CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY! A Lolokaust Guide to The Poop in MS Paint

I always like previewing these things on WGW because the crit is quite constructive. A great comrade of mine did the texting this time and we all came on board and drew on it. Please read it through and maybe tell us how we can make this stuff better. Hope you like it.

INTRODUCTION

Having trouble in your shit seat? Does your inexperience leave behind substandard or stressful poops? This guide offers a bag of information to those interested from a scientific, sexual or some other point of view. And yes, like Man.. The Poop also has different kinds of races, categories, formats and senses of fashion. First, let's start off with the hero who's been taking it all on his shoulders alone for mankind past many centuries.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Let us guide you to the better way, let us reveal the secrets of mankind to you. Team Lolokaust has been studying and experimenting poops long before your rope skipping grandparents discovered their genitals. Everything you need to know about crap is right here in front of you. Don't be afraid, dig in further!




[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]




POOP #01 - Average poop
Danger Level: Minimal, nothing to worry about.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Just like white people, "Average poop" with scientific name: Normalis Cacare, is the dominating majority all over the planet. We all recognise average poop for its smooth evanescence, fragile structure and smelly aura. There’s nothing to worry about in Average poop, this kind of poop is routine in your busy lives. Just be sure not to take off with an unclean exit-hole.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


POOP #02 - Healthy Poop
Danger Level: None.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

"Healthy Poop" with scientific name: Bonus Supero, is a sign of good health. It comes out smoothly, doesn’t hang in assfur and hardly smells at all. It's so perfect that you might as well recycle and eat it.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


POOP #03 - Green Poop
Danger Level: Risky, but still easy to keep under control.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

"Green poop" with scientific name: Viridis Merda, is a mixture of vegan meals, average poop and bile. This is the kind of poop you don't want an encounter with because not only does it smell awful, it’s also green and very messy. You should consider eating meat and sweets the moment you give birth to this monster.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


POOP #04 - Brick Poop
Danger Level: Like smoking, it strains your stamina.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Oh lordi, this is the kind of poop that killed Farrah Fawcett. "Brick Poop" with scientific name: Limus Poopus, is a biological weapon developed by misunderstandings between your digestion network and Arabic food. When this kind of crap occurs, you mustn’t hurry or else you'll blow every single vein in your head. Take it easy and slow because worst cases in brick pooping history have gone beyond surgical operations, keep that in mind.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


POOP #05 - Rapid Fire Poop
Danger Level: Dangerous in the wrong hands.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

"Rapid fire poop" with scientific name: FAMAS F1, comes out in small and hard pieces. Imagine brick poop, but with more uncontrollable trigger and destructive power. Rapid fire poops are hard to prevent, but you can reduce the damage by preparing a first aid kit, bullet proof toilet bowl and a vest.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


POOP #06 - Phantom Poop
Danger Level: Scary as shit.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

"Phantom Poop" with scientific name: Spiritus Crapito, is the kind of poop who's existence you’re 100% certain of. You felt it cramming out, you heard the water spilling, but due an unknown phenomenon there's not a single trace of it. In the late 90's there was one Swedish actress called Helena Bergström who without any suspicion or fear, went to push out a poop in her bathroom. She was frightened when she noticed the toilet was empty after all the trouble she went through. Later that night, the poop came into her bedroom and literally floated above her bed. In the case of "Phantom Poop", wake up your family and dial an exorcist.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


POOP #07 - Diarrhea
Danger Level: Messy, but nothing to worry about.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

"Diarrhoea" with scientific name: Femina Cacatus, has many kinds of formats. There's painful diarrhoea, diarrhoea that has similarities with porridge, piss diarrhoea and hardcore nuclear diarrhoea. Even though they sound different, they follow the same principles, your belly gets upset, you run to the toilet bowl and then you piss shit like a lady. Getting hit by a surprise diarrhoea in crowded train station is one of the finest experiences a man could have.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


POOP #08 - Furniture Poop
Danger Level: Could cause difficulties in anal-masturbations in the future.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

"Furniture Poop" with scientific name: Anal Dramatis, is a very common thing in the adult entertainment industry. Furniture poop is simply item(s) that have been stuck in your anal aperture for few days which finally find their way out simultaneously with natural excrement deliveries. Blood is expected in the case of sharp furniture so remember to prepare some band-aids if you’re not aware of the content of your anus.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


POOP #09 - Nigger
Danger Level: ENORMOUS! Danger level worth two fucking bars.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

"Nigger" with scientific name: Niger, is a poop that takes nine months to build up. This is the most humane poop found from the poop type reports. In a case of Niger, you should absolutely flush the toilet because in time it will grow up, eat your food, learn improper grammar, scream all day long, hang in your curtains, steal your property and finally threaten your family sexually.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


POOP #10 - Agent Poop
Danger Level: Unpredictable.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

"Agent Poop" aka. "Wet fart" also known with scientific name: Excido Secretum, is one sneaky motherfucker. It can strike when you run, workout, dance or basically if you forget to pay attention to your shithose. This is Agent Poop's most advantageous moment to make a run for it using his unbelievable stealth skills and unhesitating attitude and usually finds his way out from your pant leg undetected. Agent poop doesn’t have any regular character, it could be hard, soft, caustic or wet which makes it very dangerous and unpredictable. Agent poop's chances of escape depend on his shape as well.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


POOP #11 - Apocalyptic Tarzan Poop
Danger Level: Life-Threatening.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

