NYPD officer arrested for giving everyone an excuse to spout tired Silence of the Lambs quotes

It's been a rough... well, any time in recent memory for the NYPD. As it turns out, when they're not unloading on dark-skinned people for holding wallets or wildly gunning down bystanders in the pursuit of a murder suspect, it turns out they have to deal with would-be cannibals in the ranks.

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NEW YORK (WABC) -- An NYPD officer was charged in a bizarre plan to kidnap his girlfriend, and possibly up to 100 other women, and cook them.

Officer Gilberto Valle has been an NYPD officer for 6 years.

Ah, the dreaded six-year mark. That's when they turn.

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Prosecutors say he illegally accessed a federal database to create a profile of 100 potential victims.

They say he then planned to sell the information and for $5000, use chloroform to help like-minded buyers kidnap women for themselves.

Sounds like he had ambitions of starting a cannibal fast-food chain.

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"It is going to be so hard to restrain myself when I knock her out, but I am aspiring to be a professional kidnapper and that's business. But I will really get off on knocking her out, tying up her hands and bare feet and gagging her. Then she will be stuffed into a large piece of luggage and wheeled out to my van."

Further proof that no single men should be allowed to privately own vans.

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He had numerous discussions regarding bizarre behavior, but never went through with any of his plans, according to officials.

Which means his inevitable sentence will be comparatively short.

I read about this in the Star Tribune, one of our local papers.

I picture straight jackets and men in white coats in his future.

Well, he has ambition, I'll give him that.

Would you like Fava beans with that? Large chianti? Would you like to try our eyeball cakes? At least we are honest about where our food comes from holy shit