Subject: Justin Bieber Fanfictions Sun Jun 20, 2010 3:31 pm
Ok, so I was browsing the PIT today, when I came across some awful fanfiction (as usual). However, I noticed that it was in the misc/X-Overs section of the site. Just... oh wow, take a look at this stuff for yourself, nearly every single fanfiction here is about Justin Bieber. All of them are Justin Bieber X Mary Sue. No Justin Bieber section on the site? That's fine, just post them to misc/X-Overs! It's got absolutely everything that no one would ever want to read, including, a fanfiction where Mary Sue gets physically and sexually abused by Joe Jonas, fairytales rewritten, with Justin Bieber, of course, several Bieber incest 'fanfictions', poorly written sex scenes, and basically just everything else under the sun. Holy hell.
And, if that's not your thing, there are even a few fics there that don't involve Justin Bieber, (you'll have to look hard though), for example, Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney slash.
(By the way, a search for 'Bieber' on fanfiction.net reveals 329 stories, and growing by the day.) [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
Enjoy!
Last edited by Vanilla-villa on Mon Jun 21, 2010 4:50 am; edited 1 time in total
WD40 Knight of the Bleach
Join date : 2010-02-15 Age : 44 Location : land of broken dreams
Subject: Re: Justin Bieber Fanfictions Sun Jun 20, 2010 4:08 pm
From the Beiber sexfix:
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"Well... I can't beleive I made love with someone as beautiful as you." "Aww!" she planted a huge kiss on my cheek. That line waen't even charming to me anymore. Jeez.
She FINALLY got dressed and leaved. She left her number, but I crumpled it up and threw it away. Fuck. I have to go to the studio and record another fucking song about a tween romance and make the girls go all gaga and say how sweet I am and shit. Blah blah blah blah blah.
Well, mabie ther'll be some banging chicks there...
And the reviews of said fic:
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Aw i love it ;] I hope they become friends
Is the fic fake? Is the review fake? I just don't know anymore!
Subject: Re: Justin Bieber Fanfictions Sun Jun 20, 2010 4:38 pm
OP: Just a friendly word of advice. You don't just dump a bunch of crap on our doorstep here and expect us to snark it all... join in the fun! Take a stab at some of it yourself! You don't have to have an excerpt or a whole chapter of every fic here, but you should at least try a little snarking for yourself. Or if you don't feel up to it alone, do a joint snark or get someone else to post this stuff.
Now... with that said... *digs in*
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Just then, he kissed me. Not as a sibling. Not even as a lover. It was a lustful kiss. I tried to pull away. It was so wrong, then why did it fee so right?
How much does it cost to make out with your sister?
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He pulled away, but I brushed my lips against his. His lips were soft and smooth.
One word: plastics!
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He lay his hands on my hips and pull me closer as I wrapped my arms around his neck. I could feel my body getting hotter.
*ding ding ding* *sticks meat thermometer in the Sue* And... she's done! Time to eat!
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He glazed my bottem lips,
And then fired them. It was, after all, a marvelous ceramic sculpture of a Mary Sue.
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begging for an entrance, witch I hesitated to grant.
*insert Harry Potter joke here*
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But I did. His tounge eplored the inside of my mouth, and I moaned. Our tounges danced. His taste tingled my taste buds.
JUSTIN BEIBER TASTE LIEK PIXIE STICKS WEEEE SUGAR HIIIIIIIIIIGHHHHH!!!11!11!!!
...okay, that was shitty snarking, but you get the idea.
Owlish Sporkbender
Join date : 2010-03-06 Location : Not giving a hoot.
Subject: Re: Justin Bieber Fanfictions Sun Jun 20, 2010 9:58 pm
Oh good lord. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Jackpot! I'm pretty sure fanfiction.net bans real person stories though, so who knows how much longer this stuff will be up? Oh man, sleep or snark, sleep or snark....
Justin Bieber Daughter Abuse Story What an edgy, alluring title! I wonder what twists and turns the author has up her sleeve...
Ok, fine. Not sure why one of his fans would fantasize about being his daughter. I didn't know kids were into incest these days, but whatevs...
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I have THE best boyfriend ever, Taylor Lautner.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Oh my goodness, I'm laughing too hard to snark this... Isn't Lautner older than Bieber? Oh wait, LOVE HAS NO AGE!!!1
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I have ONE problem...
That you only have one sixth of a functioning brain?
I just got out of the shower and I'm now looking at myself in the mirror. I look horrible. I have faint bruises on my face from Uncle Joe.
That nobody ever seems to notice. "Oh honey, did you just smack yourself with your cheerleading pompoms again? You clumsy girl! Better get your 6'4 ripped-like-a-bodybuilder boyfriend to put some ice on it for you!"
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I looked through and found an outfit for today. I love my necklace. Taylor gave it to me on our one year anniversary. And my shoes are soo dad got them custom-made for me last year on my birthday. I absolutely LOVE them.
