Continuing the "Child of the Ainur" theme, here's a Sue from the opposing side.
Identities by Aduial Rana
Summary:
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- Sauron's daghter, Morwen, is tasked with retrieving the One Ring. Finding herself with the Fellowship and taking the name Rana, she must overcome several challenges to succeed. But in the end, will she choose to reamain as Morwen, or to truly become Rana?
Oh! I know the answer to this one! Pick me! Pick me!
Alright! I'm excited! Let's get this snark underway!
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- Full summary: The Dark Lady of Mordor, Morwen, has been given a task by her father: She must find the One Ring. However, finding herself in the company of the Fellowship, Sauron's daughter, taking the name of Rana, will have several challenges in order to complete her quest - particularly one very shocking, unexpected challenge - in order to succeed. But in the end, she will need to choose, but will she choose Morwen, the identity she grew up with and follow the path set out for her by her father, or Rana and the identity she created for herself?
Another summary? Haven't we already been convinced to snark your crapfic?
I can already start off one several rants, just from this short paragraph. Besides the whole "Who would sleep with Sauron besides an orc and maybe the Mouth of Sauron?" problem, there's the "He's already put 9 trustworthy eternal slaves on the job, and they can hear the One Ring's call!"
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- Main Characters: Legolas, Morwen/Rana, Caranduin, Malinaduial, Boromir, Anwyn
I really don’t understand the reasoning behind this. I could see someone listing the canon characters that appear in a story, but why the OCs? Well, since we have a bunch of OC names, let’s see how well translated they are.
Morwen- Sindarin. “Black-maiden” Borrowed from a human woman named Morwen Steelsheen, called this because of her black hair.
Rana- Quenya. “Wanderer” A term for the Moon. Either way, a holy entity already has a claim on this name.
Caranduin- Sindarin. “Red-river” It works as a name, but getting the mutation right is probably an accident.
Malinaduial- Quenya and Sindarin. “Yellow evening twilight” Try saying that five times fast. This blend of Quenya and Sindarin is utterly pointless, seeing as “yellow” has a cognate in Sindarin that sounds almost the same: Malen.
Anwyn- Anglo-Saxon. “One Joy” I hope that’s for a Rohir.
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- Morwen rode as fast as she could from Isengard. She had a quest, a very important quest. None of the nine had succeeded in their task of getting the ring, and now they had other matters of importance to attend to. So now she was being sent to do what they could not. She was determined to succeed. Her father would be very disappointed in her if she did not return with the ring.
This sounds like her father is a greedy town magistrate who wants to rule the world.
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- She smiled. She would succeed. How could she not? Who would suspect an elf of being allied with Sauron? It was mere chance that one was, though. Before anyone had known Sauron was evil, her mother, an elf, fell in love with him. Eventually, Morwen had been born. Her mother had long since left though, after realizing how Sauron was evil, and that her daughter appeared to be the same.
This is much more logical than the big-bat version, the shadow of horror version, or the flaming eyeball having children, but there's still a giant hole in the logic. Love is two-way. Sauron, even as Annatar, was too busy getting everyone to take his magic rings. That, and when he made his pretty form, he probably didn't think to add genitals. Even if someone fell in love with him, he couldn't return the affection.
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- She turned suddenly. "You need not go with me any further," Morwen said.
"But my lady, our instructions were to escort you from Mordor to Rivendell," said an orc.
Why would Sauron give such a blazingly stupid order like that? The Nazgûl were disguised. Paint a big target on her back, while you're at it, why don't you?
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- "If you were to escort me all the way there, it would appear suspicious! An elf riding in the company of several orcs? The mission would be sure to fail!"
I could have told you that.
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- Morwen turned. Her green eyes focused ahead of her. She faintly heard the sound of several voices. She recognized that of Legolas Thranduilion, and that of Boromir son of Denethor of Gondor amongst many others.
Is she already in Rivendell?
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- She wondered if Denethorion had ever recovered from the shock of nearly being beaten in battle by a female.
WHAT.
Why on earth would Sauron send her to steal the One Ring undercover, if one of the people near to it
knows who she is? I didn't realize that loosing your physical form could make you so stupid.
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- She was somewhat surprised to hear the voice of Mithrandir - often called Gandalf - amongst the others. She wondered exactly what all of them were doing together. Then she heard a name: Frodo Bagins. The words of Gollum ame back to her. The Ring!
I'm guessing that she can hear what happens there because she's got some sort of connection to the One Ring and can hear what it "hears", so why didn't she realize the One Ring was present until now?
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- A plan quickly formed in her head. There was a river nearby, and he'd be going past it. She touched her heels to her horse's flnk and rode towards it as quickly as possible.
She pulled her trusty Mare Of Evil to a halt before the river. It looked shallow enough to cross here. Better to move slow, else the horse slip and fall. Bit by bit, they waded out. The water got deeper and deeper, the closer to the other shore she got. "I could have sworn it wasn't this deep," she muttered to herself as the water rose to her knees. Suddenly there was a roar, and the river picked her up and swallowed her whole. As her vision faded, she saw a tall dark-haired Elf standing over the water, a brilliant blue gem set in a ring on his finger. The words, "Thank-you Bruinen," echoed around her, and the river proceeded to whack her against every large boulder it came across until it delivered her to Ulmo's custody.
The End.
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- Chapter 1
From the Water
Crap.
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