My to-do list for today: pick up dry cleaning, phone mom, have powerful business meeting, suck your clitoris while dressed as a bee.

Quote :

I've been collecting my sweat for three months and have it all in a bucket above my door. When my secretary walks in it will be very erotic.

Quote :

just accidentally trapped my penis in my zip. I won't release it until you come over later, in case you find it erotic.

Quote :

My secretary just came into my powerful office and stubbed her toe on a block of granite I'd left by the door. I have an erection.

Quote :

I am in my powerful office. Would you like to come over and take dictation for me? By dictation I mean something to do with dicks.

Quote :

I put five fingers into your wetness and three fingers into your behind. I keep my thumbs free to work the steering wheel.

Quote :

I put your nude body against the door. Your bare ass is at the mail slot. I climb out of the window and post my penis into you. First Class.

I need to stop now - I'll wind up posting his entire backlog!

WD40 wrote:

I'd be up for this. Providing I can figure out how to use Skype and if I can figure out what 5pm Central is in proper time.

It's 11pm BST if that helps.

From the sporking linked to by the OP:

Quote :

“Ah,” I groan.

Look, either groan or say ‘ah.’ It is possible to groan and produce that vowel sound, but it’s not the first one that springs to mind for most people.

Indeed. It's not even got an exclamation mark. Try doing a neutral groan. Really, try it.

You have just done a Fozzie Bear impression.

Summercorn wrote:

From the sporking linked to by the OP:

Quote :

“Ah,” I groan.

Look, either groan or say ‘ah.’ It is possible to groan and produce that vowel sound, but it’s not the first one that springs to mind for most people.

Indeed. It's not even got an exclamation mark. Try doing a neutral groan. Really, try it.

You have just done a Fozzie Bear impression.

I am sigging this.

Haha, that is pretty good.

Aaaaaahhh, wakka wakkaaa!

WD40 wrote:

Christian Grey on Twitter.

omg.

Quote :

Christian Grey CEO ‏@ChristianGreyXX

You moisten my fingers with your willing mouth. I transfer the wetness to your sin. The waiter waits patiently for our order.