Oh, you poor poor traumatized soul.
There are six more chapters of this dreck, and I'm sure it only gets better from here. lol
Lady Anne NO NOT THE BEEEEES
Join date : 2009-06-12 Age : 47 Location : The land of the fruits and nuts
Subject: Re: Justin Bieber Fanfictions Sun Jun 20, 2010 10:10 pm
What is the appeal of Justin Bieber, anyway? I heard him sing once, and he didn't even sound that good.
Braigwen Why yes, I am a Rocket Scientist!
Join date : 2009-06-14 Age : 44 Location : Punching Udina.
Subject: Re: Justin Bieber Fanfictions Sun Jun 20, 2010 11:31 pm
He's just something new for insane little girls to cut their teeth on.
pirategrrl Sporkbender
Join date : 2009-12-24 Age : 41 Location : In badfic land.
Subject: Re: Justin Bieber Fanfictions Mon Jun 21, 2010 4:56 am
Wow. This is incredible! I had no idea who Justin Beiber was until a few months ago, then I find out that most of the teenagers in US are obsessed with him... including Kim Kardashian.
Isn't he, I don't know... twelve?
Horrible fanfic and that last one with Lautner and Beiber was just sad. "I don't mind getting abused... I'm used to it."
Well, that's great.
Good find.
EileenK98 Recovering Fanbrat
Join date : 2009-06-10 Age : 55 Location : very, very close to Chris
Subject: Re: Justin Bieber Fanfictions Mon Jun 21, 2010 6:40 am
My eleven-year-old niece is obsessed with Justin Bieber. I don't see what the appeal is.
But then, when I was her age, I papered the walls of my bedroom with pictures of Rick Springfield, so maybe I shouldn't talk.
(I am soooo glad there wasn't an Internet when I was twelve years old.)
I teased her for what seemed hours. Then I pushed the head of my penis into her pussy. She let out a small yelp. With every thrust I went in a bit further. Until I was in her completly. She wrapped her legs around my waist and grabbed onto my back for support. Her fingernails left long scratches along the length of my back.
And then she came. I fell over. Then she laughed. Until she cried. Then we died. In a violent twitch on the floor. Blood was in our eyes. Because pirategrrl killed us. For writing like this.
Owlish Sporkbender
Join date : 2010-03-06 Location : Not giving a hoot.
Having second thoughts about our awful unrealistic JoBros/Bieber sex abuse story, are we now?
Damn, now I'm not sure if I want to snark this... *pffffft* Fuck yeah I do.
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"UNCLE NICK!", I yelled as I hugged him.
"Woah. Calm down.", he calmly said.
WTF? Who punctuates quotations that way?! A period and a comma both? At least pick one or the other! I would even prefer just a period, if you insist on doing it wrong, but COME ON! You can't tell me that doesn't look wrong to you. What the fucking fuck...
(Yes, I am one of those people who fly into blind rages over misused punctuation. I don't judge your Teletubby rape fantasies, do I? A little tolerance, is all I ask.)
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"She's in college. I don't get to see her as often as I see you.", He responded like it was so simple.
OMG HE MUST BE LYING! SIMPLE CONVERSATION HAS TO MEAN SOMETHING ELSE!
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I rolled my eyes, "I thought I was your fave niece.", I simply said with an arched eyebrow.
"Whatever.", he said in defeat.
Ooh, the arched eyebrow, JoBro gonna get it! And exactly how old is this "Uncle Nick" anyway? Why does everyone in this story talk like a teenage valley girl?
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I walked to the school and to my locker. I say Taylor walking to my locker. He kissed me and I kissed back.
"Good morning baby.", he panted after the kiss.
Down, boy. You're in public. No teh sexy in the school hallways, please.
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"Morning hun.", I replied without panting.
What a strong woman! Probably all that JoBro sex abuse she's been getting, yeah? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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"How do you do that?"
"Do what?", I teased, knowing what he meant.
"How can you talk after a kiss without breathing heavily?"
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Fucking mouthbreathers.
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We walked to class hand in hand. He walked me to my class. Then walked off to his class. I walked in and to my desk near the back.
I walked over to the wall and began beating my head.
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First and second period flew by fast! I am now walking to the cafeteria.
Wow, that tense change flew right over my head!
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I sit with Ally and Tay. Ally's boyfriend comes to sit with us and asks if he can talk to Ally. They walk off to the hallway. Tay turns to me.
OMG CLIFFHANGER!! What will happen next?! The suspense is killing me... [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
Owlish Sporkbender
Join date : 2010-03-06 Location : Not giving a hoot.
There's also a crapload of terrible Robert Pattinson fic on the Pit too. I am getting way more enjoyment out of this than I probably should be. lol Note to self: do name searches on ff.net way more often!
