Why God, Why?


 
HomeHome  FAQFAQ  RegisterRegister  Log in  

Share | 
 

 "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
Go to page : 1, 2  Next
AuthorMessage
Malganis
Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-10

PostSubject: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Sat Apr 03, 2010 4:13 pm

Severus Snape, Professor and Lover of disturbingly child-like Technicolor critters with TV screens in their stomachs.

Yeah. I shit you not.

Quote :
Severus Snape was very sad. He was not having many pleasures doing lectues and teaching stuents anymore.

Snape kinda doesn't enjoy it to begin with.

Quote :
All those adventures happening at Hogwarts sucked the inner life from his bones...and he had nothing more to accomplish.

Except KILLING DUMBLEDORE.

Quote :
He went to Dumbledor:

“Heaadmastet, I want to be expelled, I don't have what it takes to teach anymoire.”

Heaadmastet Dumbledor was puzzled, since teachers can't get expelled, only fired, but whatever. He was a Dumbledore-impersonator-for-hire anyway, so what he did care?

Quote :
“Oh Dumbledore...I'm so sad.” said Snape putting the back of his hand on his forehead.

"I need to go listen to Linkin Park now."

Anyway, Dumbledor offers a solution: go to a place that has fuck-all to do with the Harry Potter universe.

Quote :
Snape got greatful thatDumblerdo understood his feelings and pushed him to place less onerous to his advancing age.

Snape then went and drank some refreshing prune juice and cleaned his dentures while he was at it.

Quote :
Snape took a train and after days, finally reached an colorful and wonderful place. It was the Tubbydome Supertronic, the place of dwee]lling of his new students. He reached there, and a periscophe welcomed him:

“Profwssor Snape, you arrived!!!!!!! The students waits you in the classroom.”

One wonders what the hell Snape would actually be TEACHING these things, since they're basically overgrown alien toddlers, but WHATEVER.

Quote :
Snape was still sad, but his powerful stomach got chills, because the mystery of novelty aproacches his comfort zone.

... Yeah, I don't know what the fuck that means, either.

Quote :
When Snape entered the classroom, four color creatues were there seatting on the chairs. They said to Snape:

“Eh-Oh!” and Snape smilled, feeling his heart get full of ingnominous passion.

Yeah. That's right, Tubbies. You gonna get Snaped.

Quote :
"Oh professor, I'm dying from inside, don't let the evil periscophe suck the last remnants of humanity locked in my so fatal brokened heart” saaid the yellow Teletubbie, Laa-Laa, with a sensive voice, calling for a strong man to free her mind...her body.

Too bad Snape wasn't delivering pizza or coming over to fix their plumbing.

Quote :
Snape looked her, and felt somethnig funny inside his pelvis.

It was his penis and testicles trying to retreat into his body after the thought of fucking a Teletubby crossed his mind.

Quote :
It was a long time since the last time he shared a intimacy filled momnet with a woman. Snape was starting to break:

I'M ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE EDGE/ AND I'M ABOUT TO BREAK

Quote :
“I have a secret place professor. We can learn there and free ouselves from the bounds of madness that others inflicted upon us!” said him hitting his chest with a clench hands.

Oh hai wait, they're giving him the Mirror Universe Terran Empire salute

Quote :
Snpae looked down, thought,
"Yep, dick's still inside my body. There's a concave spot where it used to be... looks kinda like a big bellybutton, huh."
Quote :
and followed the purple leader. They opened a secret door inside their house, a door leading to the basement.

The place was full of rats and cockroaches. Water infiltrated the place and mold smell was present in dangerous quantities. A lot of earth and dirty was covering the place, and a hole in the wall could be seen.

“You are making a hole?”

"Yeah, buddy, we have to have a place to shit like anyone else."

Quote :
“Yes Snape,” said Tinky Winky, “we must escape, so we are creating a exit route to get out of the evil crunchs of the woman periscophe.”

“Oh, I must help you Teletubbies.”