"Apocalyptic Tarzan Poop" doesn't yet have a scientific name, so we call it in short "ATP". This poop is very annoying from the beginning to the end. It starts with persistent adversity in the mouth of the rectum but once it's half outside, it grabs the nearest ass hair and starts swinging like a liana. Once it gets bored it makes a cannonball jump to the pool which will make the water splash all over your cheeks. In a case of ATP, do not worry. Every country besides Poland has ATPs under 24h/7 satellite surveillance. Flush the toilet and the self-defence force will do the rest.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


POOP #12 - False Alarm Poop
Danger Level: Time killer.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

"False Alarm Poop" just like the one above, doesn't yet have a scientific name, so we call it in short "FAP". Unlike any other poop, this isn't actually a poop. FAP condition appears when your brain receives a message directly from your stoolmouth saying "I can't hold it anymore!". You naturally take a seat on toilet bowl. You fart couple of time, but then you notice there ain't no poop coming. You were just deceived, hahaha. FAPs are unpredictable, but nothing to worry about.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


POOP #13 - Snake Poop
Danger Level: Risky, don't let your guard down.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

"Snake poop" with scientific name: Anguis Serpens. This fucking shit is the kind of poop no matter how much you look at it, it reminds you of a snake. It’s so much of a snake you will think if you can lure it out smoothly if you play the flute or wiggle a dead rat in front of your asshole. Unfortunately, there’s only one orthodox way to get it out which makes such sweet thinking pretty understandable. This poop is never ending, thin and once out, will mount and eventually trickle out from the slots of the toilet seat. Snake poop isn't dangerous, all you need is patience.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


POOP #14 - Dinner Poop
Danger Level: Could cause shock and trauma.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

"Dinner Poop" with scientific name: Cibus Shitteus. This poop is complete evidence of all the dinners you've had within the last three days. Why so? Okay, let’s have a look. Those carrots are visible for a thousand kilometers, those corns have lost some colour, but I can still tell they’re corns, I would totally eat those peas and that Gamecube memory card looks like it can still be used.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


POOP #15 - Closeout Poop
Danger Level: Hardcore pain guaranteed.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

"Closeout Poop" with scientific name: Gravitas Maximus. Having to poop as a food filtering human is your responsibility, skipping your duty till the closest possible moment of deadline will force you to do your work in a hurry with stress which will lead to flawed and loose results. Imagine "Closeout Poop" as a combination of snake and brick poop. It's going to be at least a week's worth of poop you’re going to have to poop out sooner or later. Be careful, some people lose half of their weight on the process.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]




That’s all! And now, before you’re all completely lost to the vast dimension of poop information, we must move forward to what’s even more important than the knowledge of poops.




NECESSARY POOPING ITEMS

Something always goes wrong so it's good to prepare following items to gain a superior position in the bathroom:

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]



ORIFICE RELATED REMARKS

Make sure you remember the poop isn't only thing to be aware of. The following can happen even when it doesn't have anything to do with poop, which is why they aren't called poops. It's not fun, but we can't put all of our focus on the poops only. There’s always a chance of a third player emerging in middle of your tic-tac-toe battle of destiny.

#01 - Piss

Enough said to those who have ever sat on the toilet. But to remind those who live under a rock, "piss" with it's scientific name: Urina, commonly gets forced through your urethra by the pressure of your exploding delight hole. Piss, unlike the poop is an aggregation of remaining liquid from drinks and nutrition that's wrenched down to your digestion. In case of a poop and piss combo, you should rejoice! The piss that grinds hard on the porcelain and the poop that creates that deep splash sound on the water can sound like a dual of elegant instruments to one's ear.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


#02 - Vomit

Be it a traffic jam or just a subconscious fetish, sometimes your hydrant just simply doesn't want to work. When this happens, there’s no other choice other than tell your snack to perform a quick U-turn inside your intestines. "Vomit" with scientific name: Georgius, is proven to be the healthiest way to excrete your litters. Some might say otherwise, but god they suck and are wrong.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


#03 - Period

"Period" aka. "Womanly blood" aka. "Vaginal blood", also known with scientific name: Sanguis Vagina. Hear a rumour of it and the ripples on your spine will keep you awake for a week. Sniff the scent of it and your appetite will turn you into a vegan. See a glimpse of it and your eyeballs will get sucked inside to your naris. Taste it and your muscles will roll a joint out of your own guts. No matter how badly injured, women have a strange ability to store blood inside them for weeks and usually it's only once a month when they bleed like faucets.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


#04 - Mayonnaise

Served inside a sandwich or on a potato salad, "Mayonnaise" also known with a scientific name: Serum, is an absolute winner. They say that hunger is the best spice and what can be more joyful than the natural resource from the male genitalia. To all wives out there, make your men happy and your hamburger could never taste better! And to all husbands out there, insert your sauce inside your woman and it will turn into a slice of bacon in time.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]



In conclusion

We hope after reading this guide, your holy deliveries wont be the same again. There's nothing more to say really. Just don’t be afraid and remember to face challenges of any kind with optimism and a brave mind. Worst thing to do is panic, because panic leads to chaos, chaos leads to disorder of society, that will lead to epidemic mass murder, crime and casualty in business. When all that breaks down there wont be anything left to prevent humanity from turning into a horde of utter dicks. If we all turn into solid piss squirting dicks, how the hell could we fucking poop anymore?

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]




CREDITS



Project director and text:
Smilecythe

Art:
Anal Grinder
C_R
Chokecherry
Cumbutcher
Jewdozer
Ryan
Smilecythe
Spudmiester

lol

butts

Oh, you.

TROLOLO
What is this

What is this? It's a guide to brown trouts. What do you think then?

Good job on most of the pics, Jew - your MS skills are getting better! The closeout pic was kind of crude compared to the others, though - but I suppose it's understandable since the main focus is really supposed to be all the blood.