Excuse me if I'm a bit incoherent, it's late and I'm doing this because I haven't snarked anything in awhile, and I felt like doing it again for the first time in forever.
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My alarm on my phone stared. Great.
It always made me feel so self concious when my phone stared at me.
Especially when it did it while I was on the john. That really creeped me out.
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"Baby, wake up." His soft-brown eyes, slowly opened and he showed me his charming smile that made me fall in love with him all over again.
Than the honeymoon ended, and you begin asking yourself why you ever fell in love with him in the first place. It's ok, it happens to most couples.
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He leaned up and pressed his soft lips to mine, I kissed back hungrily and with force.
But the real question is, did she kiss back with malice?
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I bit his lower lip begging for entrance,
I've seen this line in so many bad slashfics that, even though I know she's talking about tongue-kissing, I'm imagining a giant penis coming out of the back of Justin Biebers throat and going deep into her mouth. Spraying it's hot load everywhere.
I need help.
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I knew I had to pull back, but I didn't want to
If I didn't pull back, he would surely impregnate me with his giant penis-tongue. And that was a level of weird I just wasn't ready for yet.
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"We have to get up boo, you have an interview." He groaned,
Wait, so he called her both "Shawty" and "Boo". Hmmmm.
According to "The Honky's Guide to Ebonics", "shawty" refers to a female, typically a romantic interest for the speaker. Whilst "boo" refers to a boyfriend. Thus, judging by Justin Bieber's use of these slang terms, I have three possible conclusions...
1) Justin Bieber is a white Canadian, has no clue what he's talking about, and probably needs to borrow my copy of "The Honky's Guide to Ebonics".
2) The Mary Sue is both his girlfriend and his boyfriend at the same time. This Sue does it all.
3) There is both a boyfriend and girlfriend in the bed. The Biebs and the Sue are swingers and they've just had a threesome.
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"We have to get up boo, you have an interview." He groaned, I felt bad for him. I know how much he hates to get up in the morning to do an interview.
Or the writer of the fic just sucks, and designed that sentence so that at first glance it looked like the Biebs was groaning that statement, when in reality, it was the Sue who was actually talking. Fine. Carry on, as you were.
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While I was brushing he hugged me from behind, I looked at him in the mirror and smiled. He kissed my cheek and went to take a shower.
I'm sorry, but all these stories about Justin Bieber being grown up and married are hard for me. Because I keep imagining the Sue as this fully grown woman, but the Biebs as he is now. So I keep picturing stuff like this short little twelve year old boy, hugging this fully grown woman from behind, standing up on his tip-toes to kiss her cheek. And it's mildly funny, but also kind of creepy/adorable.
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While he was taking a shower, I went into the kitchen and made us breakfast, which consisted of an omelet with a side of bacon and hash browns and orange juice.
Blah blah blah. I don't care. Does anything happen in this fic? I feel like I'm reading the latest "Dragonriders of Pern" novel.
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I served us the breakfast and sat down waiting for Justin. He came down a minute later wearing black skinnies, a white shirt and a some high tops. He kissed me on the cheek and we started eating.
God this relationship is chaste. Isn't Bieber a pop star? Shouldn't the relationships of a pop star be more... exciting? Where are the orgies? Where's Justin Bieber snorting cocain off a male hookers ass while his girlfriend films it and "accidentally" leaks it to the press? Where are the Satanic rituals that involve copious amounts of LSD and his wife in a leather bondage suit?
A kiss on the cheek? What kind of gossip-rag fodder is that? How am I supposed to entertain myself in the dentists waiting room with a kiss on the cheek?
I think we should start forcing some of these kids to take classes, taught by Keith Richards and Tommy Lee, on how to be a proper megastar degenerate.
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"Wow, you look smoking baby." I blushed and he smirked. "Thank you."
I really don't know who's saying what. At this point, it's like they're these two pantomiming actors, and the voices are just coming out of nowhere.
Also, I really appreciate the maturity of the dialogue in this fic. It really helps me to believe that Bieber is of marrying age, and not a naive little tween.
The next bits are from the Biebs POV...
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We got in the car and I put my arm around Claudia
I just realized we've gone through this entire story so far without getting a name for our Sue. Not that it matters, I'm still just going to call her Mary Sue.
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She started kissing my neck, I grabbed and squeezed her but.
but...
Than I woke up, and realized it was all just a dream. My sheets were all sticky.
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She liked that and kissed me, I bit her lips and begged for entrance.
And now the giant penis-tongue comes out of her mouth and sprays it's hot load down Justin's throat. They share the penis-tongue. Like the Fates from the Hercules movie shared an eyeball.
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She started to take of my shirt as I unbuttoned her jeans. She laid down at the limo's floor I took of the rest of her jeans and her shirt. He unbuttoned my jeans a pull them down and I took them off.