“Prodfessor” said Laa-Laa, “first, teach us how to adult!”

BOW-CHICKA-WOW-WOW

Quote :
Snape nooded in agreement.

Oh, I bet he nooded

Quote :
He, wth his wondrous magic wand created a giant bed, and some wine and cheese to acompany this iluustrious wisdom moment.

And a boombox playing Barry White, and some candles, and some burning incense, amirite?

Quote :
"Don't be afraid small yellow girl, just spread your legs.” and she did. An engorged vagina shine at her crotch, but it was full of cotton yellow pubic hair.

...yeah, that's not supposed to be there.

Quote :
“Snape” said Dipsy “Tinky Winky have no crotch mouth, but a very strange tongue. It's filled with purple wrinkled skin!”

“Oh Dispy, he don't have crotch mouth. But behind him, you will find a pork's eye. Don't be afraid, it's dirty, but after a while you will like the fine flavor of melted chocolate covering your lips.”

Dipsy turned Tinky Winky, and the purple Telletubbie revealed his deep purple anal hole.

This fic has an amazing ability to leave me completely speechless. I mean, seriously, what the fuck can you say to that, man?

Quote :
“Oh professor” said Laa-Laa with a moaning lustful voise, “I think I peed myself. I'm feeling moist.”

“No Laa-Laa, you not pee. You only are happy that I'm here.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes. Now...suck my index finger” and she did.

"My dick is as big as that, so sucking on my finger is good practice!"

Quote :
And Snape unclothed himself. His pale shiny penis appeared and all of the Teletubbies got impressed. His nut sack was very white and hairy and exhalled a snake oil parfum essence.

I didn't know his nutsack was waiting to exhale.

Quote :
“Now boys, do as I do” and them, Snape introducted his wizard wondrous penis inside Laa-Laa. She screamed:

“AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!” and a flush of yellow blood got expelled from her now broken hymen. The yeloow blood covered Snake, and he rubbed himself with that sticky liquid.

Meanwhile, Laa-Laa bled to death, thus gratefully exiting the fic.

Quote :
“Prodessor” moaned loudly Laa-Laa, “isn't this wrong? I'm feeling so dirty.”

“No Laa-Laa, don't be ashamed. When you bit the forbidden fruit, the knowlegde will fullfil you inner most desires. Be my Eve!!!” and Snape punch her uterus with his roquefort penis.

Snape has dick cheese. Also his dick can punch her uterus. With the power of its cheese.

Quote :
The Teletubbie girl moans more and smilles her face.

As opposed to smiling her left elbow, I guess.

Quote :
Dipsy do the same on Tinky Wonky, puncturing the purple asshole with the green penis he is so proud of. Tinky Winky screams:

“AAAAHHHH! You hurts me my dear friend!!! Stop, I cannot withstand your protuberant obelisk of delectation!”

“I can't” said Dipsy with a condensending voice “professor said I must go on with our journey throughout the steps towards a greater understanding about our true nature as alienated species from our parenthood.”

"Yeah, well, you're a fucking asshole!"

"I'm fucking your asshole, beeotch, so shut your face!"

Quote :
“Tinky Winky was suffering the destiny of those under the yoke of their own expectations. But Snape was wise and appealed:

“Dipsy, use your bodly fluids to appease the sorrow of your roost companion.”

Dipsy them spit on his hand an immense gob of putrid mucus. It was green as his body and full of dancing crawlers

HEEEEYYYYYYYY MACARENA

Quote :
that were enjoying the hot abode that was his nostrils.

"DAMMIT, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" the crawlers yelled. "PUT US BACK UP YOUR NOSE THIS FUCKING SECOND!"

Quote :
Dipsy covered his fluffy hard penis with it and penetrated Tinky Winky again. This time, the purple one enjoyied.

"Oooh, little creatures dancin' in my asshole YEEEEEAAAAAAAAH"

Quote :
“Profezro, It aches my skin and negates the maturation you unleash inside my sacred womb.”

