Britpop slash: it's bad

In honour of my 100th post I thought I should actually snark something. A small bit of clicking about the Pit of Uber Voles led me to the author Silvara. Silvara writes Britpop slash. Lots and lots of it. Let's have a little look...

First up is Sweet Revenge, ostensibly an explanation for the enmity between Noel Gallagher and Damon Albarn. The reason is, apparently, that once Noel got the wrong hotel room.

Quote :

“In fact, I dunno how to think about someone who wished I would die of AIDS” Damon storms out.

"Contempt" is the word for that, Damon.

Then we have a little tale explaining why Noel Gallagher broke up with his wife. It was because he was shagging his brother, incidentally.

Quote :

Meg wasn’t prepared for what she found. She expected to find a burglar, maybe a stalker or even nothing at all; but never something like this.

How dare her husband change the wallpaper while she was out?

Quote :

Maybe they’ve already had sex on her sofa, or even worse, on her bed.

Oh, I don't know, I think the sofa's worse. What if her nan had sat on it while she'd been round for tea?

There's actually rather a lot of Gallaghercest (or whatever the established vernacular is). There's even a hurt/comfort one.

Quote :

I didn’t expect Liam to turn around and face me, our lips barely touching, feeling his hot breathe.

Later, Liam's hot began to sing a happy song.

Quote :

After the “incident” Noel had been avoiding me. Haven’t he noticed my winks, smiles and glances to him when I sing? Sometimes I felt like a little whore doing this, and I wanted Noel to stop me.

Let's take a minute to imagine Liam Gallagher flirting with Noel Gallagher on stage. Anybody still got their lunch in their belly?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to burn my Oasis albums. I don't want the flashbacks of such well-written sex scenes as this:

Quote :

“Do you like that, bitch?” I asked panting. I didn’t know why but it fitted calling him bitch, he liked all that dirty talk.
“Ahh… y—yeah…fuck!” he managed to respond. I loved the idea that it’s because of me that he was panting and sobbing like this.
I pounded in and out of him faster, always hitting that spot that made him shake and moan. I jerked him off faster too, at the same rhythm of my thrusting.
“Please… Noel… ahh…I’m… I can’t… mmm…” he begged me, his body shaking. None of us was going to last so much longer. I knew Liam was about to come by the way he sounded.
“D’ya wanna come, my little bitch?”
“Uh… Yeah”
“Then just cum, baby” I panted stroking him harder. Then he moaned really loud, giving a shit about if mom was gonna hear us, and he came all over my hand, his body trembling softly. That was enough to make me come. I let myself out inside my darling Liam, filling his ass with my cum.

ZoZo wrote:

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to burn my Oasis albums. I don't want the flashbacks of such well-written sex scenes as this:

Quote :

“Do you like that, bitch?” I asked panting. I didn’t know why but it fitted calling him bitch, he liked all that dirty talk.
“Ahh… y—yeah…fuck!” he managed to respond. I loved the idea that it’s because of me that he was panting and sobbing like this.
I pounded in and out of him faster, always hitting that spot that made him shake and moan. I jerked him off faster too, at the same rhythm of my thrusting.
“Please… Noel… ahh…I’m… I can’t… mmm…” he begged me, his body shaking. None of us was going to last so much longer. I knew Liam was about to come by the way he sounded.
“D’ya wanna come, my little bitch?”
“Uh… Yeah”
“Then just cum, baby” I panted stroking him harder. Then he moaned really loud, giving a shit about if mom was gonna hear us, and he came all over my hand, his body trembling softly. That was enough to make me come. I let myself out inside my darling Liam, filling his ass with my cum.

Hmmm... "...giving a shit about if mom was gonna hear us..." I guess that's why he moaned really loud? Because he wanted mom to hear us?

Well, there's a market for everything. Even Liam and Noel, one of the most unattractive pairs of brothers around, set some girl's pants on fire.

Apart from the fact it's badly written (which may be excused by English being the author's second language) it seems a bit out of date. I mean, Oasis/Blur slash belongs in the nineties surely?

There's still people who listen to them (*raises hand*) but I have to admit the slash surprises me. Rule 34 strikes in the unlikeliest of places though.

Sounds like somebody needs to take off the slash goggles.

Fairlight wrote:

Apart from the fact it's badly written (which may be excused by English being the author's second language) it seems a bit out of date. I mean, Oasis/Blur slash belongs in the nineties surely?

I know! The Gallagher brothers have been, frankly, boring as hell for the last ten years.