Strange Lorax Slash fanart.Yes, you read right Lorax slash!

Let's talk about The Lorax by Dr. Seuss. We've all read it and we've all seen the 1972 30 minute short on tv. The Lorax has always been a cautionary tale about the dangers of corporate greed poses to nature and what we can do about it. I like the story very much, it is one of my favorite stories by Dr. Seuss. The movie that came out a few months back was a hammy unsubtle pile of saccharine sugar trying to hammer the the moral of the story into our brains and was trying waay to hard to be the next Disney/Pixar/Dream works classic for kids! Stick to the book and 1972 short, you'll get the same message, and you won't be glancing at your watch praying for it to be over. My biggest bone to pick is how they designed the Once-ler [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Just look at him! They've bishified the Once-ler for crying out loud! From the moment I saw that they made the Once-ler into that, I just knew there would be problems! Boy, are there ever!Why did they feel to need to make him into such a pretty-boy? The makers of the film claimed they did it so people would not place the blame on someone else because the original Once-ler was anonymous in the book and 1972 short all we see is his arms. Still, did they have to make him good looking? Because now all I ever hear about the Once-ler is fangirls squealing "ZOMG!!11! Teh Once-ler is like sooo HAWT1!!1!!" Then we have the slash fangirls who have created an inexplicable pairing known as 'Onecest'

Onecest is where they take the bright eyed optimistic Once-ler from the beginning and pair him with what the fans call The Greed-ler which is basicly the same damn guy later in the film where he's rich and greedy and all about biggering! This takes the phrase "Go fuck yourself." to a whole new meaning! Deviantart is chock full of this bullshit! How on earth can this pairing exist?!?!? It's the same fucking guy he can't do himself!!!! Why do I have to be assaulted with this shit?:

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I mean damn it fangirls have you lost your damn minds?!?! Or did you even have them in the first place, because to think of this is beyond ludicrous! At least Naruto/Naruto fangirls have some excuse because he can do the multiple Naruto no jutsu thing, but in The Lorax movie, no where is it stated that the Once-ler and the Greed-ler are two separate beings! It's just not fucking possible and sense? This pairing makes none! Bad fangirls no cookies!

Clearly they put sense away in a Snuvv, the secret strange hole in a gruvulous glove.

Then, again, you realize that Slash-fangirls lack all forms of common sense and will pair any two men in a story as long as they're hot, and if they're not, well... they get an impossible-to-actually-have-happen-in-real-life makeover !

Goddammit Fan-Brats, THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE FANDOMS!

Sadly, this is not a new phenomenon. In other fandoms I've seen it called 'selfcest'. There are even fic where characters rape themselves. No, I'm not joking. I wish to God I was.

DarkAngelNeko wrote:

I mean damn it fangirls have you lost your damn minds?!?! Or did you even have them in the first place, because to think of this is beyond ludicrous!

The correct answer is...

They never had them. Sane human beings generally don't even THINK of drawing that garbage, much less post it on the Net. The magnitude of fail on display in those pictures is such that it threatens to break one's brain.

To be fair, who wouldn't want to fuck their future self/clone/AU version if they got the chance?

Kinda takes narcissism to a whole new level.

EileenK98 wrote:

Kinda takes narcissism to a whole new level.

Maybe I'm just being lazy but plain old masturbation seems a hell of a lot easier.

Good looking? The Once-ler looks like an idiot. Though I suppose idiots attract idiots who would be stupid enough to try to fuck themselves and divide by zero.

I am not even the tiniest bit surprised by any of this. But I am amused.

That movie had waaaay worse problems than making the Once-ler attractive to pre-teen yaoi fangirls though.

WD40 wrote:

Maybe I'm just being lazy but plain old masturbation seems a hell of a lot easier.

Gat dammit when I was your age I was working 16 hours a day and I ain't never had time to sexually assault myself through an artistic medium

Hawaiian Shirt wrote:

WD40 wrote:

Maybe I'm just being lazy but plain old masturbation seems a hell of a lot easier.

Gat dammit when I was your age I was working 16 hours a day and I ain't never had time to sexually assault myself through an artistic medium

Yet you do now.

Dude, where were you when this practically became the entirety of my Tumblr dash two months ago?

Hawaiian Shirt wrote:

Gat dammit when I was your age I was working 16 hours a day and I ain't never had time to sexually assault myself through an artistic medium

Yeah I know, kids these days have too much free time with their animus and their mangos and their Dr. Suess selfcest.

The new movie had much bigger problems than the way they portrayed the Onceler, but I must say, this pairing is amusing as hell. And it gets even better.




That's right. Old Onceler/Greed-ler/Onceler is SOMEBODY's OT3. I will not testify to this artist's sanity.

Seriously? Of all the stupid, gruesome and/or disgusting things the internet has to offer, this is offensive? We're honestly going to cry about some anthropomorphized masturbation? The pictures are cute, the concept is amusing; and yes, Rule 34 is out to violate your childhood yet again, but what on the net doesn't? This is not worth multiple exclamation marks.