“Be calm my yelloew student. After a while, no pain can touch you. Wait the massage of gods.” and she did. After a while, the orgasms started, and she had multiple ones. He chest grew a pair of xanthous brests, and they lactated the nectar of the houses of holy.

DO NOT bring Led Zeppelin into this.

Quote :
But she wasn't in her mature years yet, and her bowel controls were rudimentary. The orgasms unleashed a cataract of pappy hot shit thru her untouched lutelous anus. The slop of dung covered the bed and the smell was atroucious. The flow was so intense, globs of shit splashed at Snape's legs and hit his pale and sweet face.

I... what, it splashes that damn high?

Quote :
“Ohhhhhh Laa-Laa” said Snape “finally, the cocoa honey bestow us with this feast of gormandized gut's contents!!!!!!!” and Snape rubbed his face with the black fetid hodge-podge ooze Laa-Laa vomited with her anus. It so was hot and disgusting that Snape vomited a mash of orange juice, bloody spaghetti and mama's chilli pepper over her lustful body. It reached Laa-Laa vagina and burned it and splashed all over her tummy. She rubbed the vomit all over her belly and breasts and swallowed a good portion of it.

Laa-Laa is happy, she reached a new stage of illumination and now can let go her shame of being the mistress of a snake old man.

...

*doesn't know what else to say and just politely claps instead*

Quote :
Laa-Laa's tits lactated like no other in the world, like a fountain of milk and passionate dung. The milk and shit shower was so intense it reached Poo, that was at a corner masturbating to the whole scene. He drink the shitty covered milk and peed himself in pleasure. Even a small Telletubie have the right to fell the magnificent joy of the motherly nourishment coming from his sister's breasts.

Now, Snape is ready to cum. He grabs his penis and fell the throobing coming...and them...the cum-tastic delight goes out of his powerful snake hose and fills Laa-Laa's small vagina with a gorgeous and thunderstriking goo that overflows her and wash the last pureness that yellow and sexy body had one day.

She cums too, and now, she is a complete fl, a yelow and tasty alien woman girl with nice and softly cotton breasts. Her Telletubbie body got gorugeously tasty an even her brothers think she is delicious now that she have breasts.

Tele. Tubby. Incest.

...Yeah, this is all I can do, people. There's a ROCKS FALL, DUMBLES IS EVIL non-ending that promises more of this horror in future chapters, but whatever; the craziest shit in this fic has already arrived, blown its vomit-inducing load, zipped up, and left the scene.
Back to top Go down
rae
Contributor
Contributor
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-10
Location : computer chair

PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Sat Apr 03, 2010 4:33 pm

Quote :
“Oh Dumbledore...I'm so sad.” said Snape putting the back of his hand on his forehead.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

This is so wretched I have nothing more to add.
Back to top Go down
Grimley Fieendish
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
avatar

Join date : 2009-09-07
Age : 53
Location : Currently, running a Ski Resort on Hoth

PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Sat Apr 03, 2010 6:38 pm

Oh dear, Toyah Wilcox (the voice of the Narrator) will be most displeased, with this situation, & I suspect is now darkly mumbling, how she will drown Snapes in Tubbycustard for example, or how a homicidal Nuu-Nuu (the cleaning Robot) will destructively use it's vacuum cleaner hose attachment, on certain parts of Snape's anatomy...
Back to top Go down
your mom
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
avatar

Join date : 2010-02-25
Age : 29
Location : Endor's forest moon

PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Sat Apr 03, 2010 6:51 pm

...There are no words. I got the impression it might be a troll fic, and I sincerely hope that's the case. Because... WHY??

Awesome snark.
Back to top Go down
rae
Contributor
Contributor
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-10
Location : computer chair

PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Sat Apr 03, 2010 7:07 pm

It might be, but some of the ESL-esque phrasings are awfully consistent. So if it's a troll, it's an awfully dedicated one.
Back to top Go down
InkWeaver
Harriet Tubman
Harriet Tubman
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 26
Location : Home of the peanuts.

PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Sat Apr 03, 2010 7:37 pm

A troll who is ESL maybe?
Back to top Go down
EileenK98
Recovering Fanbrat
Recovering Fanbrat
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 48
Location : very, very close to Chris

PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Sun Apr 04, 2010 7:23 am

Jesus Fucking Christ, what the hell? You think you've seen everything, and then something like this comes along.

At least it's not my childhood that's being violated here. My nephew used to love Teletubbies, but like hell I'd ever let him on this site.
Back to top Go down
Fairlight
Keeper of the Gaffapedia
Keeper of the Gaffapedia
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-11
Age : 36
Location : England.

PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Sun Apr 04, 2010 10:29 am

Quote :
The milk and shit shower was so intense it reached Poo, that was at a corner masturbating to the whole scene.
I wonder, is that a typo or a deliberate attempt at a joke?

Quote :
He drink the shitty covered milk and peed himself in pleasure. Even a small Telletubie have the right to fell the magnificent joy of the motherly nourishment coming from his sister's breasts.
Po is a girl. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
Back to top Go down
EileenK98
Recovering Fanbrat
Recovering Fanbrat
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 48
Location : very, very close to Chris

PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Sun Apr 04, 2010 3:58 pm

I'm just noticing this line:

Quote :
It was a long time since the last time he shared a intimacy filled momnet with a woman.

And now I'm picturing a "momnet" as some kind of cream-filled pastry.
Back to top Go down
Miss Prince
Shitgobbling pissdrinker
Shitgobbling pissdrinker
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 28

PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Sun Apr 04, 2010 4:52 pm

Quote :
“No Laa-Laa, don't be ashamed. When you bit the forbidden fruit, the knowlegde will fullfil you inner most desires. Be my Eve!!!” and Snape punch her uterus with his roquefort penis.

I have finally found a sig.

This is mind-boggling. I applaud your find!
Back to top Go down
Penguin
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
NO NOT THE BEEEEES
avatar

Join date : 2009-07-18
Location : Wild Gray Yonder

PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Sun Apr 04, 2010 4:54 pm

"Roquefort"?
Back to top Go down
Trick Knee



Join date : 2010-04-04

PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Sun Apr 04, 2010 8:33 pm

So now Laa-Laa is a slutty school girl?

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
Back to top Go down
WD40
Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach
avatar

Join date : 2010-02-15
Age : 37
Location : land of broken dreams

PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Mon Apr 05, 2010 3:21 am

Quote :
Stop, I cannot withstand your protuberant obelisk of delectation!

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I am SO gonna work that into my next D&D game!
Back to top Go down
szaleniec
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-11
Age : 32
Location : Europe

PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Mon Apr 05, 2010 7:50 am

The writer seems to have a bit of the Paraphilia Bingo thing going on. It's not enough to have Snape shagging the Teletubbies* but there's got to be food play, lactation, scat, Roman showers and fuck knows what else.

* words I never thought I'd find myself typing [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
Back to top Go down
http://szaleniec1000.livejournal.com/
Chris91
Knight of the Bleach
Knight of the Bleach
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-13
Age : 50
Location : Salem, Mass., USA

PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Mon Apr 05, 2010 10:20 am

Here, in a nutshell, is my reaction:

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
Back to top Go down
SirDixonDongs
Armbiter of Good Fanfiction
Armbiter of Good Fanfiction
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 30
Location : how does a penis

PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Mon Apr 05, 2010 10:35 am

Chris91 wrote:
Here, in a nutshell, is my reaction:

Fap

fixed that for you
Back to top Go down
Fitchsticks
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-10
Age : 27

PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Mon Apr 05, 2010 1:42 pm

My favourite is probably 'Be my eve!!!!'. This shit gets biblical. I'm going with ESL, this reads like it was written with a combination of google translate and shift+F7.
Great snark Mal. And I love your new delicious swirly ice cream woman.
Back to top Go down
kleine_kat
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-11
Age : 37
Location : Lower Countries

PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Tue Apr 06, 2010 8:30 am

Wow! What a find! Respect, Malganis. You don't often find this kind of golden diarrhea. I don't know whether to laugh aloud (bad idea at work) or vomit all over my keyboard (also a bad idea).