Wait a minute, maybe there is a seperate "Boo" in this relationship. Maybe that was Justin Bieber talking earlier!
Does he sniff cocaine off this mysterious stranger's ass now?
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I kissed her neck and started to suck,
Too late, you started that the moment you began recording your first album. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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When I knew I leaved a mark, I slowly entered. Damn, she was tight.
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I did, and faster and harder. She screamed. "Justin!, mmm Justin!" Suddenly her walls tightened and I came. We were breathing heavily. She smiled and kiss me softly.
What? He came, and now they're done? Without her cuming too? What a selfish bastard.
My fist day here in forks, I say first day, more like 20th. I haven't been here in over a thousand years, just to play it safe.
Given that she's a vampire, that could be literally a thousand years.
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Edward wraps his arm around my waist, and kisses my head. Making me fake- shiver.
Eddie-boy has the body temp of dry ice, so that kiss also makes her real- shiver.
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Sure I love Edward, but like a brother
...like a brother that you have sex and an undead mutant baby with.
Let's see, she meets the Bieb...
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He smells fruity, I prefer savoury blood.
His blood smells like fruit? WTF?
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"I'm Justin Bieber." He says warmly.
"I'm Bella Cullen." I chuckle, putting both of my hands on my desk. He looks down at the heavy engagement ring and my golden band. He frowns.
"And I was just hoping you guys where incest." He pouts.
...Who the hell says that when they're just meeting someone?
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The listen quickly, my next lesson is Math without Edward. The teacher tells me to sit next to renessme.
"How's your first day going sweetie?" I smile lightly at her.
"Mom!" she whines. "Really? I thought we where like friends now! Don't call me sweetie!" she huffs.
"So how's life?" I say so only she can hear.
"Okay, It would be great if Dad wasn't breathing down my neck!" She hisses, running her hands through her hair.
"What's happening?" I whisper, like I didn't already know.
"He'sso controlling about me and Jacob, we have been together for thousands of years mom! And he still won't let us get married, or share a room!"
My heart breaks, he was controlling her life, she was old enough.
Scratch that, beyond old enough.
WTF.
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The next few lessons are not so good, they where with Edward but I couldn't get any work done because he was doing things that are not appropriate for the classroom.
Sparkle. Peen.
Somath Cegem Wonderfully English
Join date : 2009-06-10 Age : 37 Location : Land of Burning Spirit
This is ridiculous, I can't even start to understand why people have the hots for Bieber, he looks like a twelve year old and sings like a lady. However, he is pretty funny, I'll give him that. For April Fools he took over funny or die. Also, check this link out.Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Beiber
Owlish Sporkbender
Join date : 2010-03-06 Location : Not giving a hoot.
"And I was just hoping you guys where incest." He pouts.
What... what does that sentence even mean? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] He's hoping that Bella and Edward have an incestual relationship? Or did this author mistake incest for something else?
I swear, it's like incest is the new rape in badfic....
I can't even start to understand why people have the hots for Bieber, he looks like a twelve year old...
The "people" of whom you speak are primarily preteen (and maybe early-teen) girls, so looking wholesomely age-appropriate isn't a detriment. [It also keeps the parents from freaking out.] Right now the kid's being saturation-marketed to the tween demographic, and they're buying.
If you're old enough to be here, you're too old to be a fan of his anyway. Just think back to whatever singers you were squeeing over when you were eleven, chuckle at how hyperbolic you were about everything at that age, and nod knowingly as you think about how, eight or nine years down the line, they'll be where you are now, complaining about that year's teen sensation. Not that they'll listen to you any more than you listen to me. That's the circle of life.
That's a really good surmation, Drabbler. As a recent high school grad myself it was just odd seeing girls as old as 17 wig out about Bieber and the Joe Bros. After a point it starts approaching creepy
Braigwen Why yes, I am a Rocket Scientist!
Join date : 2009-06-14 Age : 44 Location : Punching Udina.
You know what's funny? I thought the dude was like, twelve. He looks twelve.
But he's sixteen.
...Shouldn't his voice have broken already?
His parents could have already taken care of that...
Ya-u
Join date : 2010-08-12 Location : A Cornfield in the Midwest.
Subject: Re: Justin Bieber Fanfictions Sat Aug 14, 2010 3:52 pm
Almost all the summaries of stories in that section are ridiculous Mary Sues.
From a Bieber fic called 'Late Night Kisses':
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I hopped down and ran over to a huge boulder. I grabbed another rock and scribbled on the boulder, 'Bieber + Connor'. I smiled and sat on top of the rock. Even though Justin was annoying and selfish..I had a major crush on him. Now whoever looks at this rock will know that Justin and I are meant to be.
I guess carving your name plus your crushes name on a boulder makes it twu wuv that's meant to be. These fangirls make me want to gag.
Home 
I don't even think it works like that.
