Can't believe how unrealistic I find this birth story

Here's the fic

Quote :

"Mommy please make it stop," she begged with tears cascading down her
cheeks. "I wish I could baby, but you said that you wanted to have
natural child birth."

Oh dear if the slayer can't handle natural child birth can any normal woman be expected to go though something sooooooo impossibly painful? Er yes because I did and I'm pretty sure I'm normal.

Quote :

"You're the strongest woman in the world. A few contractions shouldn't
be a problem."

A few? A FEW? What on Earth? Yes of course labour only lasts two or three contractions. I think not.

Quote :

"It's ok, Buffy, I see the head, one more big push."

Yes only 1 push to get the baby out. NO I don't think so. What about the shoulders? And just because the head is out doesn't mean that one push will get it out.

Quote :

"I miscalculated?" "What the hell do you mean you miscalculated?" "I'm
sorry, Buffy, but come on, you can do this." "Just shut up and take this
baby out of me." With a few more pushes, she gave birth to one more
baby.

There's this new invention called an ultrasound and one of things it can tell you is if you are carrying more than one baby.

Quote :

Once both babes were covered in blankets, the nurses handed them to her,
tears immediately flooding her brown eyes.

Buffy has had her eyes transplanted or were they always brown? I'm sure they used to be green.

Quote :

Just as she had kissed each of them on their little foreheads, her
breasts started to feel sore. Getting comfortable, she propped each babe
at a breast, a glow shining through as she watched her children attach
their tiny hands to her breasts and suckle on her nipples.

No, no, no, just no okay?
Hang on where was the afterbirth? Did the vampire-babies eat it?
Her breasts wouldn't feel sore when the kids are hungry, they would tingle and they usually don't until post-birth day 2 or 3, especially with your first.
I had trouble feeding my son half an hour after birth and she gets them to latch on perfectly the first time, I don't think so. And the babies should have a mouthful of breast, they aren't piglets they shouldn't just have her nipples.

Quote :

Laying them down on her lap, she simply gazed at her children, a motherly
glow on her face.

WTF is a motherly glow? Is it the face of shear exhausting and pain? I don't think anyone would look that good after birth. I certai nly didn't.

Quote :

"Well, here they are. I just fed them, so they're probably about ready
for a nap." 'You fed them already?" "Yes. After a 24 hour labour, they
were both hungry and exhausted. The fact that they fed on the first try
was amazing."

The babies are ready for a nap? After a 24 hour labour I would be ready for a week of sleep. Unfortunately mine was 36 hours [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.].
They fed on the first try is amazing. Fucking amazing, no baby feeds perfectly the first time, seriously.

Quote :

"The hospital needs the names for their records."

I'm not sure about American maternity units, but I doubt this is correct, as some babies aren't named in the DELIVERY ROOM! Mine was but I had my son's name since I found out I was pregnant. Plus wouldn't she be out of the delivery room by now? I was out of there an hour after I gave birth and on a ward and I had stitches goddamn.
The hospital don't need names yet as they would just call them 'Male Infant of Buffy Summers' and 'Female Infant of Buffy Summers'.

Oh dear I ran out of chapter to snark.

according to this fansite SMG has green eyes, I also went to a few BTVS websites(theres like 90+) the question is which on to pick [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


this site says the character also had green eyes which makes sense, so in other words you may be able to get away with Hazel and Blue-Green but otherwise stick to Green.


funny enough I found that all out within a few seconds, too bad the writer didn't think of that [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

'scuse me, but capital letters are not optional unless you're being sarcastic/you're SirDixonDongs or Mafiosa.

i meant to write green but my little boy started and i lost my train of thought oh and are you the ruler of the english language? i didn't think so

Boners kill grammar. Got it.

Whoa whoa whoa.

'NicolaQ1987' is 'kelly'? You were replying to your own topic? That's loooow.

And yes, I am the ruler of the English language. You may refer to me as ma'am, 'Your Radiance' or 'Highness' only.



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NicolaQ1987 wrote:

i meant to write green but my little boy started and i lost my train of thought

So? This isn't live chat and you're starting the topic. You have all the time in the world to check your writing. Use it.

Sock puppet troll or wild troll? Find out after this message from our sponsors:

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...wait theres questions if I'm a sock? really? huh neat [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


nope I'm just me, besides if I made a sock puppet I would use the name Astra cause my screen name on GAFF and HOBF was Astra-kelly*

now if I were a troll I would hope to be a combo of Kong and unskilled and a dash of Haywood cause I kinda found him/her to be an interesting sort of person

...Your Radiance.

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Quote :

I wish I could baby

Anyone else thought, when they first read this, that "baby" was being used as a verb?

KJM wrote:

Quote :

I wish I could baby

Anyone else thought, when they first read this, that "baby" was being used as a verb?

No, no, baby is a verb in this case. Meaning, of course, to give birth spontaneously and unrealistically to the delight of fanbrats across the world. What else? _{^{by which I mean does anyone have a suggestion that's actually funny}}

Eh, I'm not that concerned about the birth scene. At least it's a woman giving birth. Through the appropriate orifice.

It's the lack of a title (seriously--the fic is named "Untitled") and the block paragraphs that bug me. I can't speak to characterization because it's not my fandom.

So wait, women aren't bitching about the pain 24 hours into labor? ALL THE CHEESY ROMANCE BOOKS I READ IN MIDDLE SCHOOL LIED TO ME!

I had to read that sentence aloud: "I wish I could baby..." and so collapsed into so many giggles so forcefully that I think I just babied.

Nope my name is not Kelly it's actually Nicola duh! Hence my username. So no i wasn't replying to my own post [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.].

Oh and I'm so sorry your Highness.

pirategrrl wrote:

I had to read that sentence aloud: "I wish I could baby..." and so collapsed into so many giggles so forcefully that I think I just babied.

lol [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

There's this feature on the forum called the "multi-quote" button. Use it. -Weird

Personally, I just applied Occams razor to the fanfic and came to the conclusion that the "author" meant "...I wish I could, baby..."

I guess I have no sense of humor, then.

NicolaQ1987 wrote:

Nope my name is not Kelly it's actually Nicola duh! Hence my username. So no i wasn't replying to my own post [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.].

Oh and I'm so sorry your Highness.

Better.

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Edit:

Princess wrote:

Personally, I just applied Occams razor to the fanfic and came to the conclusion that the "author" meant "...I wish I could,baby..."

I guess I have no sense of humor, then.

thatsthejoke.jpg

pirategrrl wrote:

I had to read that sentence aloud: "I wish I could baby..." and so collapsed into so many giggles so forcefully that I think I just babied.

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I my defence I didn't read past the first screen before posting that last time...

bleachedblackcat wrote:

So wait, women aren't bitching about the pain 24 hours into labor? ALL THE CHEESY ROMANCE BOOKS I READ IN MIDDLE SCHOOL LIED TO ME!

Yet another innocent led astray by badly written romances...

Trust me, I was in labor for 36 hours, and I was bitching about the pain long before they finally got around to giving me a spinal prior to the birth.

You don't get spinals in Holland unless you scream loud enough to suggest complications. Women are supposed to just bear with it and deal.

Quote :

Just as she had kissed each of them on their little foreheads, her
breasts started to feel sore. Getting comfortable, she propped each babe
at a breast, a glow shining through as she watched her children attach
their tiny hands to her breasts and suckle on her nipples.

Hahaha, I love how they breastfeed through their hands.