It is noteworthy, though
Back to top Go down
Mary Sue
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
avatar

Join date : 2009-10-19

PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Tue Apr 06, 2010 10:28 am

I never really watched Teletubbies as I was too old to realy enjoy them, and too young to light up a joint and really enjoy them. But from what I know, they never really had defined genders did they? Let alone gender characteristics. All I remember is that people thought Tinky-Winky was gay because he was purple, had a triangle on top of his head, and carried a "purse".
Back to top Go down
Ezri Dax
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
avatar

Join date : 2010-02-02
Location : Stuck in a timewarp.

PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Tue Apr 06, 2010 10:32 am

It's not the first time I've seen teletubbies porn... but teletubbies porn with SNAPE? That's a new one. I never understood the sheer WTFness of stories like this, I tell myself it has to be troll, for the sake of my sanity.
Back to top Go down
Vespers
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
avatar

Join date : 2010-01-25
Age : 26
Location : I HAVE A DORM

PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Tue Apr 06, 2010 10:45 am

Quote :
Dipsy, use your bodly fluids to appease the sorrow of your roost companion.

This is amazing. I would say it has to be a trollfic, because of the high-level vocabulary and the mysterious piling on of fetishes near the end, but this is the Internet: who knows?
Back to top Go down
Fairlight
Keeper of the Gaffapedia
Keeper of the Gaffapedia
avatar

Join date : 2009-06-11
Age : 36
Location : England.

PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Wed Apr 07, 2010 2:54 pm

Mary Sue wrote:
I never really watched Teletubbies as I was too old to realy enjoy them, and too young to light up a joint and really enjoy them. But from what I know, they never really had defined genders did they?
If you'll take the word of someone who's never smoked a joint but still watched Teletubbies. (What? I had nothing else to do back then.) I can assure you Tinky-Winky and Dipsy were boys and Laa-Laa and Po were girls and this did actually match up with the actors in the suits as well.
Back to top Go down
Happenstance
Sporkbender
Sporkbender
avatar

Join date : 2009-11-27
Location : 221B

PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Thu Apr 08, 2010 10:10 pm

What. Oh. Mygod.

...What the hell did I just read?

Awesome snark, though.
Back to top Go down
Finjy Opops

avatar

Join date : 2010-03-17
Age : 25

PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Fri Apr 09, 2010 12:54 pm

Guys, you want to see something really great, check out that author's other story. In which Hermione is really a 'Mecha-Wolf' named 'Foxylene' and turns Draco into her dog-slave. And calls Voldemort 'Voldie'.

Reading that one, there's no doubt in my mind this guy person is a troll.
Back to top Go down
CookieCatCat



Join date : 2011-03-12
Age : 1767
Location : In the cat carrier

PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   Sat Jun 04, 2011 6:38 pm

There goes my childhood. Well, awesome snark,at least.

(sorry for the necropost)
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: "Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies   

Back to top Go down
 
"Severus Snape, Professor and Lover" has sex with Teletubbies
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 2Go to page : 1, 2  Next
 Similar topics
-
» New book by Jesus Villalobos "Forgotten Keys of the Kingdom"
» Dreamer's Forest - Book 1 "A Bridge in the Forest" - excerpt
» The "USS-SGN Theophilus F. Rodenbough"..
» "Return of the Three Phantoms" – Sep. 13, 2008 in Honolulu
» "The Garden of Last Days" under contract with Gerry's production company

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Why God, Why? :: The Sporking Table :: New Releases-
Jump to: