Robot cumfarts make me want to roll in oil

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This fanfiction contains the funniest line I have ever read in a Transformers fic. Just try to read it out loud without snickering.

Quote :

A nanosecond later, hot gas and jizz roared from Megatron’s exhaust in an impressive cumfart.

WHY?????


And a bit more...

Quote :

Soundwave did not flinch as his own oils splattered against his legs and groin. Finished, Megatron jerked a leg free of Soundwave’s grasp and nudged him backwards with his foot. The cassette player obeyed, letting go and backing up a few paces. Megatron scooted up the bed a little and reached for the bundle of rags he kept nearby for mopping up. He threw the dirtiest one at Soundwave. Soundwave successfully masked the pride he felt at seeing a slight tremble in the Decepticon leader’s strong, black hand.

Megatron gestured to a chair in the corner. “Sit.”

Soundwave sat and began to clean himself up.

Megatron propped himself up on his elbow as he lazily wiped his still sensitive circuitry clean. He eyed his communications officer warily. Soundwave’s phenomenal ability to fuck him almost senseless bothered him a great deal. Every other Decepticon exhausted himself before Megatron was even halfway through, meaning they were forced to eat him out or suck him off, or both – a healthy dose of sexual humiliation to keep them in their place. Megatron could order Soundwave to do the same, and dispense with penetration altogether… but he enjoyed Soundwave’s thick pole too much. Primus help him, after a long day capped by a crushing defeat at the hands of the accursed Autobots, he craved it.

Defeat makes Megatron crave Soundwave's dick, guys!

Quote :

“Never forget, Soundwave, that you pleasure me,” he snarled, “in whatever manner I choose. You will bend over and take my magnificent member up your stinking exhaust, if I choose. You will get on your knees and suck me dry before the entire army, if I choose.” He stroked the fusion cannon attached to his arm. “Refusal is not an option. Neither is blabbing to your wretched collection of factory rejects.”

“Understood, Megatron,” Soundwave replied.

“Good,” Megatron said. He reclined on the bed. “Get out of my sight.”

Soundwave bowed his head, replaced his crotchplate, and left the room. Megatron lay back, a contented smile on his face. His legs were still shaky, his exhaust port was sore. It was wonderful. Briefly he considered terminating Soundwave’s nightly visits for a few days to underscore the cassette player’s lack of importance, but he knew his resolve would not last. Megatron slipped his arm under his head and gave a rueful sigh. It was not good to be so... attached to one of his underlings. Under the right circumstances, such an attachment could prove extremely detrimental.

Still, things could be worse.

At least he wasn’t lusting after Starscream.

Oh dear God. I think my brain just melted out of my ears. I wonder how much the author fapped while writing this glorious little gem.

Why's it "jizz" and not, you know, oil or something? What with them being robots?

szaleniec wrote:

Why's it "jizz" and not, you know, oil or something? What with them being robots?

That would give a whole new meaning to the phrases 'Oil Change, Tune Up and Oil Filter'.

I call trollfic...

Anyone notice this?

Quote :

Author’s Note: Okay, Harley Quinn hyenaholic said “do more humiliation”, Anon #1 asked for more Soundwave, and Anon #2 wanted a sequel to “Welcome Home, Noble Voyager”. This isn’t exactly a sequel to “Welcome Home…” and IMO it isn’t quite as nasty, but it’s got Soundwave and Megatron and sexual power play stuff, so enjoy (hopefully)!

Bolding mine.

Jesus. wrote:

Anyone notice this?

Quote :

Author’s Note: Okay, Harley Quinn hyenaholic said “do more humiliation”, Anon #1 asked for more Soundwave, and Anon #2 wanted a sequel to “Welcome Home, Noble Voyager”. This isn’t exactly a sequel to “Welcome Home…” and IMO it isn’t quite as nasty, but it’s got Soundwave and Megatron and sexual power play stuff, so enjoy (hopefully)!

Bolding mine.

I should be mildly surprised that she would be involved... but I'm not. It kind of does make me feel better... Don't know why, though.

Jesus. wrote:

Anyone notice this?

Quote :

Author’s Note: [...] Anon #2 wanted a sequel to “Welcome Home, Noble Voyager”.

Did you look at that one?

Quote :

Starscream tried not to gag as he went about his task. He tasted exhaust fumes and particles of soot. Megatron’s legs twitched every time he hit a sensitive spot. He lapped up the rapidly cooling load as quickly as he could.

“My, you’re certainly ass-hungry, Starscream,” Megatron gloated. He moaned as a sudden wave of pleasure shuddered up his straining rod. He smirked – it made sense that Starscream, of all mechanisms, would be a gifted felcher.

Yes.

I now have ginger ale coming out of my nose.

I read that and died a little inside.